Ask Auntie Artichoke

Hello from beautiful Montana:

This weekend we have been at a car  show and rally. It was fun to meet other people who had restored classic cars and parade around town with them. I thought you would enjoy hearing from my husband, Dwain, how he came to get his dream car- A 1966 Pontiac GTO, or GOAT as the “guys” like to say.

“I was in in the summer of 1977 and was driving down the street in a government vehicle when I saw the car on a GM dealer lot.  I went in to talk to them and it just so happened that the guy who had owned it from day one was in the dealership.  He was an old retired AF Colonel who had bought matching GTOs for himself and his wife at the same time.  He was upgrading to a new vehicle and I paid $2400 for it and then called Judy and told her that my midlife crisis had just been solved and I was driving home in this gem.

Unless we needed it for transportation, it was stored in the garage for 26 years.  I always read car books and wanted to restore the GTO but could never justify the expense involved when we had such a large family and so many expenses.  I didn’t feel resentful; it is just the way it was.

But, when Andy was in high school and out of soccer, we started working on it together.  He wasn’t as interested as I had hoped he would be, but we enjoyed spending time together.

After piddling around for a couple of years squeaking out money to buy little parts and get some things done half way, I made a decision that was hard for me to make.  I decided it was my turn to do something I loved.

I have always put other people’s needs before mine and assumed that was what needed to be done. But the whole family, especially Judy, kept encouraging me to do what I wanted to for a change and so I did.”

I want the family to know that patience is a virtue and that dreams aren’t always accomplished quickly.  Sometimes you have to wait for years, but don’t ever give up and always be in the process of learning how your dream will look and can best be fulfilled.

 This is an excerpt from Dwain C. Wright’s memoir called “Love, Dad — A series of letters, notes and essays to my family about my life and my wishes, hopes  and dreams for yours”

Keywords: Pontiac, GTO, Dad, car,dream, car show, family, dream,

Have you ever lost a beloved pet?

I am looking for personal stories (2-3 paragraphs) of experiences of people who have lost a pet to death.  These stories will be included in an upcoming eBook which you will receive as a participant. Your contact information will be included if you wish. You may also include a small picture.

Especially looking for stories on any of the following:

• How you were told
• How others reacted to your grief
• What helped you to heal?
• How you honor their memory

Deadline: Saturday, July 5, 2008 by email.

Please send stories and small jpg photos to Judy@ArtichokePress.com with death of a pet in the subject line.

Questions?  Call Judy H. Wright 406.549.9813  Thank you for sharing and supporting others who have lost a pet.

Thanks so much.  I will keep you informed about the status of the eBook.  Every one who submits a story will get one free as well as a link back to their website if you wish.

In past generations, kids learned to create fun by using personal resources-imagination and energy.

We were outside running, jumping, building and creating for hours and hours. Our play usuallyended only when our mothers called us in for dinner.

Today's child is generally programmed with a fully scheduled week of lessons and highly competitive adult-managed and supervised sports. Any free time is spent passively watching television leaving little opportunity to develop creativity and initiative.

Byestablishing a time to "play" you are stimulating your children's creativity and imagination.

Children who learn early to take initiative for providing their own entertainment are less likely in the future to depend on artificial stimulants to "turn themselves on."

Is Play just for children?  Can you entertain yourself with a bottle of bubbles (and I don't mean Champagne) What do you do just for fun?  Share your tips for re-creating yourself by play and laughter.

With love and a big smile from Montana,

Judy H. Wright

PS: If your play involves animals and you have a story to tell about healing from the loss of a pet, be sure to contact me soon.  A new eBook is coming and the stories are pouring in and they are amazing.  Call me and I can take your story over the phone if you wish.  You can even add a picture of your pet.

·          Arms folded to protect heart or stomach

·         Shoulders bent  forward

·         Knees pulled up in fetal position

·         Glancing at exit

·         Rigid or the opposite fidgeting

·         Locked ankles

·         Hand wringing

·         Rocking

·         Staring or eyes closed

·         Looking at floor

·         Head lowered

·         Palms up

·         Open hands

·         Spontaneous eye contact

·         Feet apart, shoulders back

·         Uncrossed legs

·         Appropriate touching/patting

·         Smile often/ laugh appropriately

·         Affirmative head nods

·         Body positioned towards other person

Respectful communication

The most effective communication is a mutually respectful and mindful listening attitude on the part of all participants.  By learning a few of the subconscious indicators along with the verbal information, we can form stronger relationships with family, friends and co-workers.

If you enjoyed this post, you will want to receive more information at: www.ArtichokePress.com which has  a full listing of books, teleclasses and contact information for Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relations coach. 

What do you think?  Please feel free to share your comments and questions.You are a valuable part of the community here and we appreciate you.

Whether successfully building a house or a personality, you need to have a plan and be willing to work that plan. Just as constructing a house is work, so is forming the inner core of confidence that reflects the beliefs, actions and thoughts of one who value himself and others.

We all want to play the piano, but not practice the scales. We all wish to enjoy harmonious families, but many are not willing to pay the price of learning effective methods of communication and parenting. We all want to be well respected but forget that respect is a two way street and we need to treat others as we would like to be treated on a consistent basis.

Character and the attributes of integrity and self acceptance is built, not wished into being. One of my favorite quotations is by the author James Michener:
Character consists of what you do on the third or fourth tries.

If your first try, plan or effort towards being the kind of person you would like to be, then try again. And again, and again if necessary. Becoming the person you were destined to be is a life long effort. You will be stronger and better for having a written plan (goals) and for building your confidence and character one day at a time.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the story telling trainer, would like to invite you to join our online community at AskAuntieArtichoke.com You will find additional articles, teleclasses and eBooks at www.ArtichokePress.comto assist in empowering you to have the mutually respectful relationships you deserve.

What do you think?  Do the young people of today have the character they will need to adversity and challenges in their lives?  Share your thoughts.
 

Hello from beautiful Montana:  I realized last night just before going to sleep, that I had not posted about Low Self Confidence. I remember writing about high self confidence, but got distracted and forgot to give you the rest of the story!

Thanks for joining us today… Feel free to add a comment.

Do you frequently feel discouraged and afraid?  Are there dreams you would like to accomplish in life but are not sure how to ask for help?  Is a negative attitude of a child or spouse holding them back?  Then you will be glad you are reading this article.

Sometimes it’s hard to recognize that you need a change in your life.  Many of us go from day to day with low self-confidence, without even realizing it.  Before you can start to build a life of self-confidence, you need to realize that you need to make a change.

There isn’t just one way to determine if you have low self-confidence.  But there are several characteristics of people with low self-confidence, and these characteristics only detract from a positive, fulfilling life.

1. Fear of change.  People with low self-confidence are always asking “what if,” trying to see the future and react to it, rather than being proactive.
2. Pessimism.  They see the glass as half-empty rather than half-full.  They blame others for negative things in their lives, and don’t try to see the positive side of negative situations.
3. Difficulty communicating what they want.  They don’t know what they want in life, and work toward goals that are too broad and general.  Without visualizing an end product, they can’t fully achieve your goals.
4. Desire to please others over themselves.  They would rather blend in than stand out.  Instead of seeking individuality and being true to themselves, people with low self-confidence just want to lay low and avoid negative attention.
5. Insecurity.  They often end up with others who share their negative outlook on life, and this can lead to toxic relationships where they don’t value their self-worth.

Now go to www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com to expand your knowledge on how to build self-confidence in yourself and others.  This affordable eCourse was written by family educator Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, to assist in reframing and changing the negative to positive outlook.  You will find the tools to change your life today. You will be glad you did.

Do more with your childern, not for them

Children, from 6 to 8 years of age, are at a major transition point.  They are now in school full-time and feeling really grown up. They have developed the strength and physical dexterity to handle more tedious and detailed tasks. At the same time, they still have relatively short attention spans and are likely to get bored very easily.

During this period, they are capable of being very helpful around the house. However, it will have to be fun or they will not want to do it, and you will both be frustrated and resentful.

Teach them Life Skills

It will likely take a lot of patience and energy to keep them motivated. Learning new skills will require a lot of side-by-side coaching.

Here are some fun ideas that will get the work done quickly, but also teach them life skills.

Treasure Hunt —Use a series of chores and notes to lead children to a final treasure.  For example, the first note says to empty the dishwasher.  Doing that, the child finds another note telling him to dust the living room.  There he finds a note on an end table telling him to empty the bathroom trash.  On the bottom of the can is a final note, in an envelope, with a dollar bill enclosed to buy a treat or to put in his piggy bank.

Money Surprise—Occasionally put a dollar bill on the bottom of a game or shoe that has been in the middle of the room for some time.  Whoever finally picks it up and puts it away gets the money.

Smiley Faces—Draw a smiley face on the palm of your child’s hand when he has to do something especially hard.  No one else can see it, but he can look at it and know he is well loved and you’re with him in your thoughts.

Doorman—Arm a child with a spray bottle of nontoxic all-purpose cleaner and a clean cloth.  Send him around the house to attack all door jams, the walls around doors and switch plates

Knock-Knock, Who’s There?—Payment for a job or service can be sharing a new joke or riddle.  Our kids love knock-knock jokes, and so it’s always a treat to learn a new one.  It can also be an incentive to let them tell you a new joke each time a task is done quickly and correctly.

Voice Mail—Leave instructions on a tape recorder for after school chores.  Kids like to hear the sound of your voice, especially when it also says, “I love you.  There is a snack in the fridge.”

Photo Finish—Occasionally take a photo of an especially hard worker doing an especially good job.  Post the photo on the fridge in recognition of a “job well done.”

Secret Pals—Draw names to be Secret Pals (or Helpful Elves for smaller children) to each other for a week, similar to the elves that helped the little old shoemaker.  It is always more fun to make someone else’s bed, especially if someone might be surprised.

Follow the String—Leave a string throughout the house that leads to a “treasure.”  After chores are done, the children follow the string to the reward.

Coin Tosses—If there are two or more children; flip a coin to see who does the task.  Or, assign different jobs to each side of the coin—if it’s heads, do the bath, if tails do the family room.  For fun variation, if its heads, everyone picks up something to the left, if its tails, everyone picks up something to the right.  This version takes longer, but with everyone running in circles, it’s more fun.

Title on the Door—Use fun job titles to create a sense of ownership in jobs—i.e. the Filing Clerk clips and organizes coupons from newspapers; the Handyman makes simple repairs; the Storage Manager puts groceries away and straightens cupboards; the Pearl Diver does the dishes; and the Lucky Duck gets the day off.

Bear-y Nice—Dress up a large stuffed animal as a “traveling trophy” to be given to the cleanest bedroom in the house.  Award it at Family Council.

Awards Night—Award blue ribbons or homemade trophies during Family Council for outstanding work habits. Announce the categories and the parameters of the contest ahead of time so the kids will know what they are aiming for. For instance, give awards for the most organized dresser drawers, most socks folded, most toys picked up before the buzzer, most willing worker, etc.

If you would like to know what are reasonable expectations as well chore charts for children 6-8 years old, in the primary grades, you will want to check out www.KidsChoresAndMore.com   This popular book and teleclass was created by Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the story telling trainer.  As a family relationship coach she has developed a number of items that are helpful to families.  You can find them at www.ArtichokePress.com

It is not enough for parents, step parents and extended family to feel a deep glow of love for the children in your circle of influence. You must convey that feeling into a message that is heard, felt and integrated by the child. Children need to be told both verbally and non-verbally how much they are valued for just being them.

As I interviewed children for my latest book Raise a Confident Child, I was struck by how many children thought their parent’s love was tied to their performance, character or behavior. As Jeremy told me “When ever I score at soccer, my dad really loves me, when I don’t win, I’m not really sure.”

As I teach in parenting classes across the country, many people ask me what they can do to have stronger families and more harmony at home.  My answer is in the non-verbal clues we give our children. 

Verbal Communication is the Language of Information

When we talk  much of what is said is spent in lecturing, teaching and correcting our children.  No wonder they tune most of it out.  Studies have shown we remember only 10—20% of what we hear.

Non-verbal Communication is the Language of Relationships

The non verbal clues are remembered and believed 80-90% of the time.  So even if you do tell your children you love them, do you show them how precious they are to you?  Do your actions demonstrate that your love and acceptance is not conditional upon their school grades, soccer goals or manners at the table?

Give non verbal clues by hugs, pats on the back, winks, squeeze hand or shoulder, smiles, high fives and other signals that indicate approval and love.

Trust me on this.  They will remember much more of what you do than what you say.

Oh yeah, and when you say "I love you" always smile. I love you for being who you are and a part of my community of like minded people building empowering and respectful relationships.

If you would like to read more about ways to raise your self confidence or those you love, please check out the affordable and very effective eCourse at www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com

PS: I am smiling, can you feel it?

Why Use Words of Encouragement?

EnCOURAGing words are like a gift of bravery, daring and confidence, giving you permission to take risks and to keep on trying.

While it is important to give words of enCOURAGEment to others, it is VITAL to give them to yourself. You are the master of your belief system and it is up to you to stop along the journey of life occasionally to give yourself a pat on the back.

It is time to recognize that old tapes and negative thoughts in your head are no longer serving you. Give yourself and others the beautiful gift of enCOURAGEment. Express those kind words and “atta-boys” many times a day. Acknowledge your successes and progress.

We are all incredible human beings with much to accomplish and enjoy in life so let’s move forward in joy.

Would you like to learn to set boundaries and build self confidence in yourself and loved ones? Check out the new eCourse by Judy H. Wright at http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com Please join us for free weekly teleclasses at http://www.ArtichokePress.com where you can sign up for a free newsletter; The Artichoke-Finding the Heart of the Story in the Journey of Life.

How do you typically define yourself? Do you tell yourself as well as others that you are disorganized, financially challenged or simply not good enough? 

What You Think About, You Bring About

negative ways you describe yourself, both internally and to the outside world.  Are they accurate or just a point of view? Look over your list of words and phrases and really think about how each of those definitions limits your ability to accomplish all that you deserve in life.

For example, if your list includes disorganized, think about how to make that a positive and tell yourself, “It may appear to others that I am disorganized, but I actually have the ability to multi-task.”

If your list includes being clumsy, then examine it as a rational and mature adult and reframe it. Repeat in your mind and out loud until it becomes a belief, “Yes, it was clumsy to spill the milk when I was 10 years old, but it was an accident and it is time to forgive myself for knocking the glass over and my father for yelling at me.

“I know and accept that accidents happen to every one.”

“I have allowed the thoughts of then to become a belief of now. But no more! I now think, know and believe that I am a competent and careful individual.”

Please sign up for our newsletter The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in the journey of life at right.

We welcome to our community of kind individuals who want to empower people to live with respect and dignity.

If you or someone you know is interested in learning how to be more effective at setting boundaries and building self confidence, please check out www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com  This affordable and effective eCourse is designed to help you and those you love increase your confidence skills.