Make Your Home the “Go-To House” Encourage Positive Friendships

© Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke—http://www.judyhwright.com

As parents and caregivers (lots of Aunties and Uncles out there) we want to encourage positive friendships with the children we love. We also like an orderly house and a minimum of noise and confusion in our house. Sometimes we have to let go of dreams of having neat homes and go with comfortable and inviting.

In order to make your home the go-to-house and encourage other kids to mingle at your home, you will need to create a safe haven with food, fun and acceptance.

Peer pressure, along with bullying and drugs frightens many parents.

Make your home the "go-to-house" in the neighborhood and school. Provide a safe haven for kids to gather in positive friendships.

When your child is in a group it is easy to “group think” and make decisions, they would not normally do on an individual basis. When they are in your home, you have a pulse on what is going on and can intercede if necessary.

The more you know the other parents of your child’s friends they more they will have an extended tribe of adults who are looking out for their backs. Encourage group activities that are well chaperoned and with a purpose, rather than just “hanging out.”

Some Tips On Building Community and Strengthening Kids

1. Make Your Home the “Go-To House.” When you invite your children’s friends to spend time in your home, you create a safe harbor for many children who are afraid to go home. Make them feel welcome and try to get to know them and help them see how healthy, happy families operate. Include them in some of your family activities. Don’t worry about how much you are spending on groceries. Consider it an investment in the future.

2. Affirm Positive Friendships. Talk to your kids about their friends. Find out what they like about this friend. Help them to develop into the friend they would like to have. Rather than over-praise individual kids, talk about what a nice group of kids they are. If your child has difficulty making and keeping friends, be sure to go the website http://www.theleftoutchild.com to find ways to help them be more likeable.

3. Don’t Criticize or Focus on One Friend. Resist the urge to criticize or refuse to allow your child to hang out with one particular person. Many kids will get defensive over friends their parent’s don’t like. We always found that when we criticized one friend that our child tended to choose one that was worse!!!
4. Don’t Blame Your Child’s Friend for His Parents. Many outstanding heroes and excellent individuals have come from horrible home situations. Just one positive mentor and example can change the life of a young person. You will be teaching respect, kindness and compassion to your child as well as the friend.

Nurturing Adults Needed to Mentor and Guide Young People

You will never know the impact you may have on the life of a child or teen when they make your house the “go-to-house.” One young woman who spent much time in our home told me later that she took notes while she was there on what a “normal family” did. She needed our home and our influence to become the successful and kind woman she is today.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• Do you remember an adult who welcomed all the neighborhood kids in their home and nurtured their positive traits?
• Do you have an accepting position of your child’s friends or do you stand in judgment of them and their parents?
• Can you use encouraging words to empower those who come to your home or have friendships? If you are wondering the words to say, please go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com for a fee eBook. You will be glad you did.

About the Author

Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” is an author of over 20 books and many, many articles on life education. She is also a keynote speaker and trainer for associations and conferences. If you know of an upcoming conference please suggest the program director call to schedule Auntie Artichoke at 406-549-9813 or visit http://www.ArtichokePress.com Thanks and blessings on your important work

Positive Friendships & Self-Esteem
© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Parents, teachers, caregivers, coaches and other caring adults are concerned with how to teach values and self-esteem to the children in their lives. They wonder how to foster positive friendships and discourage those that have a negative influence.

From the moment of birth, our children are soaking up and

Self-esteem and confidence begins at birth and continues till death. We judge ourselves through words and actions of others, especially family and friends.

Self-esteem, confidence and personal strength is gained by listening and sharing ideas with those who are in their “circle of influence.” Words that tell them who and what they are help them to form a self-image that will reflect their attitude towards life. Both positive and negative.

1. Be Available At Odd Times. Make sure your children know that you value them and will take or make time to share with them. If you really can’t talk right then and there, arrange a time and place and put it in your appointment book. Keep that appointment.

The best conversations we ever had were at midnight over a pizza. I am a morning person and it sometimes meant I had to have a nap so I could get up to visit when they came home from a date. It is also amazing what secrets are shared in a car coming home from a soccer game or middle school dance.

2. Make Your House the “Go-To House.” When you invite your children’s friends to spend time in your home, you create a safe harbor for many children who are afraid to go home. Make them feel welcome and try to get to know them and help them see how healthy, happy families operate. Include them in some of your family activities. Don’t worry about how much you are spending on groceries. Consider it an investment in the future.

3. Affirm Positive Friendships. Talk to your kids about their friends. Find out what they like about this friend. Help them to develop into the friend they would like to have. Rather than over-praise individual kids, talk about what a nice group of kids they are.

Peer pressure, along with bullying and drugs that frightens many parents. When your child is in a group it is easy to “group think” and make decisions, they would not normally do on an individual basis.

The more you know the other parents of your child’s friends they more they will have an extended tribe of adults who are looking out for their backs. Encourage group activities that are well chaperoned and with a purpose, rather than just “hanging out.”

You will want to go to http://www.useencouragingwords.com to claim your free ebook on confidence building. You will also want to join the community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all at http://www.judyhwright.com You will be glad you did.

Teach Acceptance-Build Confidence

©JudyHWright http://www.judyhwright.com

We all have weaknesses that are hard to accept. Parents, teachers and caring adults see areas that need improvement in children and want to help them build confidence.  The trick is to build confidence and acceptance without criticism and breaking the spirit.

As I have mentioned in previous articles and books, “Soar with Your Strengths.”

Determine which strengths are improvable, get to work on those and manage the rest.  For instance if your child is not good in math, but excels in woodshop, then do everything possible to encourage him in working with wood.  Find a tutor (high school or college student) to assist him in learning math in a way that makes sense for him.

The best way to build confidence and self-esteem is to find things we are good at and enjoy and do more of them.

Here Are Even More Ideas to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem in Kids

Accept Imperfections — in Your Child and Yourself. Rules and high expectations can seem overwhelming to a child, who may not understand that you don’t expect her to be perfect.

One way to reassure her that it’s okay to make mistakes is to let her see you make them—and correct them or apologize.  To do so will model for your child that it is fine to be human and that mistakes are temporary teaching tools.  As we teach and model that mistakes are a part of live and that we can do better next time, it will be comforting  and not an excuse to blame others.

Use Punishment Sparingly. In my work as a parent educator, I have seen parents come down hard on a child for a minor misdeed or oversight.

Major punishment for minor misdeeds makes kids feel helpless; the result is more likely to be a power struggle between parent and child than in a lesson in how life should be lived.

Shame and guilt create confusion and self-doubt.  They are difficult and destructive emotions for all humans to overcome. If your method of discipline is shame, blame or guilt, please go to http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com for many methods that are more effective and don’t break the spirit of the child.

Take or Make Time to Listen. Sometimes it feels impossible to find time to uninterrupted moments to listen to your child.  It is essential for a child to get the opportunity to talk to each parent individually, especially in single-parent, blended or divorced families.  Communicate regularly every single day.

If it is only five minutes before bed, let your child know that time is special and you will not lecture, blame or threaten, but just listen.  Trust me on this one.  You will never be sorry that you did not dismiss a confidence sharing time in order to lecture about dirty clothes on the floor.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you accept that you will have areas of weakness and strength in your talents? Claim your eBook at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com to help yourself and others be positive about life.
2. Will you build self-confidence in yourself and your children by concentrating on the strengths and managing the weak areas?
3. Will you take or make time to listen with your heart, ears and eyes when your child is sharing concerns?

About the Author

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer is an author of over 20 books. She speaks internationally on topics of resilience, family relationships and empowerment.  To contact her to speak for your conference or organization call 406-549-9813 or see http://www.judyhwright.com

Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem = Success in Life

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Success in life, friendship, business, family dynamics and spiritual growth has self-confidence and self-esteem at the foundation.  People who have a confidence in their personal worth seem to be magnets for success and happiness everywhere they go.

As parents and caring adults you will want to share methods and techniques to build self-confidence with the young people in your circle of influence.  One of the most important part of teaching a life-skill is to improve the concept in our own lives.

Here are three more tips to help build self-esteem and self-confidence in your kids.

• Teach Them to Think for Themselves. If you continually tell them what to do and how to do it, they will be looking outward for direction and not learn to trust their intuition.  For every situation, there are at least 5 different and correct solutions.        If we always want things “Our way” they will stop trying to find creative solutions.  Critical thinking and problem-solving ability are going to be more and more important in the new economy.  Those who enter the world of work will need “soft skills” of interpersonal communication and building teamwork and cooperation.

• Give Them Roots. Much of our identity comes from the family stories and the foundation of ethics and standards that make us who we are.  We are a storytelling and story gathering species.  This is a crucial difference that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. We can remember, process and pass on information to the next  generation.                                                                                                                                                                                            All of us hunger to belong to a “tribe” who love and accept us.  By sharing the heritage, history and cultural background we give them roots and wings. If you need guidance on gathering, recording or telling stories, you will want to go to http://www.MontanaStoryKeepers.com

• Good Posture Shows Confidence. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self-confidence. Verbal communication is the language of information.  Non-verbal or body communication is the language of relationships.

People who slouch indicate they   aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t             consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

We have a strong identification with our bodies.  However, it is amazing to see the effects of our inner thoughts on our outer appearance.  To develop high levels of self-confidence and self-esteem it is important to integrate the body and spirit in order to have success in life.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you find yourself drawn towards those who have good posture and non-verbal communication which indicates self-esteem and self-confidence?
2. When you hear family stories that exhibit courage and confidence, does it encourage your self-esteem?
3. Do you like to work with those who are critical thinkers?  Do you find them to excel in leadership roles?

You will want to claim your powerful eBook filled with encouraging words at http://www.judyhwright.com

Be sure to check out a new book about resiliency at http://www.bouncebackperson.com

3 Self-Esteem and Confidence Messages

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Self-esteem and confidence is the most important contribution that a parent or loving adult can make to the life of a child.  The messages received in childhood can build or destroy the self-esteem of a child and they carry over into all interactions as an adult.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are the foundation on which most other personality traits rest and will do more to determine a child’s future than any other single factor.  No matter what economic status, culture or family dynamics are present in childhood, nurturing loved ones have the greatest impact on future life.

3 Tips to Share a Message of High Self-Esteem;

1. Help Them Be Attractive. Although we don’t want to emphasis looks too much, it is a fact of life that others are drawn to those that are attractive and well groomed.  Does that mean that you should have plastic surgery on your daughter’s big ears?  Absolutely not. It means that if she is self-conscious about it, then you can help her choose a flattering haircut.

Help them fit in, with fashion of their friends. This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.

1. Make eye contact. Poet Mayo Angelou says “Your eyes should light up when your child comes in the room.”  Without realizing it, we use eye contact as a primary means of conveying love, especially to children.  A child uses eye contact with his parents and care givers to feed emotionally.  The more the adults make eye contact with the child as a means of expressing their love and bonding with them, the more the child is nourished emotionally.
2. Practice Kindness and Compassion. We think of self-esteem in terms of empowerment, confidence,
   

   Self-confidence and self-esteem are built when caring adults and parents take time to give positive message of encouragment and love.

   courage and bravery.  Kindness and compassion have a softer side and so we don’t teach these characteristics as often by lecture, but rather by example and modeling. Use encouraging words in dealing with the spirits of those you love and those you come in contact with on a daily basis. Being kind is a very powerful way to make a positive difference in the world and to reflect in the gratitude of others.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• Do you recall the self-esteem messages you received from adults when you were a child?
• Did those messages build high self-esteem and confidence or did they humiliate and demean you?
• Do you use encouraging words in personal communication to build the self-esteem and confidence of others, including children? You will want to claim your free eBook at http://www.useencouragingwords.com

Raise a Confident Kid

©Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

When children have a good relationship with significant adults in their formative years, it will impact and enhance their entire life.  When caring adults strive to make kids feel understood, valued and wanted they become confident and self-assured.

As confident kids feel supported and loved, they do well in school, social activities and community endeavors.  They are happier and more secure and make those around them happier and more secure also.

Confident kids have developed responsiblity and courage. They are able to take safe risks and feel competent and loved.

Confident kids gain several reliable groups of friends and learn to work out differences and handle conflict and disappointment.  As they mature and face the future with courage and self-esteem, we are blessed with a more peaceful home, community and world.

Here are Three Ways to Raise a Confident Kid

1. See them as a capable human being. This message is one that we all want to hear from important and influential people in our lives. Telling a baby he is clever for rolling over, or a seven year old for zipping his jacket when it is cold outside are all messages that say “You are capable.”  Success breeds success and when you have instilled a foundation of confidence in the ability of the child to problem solve, they will be more willing to try harder tasks.
2. Catch them being competent. Everyone likes to be around competent people, especially those who can teach or share with other team members. When you witness your child succeed at a task, yet allow others to participate and take part in the victory, be sure to acknowledge the leadership attributes. While it is important to praise the specific mechanical or technical skill, he or she is developing “soft skills” of interpersonal relationships.
3. Develop Responsibility and Safe Risk Taking. Rights matched with responsibility can encourage confident kids.  As caring adults, you will want to give appropriate and increasing responsibility, such as doing chores and homework in a timely manner.  As a child improves in his responsibility he will feel more comfortable in feeling competent and trust-worthy.  All kids should be encouraged to take safe risks and to widen their arsenal of life skills and talents.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• As a child, I was encouraged to develop responsibility?
• I see myself as a competent adult in at least five areas. List them.
• In order to raise a confident kid, I recognize that developing a supportive relationship and giving kind guidance are important components.

If you have enjoyed this article and it has helped you to be reflective about your role as a parent or caring adult in the life of a confident kid, please leave a comment.  You will also want to gain your free eBook on Using Encouraging Words at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com You will be glad you did.

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com

I am entered in a  Ultimate Blog challenge and so rather than work on two (or ten) important projects, I decided it  would be fun to repurpose an eBook I am writing for Kindle and Amazon.

It is titled 77Ways to Build Self-Confident  Kids and hopefully will be available within the month.

Especially if I post every day.

Meanwhile, let’s give you bite-sized pieces and get some feedback. I have neglected this blog to write a book, be in a movie and have a new marvelous grand daughter Autumn.

77 Divided By 31 is What???? 

77 tips on building self-confident kids - Can you think of other ways to increase self-esteem?

Since there are 31 days in January and I have 77 tips, it does not divide easily or evenly.  So some days I will include 2 and some days will see 3, 4, or 5 tips.  That will keep you on your toes and your eye-balls peeled in this direction.

1. Help them to help themselves. Dorothy Canfield Fisher (1879-1958) says “A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary.” If you are still zipping their jacket in elementary school, will you go with them to college?

1. See them as capable human being. This is encouragement we all  want to hear from important and influential people in our lives. Telling a baby he is clever for rolling over, or a seven year old for zipping his jacket when it is cold outside are all messages that say “You are capable.”  Success breeds success and when you have instilled a foundation of confidence in the ability of the child to problem solve, they will be more willing to try harder tasks.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• Do you tell yourself and your children “Good Job” when a difficult task is accomplished?
• Did you know it is more respectful to allow others to help themselves instead of rushing in to “save them” and do the job they are capable of doing.
• How did your parents or other adults build your confidence as a kid?

About The Author

Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” is an international speaker and author on resiliency and respect.  You will want to claim your eBook on Using Encouraging Words at http://www.useencouragingwords.com

You will be so glad you did.

How does your child handle disappointment? What happens when they don’t win the game, election or friend? Do they want to quit the team when they are not chosen for play?

Do they assume responsibility for their choices and decisions? Can they bounce-back when they make mistakes? Are they problem solvers and able to decide what to do next time?

Talk about Plan B

Being resilient and responsible means that sometimes you are going to lose or make mistakes. Do your kids understand that it is okay to fail sometimes?

Resilience helps people deal with stress, disadvantages or even trauma. The ability to have a plan B or to see an obstacle as a learning experience rather than a failure enhances the confidence of all of us, adult and child alike.

The road to success is made up of lots of pebbles and potholes as well as a few rocks and curves that are unexpected. The ability to bounce back from adversity and try again is a life skill that can be taught. The best teacher is assuming responsibility for areas under your control, and not blaming others or ourselves for circumstances beyond our control. Self blame is common, but can be destructive and begin a downward spiral towards low esteem and lack of confidence. It is better to understand that sometimes it is just being in the wrong place at the wrong time, the way the cookie crumbles or we can’t control how others think and act.

Help Them be Problem Solvers

Wise parents, teachers and caregivers help children to problem solve, rather than solve the problem for them. They assist the child to look creatively at other solutions and decide what to do next time. If they are open to verbalizing, don’t interrupt or put words in their mouth or tell them “Well, you shoulda, coulda, woulda.” It is their problem, have confidence in their ability to solve it.

You may want to point out their positive attributes by saying something like; “Boy, that must have hurt your feelings because you are careful to make sure everyone gets a turn.” Another powerful phrase that strengthens the resolve to find answers is to say: “I have confidence in you. You have a good mind and soul. You will come up with a solution that will be fair. If you need assistance, I am here for you.”

Allow them to be self reflective and look at the problem realistically without dwelling on what went wrong. Your part is to be a good listener and support them as they come up with plans to bounce back. You may want to ask them if they need some alone time to listen to music or play with the dog or kick the soccer ball to think about what happened and how they will handle a similar situation in the future.

Help Them be Optimistic About the Future

Self esteem is multi-dimensional: it is important to feel good about yourself in several different areas and skill sets (setting boundaries on how you want to be treated, apologizing when you are wrong, asking for what you want etc.) so that you can weather the occasional failure that life brings. Recognizing that setbacks are temporary and do not reflect on the inner core of who you are helps children move on quickly from disappointments. When the adults around them model positive coping strategies, it will become easier and easier to bounce back.

About the author:
Judy H. Wright is a life educator and author who is lucky enough to live in beautiful Montana. For a free report on the Power of Encouraging Words see http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com or check out www.ArtichokePress.com Read Post »

The Importance of the Family Day Out

If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that family life can be very stressful. From the school run to finding activities over summer holidays, family life can be non-stop. And that’s exactly why it’s so important to find ways to wind down, de-stress, and have some fun. One brilliant way to do this is by going on a family day out. The UK is the perfect destination too; there really is something out there for everyone – whether you like bike rides in the countryside or thrilling days at a theme park.

Why are family days out so vital?

Moving day can be stressful for the family. Involve the kids and reward them with a family day out after the chores are all done.

They say that moving house is the most stressful thing we ever do, having to arrange a top notch moving company, packing everything up, etc, but sometimes day-to-day family life can rival even that! So what is it that makes family days out such an important part of family life? It’s all about bonding. In this day and age we are all spending lots of time working and not as much time relaxing with family. Ask anyone in the street what the most important thing in the world is and there’s a very high chance they’ll say ‘family’. If that’s not reason enough for you to understand the importance of family days out, perhaps think about the development of children. Their physical and emotional well-being relies on them being active in both body and mind. A day out with the rest of the family can cover both of these bases: a strengthening of the emotional bonds between parent, child and sibling, as well as the excitement of being out on an exciting trip. The latter can be improved on even more with a day out that includes sports or other active pastimes.

What is the best family day out?

The answer to this question lies within your own family. We can of course make suggestions – a day at the fair, visit to the zoo, and so on – but your final decision will rely depend on what your family wants to do. A great way of building excitement and making kids feel valued is to involve them with the decision-making process. Perhaps give them a range of options, then ask which of them they feel would be the most fun. This way, you can be sure that they’re going to have a good time, and you don’t need to feel like you’re making them do something they don’t want to. Another thing you’ll want to consider is the age of your family; this advice isn’t limited to families with young children – far from it – even families with grown-up kids can still head out and enjoy a fantastic day of familial bonding. Obviously your destination may differ (unless you’ve got grandchildren, of course!), but the core concept of enjoying a family day out applies to every family, no matter their age.

Start as you mean to go on

Even families who feel like they aren’t the ‘type’ to go on a big organised day out can still enjoy being together. Even if you all simply sit at home with each other, it’s the emotional bonding that’s important. Setting a precedent is vital, too, especially if you don’t get together often. By doing this once or twice, you will all be more likely to keep doing it – and that can only ever be a good thing for your family, and its future generations.

So what are you waiting for? Get out there with your family (or even just your closest friends) as soon as you can, and enjoy the most important thing in the world.

Home is where your heart is safe. It is the one place you can relax and be authentic. Home is not just walls, floor and bed, but the intangible aspects of your environment that make you feel welcome and blessed. It is, or should be, a refuge from the world.

I am not going to write much about home because it is such a sacred and personal sanctuary. But I will encourage and empower you to be a homemaker, to make a home wherever you may be sleeping and residing.

3 Ways to Rest Well Wherever You Sleep

I have found three simple and yet effective ways to make any house, hotel, campground or friend’s sofa to feel like a welcoming refuge from the world.  Perhaps you can find additional methods of being a home-maker, and making your little corner intimately yours.

1. Use natural fabric for your sheets and pillow case. They will give a subtle comforting feel to your body to remind you to rest well.
2. Tuck a good luck charm or token under your pillow.  Some little touchstone that you can put under the pillow, so you will know the familiar and be soothed back to sleep.
3. Make your bed.  Even if you are staying in the Hilton Towers, smooth the covers up on the bed and express gratitude for the restful night’s sleep.  You will begin your day in a more polished and eager way when you have ended the segment of rest.

You will feel rejuvenated and relaxed as you begin to understand the power of being a maker of a home, or a homemaker where ever you are.

Your Sacred Space

It is my deepest wish for you that you have some space that is all yours. That you have in this space small tokens or experiences that remind you that you are loved and you are safe. When you get to that wonderful space at the end of the day, you can relax, unwind and be your authentic self.

How would you enjoy being this relaxed and confident in your body, your relationships, your workplace and the Universe? Do you feel at home with who you are?

Home is where your heart is. The Dalai Lama has said, “This is my simple religion. There is no need of temples; no need for complicated philosophy.  Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. What would it feel like in your heart to experience home wherever you go?
2. How do you make wherever you sleep at night feel safe and comforting to you?
3. Does the word “home maker” bring up positive or negative feelings?

We are interested in your comments and feedback. You are welcomed at our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all. Sign up today at http://www.ArtichokePress.com You are free to use this article in your blog or ezine, but please keep the © Judy Helm Wright.  Thank you.