Ask Auntie Artichoke

bloggers@wahm-articles.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Your child needs to have many opportunities to be active and to do physical exercise in order to build strong muscles, bones and imagination.  These activities and play should vary in intensity and interests in order to develop motor skills. Parents and child care providers need to be aware of ages and stages  of growth so they can set realistic expectations of what the child can or cannot accomplish.

Toddlers (under two years old)

Toddlers under two years enjoy playing by themselves or with one adult. They have difficulty working with a group or a friend of the same age. They also have difficulty sharing, so it is best if each child has their own ball, bean bag or toy drum.

Toddlers are great at play movements such as; clapping, walking, kicking, rolling, jumping, pulling, pushing, running, sliding, climbing, balancing, and marching. They need to be shown the basics and then can usually follow the directions or suggestions.

However, they are not good at competitive games and get very frustrated if  they can't do their own thing.  These small children have a short attention span and respond best when parents or child care providers give simple directions and change the activity often.

Pre-School (three to five years old)

This is just the beginning of social skills and learning to get along with other children. They may do parallel play, which is each child doing similar things in the same area, but not necessarily together.  For instance, children in the sandbox watch the other children and then mimic their sounds and actions.

This age group responds well when the adult asks questions such as "Can you see any toys that are red?" and "See if you can….."  "What happens if you……."

Their favorite play movements are: hopping on one foot, tossing balls , skipping, galloping like horses, complete with sound effects. They are also pretty adept at bouncing and throwing, so ball games are more fun for them than before.

Enrich Play Time Together

Although it is important to stimulate imagination and develop educational skills in your child, the most important activity is just being together.  You will find many opportunities to stimulate the child's imagination and help them to love learning. Education is important but laughter, interaction and involvement will build the memories of having fun with parents, teachers and other involved adults.

You Do An Important Work

Those who work with young children to build strong bodies, inquiring minds and good social skills, are to be congratulated. This is teaching and touching the future when you help a young child to be active and aware of the needs of others.

In gratitude and love,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
PS: Please be sure to sign up for the free eBook Use Encouraging Words at http://www.ArtichokePress.com  you will be glad you did.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

I am going out of town this weekend to speak to a woman's conference.  They are women who work under a lot of stress and need assistance in learning how to bounce back from adversity. They are frequently placed in situations that could break their spirit, should they allow it. They are underpaid, over worked and little appreciated.They get yelled at, bitten, spit on and ignored by people they love.

Oh, Did I Say They Are Moms and Day Care Providers

In their jobs, they are expected to know everything, including federal regulations and how to tie shoes. These angels are expected to not only teach social skills, basic education but also character traits. Character and values are not just taught but are modeled by the adults in a child's life.

The life skills the parents and caregivers share with children will set those children on a path of dependence or interdependence for the rest of their lives.

Learn to Bend, It's Better Than Breaking

Resilient means flexible, adaptable, un-breakable and able to bounce back from adversity or difficult situations. Resiliency assumes that all of us have abilities, attitudes and tendencies that can help us survive, even thrive, in very stressful situations.

While some abilities to be a bounce back person, many are developed or enhanced by exposure to supportive people. These positive personal tendencies and environmental conditions are called protective factors and life skills.  Like all skills, these can be taught and learned, no matter what your age or situation in life.

At Least Five Solutions to Every Situation

My message to parents, grandparents, child care providers, teachers, coaches and mentors of young people is always the same; Become a problem solver.

Even when the temptation is to give up, don't! There are children watching how you cope with disappointment. They are modeling your problem solving skills. They need you to teach them to bend and bounce back but never break.

You Can Do It

I have confidence in your ability to learn or practice being a bounce back Mom.

With gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

PS: Want to up your confidence level?  check out http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com 

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Do you have pictures in your mind of past experiences? Are they all pleasant and pleasing or do some of them make you sad, angry or resentful?

I collect art work based on the theme of mother and child.  Some of my best ones have been found at yard sales or thrift shops.  When I get them home, I see that the frame is damaged or the wrong color for where I want to place the art. So I make a decision to re-frame the picture. To look at it critically and in a new light and decide how it will be framed and matted to add to the overall scheme of things in my life. It also makes the art work truly mine, since I have chosen to make it better.

We Have Choices

Re-framing has to do with the process of consciously choosing how you remember the events in your past. You cannot make previous experiences go away. They did happen. They are a part of you and your history. If you were abused as a child and it is a horrible memory which makes you wary of relationships, you can't change the abuse but you can look at it in a different light.

You then have the ability to step back from the experience and look at it with mature eyes of love. You must be able to look at the past event and see what you can find that was right and good. 

Can't Fix the Past But Can Change the Future

We are trained to look at what is wrong in life and try to fix it and so we have to choose to search out the good that is in the experience.

Virginia Dunstone, M.S. in her  book Why Do I Do What I Do  suggests these simple questions that if answered honestly about past experiences and memories can be life altering.

1. Can I change what happened?
2. What is right about this picture?
3. What does this situation teach me?
4. Who would I be without this experience?
5. Who are the teachers in this memory?
6. What did they teach me?
7. How can I serve others with what I have experienced?

What is The Gift in The Experience

Just as the inexpensive art work found at yard sales becomes a valuable treasure when re-framed and put in the right context, so will your thoughts and memories. You will learn to look at situations and events from the past with new understanding and forgiveness for those who took a part in teaching you a life lesson.

I am Confident in Your Ability to Re-frame Your Thoughts and Memories

You are a good person and have many gifts to share with the world. It will be exciting to see those gifts with new frames.

With love,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from Montana:

I am very outgoing and confident in new situations and enjoy meeting strangers and turning them into friends. My husband Dwain, on the other hand, is very uncomfortable in groups and becomes anxious about situations where he is the "new guy."

Anxiety Serves a Purpose in Life

Anxiety can serve us well by alerting us to real danger in life.  It can also put an edge on your performance on the sports field or business boardroom.  However, when anxiety and shyness keeps us from participating in life because of fear, then we owe it to ourselves to find ways to overcome or control those feelings and behaviors.

Thoughts and Belief Systems Cause Action

The first step in overcoming anxiety is recognizing  that our thoughts create our own personal reality.  If we think people are not friendly and will reject our friendship, we give out non verbal signals that indicate our reluctance to make friends.

Perhaps in the past you have been rejected or at least perceived that you had not been welcomed.  Even though past events cannot be changed, your thoughts about the past do influence your present life.  You can make a conscious choice to control your future by putting a new frame of thought about that and other past events.

Be At Ease And Confident

Your goal is not to be relaxed at all times, but rather to be at ease with who you are and what is going on in your life.  This takes developing inner self-confidence and self acceptance in social situations. Learning to speak and act in an assertive manner, which is empowering and a win-win for everyone involved, is a great way to overcome anxiety and shyness.

Be Honest and Natural

In our family, we found the win-win solution was to stay by Dwain when we first entered a party.  I would introduce him to a few people and then feel free to circulate.  We both agreed on a secret signal that if he was clearly uncomfortable, he would touch me on the shoulder. When I felt the tap, it meant that I was free to stay and visit, but he was going to the car to read his book.

Create More Confidence

You are invited to find additional ideas and techniques to overcome anxiety and shyness and build confidence at http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com

Good Luck in all you do,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

The other night at a parenting class, a kind, thoughtful and intelligent  man in a business suit paused after everyone else had left to ask a question that had been bothering him all night. Who is the boss?  He and his new wife had been married less than a year and we are  trying to blend families, parenting styles, scheduling,  calenders, old hurts, new jealousies and teen age hormones.

Transition Time

 Trying to blend rules and expectations for daily living is one of the biggest challenges for step families.  A multitude of individuals with their own agendas, hormones, hurts and loyalties brings a new level to family management. Is there one boss, or rather, who is the boss right now?

Family Council and Round Table

If the adults in the family want the children to grow into responsible adults, they need to learn life skills in the home. The best place to discuss expectations and rules for daily life is in a family council.  This is a special time each week to have discussions of calendaring, schedules, needs and wants of everyone in the family.  I have a number of articles on how to hold a family council on my website, or you can find information at the library.

The most important part of a family council is that it be fun, not critical and that you come to decisions as a family. When everyone in the family has a voice and choice in chores, responsibilities and activities of the family, they will be more apt to participate willingly.

When the members of family "own" their chores, they will be more willing to cooperate and contribute to the goals of the team.

Transform Family

If you cannot find solutions with discussion and reasonable negotiation,  perhaps you need a more structured plan.  I have more than satisfied with the results from this parenting program; http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com 

Perhaps it won't be a matter of who is the boss, but rather what does the team stand for?  We are all in this together.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Have you heard the expression of "Time flies when you are having fun"  Well, sometimes time drags when you have antsy kids and impatient toddlers.  I collected some quickie games that only take one minute to do.  Try some of these ideas and you can distract the negative behavior and turn it into a fun activity that is shared.

How Long is a Minute?

60 seconds can go by quickly. What could you do in such a short time?  You will be amazed at how much you can do in 60 seconds.

If you have a second hand on your watch use that, if not invest in an egg timer or game timer at the dollar store. It takes one minute for the sand to run out. Have the adult time the child and then let the child be the timer for one minute.

In One Minute, Can You?

• count from one to one hundred
• count backward from one hundred to one
• snap your fingers 10 times, 20 times, 40 times
• flip a coin.  How many heads can you get in one minute?
• stand on one leg with your arms at your side
• stand on toe tops with arms extended
• count everything that is red in your view
• count everything that is green in your view
• stare at an object without blinking
• plug your nose and only breathe through your mouth
• balance a quarter on your finger tip
• think of a food for every letter of the alphabet
• Walk around with only one eye open
• hum a favorite tune and have the other person guess what it is
• Play "I Spy With My Little Eye" something in plain site and make the other person guess
• Write invisible words on the palm of someone's hand, guess what it says

Turn Minutes into Hours of Fun

Sometimes it just takes a minute to connect with your child. Would you rather spend ten minutes scolding and threatening or one minute playing games?  Take a minute right now and see what fun ideas you can come up with together to make the time fly when you are having fun.

In gratitude for the important work you are doing,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com 

PS: If you are having problems with a disruptive and defiant child, you will want to look for a total transformation for the whole family. there are a number of steps to take to change behavior and it may take longer than a minute or two and you will need help. Check out http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com   for suggestions on restoring positive relationships in your family.

Hello from beautiful Montana,

Parents and grandparents, do you wish you had more quality time with the children you love? do you remember how much fun it was to play games as a child?  The families that come to my parenting classes have expressed a desire for more "fun time" with each other and less time spent in front of the television.  Many are not sure how to turn off the "third parent" and suggest alternative activities.  They are afraid the children might revolt if asked to give up electronic games and television. Gimmee a Break

Unplug and Play

Parents and Grandparents are the adults.  Homes should be respectful and democratic, but the parent is still in charge and still has the hand that can unplug the tv if necessary. There is a global campaign underway to educate families about the detrimental effects of too much screen time from television, computers, portable music players and cell phones.

Teach Them Some Outdoor Games

You may remember some of these fun games from your own childhood but not be sure about the rules. I have asked a number of adults and these rules are generally accepted.Try these outdoor games and activities that cost nothing but energy and pay back in healthy bodies, strong relationships and lots of happy memories.

Red Light Green Light

• Whoever is "it" stands at least 50 feet from the rest of the kids, with back turned to them.  She yells "Green Light!" and everyone run toward her until she yells "Red Light"  It then turns around and tries to catch anyone who is still moving. If she sees someone moving, they have to go back to start line.  The game keeps going until someone tags "it" and then they are "it."

Hide and Go Seek

• There are two variations on the old standard of hide and go seek in which one person hides their eyes and counts to 100 while the others hide.
• Chain hide and seek gets a little wild but is easy for all ages. " It" counts to 50 while everyone hides.  When the first child is found, he takes "it" by the hand and goes with him to find the others.  Each child joins the chain as they are found. 
• Sardines is really fun and a role reversal for kids. "It" hides while all the other kids count to 50.  Everyone looks for "it", but when they find him, quietly hides with "it"  Soon, the few remaining hunters realize they need to look for a hiding place that can hold lots of people.

Play Teaches About Life

Not every moment in play is a teachable moment, but many life lessons are learned on the playground. Not only do children get an opportunity to learn about sportsmanship, team building, taking turns, accepting rejection and leadership qualities.

These are the standards, values and character traits that are more easily learned on a playground than on a sofa in front of the television, eating potato chips.

In gratitude for all you do to make this a better world,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

PS: If your child or grandchild has difficulty making and keeping friends, please check out my book; The Left Out Child- The Importance of Friendship at http://www.artichokepress.com/products/ebooks/left_out_child.htm

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Hello from Beautiful  Montana:

Since this is "Unplug the TV" week, here are a few free activities to do with your children to build their imagination.  The future is requiring people to be critical thinkers and problem solvers.  The imagination will be called on to develop new and improved methods of communication and innovation. 

To Get the Imagination Working Try:

• Pulling kitchen utensils out of the drawer and figuring out what other uses there could be for them.(try to figure out at least 10 things you could do with the utensil in addition to what it was designed to do.)
• Speaking of the kitchen, it is full of great imagination boosters.  How about stringing macaroni to make jewelry or finger painting with chocolate pudding? You can also make your own play  doh or clay at home with this recipe: Combine 1.5 cups flour,1 cup sugar, I tablespoon alum, 1 tablespoon oil and 1 cup boiling water. Mix it up good then knead in food coloring.  Once the play dough is ready, give your kids cookie cutters, rolling pins, a garlic press, spatulas or anything that can be used to shaping and cutting.  This stuff will last for months in airtight containers when not in use.  If it dries out, just sprinkle with water and re-knead it.
• Glue various dry food products on a sheet of paper to make art. How about beans, spaghetti, spices, and various other things just waiting to have a new home.
• Make hand shadows on the wall.  All you need for this one is a dark room, a lamp and lots of imagination.  Adjust the lamp until the shadow of your hand is clear and then try various shapes. How about a flying bird, a barking dog, a butterfly, and a quacking duck.

• Make a list. This is a fun experiment and if your child is not of the age to write, you may need to be the scribe, but let him tell you what to list  that:   1. run on electricity, 2.  touch the floor 3. are editable, 4. were gifts from someone else  5.can be used by people of all ages  6.are made of glass 7. what else can your child suggest would make a good list?

What Fun to Make Our Own Fun

 Who needs electronic entertainments when we have our brains and imaginations? Help your children, grandchildren and neighborhood kids to think outside the box!

In love and gratitude for all you do to raise bright, imaginative and clever children.

Judy H. Wright

PS: If your child is having difficulty making and keeping friends, why not involve the whole school class?   You may want to check out http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com for even more helpful hints on making friends.