Ask Auntie Artichoke

Hello from beautiful Montana;

Have you ever noticed the correlation  between how stressed you are and how irritating other people are?  Just when you are the busiest, your friend wants to tell you blow by blow and word by word her war with the telephone company who charged her for a  900 number call that neither she, her husband or 14 year old son would have ever, ever, ever have made!

The noun courtesy means politeness originating in kindness. A courteous person is one who displays consideration and good manners on a daily basis to those we come into contact with.

Boy, that is a big order. Daily basis? My family? My long winded friend? The gum chewing clerk who is looking at her fingernails instead of me in the drug store?

We May Want to be Kind and Loving but…

Daily life is stressful and when we encounter rudeness and aggressive behavior, we sometimes react in like manner. We may know in our hearts that our mother was right when she said "Be nice to other people and they will be nice to you."  However the reality is that while we may want to be kind, considerate and understanding, sometimes we act like jerks.

Jerks are Human Too

None of us enjoys realizing that we behaved in a rude way to others, but when it happens, we need to forgive ourselves for being human.  We also need to forgive others who treat us in less than courteous ways. Many times we tend to take every scowl, abrupt answer or irritating behavior as a personal affront.  It isn't always even about us. They may be having a bad day too.

This age old wisdom has stood the test of time and experience and is really what our mothers tried to teach us long ago. Treat others as you would like to be treated

When we ask ourselves, "How would I like to be treated?" then we have direction on what we should do to be more mindful of our communications.

It may feel awkward to not retaliate with unkindness when we have been irritated or annoyed by others.  But if each day, we set an intention to follow the Golden Rule, we will soon have established a habit of courtesy and kindness.  Even to those who irritate us the most.

In gratitude for your continued support of the community of kind, thoughtful people who treat others with respect and tolerance.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com    (If you haven't been here for awhile, check it out. You will be glad you did.)

Hello from beautiful Montana:

I am part of a forum in Montana that has repeatedly received the award for "100 Best Communities for young people"  As a community we have assumed the charge of Taking a Village to Raise a Child. We want our children to grow up healthy and resilient.  And so a number of organizations and individuals collaborate and work together by being proactive in supporting youth.

If Every Adult…

There are approximately 40,000 adults for every 16,000 kids in the US according to the 2000 census.  Based on those numbers, it would take so little effort to change the lives of the young people in our neighborhoods, schools, churches and homes.

If every adult cared for and reached out to just two kids or young adults, then each child would have five caring adults in their lives.

Encourage Confidence

Many people are hesitant to get involved because they assume it will mean a commitment of time and money.  Actually, it is the random encounters with adults who offer encouragement that can change the direction for a teen or young adult. By complimenting the  good values and character traits you have witnessed will help them become a living part of the child.

It is the compliment on how neatly the bag boy stacked the cans in the bottom of the bag, not on the bread. It is thanking the child you notice putting the trash in the receptacle. It is the smile or wave or peek-a-boo game to a toddler in the grocery store who is clearly testing his mother's last nerve.

The Gift of Acknowledgment

Hello from beautiful Montana;

It is soon going to be Spring and we are anxious to get some bulbs in the ground so we can have flowers and plants this Summer.  As I study the back of the bag the  Dahlia and Iris bulbs come in, it strikes me how important the roots are to the ultimate height and health of the plant.

Without Roots the Plant Would Die

Even though the Dahlia bulb is much larger than the roots attached, it is through this system of small feeders that support, hold it upright and nourish the entire plant.  When planted together in a "clump" the flowers bloom in a wonderful array of color and take strength from roots being intertwined.

A single bulb planted alone is still beautiful but is not as strong and hardy as a group that support and sustain one another.

Families Have a Root Structure Too

Families may consider their roots to be people or ancestors, but I prefer to think of them as values, standards and character traits.  Without this underpinnings of what we believe and act upon, our strength is diminished and it harder to sustain a fulfilling life.

While our ancestors support us, it is their teachings which guide and direct our daily choices. The lessons they learned and shared give us direction for our lives, just as the back of the Dahlia bulb bag tell us how and when to plant the bulbs.

Values, Standards and Character Traits are Our Roots

Honesty, kindness, generosity, respect for others, service and appreciation are all values that hopefully were taught by example and words by older family members.  If not, then now is the time to establish new roots for future generations.

You Always Have Choices

By looking back to those who came before you and seeing what their life choices brought them-either happiness or sorrow, you can determine what values you want to root your life with.

If you have children, draw a picture of a plant or tree and write the values that you are choosing to support your choices around the picture.  Post it on the universal bulletin board (refrigerator) and discuss it often.  Perhaps you might plant bulbs together and have  a teaching moment about how important the part is that you don't see.  No matter how beautiful the bloom, it is the roots that support and sustain life.

Total Transformation for Families and Gardens

If your family is having problems or situations of serious conflict, please go to www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com for a more in depth look at parenting methods and styles.  Sometimes even though the values are planted the bulbs need assistance to grow to maturity. This program will help you get to the root of the problem.

I Have Confidence in Your Ability to Grow Beautiful Flowers  in your Garden and Families in your Home.

With Gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke

PS: Don't forget to sign up for the free eBook on Use Encouraging Words at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

There is nothing to be ashamed of if you are afraid or worried about the future.  Given the media coverage and the rash of foreclosed home and lost jobs, you have every right to be concerned.

A confident person is aware of risks and uncertainties around them, but still keep the eye on the goal and take steps to achieve it.  They recognize that small action steps moving them in a forward direction is making progress.

Challenges Move us From Comfort Zone

We never become confident if we don't sweat a little with each decision.  It is only by facing challenges and overcoming them with courage that we can begin to feel more confident.  If you are a success in one endeavor, that success will bleed over  to the next challenge.  When you conquer one obstacle, we become stronger and more confident in our ability to overcome the next one.

Fear and Anxiety

Fear paralyzes action and causes unrealistic or unlikely worries to crowd the mind so new ideas and strategies can not develop.  By overcoming fear and anxiety with wise decisions and a clear plan of action, we can move forward in life.

It may take courage to build confidence. It may also take some self confidence to develop a deeper level of courage that will take you and those you love into an exciting new future.

I am Confident You Will Succeed

If you were drawn to this article and site, you recognize that you want to achieve more in life. This is a community of like minded people who want to share ideas, tips and skills to bring success and happiness to all.

You are invited to go to http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com for even more suggestions on overcoming fear of the future.  I also discuss this topic each Thursday morning at http://blogtalkradio.com/auntieartichoke

Hello from beautiful Montana:

We have talked a lot about how our three main worries are Money, Health & Relationships. When we are having problems in these areas, it may seem to us that they are unsolvable.  We run the same words and concerns around and around in our heads, hoping that something will just appear to solve the problem. Or even worse, we deny that there is a situation and just stuff the envelope from the bank, the bump on the breast or the distant spouse in a far compartment and refuse to deal with it.

Problems Can Appear Unsolvable

This downturn in economy and recession has many people blindsided by job and home loss. They thought they had prepared and were making wise financial decisions when circumstances outside their control changed their lives.

Or they knew they had made some risky decisions and now are caught in a trap where they cannot find a way out. It is a familiar story at Credit Counseling when someone does not ask for help until the foreclose notice appears in the paper. Embarrassed and ashamed, they did not know what to do.

Ask for Help and Keep Asking for Help

When a first payment is missed, all kinds of things can be done if you ask for help. There are real people on the other end of the phone and if they won't or can't help you, then ask for someone who can.

There is someone out there in the universe who can and will help you to solve your own problems. Notice, I did not say "Make my problem go away."  They can give you the tools or techniques to solve your own problems, once you gain a new perspective.

Do Not Isolate Yourself or Face Problems Alone

When we assume there is no help, problems fester. In real life and also in our minds.  By sharing and asking for feedback and assistance, we can gain insights and find solutions.

It is our responsibility to find solutions and we can weigh all the available options when we have asked for help from others who are willing to help us.

Are You Having Family Problem

If so, I can direct you to assistance and help that is guaranteed to work.  I have used the program and recommend it highly.  It takes you to the place where your family can be transformed from one of negativity and anger to harmony and cooperation. I invite you to go to http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com  You will be glad you did.

We will see you soon,

Your friend,

Judy H. Wright

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Lately some friends were talking about the rude "tweenagers" on the public transportation.  They were appalled at the way they talked to each other and made rude and inappropriate remarks about other passengers.

Her question to the group was "When or do you speak up?"  One of the men said he would speak to the group and say something like "Wow, that sounds a little rough?  How would you like to be talked about that way?"

The woman who had mentioned it said that she was afraid to say anything and so got off the bus instead. Later she was angry at herself for not taking the opportunity to at least say something to let them know that in our community we treat each other with respect.

We react to other's unkindness with emotion

it is true that our own feelings cause us as much distress as the thoughtless and unkind actions of others. She carried the burden of the unpleasant encounter for hours, days and indeed two weeks until she could process what happened with friends in a safe environment.

We decided as an informal group that we would not let isolated incidences of discourtesy and rudeness stop us from enjoying the many positive experiences our community offers.

Practice Common Courtesy

While everyone  has choices about how they act in public, it is not fair to allow disruptive action by one group to frighten or alarm others. Perhaps a word to the driver would have been all it took to get more respectful language on the public transportation.

In groups, adolescents tend to "group think" and follow along.  I would have spoken to one of the kids or engaged them in a conversation about their school and then said something to build some connection.  However, my adult children accuse me of parenting the world, so I would have been comfortable speaking up.  What would you do?

The Golden Rule

The most basic of human relationships is to treat others as we would like to be treated.  If we follow the Golden Rule in public the good will come back to us many times over. When we choose to act in kindness and with respect, we feel better about ourselves and the world we live in.

Thanks for Being You

You are all an important part of my global community and I appreciate your kindness. If I can help you to succeed in relationships, please allow me that honor.

Join our radio show each Thursday at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/auntieartichoke   We have been talking a lot about confidence and have some great speakers lined up. It's only 15 minutes, but it is fun and informative.

With Love and Gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, Life Educator and Author

PS: If you have tweenagers or teenagers who are disrespectful and rude, please go to http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com for a program that can transform your family. You will be glad you did.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

These are interesting times we live in and every day, it seems, there is something new to worry about. The three major categories of worries and concerns are money, relationships and health.  We may give the little side categories different names and values, but ultimately it is concerning money, relationships and health.

No matter what the worry, it is lessened with support and concern from those around us. These three little words will do much to strengthen the bonds with family and friends.

• I love you -–we can never say this too much. When others are worried they need to be reminded that your love is unconditional. It is not depended on jobs, homes, possessions or power. It just is. A never ending source of strength.

• I respect you -- once again, outside influences may cause someone we love to doubt themselves. By reaffirming that they do have capabilities and skills that may not be appreciated by the outside world, but we recognize their inner strength.

• I trust you – This is the message of hope. This indicates that you are a unit and a team. This gives additional courage to one who may be doubting their own abilities.  This period will be one that calls for new ideas and solutions.

Confidence comes from following the inner guidance system and doing what is right for you and yours.

As dear friends in this community of chaos and confusion right now in March, 2009 may I tell you from the bottom of my heart- I love you, I respect you and I trust you to make good decisions for a better future.

You are good, kind and thoughtful people or you would not have been drawn to this page. I want you to know that I have confidence in you and in others who are situations not of your choosing. 

My prayers, positive thoughts and warm hugs go out from where I am to where you are.

With love, Your friend,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

PS: Be sure and sign up for our e-zine The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in the journey of life and get your free eBook called Use Encouraging Words at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Have you ever been involved in a negotiation with a teenager, co-worker or spouse who wants you to agree to something you are not sure about?

Our first response is to say NO! That will end the discussion and we will have won. Or have we? Communication is not really communication unless there is some back and forth discussion. An exchange of ideas and thoughts.

Respectful Communication Hears Both Sides of the Story

If we want to create an atmosphere of simple courtesies and treating others with respect, perhaps we need to change our methods of coming to agreement.

Instead of saying no, why not ask the other party to tell you why you should say yes.

Each Situation Has at Least Five Solutions

As the world economy changes and we become more global, we will need these four attributes:

1. Character-we keep our promises
2. Confidence- we have learned to trust ourselves
3. Communication-we listen to other ideas
4. Critical Thinking-We recognize other solutions

Each situation that we encounter has at least five different ways to solve it. Our way is not the only way. Or even the best way.

Tell Me Why I Should Say Yes

Allow the other person an opportunity to do some critical thinking and bouncing ideas off from you. They may come back to your way, or they may give you a different way to think about it.  Either way, you will have had an exchange of minds and ideas.  That is what communication is all about.

Building Self Confidence

If you would like to increase your confidence and strengthen your communication skills, please check out my latest book  Building Self Confidence with Encouraging Words at http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com  It is also available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and your local book stores.

With love and gratitude that you decided to say yes to this community.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author 

PS: please feel free to share this with others by email or stumble upon. Thanks again