Archive for May, 2009

3 Ways to Deveop Life Skills and Self Confidence in Children

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009

Life Skills means abilities (apptitude) and confidence (attitudes) needed to have a successful life.

When
children reach a certain age (usually about 7-8 years old) there is
more emphasis on letting go rather than holding on so tight. Now is the time to let them have a little more freedom to solve their own problems. This is the time when they usually know basic safety rules and enjoy playing independently with their friends without adults hovering nearby.The goal
of a  wise parent is to ultimately become dispensable to their children. 

We want them to go into the world with critical thinking skills,
problem solving abilities, confident and emotionally stable
personalities. We want them to be contributing members of society, and
most of all we want them to be happy. 
Keep reading and find out how working on a few  techniques will aid your child in learning facts as well as feeling good about who he or she is as a person.

  1. Discover their unique learning skill and method of gathering facts, and help their teachers to teach them the way they learn.  Often children are labeled "under achievers" or "unmotivated" when it is simply a communication problem between what is said and what is understood.  Gather books from the library or insist the child be tested for learning style, not learning  disability.
  2. Help them to set goals and break projects into manageable parts. When your child is in the younger grades, it is easier to teach organizational skills and help them develop good study habits.
  3. Model a love of learning.  If your child sees you reading and enjoying trips to the library, there is a good chance he will grow to love to read.  Be sure to answer his questions or assist him in finding answers. Each situation in life has at least five solutions, so help him look at problems in different ways.  

Self Confidence comes from overcoming and conquering obstacles and then recognizing what you have learned. The most confident people are the ones who acknowledge their successes and realize that many skills can be transferred to other parts of life.

Helping your child to gain confidence in his decisions will support him as he grows and develops even more.

Good luck, you do an important work.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

Posted in Confidence Clues, Family, Learning, Motivation, Parenting | No Comments »

Relationship Renewal- 3 Ways to Apologize

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

Hello from beautiful Montana:

It is never easy to say "I'm Sorry" in any relationship.  Asking for forgiveness  or apologizing comes harder for some people than others, but it is not fun for anyone to admit to making a mistake with someone they care about.

Forgiveness is learned through relationships and taught by those who have forgiven us for our shortcomings. We all need and want apologies from others but have difficulty letting go of past hurts that are harming our relationships.

In the book To Forgive is Human by Michael McCullough, Steven Sandage and Everett Worthington published by InterVarsity Press, says;

"Unforgiven hurts are like rocks tossed into a peaceful sea, creating ripples and turbulence that disturb the placid surface. If many hurts occur at nearly the same time, the previously calm water of our lives is churned into whitecaps of distress.
Forgiveness calms turbulence, dampens the need to lash out at others, keeps families together and maintains harmony in relationships.  Forgiveness is a place of calm in an an angry sea."

3 Ways to Apologize

1. Say the words Make it genuine and assume responsibility. Sometimes you need to allow a little time and sometimes you need to apologize immediately.  Be sensitive to the other person and make sure it sounds sincere.
2. Write the words Perhaps you need to reflect on what you really want to convey. Don't just do it because you think you should or that you want to shift the blame. Recognize that you have made a mistake and assume responsibility for making the changes necessary to rebuild the trust in the relationship.
3. Demonstrate that you have changed No matter how or when you have indicated that you were wrong and would appreciate forgiveness, it will be for naught if you continue to hurt the other person.  Actions speak louder than words, so you must show by your actions that you regret what happened and are working on changing behavior. 

Renew Relationship

You cannot force others to forgive you, but when you acknowledge mistakes, apologize for your part and ask for forgiveness and resolve to change behavior, it will renew the relationship.  Trust may take some time to return, but commitment to each other and the relationship will speed the process.

Don't Forget to Forgive Yourself

We all blow it occasionally or say and do things we regret. Recognizing that our actions or words have hurt someone we love is never easy. Asking for forgiveness is hard, but the end result is well worth it.  Relationships are the foundation of life and even though the journey can be bumpy, we can start over again with forgiveness and apologies.

With love and gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Posted in Communication, Confidence Clues, Family, Self-Esteem, Wellness | No Comments »

5 Free Family Fun Things to do This Summer

Monday, May 25th, 2009

When you recognize how important building relationships, memories and connections with your loved ones, you will be glad to read some suggestions. When you and your family engage in outdoor activities you are strengthening muscles as well as memories.

Time to Make Memories is Now

Don't worry if you have a stack of bills, taxes that need to be done, housework that is piling up, a million things to do and stress about earning money. All those concerns will still be there after the kids go to bed, but you will be renewed and ready to tackle old problems with creative energy.

Guide Play but Don't Direct it

The best fun is spontaeous with everyone having a good time. So relax and let the good times roll with a few, free, fun activities that won't cost you anything but a some time.  Investing this time is going to pay big rewards in cooperative, loyal and kind children who know their parents loved them enough to put aside their other concerns for a little while and concentrate on them.

1.  Water, water everywhere!  what one word best sums up summer fun? Water.
Do you remember getting wet, running through the sprinker when the sun was beating down?  Have some fun with the kids using water. Skip rocks across the lake. Fish at the pond. Wade in the river.  Dip your toes in the ocean. Access your community pool on free days. Chase each other with the hose.

2.  Go fly a kite.  Make your own kites from newspapers or tissue paper glued to thin strips of wood. Pick up some kites at garage sales for free or 5 cents. Untangle the line and they are as good as new.  Kites teach many life lessons when you talk about how life may be a little bumpy, but no matter how far you go into the world  you are still tied to a family who love you.

3. Nature Journal.  Most of us are surrounded by far more in the animal and plant kingdoms that we recognize and acknowledge.  Why not encourage your child to keep track of all the "critters" he sees.  Perhaps he may want to save some of the leaves (not Poison Ivy, thank you) by pressing them in a big book and then writing about where he saw them.  This activitiy really sharpens observation skills and helps them to develp interests in other living things.

4.  Treasure Maps and Hidden Bounty

Depending on the age and ability of family members, you can use one treasure mapthat everyone follows or as one family does; Cut the map into puzzle pieces and have the participants find the pieces and then find the treasure.  What is the treasure?  What does your family love and treasure? Ice cream, rent a movie, a favorite dinner or story, a water fight in the front yard, camp out overnight? Figure out their "happy buttons" and you know what they will regard as treasure.

5. Sleep Under the Stars

For one night forget about clean sheets and a shower before bed.  Instead arrange sleeping bags or blankets on the grass and prepare to be dazzled by the stars.  it is amazing how many confidences are shared when it is dark ouside, but you are lying next to someone who cares about you. No matter how much your back hurts, you can do it for one night and your kids will never forget it.

Good luck in building memories and healthy, self confident kids.  You do such an important work (and I don't mean the stuff you get paid money for.)  Having a good time with your family is vitally important to build connections and strenghten relationships. Recreate or re-create with your family on a regular basis.  It doesn't need to cost anything but time and the rewards are priceless.

With Love and Appreciation,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Posted in Communication, Confidence Clues, Family, Parenting, Self-Esteem | No Comments »

Weak and Whiny Women-Can We Do It Ourselves?

Thursday, May 21st, 2009
 Greetings from Montana:

Today my email was not working. I felt weak, whiny and wanted someone else to solve the problem. I made a post on Facebook lamenting "Where is a ten year old boy when you need him? Does technology confuse other women or just me?"

Boy, did the responses come in. Women saying "grow up." Some said "Why a ten year old boy, not a ten year old girl to solve your problem and teach you how to do it?" Another comment was "Figure it out once for yourself and then you won't have to rely on other people. Women can do it ourselves."

Yikes, asking for sympathy was not going to get the problem fixed.

Perhaps the main problem was the email was malfunctioning, but the bigger issue was lack of confidence in my ability to figure out a solution. I know and teach in parenting classes all over the country, that every situation has at least 5 solutions. So how come my first solution was to whine and think myself with out power to find answers?

Scarlett O'Hara or How to Manipulate the Masses

Mick Monroe commented on your status:
"is that you scarlet? ha ha are you originally from the south …love a line i heard by a brilliant women who knew how important it was to make people around her feel needed ….claiming she needed help with something (turning one hand up and one hand down – outstretched in front of her ) she claimed had two left hands – and couldn't manage it – the man seeing both thumbs pointing in the same direction – believed her – and built the house or whatever it was she was motivating him to accomplish ….something like that …real women are brilliant"

Thanks Mick, real women are brilliant and can figure it out. So here are my 5 solutions to the problem.
  1. Keep whining and hope it goes away
  2. Call a friend who uses the same program (Outlook Express) and ask for suggestions.  
  3. Google the specifics and see what comes up. 
  4. Try getting rid of some of the 6,000 emails in my in box and see if that makes the Outlook Express run better.  
  5. Hire the ten year old kid across the street to teach me how to make the computer run smoother.

Whatever I decide to do, whining does not make it better or more effective, nor does it make me, the whiner, more effective and a better person.  Guess I had better take my own advice and think of five solutions and learn to solve problems and challenges with imagination and  ingenuity rather than giving up so easily.      

Posted in Communication, Confidence Clues, Judy H. Wright, Learning, Self-Esteem, Wellness | No Comments »

5 Fun Things to Do This Summer With The Kids

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009

Summer is coming and with it bored kids who are looking to you for inspiration and guidance. In this article you will read 5 fun things to do with your family to connect and build memories this summer.

The following list requires little or no equipment and just uses you and your family setting aside a few minutes to have some interactive fun activities and games.  The only requirement is you, your kids and a little time spent together. Come on try it, you will love it and so will your family.

  1. Make a Monster-Either draw a shape on a flat piece of paper, or use the back of a cardboard box  that you brought groceries home from Costco. Now with markers ( or different pieces of colored paper) create scary eyes, teeth, ears, fangs, hair, claws etc.       Now have your child name the monster and tell you a story about him.
  2. Make Play dough- Aaaah, this is the stuff that imaginations are made from. Combine 1 1/2 cup flour, 1 cup sugar and 1 tablespoon alum (from the spice aisle)   Add 1 tablespoon oil and 1 cup boiling water. Stir till cool, then knead in food coloring.  Roll it out, use cookie cutters, garlic press, pizza cutters etc. have fun thinking of things to make. 
  3. Count the Books in your house.  I am betting you will find some you have been looking for to re-read.  Now, how about donating some of those that you will never read again to the library?
  4. Water fights.  Is there anything that says Summer as much as water and the fun of running through the sprinkler (come on Dad, I dare you) or choosing sides and dipping plastic cups to fill from a bucket of water and through on each other?  
  5. Walk around the block and list everything that is a certain color.  This is such a great activity to help children recognize shades and variants of color. Good teaching moment to talk to them about emotions and how many different ways you can feel happy or sad or mad.                    

Posted in Communication, Confidence Clues, Family, Judy H. Wright, Learning, Parenting | No Comments »

Empathy is Feeling Compassion For Someone Else

Wednesday, May 13th, 2009

Hello from beautiful Montana:

My computer has been in the shop for a week and I have missed connecting with you. We all need community and a safe place to share. Today I want to talk about empathy and the

Empathy is Connecting and Putting Ourselves in Someone Else's Place

Empathy  is the ultimate use of the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. What would you like others to do if they were in your shoes?

This quote from George Washington Carver has always struck me as a good guide to live our lives from an open heart and a compassionate spirit.

~ How far you go in
life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with
the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and
strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these. ~

Sympathy is Not Same as Empathy 

Empathy is a feeling very  different from
sympathy. Sympathy implies pity and pity usually implies judgment of the other person  and what they are feeling. Empathy is
more a sense that one can truly understand or imagine the depth of another
person’s feelings.  People who are empathic and compassionate feel with the other person and see the situation from their viewpoint rather than feeling sorry for them or addressing them with pity.

Often people who are grieving find
themselves put off by sympathy or false words of understanding.  No one can truly understand what another person is feeling or experiencing in their life.

We Have All Suffered Loss

Yes, we have lost in our lives, but all loss is not equal or the same. Even though we think we know how they feel, each loss and separation is unique.  It may not be possible to truly empathize with another person, but we need to think carefully before speaking. When we truly think about what it must be like for this person and how would I want to be treated if it had happened to me, then we can come closer to having compassion and empathy for others.

What To Say

The best response to another person's pain is to acknowledge that they are feeling pain and that you wish there were something you could do to help them through this difficult time. Often a squeeze of the hand, a warm hug or a card that says "My thoughts are with you."

Some form of acknowledging allows the grieving person to know they are not alone and that others really do care. Even if the person who has had the loss cannot respond or ignores your hand of friendship right now, they will remember and be grateful.

I know, because I have been on both ends of empathy and compassion and those who made the effort to reach out will be treasured forever.

With love and support,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Posted in Communication, Family, Judy H. Wright, Wellness | No Comments »

Character is Developed Through Practice- Like Any Skill

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Character is the set of qualities that makes a person distinctive.  It is an outward manifestation of what you believe inside your mind and spirit.  It is your nature, personality and moral fiber. Your character is the attitude and set of mind which indicates to others who are and what you stand for.

Zigg Ziglar once wrote something that changed my perspective on life and has helped me to see more clearly about how character is formed. He said "When you sow an action, you reap a habit; when you sow a habit, you reap a character; and when you sow a character, you reap a destiny."

Minds are Like Gardens

It is spring now in Montana, an especially beautiful time, and people are preparing to plant their crops and develop their gardens.  When they plant a pea seed, they recognize they will get multiples of peas.  When a bean seed goes in the ground and is nourished, we can count of having a whole bowl of beans for dinner.

Our thoughts and actions are developed and nourished in the same way. When they reach the fertile soul of our subconscious, they multiply and become more than they were.

Plant and Practice These Character Traits

There are many positive character traits and attributes we want to move from thought, action, habit into character and finally destiny.  But I have found that there are 6  individual seeds of character that when planted will multiply into hundreds of smaller categories of goodness.

Each Day Strive To Develop These 6 Areas of Character

  1.  Trustworthy- tell the truth
  2.   Responsible- Be there when you say you will
  3.   Respect – Show consideration for all
  4.   Care – practice the Golden Rule
  5.   Community- think of how your actions affect others in family or group
  6.   Fair – Learn to cooperate and find win-win answers to situations

The World is a Better Place, One Person at a Time

Thank you for being you and for wanting to build a better you, family, neighborhood, community, area and world.  We can do it, by building and developing positive character strengths.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright, aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePres.com

Posted in Communication, Confidence Clues, Judy H. Wright, Law of Attraction, Self-Esteem, Wellness | No Comments »

Swine Virus or Fine Virus- Catch the Happiness Bug

Sunday, May 3rd, 2009

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Right now people are very concerned about the Swine Flu which is spreading in Mexico and other place globally. The questions the media, the Center for Disease Control  and many people are talking about most is;

  1. How this bug goes from person to person?
  2. What can we do to safeguard ourselves from catching the virus?
  3. Is it better to stay home and not associate with others?                                   

Isolation and Illness

Actually, unless you are super susceptible, you should not isolate yourself.  Loneliness and isolation tend to make people cynical and angry. Angry and lonely people tend to focus on their own needs and forget the social systems that could help them.  Lonely, and isolated people have a higher death rates from all causes.

Fear and Anxiety or Optimism and Hope

When you feel anxious and negative about the future or your health, you will find your morale and courage going in a downward spiral. Your thoughts, beliefs and actions will also be focused on the negative rather than what is fine and right in the world.

Spread the Happiness Virus

Just as you catch other germs and viruses from others, you can also catch the happiness bug. Being positive and upbeat about your job, the economy and life in general will help your immune system to fight off illness and promote well being. Be supportive of others in your environment and smile often. 

Smile and Encourage Yourself and Others

As silly as it sounds, a smile is physically impossible if you are thinking negative thoughts, so smile. Turn your thoughts from swine flu to Fine you!  Use common sense about hand washing, covering your mouth if you sneeze, take vitamins, eat right, sleep soundly and exercise.  This is sound advice on taking care of yourself any day of the year, no matter what is going on with other people.

You will be fine.  I have confidence in you.  If you or someone you love are struggling with confidence issues, please claim your book at http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Posted in Confidence Clues, Family, Food and Drink, Travel, Wellness | No Comments »

© 2010 Ask Auntie Artichoke   Entries (RSS) | Comments (RSS).   Theme by johndturner.com