How to Really Listen to a Child – Guest blogger
How to Really Listen to a Child
by Heather
When we really listen to a child – we enter into their world. Their reality.
When we really listen to a child – the simple things become magical and our lives are never the same:
A stick becomes a magical wishing and healing wand to make all creatures love each other and bring peace to the whole world.
A tree becomes a magical kingdom where everyone is safe and no-one can harm us
A blanket becomes a magic carpet that carries us off to far away exotic lands
When we really listen to a child – time stands still and in that very moment our hearts open up to amazing possibilities.
when we really listen to a child – we become like a child ourselves.
Some of us have forgotten how to think like a child and how to really listen to our children. In the hurry and busyness of grown up life, time becomes so precious that we don’t want to feel like we’ve squandered it on something so trivial.
That precious time can never be spent on anything more important than really listening to our children. They have the most amazing insights to offer us. They make sense of the world and make it easy for us to understand what is really important.
Take a moment today, this week, sometime soon- to really listen to a child. Here’s how:
Stop whatever you’re doing. Really stop what you’re doing. Put it out of your mind. Make a conscious decision to spend time with your child. Open your ears, but much more importantly open your heart. Don’t question, correct or judge – just be. Just listen and try to understand their world from their perspective. Get to know them, really know and understand them. Find out what they love and what makes them afraid. You don’t have to ask a single question – just give them your full and undivided attention – and listen. Make this a regular event and your life will change forever.
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Tagged as: listening to children
Beautiful Granddaughter To Attend Missoula Children’s Theater
Chester teen to attend performing arts program
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CHESTER — Amanda Loosli, 15, will soon take an important step toward her goal of being an actress. The Chester teen will take part in the prestigious Next Step Prep six-week workshop this summer. Next Step Prep is a performing arts boarding school located at the Missoula Children’s Theatre headquarters in Missoula, Montana.
Amanda’s parents are Chester residents, Stephen and Bethany Loosli. Amanda is home-schooled and plans to finish high school courses by 2012.
The program begins on June 28 and includes instruction in dance, music, and acting. Students earn credit toward high school graduation while honing their skills as ”triple threat” performers — people who can sing, dance, and act. The academy delivers a focused curriculum of classroom instruction, private voice lessons, and specialty workshops taught by theater, television, and dance professionals.
Amanda said the 10-page application process included composing essays and providing three references from mentors. She said she is thrilled to have been chosen to attend the program, especially because becoming an actress is one of her life goals.
Currently, Amanda is co-starring as Lucetta in the Rigby-based Classics Academy’s production of Shakespeare’s “The Two Gentlemen of Verona.” Amanda’s older brother, Taylor, stars as Valentine, and her younger sister, Melissa, steals the show as Thurio. After a series of well-received performances at the Rigby Library earlier this month, the production was one of 10 selected to compete at “Shakespeare Showdown” in Heber City, Utah. This is the third consecutive year the Classics Academy performance group has participated in the Showdown, which is a three-day educational Shakespeare camp.
Children Need Free Time to Daydream and Think
“I am bored.” “Why wont you play with me?” “I want to do something fun.”
Children may not know how to spend time alone with themselves. They may feel they are entitled to have fun and be entertained all day long by parents, friends and electronic equipment. Some people have called this phenomenon into a new breed of parents and entertainers called “parentertainers” This is adults who feel responsible for making sure children have a good time and enjoy the excitement of new and better activities every minute of the waking day.
Children enjoy listening to sounds of nature
Stop The Insanity
There is a big difference between feeling lonely and spending time alone. Your child may need to be introduced to this concept. As adults, we treasure the few minutes daily we have of alone time to regroup and relax. So why do we feel that our children need to be entertained each moment?
Only when we are alone and silent do we hear our own inner voice. Sit down with your child or children and tell them what you do in your alone time, and why yo like it so much Tell them what you get out of being quiet and thinking thoughts and imagining things.
There is so much commotion in the days of most families that it is hard to find the time to stop and listen in silence. Yet, it is when we listen to the sounds around us and the thoughts in our mind have an opportunity to be heard and acknowledged, the world seems to come alive. Answers and solutions to problems and situations are allowed to bubble to the front of your mind and present ideas you have never thought about.
Time to Daydream and Play Independently
Children who value their own thoughts learn to understand their feelings. The child who is encouraged to entertain himself with a solitary interest or hobby learns to think independently. Having a hobby is more important than you might think. Being able to build a model car, color in a coloring book or read an interesting book is very relaxing and will give a sense of pride and accomplishment to the child.
In a world where everything seems fast, furious and noisy, the child who can entertain himself or be alone with his thoughts to daydream will be much better equipped to be a productive and happy adult. His imagination and daydreams will provide peace and satisfaction in his own company.
Model Free Time to Think
Remember, your children will model your behavior, so if you sit around and watch TV or keep loud music on all day, so will they. Give them a gift of creativity and a space of time to daydream, think, plan and imagine.
I have confidence in you.
Your friend,
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker
PS: Be sure to sign up for the free ebook at http://www.KidsChoresAndMore.com The book will help get family chores done quickly so everyone can enjoy free time.
How To Deal With A Difficult Child – Rude, Defiant and Lazy
Why won’t my kid behave? What makes him so angry? How can I control his angry behavior? Why is his behavior rude and obnoxious? How can we teach respect and responsibility? Are all kids his age lazy? What am I doing wrong?
Difficult Child or Child Having Difficult Day?
These are common questions that come up in parenting classes I teach and attend. One of the biggest concerns of parents, teachers and care givers is how to get their kids to behave. I know this for a fact, because my husband and I have six adult children, foster children and now grandchildren. We see them with eyes of love and tolerance but are also aware that some children are more “high maintenance” than others.
Labels Become Self Fulfilling Prophecies
There are many labels that adults put on children who do not immediately obey instructions. some are called ADD, ADDHD, Extreme kids, Indigo Child, Star Children and I have even heard them revered to as spoiled brats. The problem with labels, titles and roles is that children soon begin to be that which they are called. If they are seen as difficult, they will continue to be difficult.
Encouragement Toward Positive Goals
Although we may want and desire our children to automatically know what to do and say that will please us and society, life doesn’t work that way. We must believe in our children if they are to believe in themselves. In order to feel adequate and accepted, children need frequent encouragement. A cooperative relationship depends on how children feel about themselves and their place in the world.
Although adults and other important people do not cause children to misbehave, we can reinforce and encourage their misbehavior without being aware of what our expectations are for the child. The child may be unaware that his action is seeking one of the four goals of misbehavior;
- Attention
- Power
- Revenge
- Display of inadequacy
No effective parenting will work long term unless the whole family works together to build a respectful and positive relationship. Most families with a difficult child who appears rude, defiant and lazy have tried everything before recognizing that it is a family concern and can only be resolved by working together.
Be Kind But Firm
Have a family council and decide what kind of a family you want to be and how to achieve those goals. Set reasonable consequences and make sure the whole family understands what the rules and guidelines are going to be. Don’t worry about every little infraction, but instead concentrate on a few behavior issues that are disrupting the quality of family life. Ask the children to draw the chore calender or behavior chart. Help them to become empowered with their own place in the family.
Consistent Consequences and Expectations
In my experience, it is not that parents don’t love their children, rather it is the opposite. They want the best for the whole family but often discourage positive behavior by focusing on the negative. Follow through and be consistent and you will be rewarded by not living with a difficult child, but rather a good kid having an occasional bad day.
I have confidence in you.
Your friend,
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
PS: Another great resource is http://www.kidschoresandmore.com which will help the whole family work together so there will be more free time for fun activities.
Raising Kids on a Budget Quiz
Hello from beautiful Montana:
This morning (at 6am!) I am speaking on a radio show for parents in New York. As I was preparing (opening my eyes) I remembered a quiz I had prepared for a parenting class last year. Hope you enjoy it. If you know most of the answers, you are a Super Saver and a wise steward over your money.
- If you receive a credit card in the mail, it means that you automatically qualify?
- When your child is small, it is necessary to have high top shoes so they can have strong ankles?
- All foods are cheaper when they are made from scratch?
- Try to shop on the perimeter of the store and avoid the inner aisles as much as possible.
- Using coupons to buy products mean you will always get the best deal?
- How do you stop your child from asking for candy, gum and toys when you take them shopping?
- You always save more if you wait till you get to the store to see what is on sale?
- When is the best time to go thrift store shopping?
- When is best time to buy school supplies?
- Is it necessary to have meat at every meal?
- If you have a money crisis, which bills do you pay first?
Answers:
- No, it is a promotional gimmick and they still have to check your credit. You are not guaranteed the rate.
- No, it is not necessary and in fact, it is better for them to walk barefoot or in little socks when they are learning to walk.
- Not always, but generally. Good examples of foods that are more expensive from scratch are orange juice and cakes.
- True, the fresh fruit, vegetables, meat, dairy and bread products are usually on the outer edges. The more prepared and packaged foot tends to be in the middle.
- Many coupons are for products you would not ordinary use. Check the store brand. It may be cheaper than the other with a coupon. Ask the store if they will honor other store’s coupons.
- Don’t take them shopping with you. Pre-warn them that they may have an apple or bring along a toy from home.
- You will always spend more! The longer you stay in the store, the more you will spend. Bring your list, buy what is on it and get out.
- Saturday evening, Sunday or Monday. People bring in everything that has not sold from their garage sale.
- Buy school supplies in August and store them for use all year.
- Actually you will be healthier if you have two or three meatless meals in a week.
- Always pay your housing first. Keep a roof over your head. There are agencies to help with food and heating but you need shelter.
Spend twice as much time and half as much money on your child and you will all be happier.
Thank you for sharing time with us today,
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
There are only two ways to get more money: 1) Increase your income 2)Decrease your outgo.
PS: If you are concerned about your child making friends, check out http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com
PSS: If you are concerned about child behavior issues, check out http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com
You will be so glad you did.
PostPartum Depression and Mental Health for Women
I recently attended an excellent conference in Missoula, Montana sponsored by Postpartum Support International. I honestly don’t know why
Mothers need to know: "You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help, you will be well."
I was prompted to go, since it was very clinical and designed from nurses, physicians, social workers and mental health professionals. I am none of those. My job description is a wife, mom, gram, Auntie and parent educator.
The Perinatal Period
Who knew that the perinatal period is the entire time frame from pregnancy through the first year after giving birth. This term replaces the narrow PPD, which was concerned after birth. Now we know that depression and anxiety disorders can occur anytime in pregnancy or in the first year postpartum.
Many of the medical terms and descriptions went right over my head. I didn’t get the buzz words and catch phrases and the jargon of what to look for and when to look for it. There were so many initials flying around that it seemed like alphabet soup for awhile. But then they started talking about feelings. There I could and did connect.
Myths of Motherhood
Our culture, age, social circle, partner, past relationships, expectations and huge hormonal shifts are all playing a part in this drama, that seems so easy to other women. They all look so capable and organized. We tend to see others at their best and us at our worst. Hormones can really shift our rational mind for a time.
I remembered suddenly sitting on the stairs crying at 4 am. I kept murmuring “what have we done, what have we done?”
The baby was wanted and planned but all of a sudden I didn’t think, no I knew beyond a shadow’s doubt, that I could not and would not be capable of being a decent Mother. I started counting on my fingers all my shortcomings as mother, wife, daughter, neighbor, volunteer. When my husband found me sobbing out my list, I was on number 47 which was “I didn’t sell enough girl scout cookies to help them win the award. I am a failure with the kids we already have. How can I find time and energy for another one?”
You Are Not Alone
I will always be grateful for my husband’s kind perspective on my list of failures. He was able to help me see that I was capable to cope but was exhausted, overwhelmed and depressed. We developed a plan of action to see my doctor, have my mom come for a visit, involve he and the older kids in doing more and expecting less around the house.
I got better and you will too. I have confidence in your ability to find solutions and support as travel this bump in the road.
Thought To Ponder
- Are you or someone you know suffering from depression or anxiety in pregnancy or post postpartum?
- Do you know that Baby Blues affects 60-80% of new moms and will only last from 2 days to 2 weeks?
- If your anxiety or blues is not getting better, please see a medical professional for screening.
- If you need information or to have questions answered there is a toll-free helpline 1-800-9444PPD (4773) there is also a website at www.postpartum.net
In loving support,
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
Help Children Cope With Loss of Loved One
Children who have been allowed to participate in the care of loved one, including hospice care at end of life, are better prepared later in life when losses of any kind occur.
Loss of a Pet
For many children the first death they may witness or participate in, is the death of a pet. When I was researching for my book “I Lost My Best Friend Today” it was humbling to hear the stories. Many adults said they mourned more over the death of their pet than the loss of their parents. Many also reflected back to childhood and the way that death or loss was explained by the adults in their lives.
Feeling The Emotions
One of the participants in a recent workshops shared that her father had said to her when she cried when her dog was struck by a car; “Suck it up, children don’t have emotions till they are 18. Until then you feel what I tell you to feel.” As an adult ( and naturally resentful) she honestly does not know how to express emotions, especially around grief issues.
Feelings and emotions are like a river. If we stuff them up or block their flow, our emotional stream becomes stagnant, dirty and full of garbage. Eventually the flood will break through. If it builds to the point where it explodes, it causes disaster and chaos.
When children are not only allowed but encouraged to fully feel their emotions and have their questions answered honestly, they feel valued and validated.
Ask Them How They Feel and What They Think
Parents and caring adults will recognize that death and illness has an impact on the whole family. By honoring the thoughts, fears and anxiety of the children by truly listening to them is an important way to include them in the process.
As an adult, you may be amazed at the kind and thoughtful responses which the children will share when asked. They are looking at the
Parents must give honest answers to children with questions about loss and death.
illness or death from a different perspective and will give options which are not colored by bills to pay, doctors to see and jobs to manage.
Questions to Ponder
- How did you learn about illness and death?
- Is there a certain age when you feel children should attend funerals?
- What do you feel are the emotions a child may have when someone they loves dies?
- Are you aware that some children (and adults) cover fear with laughter or silliness?
It is important for children to be involved with the conversations surrounding the death or illness of a loved one. Honest sharing of emotions will help all parties to cope and understand what is going on. The anxiety level of the children will be greatly reduced when they are involved in some way.
You will want to go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com for a free ebook on words and phrases to help yourself and others towards positive action. You will be so glad you did.
Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members,coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.
Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.
Indigo Children – Born To Lead Hard To Manage
As I travel the country teaching workshops for parents, teachers and day care providers I often ask them if they recognize
Auntie Artichoke enjoys working with the parents of Indigo Children
the Indigo Children. These children are not content to color in the lines or glue macaroni on paper. They are very bright but also very active and curious.
Born To Be Leaders
Some of the children who are being born now are just arriving knowing who and what they are. They really just need parents to guide them a little and keep them safe till they are grown up enough to accomplish what they have been sent to do. Many parents and teachers are scared of such independent spirits and want to medicate them because they are easier to handle. They are usually intuitive and sensitive to the environment. These beautiful kind spirits are very hard to keep in the old rules of schools and families. They are self directed and don’t always get the “why” adults want them to do things.
A Few Characteristics Noted By Jan Tober and Lee Carol, Authors of What Is an Indigo Child
- They have difficulty with absolute authority (authority without explanation or choice).
- They simply will not do certain things; for example, waiting in line is difficult for them.
- They get frustrated with systems that are ritually oriented and don’t require creative thought.
- They often see better ways of doing things, both at home and in school, which makes them seem like “system busters” (nonconforming to any system).
- They seem antisocial unless they are with their own kind. If there are no others of like consciousness around them, they often turn inward; feeling like no other human understands them. School is often extremely difficult for them socially.
Trust Your Intuition
There are many other books out there that will give you insight into the personality of an Indigo Child. Your most important source of inspiration on dealing with your child is your heart and intuition. No one knows and loves your child as you do. Discuss and plan with the child systems to make life easier for both of you. I can usually tell because their eyes will look at you as if they can see into your soul. They are the ones who will help all of humanity to move in a direction. A leader who will lead in their own way. Our job is to keep these Indigo Children safe and recognize what they have to teach us. They are born to lead, so let’s guide and accompany them on their journey, but let them lead the way. I am sure you probably have a child or two who come to mind when I talk about an Indigo Child.
If your child has lost self esteem by trying to fit into a “regular world” please go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com for a free ebook which will help them recognize their inner strength. You will be so glad you did.
Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members, coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.
Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.
Enhance Your Self Esteem With Three Encouraging Phrases
Many of us are hearing the word “shift” in the news, at the coffee shop and at church. The world is shifting by having earthquakes, hurricanes and floods. These natural disasters are forcing us to be aware of the environment and the changes that are occurring. Our lives are shifting as we lose jobs, savings and homes in an uncertain economy. Our spirits are shifting and our self esteem is rocking as we examine changes in our thoughts, feelings and deepest desires. In order to enhance the new shifts to awareness in self esteem, it is important to speak with encouraging words and ask for what we want in life.
Decide What You Want, Not What You Don’t Want
Many people go through life in a default mode. Taking what ever comes along and not really asking for more. The biggest step in enhancing self esteem and confidence is making a decision. Seriously. All you need to do to feel stronger and more in control of you life is to make a decision with encouraging words and phrases. Here are some samples;
- I can do it. I know what I want and deserve.
- I am a problem solver and find creative solutions.
- My old patterns and habits no longer serve me.
Shift Your Thoughts and Change Your Life
Think about a small child that you love. When they decided to give up crawling so they could go farther and reach more, they had to make a decision to start walking. They fell down a lot. They may have even cried and wanted you to carry them about. You encouraged them to keep trying. You knew that eventually they would master the skill and it would become automatic action.
That simple shift from all fours to upright opens all kinds of possibilities and opportunities for that child. Things that were out of reach, suddenly can be grabbed. Once they have mastered walking, running comes easier.
We Are Hard Wired to Succeed
Babies come into this world wanting their needs met and needing reassurance they are loved and valued. As a parent you want the best for that child. You go out of your way to encourage self esteem and success. You and I continually parent ourselves. This idea may be brand new to you, but think about it and see how you use encouraging or discouraging phrases often with your own self talk and thoughts.
Enhance your success and opportunities as you shift your thoughts and decisions into those that will serve your highest good. Treat yourself with as much love and consideration as you would a small baby you loved very much.
Questions To Ponder
- Would you say the things you say to yourself each day to a baby you loved?
- How can you make a decision to change your inner talk to be more positive and encouraging?
- Can you feel a shift in your spirit and body as you make a decision to enhance your self-esteem?
- Can you see how many of the old beliefs and patterns you had in the past are not what you want for your future?
- What decision are you going to make today that will make your life better?
I have confidence in your ability to encourage positive change and forward movement towards your goals and dreams.
Please know that I want only the best for you and yours.
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker
Encourage Yourself to Courage – Overcome Fear, Doubts and Frustrations
Are You Afraid and Frustrated?
If you are having difficulty turning problems into opportunities, you may be discouraged. You may have a need to build your self esteem in order to overcome fear, doubts and frustrations that are impacting the life you deserve to live. Having courage does not mean that you are free of fear, despair, doubt, frustration or discouragement.
Get unstuck in life by making a decision to move forward
It does mean that we are able to meet life’s challenges and move forward.
Courage is Movement Forward
Any time we take action and move toward a goal, we set a process in place that will overcome negative thoughts and experiences. The Universe rewards those who know what they want and take immediate action. Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is to say; “This is a negative place in my life and I want to change my direction and not remain stuck here.” Making a decision to overcome fear or to just walk through the doubt is frequently the catapult to success in many areas of life
Encourage Yourself To Take First Step
By making a decision to overcome what may seem overwhelming, you will be moving forward as opposed to stagnation and paralysis. Many people are stuck in miserable situations because they are waiting for someone or something outside of themselves to decide what to do or to save them from their misery. The courage to turn a problem into a challenge is best met internally. Others may be vested in keeping you stuck. If you change and move forward, it may disrupt their safety net. It is not their problem, it is yours.
You may be looking at problems in a restricted and narrow framework. You may be basing your fear and doubt on old beliefs that no longer serve you. You may be replaying old family tapes in your head that keep you from stepping out into the future with courage and daring.
Peel Away Old Belief Systems
By getting to the root cause of our fears and doubts we can examine them in the light and reframe them for the future. This will enable us to function in a more satisfying and rewarding manner. We become what we are through our decisions, all of which require courage.
Lack of courage is often express in the decision not to make a decision.
Questions To Assist You In Overcoming Fear, Doubt and Frustration
- How do you encourage yourself when you are afraid?
- Do you recognize that you and you alone own the problem?
- Do you have old family beliefs that are holding you back?
- Are you sometimes suffer from paralysis of perfection?
- What decision will you make today that will move you forward from a stuck place?
You are invited to claim a free e-course on overcoming shyness and building self esteem and courage at
http://www.confidenceclues.com
Best wishes for a bright and courageous future. I believe in you and you can encourage courage in yourself and overcome fear, doubt and frustration.
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker
