Ask Auntie Artichoke

Hello from beautiful Montana:

 
A job well done is a reward in itself.  The feeling of completing a task can’t be
duplicated or replaced, and it encourages us to start other tasks and move on
to do more things.  However, a little
incentive every once in a while never hurt anything.  If you’re looking for ways to get your
children to feel motivated to do their chores, try giving them an incentive.

 Incentives that Work

An incentive is something small, like a treat, game,
privilege, or special time with parents. 
Don’t get an incentive confused with bribes, which are more like
blackmail than encouragement.  When you
offer your child incentive, it’s like a little extra something in addition to
the overall feeling of accomplishment your child will feel when she’s finished
her job.  If your child feels
accomplished and happy after a job well done, this feeling will carry
over.  She’ll be more inclined to finish
other tasks, and be more self-motivated.

Bribes Don’t Work

The difference between a bribe and an incentive is in the
way you word it.  A bribe is something
like, “If you clean your room, you
can have ice cream,” while an incentive should go, “When you’ve finished cleaning your room, I’ll take you to get ice
cream.”  The bribe gives the child a
choice, and puts the child in charge. 
The child feels like she can make demands.

If or When

On the other hand, the incentive leaves no
room for avoiding or changing the terms. 
The word “when” makes it clear that your child must finish her task, and
only then will she be rewarded.

When you go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com  you will get a free eBook on verbal and nonverbal communication.  You will be glad you did and so will we.

(So did you get the incentive…..or was that a bribe?)

Love,  Judy H. Wright a.k.a. Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Getting kids to help around the house seems to be quite the
chore in itself.  Even if your kids are
good at getting their chores done, and even if everybody encourages each other
and there isn’t a big issue with chores, it’s still a good idea to make chores
fun sometimes!  And for those of you
whose children don’t do their chores happily without being told  these ideas will make the task more fun,
and hopefully more enjoyable for everybody.

Some of the following ideas are marked by letters.  Y means that the idea is meant for younger
children, age three through grade school. 
All other ideas are for children of all ages.

-        
Money Surprise:
Occasionally put a dollar in a toy or game that has been lying on the floor for
days.  Whoever finally puts the toy away
gets to find the hidden money and keep it.

-        
Hidden Treasure:
When a room needs a thorough cleaning, hide a small box that contains money for
a movie night for the whole family, and a special treat like popcorn for
whoever finds it.  The whole family will
enjoy searching and cleaning together.

-        
Star Power (Y):
Keep a box of star stickers at hand for quick distribution to children for a
job well done.  Your young kids will love
proudly showing their star to the rest of the world.

-        
Birthday Bonus:
Nobody works on his or her birthday. 
Everybody else pitches in and does their chores for them as a gift.

-        
Saturday Adventure:
When all Saturday chores are done, the family goes on an “adventure”
together.  This can be a game in the back
yard, trip to a museum, movie, etc.

-        
Cinderella:
Either one special person or the whole family works like scullery maids until a
specified hour.  Then everybody changes
into their good clothes and goes to the “ball” (movie, play, fun outing).

-        
Ten Minute
Break: Take a short ten minute break from cleaning to play a game, have a
snack, or otherwise break the monotony.

-        
17 Minute Pick
Up: Set the kitchen timer and see how much can get done in under 20
minutes!

-        
Role Reversal:
Change roles for an evening, parent as child and child as parent.  This is a fun way to see family interaction
from a different angle.

-        
Pick Up By Color
(Y): Call out a color, and only items of that color can be put away.  This is a fun way to get things done while
teaching colors to the younger kids.

-        
Age Game (Y):
Have everybody put away as many items as they are old.

-        
Jump Up and Pick
Up: This is great for couch potatoes. 
The entire family gets up during commercials to clean.  You can get a lot done during a one-hour
show!

-        
Ready, Set, Go!:
Challenge each other to a race to clean bedrooms.  You can call out, “bedroom switch!” to mix it
up by having the kids clean each other’s rooms.

These are all great ideas for making chores fun around the
house.  They are also a fraction of the
ideas that can be found in http://www.ResponsibleChildren.com,
an eBook by Judy H. Wright.  Check it
out, and get even more ideas on making chore time fun time.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

I have had a few phone calls lately asking for help in composing short articles for the newspaper or newsletter at work.  As positions are lost, work load is being shifted and many who are not necessarily writers are being asked to write.  So here is a short article I wrote last year to help those who are composing articles.   Hope you enjoy it.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

I promise I will get back to organizational tips tomorrow, but today I need to discuss a subject that have many parents and kids nervous.  Going back to school and finding friends.

Making friends is a skill, just like playing the piano or riding a bike.

Skills can be learned and behaviors can be changed.  New habits can be formed.  Different responses can become automatic action if they are practiced on a consistent basis.

While it may require more effort for some people to be comfortable in groups or to read body language, it can be done.  Especially, if the child is willing to practice this new skill and knows she has your support and encouragement.

Remind her of her positive qualities

Encourage your child’s  efforts to get along with peer and to find a friend, even when it appears that such attempt are not meeting with success. Another reminder is that making just the right friend for her may take some time and not to give up. 

Help her to see what she has to offer as a friend. 

For example, you might say: “I really appreciate it when my friends call me and invite me places.  It makes me feel welcome and accepted.  Even on the times when I am not able to go, it still feel good to know they thought of me.  That is why I treat them with kindness and respect, because that is how I want to be treated.”

If you would like more information on helping your child or you make friends, please go to hhtp://www.The LeftOutChild.com     I also lead a free teleclass on this and many other family relationship subjects each Thursday.  You may register for any or all of the calls at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

We would like to have you in the community of support and friendship.

Love,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Hello from beautiful Montana:

I wanted to add a small note on this today, because someone stopped me at a lecture last night and asked;

“Every time we go in to a store, my child begs for candy or a treat.  I don’t have money for that and I end up feeling resentful and angry at him for whining and at myself for  giving in.  What should I do?”

My question to her was “Do you tell him before you go shopping what he can and can’t have and how you expect him to behave?  Or do you wait till you are in the middle of a stressful situation to try to teach him?”

Define the Boundaries Before Enforcing Them

The most important step in disciple is to establish reasonable expectations and determine boundaries in advance not during the stressful situation. Define what you mean when you say “be good.”  Many parents expect the children to know what “Be nice” “Don’t whine” “Be patient” means. 

You need to be specific so the child can grasp not only the meaning of the word but what consequences are for acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

“We are only going to get the things that are on our shopping list today, so please don’t ask for a toy. However, you may take one of your favorite little toys to play with in the cart and if you play quietly while I shop, we will have a Popsicle together when we get home.”

What is Acceptable Behavior

A child should know what is and what is not acceptable behavior before something comes up. He cannot be held responsible for rules and boundaries if he did not know what he was supposed to do.

Be firm, but kind in your discipline.  You are teaching responsible behavior and delayed gratification as well as money management. Don’t become angry or say mean things to either the child or yourself.

Simply state the rules and be consistent.  You can do it. This is a teaching moment and the lesson is a thousand times more valuable than the trinket.

For more information on raising responsible children please go to http://www.ResponsibleChildren.com for an eBook and bonus items which will help you.

You will also want to check out http://www.ArtichokePress.com for the free teleclass every Thursday on some aspect of family relationships.  There is bound to be one that is created just for you.

Love,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Hello again from beautiful Montana:

We have been privileged to have our 15 year old grandson Tyler with us for the past two weeks.  His mom is an officer in the Air National Guard and is away on her summer training.

We recognize that this is probably the last “chunk” of time he will spend with his grandparents, because by next year he will have a job, car and girl friend!  No longer we will be considered even partially cool.

We have done lots of projects, like painting rental houses, landscaping a yard, and practiced driving a lot. He has to have 50 hours behind the wheel before he can get his license.

But the most fun was cooking together and planning menus to try to fill the bottomless pit in his stomach.

Now, he has been comfortable in the kitchen since he was little, but the next tip is for families who want to encourage cooperation in the kitchen with their younger children.

Tip 10:

When you are teaching your children to cook, put out only the ingredients that are called for.  Kids can get carried away and crack 12 eggs when you only need four. 

You also need to help them understand the difference between baking powder and baking soda.  Little ones need help with even salt and sugar–they look alike and are easily confused.

Be sure to join us each Thursday for a free teleclass on family relationships.  Check out the schedule at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

If you don’t want to read the tips on getting your kids to help at home, one at a time,  but would rather read them all at once and get some great bonus items, then go to htpp://www.ResponsibleChildren.com  You will be glad and so will we.

Love,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Hello from beautiful Montana:

A friend on Facebook suggested that since I always brag about beautiful Montana, I should include some photos!  If I knew how, I would.  My 15 year old grandson is visiting, maybe he can show me.

Today’s tip concerns organizing your kitchen in a new house or apartment.

Because we were an Air Force family and moved frequently, I found that where ever the movers put things was usually where they stayed until it was time to move again.  I finally devised a method of “pretending” to fix a meal in order to establish the most efficient and labor saving methods of organizing the kitchen.

If you have been living in your home for some time, you may need to re-evaluate whether your cupboards are organized based on logical planning or habit.

Why is it that some of the things we need most often are buried in that cupboard from hell?  (Hey, we all have at least one cupboard that seems to be totally dark and goes back forever so things get lost and forgotten!)

Maybe you need to “pretend” you are just moving in and where do you want things to be so you can fix meals, clean up easily, store staples and then get on to the important things of life.  Spending time with your family and friends.

I would like to invite you again to join our weekly free teleclass every Thursday on some aspect of family relationships.  You can register at http://www.ArtichokePress.com  You will be glad you did and so will we.

Till next time,

With love and gratitude that you are part of my community,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Good Morning from beautiful Montana:

When it is a beautiful day outside, who wants to be inside cleaning cupboards? No One!  So let’s work together  to get organized  and then go outside and have a water fight, or play catch with a ball or curl up under a tree and read a book out loud.

Organizing Tip number 9:  Organize your kitchen for efficiency for the entire family.  If your 8 year old is expected to unload the dishwasher, work together to make a place and a plan for storing the dishes in the most efficient places.

Our daughter Bethany’s family stores their dishes in the lower cupboards and the pots and pans up in the higher ones.  Her children begin unloading the dishwasher and putting the dishes away when they are three. They store the silverware in a special container on a lower shelf.

The cookbooks are stored way back behind the dishes, because let’s be realistic, how often are they really used?  We get in habits of fixing favorite meals and only look for inspiration occasionally.

Her five year old sets the table each meal as one of his chores.  The place mats and napkins are in a lower drawer so he can reach them easily.

They also store the Cereal on a lower shelf. And the fruit and cut up vegetables in a bottom drawer fo the fridge.

I can hear you sighing (hey, I am a mother- I have eyes in the back of my head and can pick up on an “attitude” at ten thousand miles) “But my kids would still break a dish or eat all the cereal or that is a lot of work.”

My answer is that if you want your children to grow up to be responsible, contributing adults, then you need to assist them to assume personal responsibility at a young age. So what if an occasional dish gets broken.  They can be replaced at Goodwill.

I will talk some more in the next few posts about efficiency in the kitchen.  Do you have some ideas to share of what has worked for you?  Send me an email at Judy@ArtichokePress.com or leave a comment.

If you are eager to read an entire book of tips, techniques and ideas to Get Your Kids to Work at Home- go to http://www.KidsChoresAndMore.com  You will find my popular book, plus lots of free bonuses you get only when you order online.

Also, mark your calender for Thursday, when I offer a free teleclass on some aspect of family relationships.  You can check the schedule at http://www.ArtichokePress.com  and sign up for those you are interested in.  This is my gift to you for doing such important work with your family.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Just have a few minutes until we go to a bar-b-que.  Doesn’t that sound like summer to you.  Can’t you just smell the onions and burgers on the grill?  The hostess is our adult daughter Emily.She has 20 people coming, but she has been buying and planning for some time, so she stayed right on her food budget.

She learned her money, cooking and entertaining  skills from the tip below.

Tip 8 taken from my book Kids, Chores & More

Give your older children (7-40) ten dollars (depending on your family size- it may need to be up to twenty dollars)and a calculator to go to a grocery store.  His task is to buy and prepare a family dinner using only the basic food groups. (Hint, hint, try for at least four colors on your plate).

The first week, he must buy all of the dinner at the store; he may not use any supplies from home.

The second week, he can use staples from the freezer, cupboards and refrigerator.  By prior planning, using coupons and shopping for sale items, he may spend less and pocket the difference.

After he has prepared the meal, he is to serve it to the family.  Encourage him to set the table with linen, china and candles.  This is a wonderful exercise to teach about impulse buying vs. planning, reading, using math, learning nutrition, budgeting, cooking, entertaining and shopping.

Plus, it is just plain fun.

If you are anxious to read the rest of the book 101Ways to Get Your Kids to Help at Home as well the other bonus items: Chore charts and a book for the whole family to read together; Who Does What to Make Our House a Home.which contains a full listing of everything that has to be done to maintain a house. Click on over to http://www.ResponsibleChildren.com   for the full enchilada.

Remember, you are always invited to attend our free Thursday Tele-class on some aspect of family relationships.  Register at www.ArtichokePress.com

Talk to you soon.  Leave a comment or call with a suggestion.  Love having you in the community.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and coach

Hello from beautiful Montana;

Well, let’s continue with tips on getting the whole family to join in the daily chores and tasks so that the whole family will have more time to have fun together.

Tip 7:

Put one of the older children in charge of setting the breakfast table at night before he goes to bed.  Together the family can determine the next morning’s menu, so that the table can be set accordingly.

Everyone needs breakfast!  It sets your body in gear and gives you fuel for the day.  When there are too many choices, and brains are foggy from sleep, it is too easy to skip this important meal.

If the table is set, cereal is out, fruit on the table and milk in the fridge, it becomes automatic action.

Automatic action becomes habit and good habits are set for the rest of their lives.

Go forward in joy and have fun with your family.  it is the most important work you will ever do.

Love, Judy H. Wright

PS:  Don’t forget to pick up your free eBook on verbal and nonverbal communication at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com 

PPS. You are also invited to attend a free teleclass every Thursday on some aspect of family relationships,
sign up at http://www.ArtichokePress.com