Ask Auntie Artichoke

Our Daughter in the National Guard

Yes Sir, I Mean Ma'am, Okay Honey, I Mean...

Wow, Our Little Girl is an Air Force Officer?

 

(c) Judy H. Wright

 

Even as a young child, Christine, our second daughter, had a unique ability to problem solve and influence others to peaceful solutions. She could see the playground group who was excluding someone and calmly alter the guidelines to bring the outsider into the circle. She would see opportunities for leadership when others simply saw problems. She also adored her father, Dwain, a former Air Force officer who retired from the National Guard.

 

So why were we surprised one night at the end of a month when she called us from

Seattle

where she was living while going to community college.  She said she had good news and bad news, which did we want to hear first? Her dad said, "Give us the good news."

 

 She then replied "Well, I am dating the cutest Air Force National Guard Recruiter."

 

Her dad said, "You don't even have to tell us the bad news, it is that he needed to make quota and so you joined up?"

 

She sighed and said "Gosh Dad, that would not be right, but I did sign up from one of his friends."

 

A New Path

 

As always, she threw herself 100% into everything she did. She took advantage of all the training, exercises and mentoring available to her.  Moving up the enlisted ranks, while finishing college and working fulltime in retail management, she honed her ability to get things done and be organized. As a single mother, she made sure her personal family was well taken care of and then served her extended family, the

United States of America

.

 

In 2002 she was called on to go to UAE working as communication support for the Air Force.  While there an opening for an officer opened up in her home squadron. She realized that she had a small window of opportunity to pursue the paperwork, testing and training in order to become an officer. The age limit to apply was 35 years old, and she was within 4 months of that date.

 

Small but Mighty

 

She says; "This was a natural extension of my career goals and an opportunity to display what I believed in and who I wanted to be. I am extremely proud to be a part of the Air Force National Guard. Their mission, which is one I can totally represent with pride, is to support and defend the constitution of the

United States

against all enemies foreign and domestic. This includes building up communities where we serve."

 

 

 

As for her role as a woman in the service, she says it has never been a disadvantage, nor has being 5'6" and 128 lbs.  She says; "Being one of six children in a military family taught me how to get along, negotiate and be a team player. Those skills have served me well in thinking of ways to make adjustments in how I accomplish my goals.  I respect myself and I treat others with the same respect and that is how you lead."

 

Community Service

 

In 2008 the Northwest was hit with record snowfall and unprecedented blizzards. The Washington National Guard units were called on to shovel snow from the roofs of neighborhood schools so the children would be safe. Local families brought them hot chocolate, sandwiches and thank you messages for the work they did.

 

Working in local areas to build and strengthen communities by providing service of time, talent and treasure (monetary donations) is one of the special hallmarks of the National Guard.  As a member of the command staff of the unit, Christine encourages all members to take an active part in their own communities and neighborhoods.

 

Model Core Values

 

Christine says; "For my kids and other young adults I hope to set an example by upholding the core values of the National Guard;

 

 

 

*        Excellence in all we do

 

*        Service before self

 

*        Integrity first

 

 

 

If they can emulate these standards and character traits, they will see and experience what makes

America

great and be proud to contribute to the freedom we enjoy."

 

As parents of Christine L. Wright, whether we call her Sir, Ma'am or Honey, we know that

America

is in good hands with women like her in leadership positions.

 

 

Manners for Children- What Can You Expect?

Hello from Montana:

Can Young Children be Expected to Have Manners?

We have a house full of visitors this summer and lots of children running in and out of the doors, and lots of fingers grabbing for food.  I am struck by how kind some of the children are and how thoughtless others seem to be.  It doesn't seem to be a manner of training, since they come from similar backgrounds and are similar ages.It does seem to be clear that one family has consistent expectations, and the other does not always follow through with training or discipline.

Friendliness is Basis of all Relationships

Being a considerate and helpful friend is one of the simplest and most appreciated good manners that a person of any age can have. The first response usually sets the tone for the relationship and a simple smile and hello is always welcome.  If the adult is a relative or close friend, hugs are always a hit.  While I would never insist that a child hug or kiss someone if they feel uncomfortable, a three to five year old can be expected to look at the person and say hello.  Some children feel comfortable shaking hands, which is a sure sign of respect for the older person.

Older Children Need to be Taught to Introduce Others

Between six to nine years, most children can handle a simple introduction like, "Mom, this is my friend Chase Brown, who is in my class. Chase, this is my Mom, Mrs. Jones."  Help them to understand that introductions go "oldest to youngest, then youngest to oldest." Also by mentioning his mother's last name, Chase is given a subtle hint on what she would like to be called. It is good manners to call adults Mr. or Mrs. unless the adult gives the child permission to address them by another name.

By the age of ten or twelve, a child should have developed enough interpersonal skills to  introduce themselves to adults, shake hands and say "I am glad to have met you." or "Thank you for inviting me, I had a nice time." when leaving.

Moving from Greeting to Conversation

The basis of manners is making the other person feel at ease and comfortable in your presence. One way you do that is to talk about what interests them. Teach children to ask questions (but not too personal) to the other person. Help them to focus on what the other person is saying, verbally and non verbally in order to get conversation clues.

Pleasure to Meet Polite People

Children, teens and adults who are polite, well mannered and well behaved stand out in our mind.  They appear confident and self assured and are a pleasure to be around.

The life skills of  greeting, getting along and building relationships, will put your child in good stead for the rest of his or her life. The polite person is well regarded in the workplace and community.  It is well worth the effort to expect good manners at all times and remind them when they forget to say "thank you" and "you are welcome."

You may want to do role playing to teach these valuable skills.  You can practice greeting people and moving into a conversation. Children are much more confident when they have had an opportunity to practice and know the words to say.

If you are spending time teaching your children manners this summer, I commend you. Be sure to check out http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com for my latest book and some excellent bonus items.  You will be glad you did.

Story Telling Around The Campfire And In The Car

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Share your stories with family and friends around the campfire or in the car.

Lots of families will be going camping and driving in the car for long trips headed to fun vacations.  We really try to not scrimp on experiences and memory making trips, but to cut down on things when money is an issue.

Storytelling is one of the cheapest and best entertainments in the world. Turn off the electronic games and iPods and turn on the communication between real, live and loving people.

Our culture is so addicted to electronic entertainment that story telling and sharing conversations are getting to be a rare commodity. So when you have the opportunity, make a commitment to set around the campfire or snuggle up in a car traveling, or a living room and ask the questions that get the stories started.

Set the mood with firelight or a soft candle

Since the beginning of time, firelight has created a community and yet intimate setting and experience. Campfires which keep you warm and well fed with hot dogs and S'Mores, also add to the ambiance of being safe, protected and ready to share.

We loved telling stories in the car as we traveled and found that we could cover much more ground at night, than during the day when the children were awake and fussy.  It was the ritual that they came to expect as we traveled, that as the day turned to dusk, I would tell stories until one by one they fell asleep.

Some stories are all time favorites

Many stories contain subtle clues that help the listener to concentrate and relax. After they become familiar, they can relax as your soft voice tells the same story they heard last week and requested again this trip.

Repetition is comfortable for children. They like to know what what is going to happen next in the story.  They also enjoy knowing in advance that the crisis will be solved and the tale will have a happy ending. it is okay if they fall asleep in the middle of the princess being rescued or grandma killing the rattlesnake, they know how it will end.

Special Sounds Effects and Different Voices

The best stories are very heavy with imagery and special sounds that become part of the tradition.  Each listener forms a visual image in their own mind, composted of their experiences and thought processes. 

They expect to hear the "clunk, clunk, clunk" of the shovel as Grandma saved her child from the snake.  The listeners also enjoy hearing the witch's cackle and the lion's roar. It brings the imagination alive and creates interest.

The best part of the vacation may be the stories shared

Don't be surprised to learn years later that the best part of the vacation was listening to the relatives recount adventures or hearing your mom tell "The Fairy

Tale" or one of their favorites.

By sharing stories you will grow closer to your family than you may ever have thought possible.  They will always remember being close and communicating by telling and hearing stories.

They will then tell these tales to their children and the cycle of life continues.

With gratitude,

Judy H. Wright

PS: If you are interested in writing your life story or  memoirs of loved ones see Leaving a Living Legacy at  http://www.ArtichokePress.com

5 Ways to Organize Your Child's Summer Activities

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Summer is here and with it an overwhelming number of activities, play dates, summer camps and fun things to do. Also here are the plaintive cries of kids who say; "I'm bored, there is nothing to do."

The best ideas, as suggested by parents in my classes, are to organize the days and weeks of summer so that the activities are spread out and manageable by parents and children.

Here are 5 tips that will help make Summer smooth sailing and fun for everyone.

1. Require the kids to do chores and responsibilities before television is turned on, friends come over or they go to activities. Ten minutes of work before soccer practice takes ten minutes. After the soccer game and a friend comes home to play, hunger strikes and tiredness sets in, well you can guess how many minutes or hours it will take to get the chores done.
2. Have regular family meetings or planning sessions where the calender is filled out with activities and commitments, goals are set and agreements are made. You will be surprised how much will get done, when your thoughts aren't scattered and summer schedules are posted where everyone can see and remember.
3. Whenever possible, always give the kids a choice, even if the choice is small. For instance; do you want swimming or soccer classes this Summer? Do you want to pack your lunch before or after breakfast?  Would you rather have Tom or Evan over for lunch today?Do you want to go to the library story time or the museum make it day?
4. Make your child responsible for any equipment or paper that is involved in his activities. If he has gone swimming, it is his responsibility to  hang up his towel and swimsuit where he will find it tomorrow. If there are papers or forms to be signed or filled out, have one spot in the house where they belong and everyone knows about it and uses it.  Saves time, stress and sanity to count on what you need being where it is supposed to be.
5. Limit sleepovers.  I know, my kids loved them too. What I found, however, is that the kids stayed up too late, ate too much junk food, watched way too much television or movies and were really cranky the next day. A junior high school counselor told me one time that she would never allow her children to do sleep overs after her students told her all the dumb things they did when they were tired, under peer pressure and wanted to fit in.  Enough said.

Summer activities can be fun filled and memory laden, but they can also be stressful for both parents and children. The more organized your family is, the more relaxed you can be and the more fun you can have.

When you plan ahead, you will limit the stress and enlarge the fun.  Isn't that what Summer is all about?

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke

PS: Be sure to check out http://www.kidschoresandmore.com  for ideas on getting the kids to help at home.

Obama Encourages Responsible Fatherhood

Hello from Montana:  I was so struck with this article, I wanted to share it with you in case you had not read about what Obama said about being a responsible father. As a parent educator, I have seen how the influence of a good man can change a child's present life and future for the better. Thanks, Kent for sharing the information. Obama Salutes Fathers, Encourages Responsible Fatherhood
By Kent Klein Washington 20 June 2009

Klein report  - Download (MP3)
Klein report  - Listen (MP3)

President Barack Obama

With the Fathers' Day holiday approaching in the United States, President Barack Obama is honoring the nation's fathers. The so-called First Dad is calling on many American men to work harder at fatherhood.

Sunday is Fathers' Day in the United States, and President Obama is using the occasion to encourage men across the country to take their parental responsibilities more seriously.

Mr. Obama said Friday 23 percent of America's young people are without fathers, and that number rises above 50 percent among African-Americans. He called on men to rise up where their own fathers may fall short. "Children who grow up without fathers are more likely to drop out of school and wind up in prison. They are more likely to have substance abuse problems, run away from home and become teenage parents themselves. And I say this as someone who grew up without a father in my own life," he said.

Mr. Obama's father returned to his native Kenya when the future president was a small child living in Hawaii. He was raised by his mother and her parents, and credits them with being a good influence on him.

At a White House meeting on fatherhood Friday, the president urged dads to step up and be more closely involved in their children's lives. "We need fathers to understand that their work does not end with conception-that what truly makes a man a father is the ability to raise a child and invest in that child," he said.

Mr. Obama and his wife Michelle have two daughters, ten-year-old Malia and seven-year-old Sasha. And he admits that like other fathers, his work has often taken him away from his family. "There have been days when the demands of work have taken me from my duties as a father and I have missed some moments in my daughters' lives that I will never get back. So I have been far from perfect. But in the end, it is not about being perfect. It is not always about succeeding, but it is about always trying," he said.

Despite the hard work of parenthood, the president says the joys of being a father are immeasurable. "There is nothing that you would not do for them, in a heartbeat. And that bond between a parent and a child is something that is precious. It is sacred. And it is a true blessing," he said.

The president issued a proclamation for Fathers' Day, encouraging community involvement to help men to be better fathers.

Toddlers and Young Children-Storytelling Builds Imagination

Hello from beautiful Montana:

As I continue to do research for the latest version of my eBook "Early Brain Development- Why it is Important to Talk, Sing and Read to Your Baby" it becomes even more evident how important stories are for toddlers and young children.

Sharing stories and fairy tales are one the most enjoyable part of parenting. Whether it is the mom, dad, grandparents or caregivers who take the time to talk and read to the child, it will be a gift.

Young children love stories and imaginations and brain development are enhanced with sharing conversations.

Growing Evidence on Power of StoryTelling

Anecdotal evidence as well as scientific studies indicate what we have always known. Storytelling can help develop the imagination, inspire learning, teach body language and facial expressions and enhance reading skills. Plus, it is just downright fun to do.

You can tell or read bedtime stories to relax your baby and help him to have pleasant dreams. This is a ritual that helps the child recognize bedtime and anticipate the sharing and snuggling before bedtime.

Sharing Family Stories

In my work as a personal historian, many people have told me the power of sharing family stories.  Every child longs to belong to a tribe or community of people who love him.  Hearing tales about the family roots and past, helps the child to see where he fits in the group.

You may want to pull out old family albums, have copies made of the photos at the copy shop and put them in clear plastic protectors and put in a binder labeled "Melissa's (Your child's name) Family." As you tell the stories, have your toddler or young child point to the picture of Grandma or you as a little girl.

As your toddler or young child becomes more verbal ask her to tell you stories about herself.

Stories Connect and Teach

When reading together, allow your toddler and young child to turn the pages or even tell part of the story. Be sure to read slowly and occasionally point to the words you are reading so the child connects the spoken and written word.

Reading, talking and singing to your child will increase the brain capabilities and the size of the spirit of both the storyteller and the one who is hearing the message.

Children are young such a short time and need your involvement in their quest for imagination, character and understanding the world around them. You are the most important person in their life and I salute you for taking the time to use storytelling as one of your methods of connecting with them.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker.

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

DADS Needed-Dedicated Adults Directing and Supporting Children and Youth

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Father's day will be here soon and there will be many young people who are sad they have no one in their lives to fill that role.  Many of the families I work with on a regular basis in Montana and other areas are single head of household and struggling to make ends meet and keep the family afloat.

Each child needs adult direction and teaching in order to gain the life skills and confidence to become a contributing member of society.  While it is ideal if the mom and dad are able to give this support and guidance, but often that is not the case.

Adults Needed to Mentor Young People

I have been blessed to become an "Auntie" to many people. Auntie has nothing to do with DNA or bloodlines or number of nieces and nephews. It is a title that is given to a wise and caring female adult who loves unconditionally and shares wisdom with others.  

A young woman recently described the roles other  supportive adults play in her life, she said "They are there when no one in my family can stand me. All they have to do is pat my back or smile and I know that I can make it." 

DADS Are Important, Will You Be One?

Dedicated means with purpose and intention. It also means wholeheartedly devoted or committed to a goal, cause, or job

An adult is somebody who has reached the age of legal majority, generally 18 years of age in the

United States. It can also mean that you are mature and so now are ready to help others mature.

Directing is  a transitive verb to focus attention or concentrate activities on something to show the way.

Support is to keep something or somebody upright or in place, or prevent something or somebody from falling.

Reach Out For Kids Who Need a DAD

I challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone and help children and youth to grow and develop life skills. Volunteer at a school or youth club if you have time. Referee at a ball game. Smile at the kid with the crazy hair and pierced lips. Say hello to the neighbor teenager who plays his music too loud and is rude to his mother.

I Have Confidence in You

We can't change the whole world, but we can change a child or youth's view of the world by being an adult who shows some kindness, respect and understanding.  After all, isn't that what we all want from a dad?

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

 

Anxiety and Fear Can Be Overcome With Community

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Today we had a brunch with a group of friends. Most were middle aged and very talented, but stressed with worries about relationships, money and health- the major concerns of most people. They were also anxious because of the economy and fearful of losing their jobs and retirement savings.

In addition to sharing omelets, fresh fruit and coffee, we shared concerns for the future of retaining jobs, health care and "boomerang children" who were back home to live.

Yes, it was a gloomy conversation filled with forecasts of anxiety, fear and uncertainty. Some people were fearful of sharing problems because they didn't want to be thought of as negative or depressed.

Support and Brainstorm

On the second round of refilled coffee cups came the announcement from one of the guests; "Hey, we are some of the smartest people around and between us we know the people who know the people. Instead of being anxious, let's be active."

So, we brainstormed strategies and checked phone books for numbers and came up with at least a plan or two for every situation. Nothing was too off the wall or far fetched.  Contacts were found, ideas were formulated and leads were generated.

We exchanged names of insurance agents, companies  looking for skilled workers, and promises to review resumes and write letters of recommendations.

Every Situation Has Solutions

I have always maintained that every situation has at least five solutions, we just need to look for answers in different ways.  That is what we did at brunch today. We used the synergy of the group to generate fresh ideas and new ways to look at old problems.

Lives were changed today because rather than be safe and isolated in their concerns,people were willing to be open about their vulnerabilities.  We found that support from others who had experienced similar situations was comforting. Encouraging words were spoken that gave courage to those who had been afraid and worried.

Confidence is Contagious

The more we talked, brainstormed and got creative the more confident we all became. By learning from each other to be prepared, proactive and positive we became more assured in our individual confidence.  We also knew who to call when we needed specific advice on a particular problem.

Was it easy to admit failure, worries or fears to others you didn't know? No, it was very hard, but once one person opened up, then others not only were eager to help, but were more willing to share their own concerns.

If You Want to Increase Your Confidence

Please go to http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com for my latest book and a number of bonus items that will assist you in overcoming fear and anxiety. When you have finished reading it, invite some friends over for eggs and toast and share what you have learned.  Build a community of confidence.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Build The Community- Give Assistance Where You Can

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Today we are going to the Habitat for Humanity office. No, not to sign up to help build a home for someone in our community. Unfortunately, I have an auto-immune condition that makes my muscles weak and my husband has a bad back. (Not excuses, just explanations.)

But we do want to give assistance to those who can help hammer, saw, cut and carry in order to build a house. We are going to give a donation and pick up an item we won on a silent auction fundraiser.

Time, Talent or Treasure

Each one of us can contribute to our communities or causes by giving of our time, talent or treasure.  There will be periods in your life when you have more time than treasure (money and goods) and so you show up to do the physical work that needs to be done.

Contribute talent by manning a phone tree, fixing lunch, writing thank you notes, or being on the board of directors of a non profit.  It is amazing what needs can be met by the skills and talents of another.

Sharing treasure is a way to give monetarily. Either donate cash or buy products that can be used by the group. Perhaps you could donate food or tools. This is an important part of the cycle of community right now because of the down turn of the economy.

Giving Assistance is a Win-Win Situation

It is important that each member of society looks for ways to make a better family, neighborhood, community, city, area, region, state, nation and world.  We can all do some little thing to help our neighbor and improve our surroundings. No one person can do everything, but each one of us can do something. No matter how small the contribution, it will flow into the larger good of mankind.

When you do something as simple as holding a door open for the next person, donating food at the food pantry, saying please and thank you, or building houses for Habitat for Humanity, you feel good and so does the recipient.

This gesture of friendliness and willingness to share our time, talent and treasure is what is going to make a better world, one small gesture at a time.

In Gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

Be sure to check out http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com  because sometimes the best work you can do is the inner work on yourself.

3 Ways to Deveop Life Skills and Self Confidence in Children

Life Skills means abilities (apptitude) and confidence (attitudes) needed to have a successful life.

When children reach a certain age (usually about 7-8 years old) there is more emphasis on letting go rather than holding on so tight. Now is the time to let them have a little more freedom to solve their own problems. This is the time when they usually know basic safety rules and enjoy playing independently with their friends without adults hovering nearby.The goal of a  wise parent is to ultimately become dispensable to their children. 

We want them to go into the world with critical thinking skills, problem solving abilities, confident and emotionally stable personalities. We want them to be contributing members of society, and most of all we want them to be happy. 

Keep reading and find out how working on a few  techniques will aid your child in learning facts as well as feeling good about who he or she is as a person.

1. Discover their unique learning skill and method of gathering facts, and help their teachers to teach them the way they learn.  Often children are labeled "under achievers" or "unmotivated" when it is simply a communication problem between what is said and what is understood.  Gather books from the library or insist the child be tested for learning style, not learning  disability.
2. Help them to set goals and break projects into manageable parts. When your child is in the younger grades, it is easier to teach organizational skills and help them develop good study habits.
3. Model a love of learning.  If your child sees you reading and enjoying trips to the library, there is a good chance he will grow to love to read.  Be sure to answer his questions or assist him in finding answers. Each situation in life has at least five solutions, so help him look at problems in different ways.  

Self Confidence comes from overcoming and conquering obstacles and then recognizing what you have learned. The most confident people are the ones who acknowledge their successes and realize that many skills can be transferred to other parts of life.

Helping your child to gain confidence in his decisions will support him as he grows and develops even more.

Good luck, you do an important work.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com