Ask Auntie Artichoke

Hello from beautiful Montana;

I recently came across this little poem that I had written out (not written, the author is anonymous) for our daughter Faith when she was in high school soccer.  She was discouraged and contemplating quitting the team, who according to her, did not appreciate her unique talent and abilities etc. etc.

As parents, we knew that "This too shall pass." Sometimes in life you get to be the goalie, sometimes you get to warm the bench and sometimes your job is to pick up after everyone else. Sometimes you get applause. Sometimes  you get ignored. Sometimes you get  kicked in the face. Life is not always fair, but it does get better if you don't quit.

DON'T QUIT!

When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

I hope you enjoyed this little poem.  It helped our daughter hang in there when the going was tough and eventually she got the opportunity to play and did very well.

If you have not received the free eBook "Use Encouraging Words" please go to www.ArtichokePress.com and sign up for our free newsletter -The Artichoke, finding the heart of the story in the journey of life.

In our community of kind, thoughtful people who want lives filled with respect, trust and support, encouraging words are important to share.

Keep going, you have an important job yet to do,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana

© Judy H. Wright aka Auntie
Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Are you more stressed than
usual? Frustrated with life? Are you afraid and scared about the future? Do you
find yourself getting more annoyed with the children and coworkers?

It is easy to be grateful
when your needs are being met, but what about when you are stressed and
worried?  Keep reading because I have a
few ideas to share about feeling more connected with your spirit and keeping your
feelings peaceful.

As a parent educator and
family relationship coach, I work with families just like yours and mine all
over the world.  When I asked
participants in my parenting classes what they do when they are angry or
stressed, they say they yell, swear, throw a shoe or other object or threaten
their kids with a punishment.

Anger is a basic human
emotion. It is necessary to help us make changes in our lives. But anger
is only one letter away from danger. It is dangerous to use emotions to force
others into submission or to vent rage on people or things.  It does no good long term.

Underlying Emotions to Anger

Many times what we are
angry at has nothing to do with the child or his behavior. It is only a handy
scapegoat.  Unfortunately, the child
assumes that when you are angry or stressed that it is directly related to him
or her, because of their limited experience with the outside world.

Your Underlying Needs

What do you need to feel
safe?  What would make you calm in the
middle of stress? What would give you peace in your heart no matter how much
chaos was going on around you?

The feelings we are looking
for are: empowered, confident, involved, passionate, hopeful, respected,
listened to and being valued. These emotions do not co-exist with stress and
frustration but only with a sense of well-being and calm.

To Help You Handle Stress

S Stop
what you are doing

T Take a
deep breath

R
Reflect on who owns the problem

E Evaluate
if it is worth a heart attack

S See a
picture in your mind of calm sea,

Green mountains

, flowing
river, lilacs or clouds

S Say
out loud; “This too shall pass.”

An Invitation to a

Better Way

© My name is Judy H. Wright
aka Auntie Artichoke, a family relationship coach and author of over 20 books.
I give you permission to use this article in teaching or in your magazine,
either on or off line. Please keep the content and contact information
complete.

I invite you to go to http://www.ArtichokePress.com to join
our community of like minded people who want to work together to help children
to be respectful, responsible and kind.

If your family needs more
assistance than an article or book can give, I recommend the program at http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com  It can transform your family.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

A friend, who is 61 and single, lost her job. It was not her fault, she is a terrific worker; loyal, intelligent, competent and always does more than her share at work.

It wasn't her bosses fault, they loved her and hoped she would stay in her job until the mortuary carried her off when she was 106.

It wasn't the fault of the clients who were nervous about making big purchases in a shaky economy.

We could go through the entire list of people up and down the food chain looking for someone to blame, but that would not help. It really wasn't anyone's fault.  It just is.

Confusion Turns to Fear

As the days turned to weeks, and weeks to months  she began to panic.  Her mind started listening to the media reports and the negative self talk that was running non stop in her brain. Her self esteem was taking a beating by not only not being met with open arms, but being rejected without an interview.

She was confused. " How can this be?  I am a good person. I am an excellent employee." She began to think of herself as a failure, a has-been, too old, unattractive, unable to learn etc.

Having Failed is Not Being A Failure

As her friends tried to tell her- don't take it personally. Yes, it is your mortgage that is late, but it is not because you are not a good person or won't make someone an excellent employee again.  It is just a matter of time until just the right employee and job offer connects with her.

Two Phrases That Help Restore Confidence

1." Next time"  When an interview goes badly, recognize what has happened–acknowledge the error if there is one- and then just shift your thoughts into what you will do next time that question comes up.

2. "Up Until Now"  Overcoming negative thoughts and preconceived limits will help restore your strength and self esteem.  Maybe you always saw yourself in the sales department, but perhaps now is the time to explore new areas.  If you succeeded at one task, you can succeed in other ways.

Tough Times Makes Creative Solutions

People all over the world are shifting their thoughts from what was to what is. We are undergoing change in a global way.  We can either stay in confusion or move into calm. 

My friend is smart, funny and an asset to any organization.  Why wouldn't someone want to have her as a valued employee?  It just takes one person or organization to send her the paperwork or make the call that says; "Welcome aboard, you start on Monday."

If you or someone you love is struggling with confidence right now, please check out http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com   We are coming out with a new book in the next few months and anyone who buys the eBook now, will automatically be sent the trade back book (soft cover as you would get in a book store) for free.

Good luck in your endeavors.  I have confidence in you.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Hello from beautiful Montana. Come and share a cup of tea with me. 

Many people have asked me about my title of Auntie Artichoke.  Whose aunt am I?  Do I have many nieces and nephews and they call me Auntie Artichoke?  Actually, I do have relatives, but the title of Auntie has nothing to do with blood lines but rather spiritual connections.

Auntie is an honorary title that is given to a woman who has a great influence in the life of others. This title implies strength and an ability to see the best and give encouragement.  In many cultures, including Hawaiian and Native American, wise, kind and guiding mentors and teachers are called Auntie and Uncle as a sign of respect.

The underlying message of an Auntie is love and acceptance.  As an Auntie, I am able to share wisdom and insight without the “shoulds and should nots” parents like to enforce. There is no shame, blame and criticism.

Aunties can listen without judgment, share without restrictions and love unconditionally.

I am honored to be called Auntie and to use the Artichoke as a symbol of the work I do.  The artichoke is a strange food and many have never tried it because they were not sure what to expect.  It certainly looks funny.

But the artichoke is very much like the families I work with across the world who are just like yours and mine.

We are all closed off and held tight at first glance.  Some of us have prickly ends and don’t want to be opened or examined too closely. The only way to open an artichoke and a family member is with patience and warmth.

Until the artichoke has time to cook, the leaves won’t open and reveal the true treasure-which is the heart. As you pull apart the leaves, you will find them increasingly delicious and meaty. When you have spent the time and effort to unfold the heart of either the artichoke or person, you will find the heart. 

Please join us at www.ArtichokePress.com where you will find a  full listingof books, articles, blogs and radio shows to support you in your quest to have a fulfilling life.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Today on my radio show Ask Auntie Artichoke Anything at http://blogtalkradio.com/auntieartichoke the subject was young pre-adolescents or "tween agers"

Three times I was asked last week by former participants in my parenting classes, "Why does my fourth grader forget his lunch?" "Why can't my fifth grade son make friends?" "Is my daughter lazy?"

Ages and Stages

This is called the "gang age."  It is more important to be considered "in with the crowd" than to worry about silly things like homework assignments and jackets.

Friendship is important now in order to learn leadership, be part of a team and cooperation.  When I teach my class on The Left Out Child-The Importance of Friendship it is usually filled with parents of 5 year olds and 10 year olds, both difficult ages.

Need Reassurance They Are Loved and Needed

They may want and need hugs and pats on the backs, but are embarrassed to ask for them. They want to belong to the tribe, community or family unit but sometimes have conflicts over doing their share of the workload.

Set consistent boundaries and be firm and kind in your discipline.  They need to know they are safe and valued as a member of the group or family.

May Not Listen To What You Say, But Watch What You Do

Because the tweenager is trying to become an adult, he is anxious to observe how adults in his circle of influence act and model behavior.  If there is too much difference between what is said and what is done, the adult may lose credibility in the eyes of the young adult.

Check out http://www.KidsChoresAndMore.com   for my book on getting your kids to help around the house.

Good luck, You are doing the most important work in the world, raising responsible children.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

PS: If your family is having some severe problems you may want to visit this site.  I have recommended the program to many families and have seen amazing results.

http://budurl.com/transform

It can actually transform your family into a more cooperative, communicating and calm team.  If you are considering family counseling, take a look at this program first.  It is very effective with the families who use it.

Hug Your Kid Today

No matter how annoyed or perplexed you are about the actions of your 9,10 and 11 year old child, give him/her a hug today.  Remind them they are loved, important and valued.

You do an important work and I want to invite you to visit my website  or the
  http://budurl.com/transform  site for more information.

You are Loved, You are Valued and You are Important

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Yesterday, I watched a father and son interaction.  They looked like two Pit Bulls ready to do battle.

What was worthy of this battle?  What were they willing to risk a respectful relationship for? Why was it so important that the dominant male "be right?"

The fight was over diet soda!

The father liked his Diet Coke and the son tried to tell him about some research he had read on the Internet about dangers of artificial sweeteners. I won't bore you with the details, you can guess how it went.

Unmet Needs and  Emotional Hungers

Both of them may have expressed views on soda, but the underlying needs and emotional feelings were the catalyst for the argument.

When your needs are not met you feel; afraid, annoyed, disconnected, pain, sadness, anger, aversion, confused, embarrassed, tense, vulnerable.  You are left yearning for the right to be heard.

When your needs are being satisfied you feel; Affectionate, friendly, confident, empowered, open, inspired, excited, grateful, hopeful, optimistic, glad, peaceful, comfortable and trusting.  Most of all, you feel safe.

Relationships built on respect, love and tolerance satisfy the unmet needs of all concerned. Everyone is empowered to be able to speak and share without risking rejection.

A better way to express our thoughts

1. If you are angry, upset or frustrated, explain why. Don't just shout or blame others.
2. Use "I" statements.  I feel annoyed….  I felt attacked when …. Not blaming statements like "you make me angry" "you always do this…." You never do that…"

Good luck in changing reactions to situations in old patterns and ways.  It is worth the effort to model respect for one another and to look at what we REALLY want. Not what we want right now.

Thanks for being in the community.

Please check  the programs listed on this page.  I have used and recommended them to families. They work.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Money, health and relationships.  The big three worries of everyone.  Often they are intertwined.  Especially health and relationships. 

Families and individuals who do not communicate honestly and with kindness pay a big price for emotional, social and physical health.  We need feedback and guidance from others in order to access we are progressing on the right path through the journey of life.

No communication or conversation implies lack of interest or caring. If children are afraid to talk to their parents and teachers for fear of rejection, how will they learn the communications skills necessary to navigate the world of work?

Families who are closed or where two way conversation is discouraged or even punished, develop children who lack the self-esteem to express their views to others who may be authority figures. They are often so distrustful of their own opinions that they are hesitant to speak up in peer relationships, and friendships suffer.

Communication  skills lie at the heart of personal interaction

If you came from a family that did not converse openly, it may be hard for you to speak up and share your thoughts with confidence. When someone disagrees with your statement, they are not rejecting you as a person. 

Keep talking and sharing ideas, it will become easier the more you do it. Use "I" phrases in order to indicate that this is your idea and you are open to discussion.

Confidence is a learned skill

If you would like to improve your effectiveness in all three of the big areas ( money, health and relationships )as well as hundreds of smaller areas, then invest in this book.  It comes with a full guarantee and it will change your life for the better.

Practice your skills in private with the course and book and watch your confidence soar when you are in public and with others.

Please check this out today.  This is the same information I have shared with many, many parents and individuals looking for new ways to communicate with their families and co-workers. I get letters and emails every day of lives that have been changed and  self confidence that has been enhanced. 

Go here now. http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com   You will be so glad you did.

In support and friendship,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer

PS: Be sure to sign up for the free eBook at our main site http://www.ArtichokePress.com

PSS:  Think of the small investment for http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com  as training for a better tomorrow.

PSSS: Thanks for being part of our community

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Yep, it is true. Every single worry, thought or stress is somehow connected to the big three:

• Money
• Health
• Relationships

What is uppermost in your mind today?  Is it money, as in how are we going to pay  the mortgage? What if I lose my job?  Do we buy new tires or replace the washing machine?

Is it health as in how long can we last without insurance? Is this bump on my neck a pimple or cancer? Are my children feeling okay, what if it is more than the flu? Dieting is so much easier for skinny people cause they don't get as hungry as I do.

Is it relationships, as in what did he mean by that look? How can I stand that annoying coworker one more day? What will I do when my pet dies? I think my boss hates my work and is just waiting for a chance to fire me.

Or, if we are truly human we try to combine Money, Health and Relationships  into one worry which  covers all the bases.

• How can our parents pay for health care when their pension plan is in the dumps?
• What if my coworker tells our boss that I am looking at her funny and he fires me and I lose my health insurance and have to live under the bridge.
• The reason that our teenager isn't speaking to me is because he has some dread disease and we will have to sell the house to earn money to pay for research and he probably won't let me help him because  he says "You freak out over everything Mom. Get a life"

Yikes, am I the only one out there who worries about worst case scenarios that never happen?Sometimes when I get into that Mother's Martyr worrying about things that really are not my business now that the children are gone, I read some wisdom.

If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.
 ~E. Joseph Cossman

I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and
abundance.  Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they
keep getting a busy signal – and soon they'll forget my number.  ~Edith
Armstrong

Worrying is like a rocking
chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.  ~Glenn
Turner

People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are
attached to them. 

~George Bernard Shaw, "Family Affection," Parents
and Children, 1914

Okay friends, how about we give up the negative thoughts and worries about Money, Health and Relationships for 2009.  Let's stop trying to control God, the Politicians, our kids and co-workers. Let's agree to stand back and let life flow. 

Worrying won't bring us money, health or respectful relationships but putting positive thoughts into positive actions and expecting positive results will.

Here is to a new year filled with good thoughts, things and experiences.

In Gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Ps:  Keep your eyes peeled for a new series of Life Education books by Judy H. Wright to be listed on Amazon…..Wahoo

Hello from beautiful Montana;

Happy New Year to you and yours.

I wonder how many of you caught the Oprah show yesterday on happiness>  Even though I had seen it before, I still learned some new things.

She invited us to go to http://www.Oprah.com to take a happiness quiz. I scored really high on the happiness scale, but I would not always have done so. it seemed like when the children were small, I was always waiting to be happy.

Second Half of my Life

When I got to be about 40 years old, I decided to shape up and stop looking for outside sources to give me a gold star.  My whole perception shifted and I not only got into better shape physically, emotionally but also spiritually.

I have always had an intuitive spirit and knew I would live to be an old age, have six children and write books for families all over the world.  So why was I so anxious to hurry any part of life!  I made a decision to be more focused on the present and less on the future.

I really like myself now.

Take a few minutes and take the happiness quiz.  If you are not happy with the results, then change your actions and your beliefs will follow, or change your believes and your actions will follow.  Just make up your mind to be happy.  You deserve it.

With love and gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com