Ask Auntie Artichoke

Dear life long learning friends;

Last Friday, I spent the day in a workshop learning something new. Continuing education is wonderful as it gives us tools and techniques for improving our lives. Each new fact or practice we learn builds and expands on our foundation of knowledge and wisdom.

This particular workshop was on recognizing the dimensions of the heart and presented by Puran and Susanna Bair from Institute for Applied Meditation. I went with an expectation for developing deeper meditation and came away with a much greater appreciation for how our physical heart works.

To get to the emotional heart, we must go through the physical heart which is the internal clock. There is a fundamental rhythm that gives each cell the same beat. That beat emits a color and light that can be measured at a distance. That is why we can “feel” that someone is upset or depressed.

The heart has four dimensions:

   1. Collaboration-Harmony. The ability to extend your arms and embrace others. “Big hearted”
   2. Courage-Creativity. The forces of your heart to give, radiate, lead and create. “Brave hearted”
   3. Compassion-Idealization. The ability to empathize with others and be deeply moved. “Kind-hearted.”
   4. Capacity for Constructive Change. The final dimension is inward and shows all that your heart contains and has the potential for growth. “A heart felt person.”

There is much more information available and the Bairs are on a world book tour right now. If you have the opportunity to hear them speak or buy their books Living From the Heart and Energize Your Heart please do so.

From my open heart to yours.

Judy H. Wright

Last week I was interviewed by Lisa A. Fredette from Passionate About Life Coaching. I spoke about how to build your self-confidence and find the courage to take risks. Discover methods of increasing your self-esteem and reaching your goals.
To listen to this interview press the play button below.

Hello from Auntie Artichoke and beautiful Montana:

Thanks so much for commenting and asking about this tricky subject. We want our children to be open, affirming and respectful to all, but also don’t want them to be hurt.

In a recent parenting class (where I learn all my best ideas) one of the participants voiced concern over allowing her child to help an elderly neighbor. As we brainstormed over ideas, it was clear that to deny them the chance to give service was to send a message we did not want to send. Also, this might be an opportunity for a multi-generational relationship that would be beneficial to all parties.

However, we want to strenthen the child’s communication skills and teach her/him to present an assertive, confident stance that implies that they are not victims. Our goal is to help them be aware but not afraid. In the instance above, the child saw the elderly neighbor struggling with groceries, but was afraid to offer to carry the sack because Mom had said that a stranger was someone whose name you did not know.

In researching for Caution Without Fear-safeguarding children from sexual abuse, it became clear that sometimes parents (including me) had talked so much about stranger danger, that when the child was abused by a close friend, they didn’t tell.

Like many of life’s little quandaries, there are no easy answers. But I would love to start a dialog.

Please join in and share your two cents worth!

What you think about, you bring about. If you think most people are mean, selfish, and out to get you, then that is the kind of people you will be looking for and find. However, if you think most people are kind, helpful and want the same things from life that you want, that is the type of people you will run into and meet daily. There are bad people, but they are a small minority, and the chance of connecting with them is rare. There are so many more good people in the world who mean us no harm and may be in a position to help us or someone we love.

We are all more alike than different. Everyone, no matter what the circumstances of life, wants joy, security, food, warmth, shelter and hope for the future. When we speak to others and acknowledge their existence, we give a gift of validation. We are saying in both verbal and non-verbal ways; “I see you and recognize a fellow traveler on this journey.”

Think hard, have you ever had someone get mad at you for saying hello or smiling? Of course not and yet many people are so fear based that they anticipate rejection. They assume that others will not welcome a kind word or greeting. Think hard again, have you ever gotten angry at someone smiling or making conversation when your paths crossed? Hasn’t a random compliment or friendly greeting boosted your mood or made your day happier?

Just making eye contact, smiling or making a comment on the weather is all we need to do to open a conversation. A casual dialog doesn’t necessarily lead to friendship or networking, but it might.

In my own experience, it has amazed me how narrow that six degrees of separation really is. By remarking on the paint splattered pants of the fellow in line at the post office, I learned the name of a wonderful contractor. Asking exiting restaurant patrons what they had ordered and how they liked it has helped save us from dry tuna and into delicious chicken Alfredo.

Not only is it okay to engage in conversations with strangers, it is the only way we enlarge the edges of our community. We all need to step out of our safe comfort zone of fear or reluctance and into the realm of “No more strangers, only friends waiting to meet us.”

The world is abundant with good people and you are one of them. So smile and make small talk with someone new today. You will both be glad you did.

Obtain a book from the library on learning styles. Perhaps your child has to have a detailed job description or must be shown repeatedly how to do a task. Some children not only need to know what the job is, but why it is important in the scheme of things and how it affects them personally. This information is helpful for them in school situations also. Work closely with their teachers so that they will approach teaching your child in a manner that will maximize the learning experience.

In general, 80% of us are visual and learn by seeing and observing. 10% are auditory and learn by people telling us what needs to be done and how to do it and another 10% are tactile, which means we learn best with hands-on teaching. The problem in families comes when a parent who is auditory tries to tell his visual son what has to be done.  Unless the son can form a picture in his mind, he simply doesn’t get it and they both end up frustrated.

• Respect and courtesy in both verbal and non-verbal language.

• Accepting personal responsibility for choices and not blaming others.

• Truth in words and actions. Truth breeds trust.

• Assistance in family chores and making the house a home.

• Being helpful and loving towards siblings.

• Honesty, kindness and caring for family members.

• Taking care of possessions and property.

• Responsibility and involvement in forming family goals.

• That as they mature and develop they will become independent and self-sufficient.

• Forgiveness when we make mistakes.

• A willingness to try.

• That they will do their best at whatever they do.

• That they will obey family rules and guidelines.

• Sharing where you are, how you are getting there, who you are with, what you are doing, and when you will be home at all times they are not with us.

The
expectations in this list, and the one from my last post, are very
important to healthy relationships between parents and children. So,
set aside some time at your next family council to share them with the
whole family. For great information on family councils click here.

Hello
from snowy Montana! Children should be able expect certain things from
their parents. Here is a little list that all parents should read…

               • Affection, warmth and comfort – hopefully a deep, unconditional, ongoing love.

               • Respect and courtesy in both verbal and body language.

               • Truth. Children often feel they are to blame for adult problems.

               • Discipline with dignity in a firm and kind manner.

               • Never to use, tolerate or allow verbal, sexual or physical abuse.

               • Food, shelter and clothing.

               • Consistency in expectations and emotions.

               • Responsibility to work as a team in developing and reaching family goals.

               • Rich and varied environment of learning.

               • Separation of the behavior and the individual.

               • Clear and realistic boundaries and guidelines.

               • Teaching and living of morals, standards and values.

               • Forgiveness and letting go of mistakes.

               • That we would never knowingly hurt their feelings, spirits or bodies.

               • That they will be heard and their emotions treated respectfully.

               • Support and encouragement of efforts and endeavors.

               • That the parents will keep them safe from harm.

• Time spent individually – remember children love, appreciate and
remember your presence much more than your presents.

• That we
will care for our own spiritual, emotional and physical needs so that
we will set a good role model. Children learn what they live and see
and on daily basis.

Next
time, I will share with you a list of things that parents have a right
to expect from their children. For more information on encouragement
and responsibility click here.

“We work hard to keep our yard clean and attractive. It makes me
crazy to see kids walking home from Middle School and dropping papers
and wrappers on the sidewalk. Should I speak up?”
-Retired Banker

Auntie Artichoke says:
Yes,
please speak up and say Hello and in a calm and confident voice, remind
them that trash goes in garbage cans. Ask them about their studies,
basketball or what they had for lunch. How about taking some of your
free time and volunteering at the school for an hour or two? Once the
kids know you are a resource and mentor for them, they will want to
please you and learn from your example and teachings.

I really recommend Denzel Washington’s book A Hand to Guide Me.
In fact, we are giving a copy to our adult children to help them
recognize that every one, no matter how busy they are, has the
potential to make a positive impression on a child. The kids in that
age group especially are hungry for mentors who will encourage and
motivate without criticism.

Being firm and kind about the
misbehavior but nonjudgmental about the person will go a long ways to
get cooperation. It takes just about the same time as planting a
beautiful annual, but the good will and esteem in the child will linger
perennially.

Thanks for sharing. Comments, suggestions, and ideas. Let us hear from you!

The Searcher

In my work as a parent educator, I teach many different workshops to parents, childcare providers and teaching staff. Before each class, I set an intention that I will be a conduit of information for those who are in attendance and particularly the “one” who is searching for an answer or solution to a pressing quandary in their lives. Invariably, there is at least one person in the audience whose eyes light up at some point and I can see them recognize that they need to connect with me for the part of the puzzle they have been missing.

Guide for the Journey

Many times after a workshop there will be crowds of people visiting with me about the topic or their particular concerns, but this person will hang back, perhaps unsure if they should broach their deepest desire. I usually hand them a business card with my email address and tell them to contact me personally. If they do, and not all or even most of them do, I can usually point them to the right doctor, counselor, book, class or information that will guide them on their journey. Because of my wide network, the answer they are searching for is usually just one degree or phone call away.

Paying it Forward

Because I have been so blessed to connect with like-minded souls it has become commonplace in my life, I want to pay it forward. The law of attraction works constantly, we just need to recognize and act on that positive attraction. I have learned that when I have a prompting, I need to follow through and pay attention to the clues along the way. Many times, in retrospect, it is easy to see how the Universe presented the answer to us earlier in our lives but resistance caused us to hesitate or doubt.

I am grateful we get second chances and do-overs to be guided to our life paths.

In America, Thanksgiving traditionally means family, friends, and
especially food. We cook and eat as if there was a scarcity of turkey,
mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing and creamy vegetables. We dive into
pumpkin pie as if there was a national law that says it can only be
served and eaten one day a year.

Surprise! Stores sell turkey,
ham, potatoes and rolls all year long. You can fix it for breakfast if
you so desire. You can even invite the Thanksgiving group over any
other day of the year. You do not need an excuse or a special day to
gather and break bread.

The average woman consumes
1,400 to 1,800 calories in an ordinary day but between 2,000 to 3,000
calories during traditional Thanksgiving dinners. You can see that a
huge dinner exceeds bodily comfort zones, edging you into a food coma
rather than a satisfied awareness of family and good food.

The
very idea of a holiday feast appears abundant. Looking at a laden
filled table reminds us of our blessings and instills a sense of
gratitude. Abundance means ample supply, more than enough, and plenty
to share.

Eat your fill of turkey and mashed potatoes this
Thanksgiving. Enjoy a taste or two of everything. Eat till you are
stuffed like a turkey, if you want, but do not eat as if there is a
shortage of good food. Laugh and mingle with friends—maybe even set up
a date to gather monthly. Set an intention to turn Thanksgiving into
Thanks-living.

Remember that abundance does not come just once a year. It waits for you every day.

Now, pass a small piece of pumpkin pie!