Are you a helicopter Mom? Are you an Alpha Mom? As a new parent, you may find your day filled with chaos and mayhem. While time with your child can be the most amazing experience, you may also find it exhausting and overwhelming. The following tips will help you gain sanity, while enjoying your new bundle of joy. See http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com for more information on parenting.
A study published in the “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology” found that pet guardians tend to be more extroverted and less fearful, and they also experience a reduction in loneliness and a boost in self-esteem. The study indicated that pets provide social support, and this is linked to many positive physical and psychological benefits. In other words, your family dog is likely to become your baby’s first best friend, and this can help them when they become old enough to begin forging friendships with other children. http://www.artichokepress.com
What to Do If Your Child Has Violent Tendencies
© Debbie Nguyen & Judy Helm Wright
Most parents have the highest hopes and anticipation for our children. When your visions of success and happiness are thwarted because of your child’s violent tendencies, parents may be tempted to deny that your child needs help or that your child’s tendencies will resolve themselves over time. However, ignoring or prolonging your offspring’s violent outbursts is the worst course of action you can take if you hope to restore any desires that your child will be happy and successful in the future.
Rather than give into the worry, fear, embarrassment, and stress that come with having a violent child, parents can instead take these prompt and necessary steps to lead your child to a healthy and meaningful future.
Understanding The Difficulty
- Is it distractibility?
- Is it high-intensity level?
- Is it negative persistence?
- Is it low sensory threshold?
- Is it negative mood?
- Is it low self-esteem?
What Makes a Kid Violent?
It’s been proven that excessive exposure to violence through popular media like movies, TV shows and video games contribute to a child’s violent behavior. It desensitizes children to the violence and can make them adopt aggressive behavior. By the time a typical American child reaches the age of 18, he has already been exposed to almost 200,000 acts of violence seen on TV. Popular video games like Grand Theft Auto also rewards violent and destructive behavior.
If a child has suffered some trauma to his brain, this injury can also add to his violent behavior. Use of drugs and alcohol, violence or economic strain in the family can be factors too. Children at risk are those who have problems with being impulsive, irritable, and easily frustrated.
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Accept the Problem for What It Is
Some parents may be ready to gloss over your child’s emotional and mental outbursts as a normal developmental stage or a bout of immaturity that will surely go away over time. Minimizing your child’s violent tendencies, however, only serves to deflect the responsibility of getting your child much needed help and addressing the issue for what it really is. Many parents avoid recognizing your child’s outbursts because you may feel embarrassed or that you are to blame for your child’s behavior. Instead of focusing on how you feel, however, you should think ahead about what is best for your child and act promptly to get your son or daughter the professional help they need.
As parents, you must also think of the safety of other children, like siblings or schoolmates, who might be at the receiving end of mean acts. Is your violent child being a typical “brat” or is he taking bullying to a dangerous level? Does he need constant monitoring because he is not to be trusted with playing nice or being left alone with other kids?
Seek Help through the Professional Community
You may try to keep your child out of the medical establishment by taking your offspring to counseling sessions with religious leaders or natural healers. While it may be perfectly acceptable to adhere to religious or lifestyle beliefs during your child’s recovery, parents are still encouraged to seek out qualified medical help for your child’s violent tendencies. A team of doctors, licensed psychiatrists, and mentors are the ideal choices for heading up a child’s emotional and mental treatment.
In the case of a troubled child, the causes might come from social issues which need to be addressed. A specialist in juvenile justice who also happens to work as a life coach in Seattle for at-risk kids, suggests that the child’s failure to thrive could be because of an addiction, and that he could use help with releasing stress, reframing and keeping boundary maintenance, and improved communication.”
A child may have to be hospitalized, put on medications, or go through other intense medical therapies that can help him recover from the emotional or mental distress that causes his violent behavior. The coach also works with the whole family, to help repair the dynamics between the child and his parents and siblings.
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Parents As Partners
Each child is different so the course of action to be taken to diffuse his harmful behavior, and how it affects the dynamics of your family, would be agreed upon by the parental or professional coach with your family’s participation.
Working together with professionals is important, but even more important is remembering that no one loves your child like you do. Become empowered to make decisions that will benefit your family and especially the child who is having violent outbursts. You acting as an advocate for your child is the best gift you can give him or her.
Thank you for joining this community of kind, thoughtful people who have respect for all. Be sure to claim your free eBook at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com
You will be glad you did and so will your child.
I taught this class a few months ago for the Montana Child Care Association. I call it Caution Without Fear: Protecting Your Children from Sexual Abuse.
It’s a long one, but a good one. To see the video absolutely for free online, click the highlighted link above, and please do not hesitate to ask me or someone you trust if you have questions about this important topic.
Thank you from the bottom of my artichoke heart.
Our challenge as a community of caregivers, teachers and parents is to prepare children for any eventuality of sexual exploitation without scaring them to death.
It is our job to teach them that is OK to say NO! and to have the power to speak up when they feel uncomfortable.
We have to counterbalance their natural deference to authority by providing them with a strong sense of what other people should and should not be permitted to do to them under any circumstances. They must know that they will be supported in their efforts to act and speak out against being victimized.
Emotional Signs of Sexual Abuse
- An unusually quiet and fearful disposition, especially when in the company of one person. For instance if your daughter leaves the room whenever Grandpa comes or sits through dinner when he is present, with her eyes downcast or seems more anxious when she hears he is coming to visit, be suspicious.
- The child may exhibit a series of stress symptoms; fear of a particular place or person, fear of the dark, stomachs, or headaches.
- An outgoing child may become shy or vice versa. A child who has up till now usually been obedient, but now is rebelling, may be asking for help in setting boundaries.
- Sleep disturbances, nightmares, bedwetting, fear of sleeping alone, needing a nightlight.
- Lots of new fears, needing much more reassurance than in the past.
- A return to a younger, more babyish behavior.
- Withdrawal—usually into a fantasy world, exhibiting infantile behavior; may even appear retarded.
- Irritability, excessive crying, visibly emotional.
- Easily intimidated by older children, fear of male adults; often manifested in cowering, crying, being easily startled.
- Low self esteem.
- An offender may become extremely protective of the child and jealous of the child’s social life for fear of losing the child’s allegiance to others.
If, for whatever reason, they are not being protected within their own homes, they need to know that there are other supportive avenues of help available. In that regard, school personnel and other adults who have contact with children must be alert to the visual signs and halting messages of children in trouble.
Thank you for joining our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all. Please sign up for a free 15 minute coaching session with Judy Helm Wright, best selling author and life educator at http://www.judyhwright.com You will be glad you did.
How do you know what is stress and what is a temper tantrum? How do caring adults help them to cope with school, friends and disappointments?
How do you figure out if the stomachache is from too many tacos last night or the math test scheduled today? Why would your six year old be stressed when you are the one who lost the job? Why would your eight year old suddenly hate Little League and begin wheezing as it nears time to go?
At times all parents are confused by what are normal growing pains and what is a genuine fear or stress in their child’s life. The three standards to judge the situation are:
- Duration. If the child just started complaining about being sick before the bus comes, it may be something happening that can be easily explained. If it is not a bad day, but an on going behavior some calm conversation and reassurance is in order.
- Is it age and developmentally appropriate? Transitions are hard for anyone, but a two year old who clings is different than a nine year old who refuses to get out of the car.
- Degree of intensity. If the behavior is disrupting family life or is becoming a major stumbling block to growth or happiness, intervention may be indicated.
Babies: Over stimulation, too many care givers, any major change. They pick up on your stress.
Toddlers: Separation anxiety, transitions, being abandoned, Television shows and videos
Kindergarten/First Grade: Not being picked up after school, wetting their pants, not being chosen for games, being teased by bullies or not understanding what a teacher wants them to do.
Second/Third Grade: Report cards teased or called names by older students, not being invited to parties and sleepovers, not fitting in, teacher’s discipline and parent’s disapproval.
Fourth Grade: Being thought of as “dumb”, losing a best friend, being chosen last, not getting school work done and any major change in family structure.
Fifth/Sixth Grade: Body changes, afraid they are abnormal, strange, and unlovable. Bad grades.
Jr. High School: Identity, peer pressure, standing out from the crowd, having others see their body.
High School: Popularity, appearance, lack of money or clothes, SAT tests, what to do with life.
Children and adolescents handle stress better when they are attached to at least one adult who will make them feel safe, secure and loved. Being able to trust an adult to look out for their best interests pulls them through stressful times and helps build a resiliency for all areas of life.
Let your child know you are always there for him to talk, console and support. While you won’t solve the problems, the two of you can brainstorm solutions without judgment or criticism. The best antidote for solving stress related problems is to have fun! Go play at the park. Take a hike in the mountains. Laugh, giggle, wiggle, dance, sing and just remember that this too shall pass.
Judy H. Wright is a parent educator and author of over 20 books on family relations, wellness, and abundance. Free articles and a newsletter are available at www.ArtichokePress.com You will also find afull listing of books, podcasts , eBooks and teleclasses.
To schedule Judy for a workshop, please go to http://www.judyhwright.com
Please remember, sexual abuse is never something a child should be blamed for. It is the duty and responsibility of adults to protect and guard those who are innocent and vulnerable. If you notice any of the emotional signs and signals of distress that are listed in this article, please take time to spend some care and gentle talking to your child.
The truth is quality time just needs
to be time spent. Going to zoos, movies or museums
can be wonderful time spent together. But if you
are merely cramming the activities into your life
in a frenzied rush, you and your children won’t
experience a real sense of relaxed camaraderie.
In all actuality, they may prefer some time working
side by side with you on a family project or task.
“What went well?” is a much more positive way to teach family members to focus on the positive in life rather than the negative. Read this article for 3 tips on raising positive kids in a negative world.
Dining Out With Children & Finicky Eaters can be a challenge for the families–those who are trying to eat and those who are trying to get their kids to behave in public. Here are some great ideas for you in both cases.