Hello from beautiful Montana:

The holidays are a traditional time of joy and laughter, family and friends, opportunities  to get together and have parties with co-workers and neighbors.  But, while you are grieving a loss of a loved one (human or animal) it may be hard to cope with the holidays.

Mixed Emotions and Mixed Messages

If you are grieving a fresh loss or even remembering the loss of a loved one from years ago, you may be experiencing a huge spectrum of emotions and feelings.  You may also feel so overwhelmed with the demands on your time and energy that you resent others who may be trying to make you feel included and wanted.

An invitation to a party may make you feel guilty if you go and enjoy yourself. You may anticipate that others will think less of you if you are not sufficiently sad.  It is a no-win situation.  The best choice is the choice that takes care of you.

Allow Yourself To Just Be  Human

It is important to practice self-care this season. The best present you can give others is a healthy you and that will not happen if you feel overworked, over shopped, over spent and over tired. Explain to others that this year you will be cutting back on everything, so they should not take it personally.

If you feel you must go to an event, come later or leave early as your energy dictates. If you are ask to contribute food or decorations, just buy them or say not this year.  It is okay to take care of you and your emotions.

Tell Others Clearly What You Want and Need

Don’t be shy or embarrassed to let others know what will make the holidays easier for you.  They are not mind readers and most people would prefer a no rather than a maybe.  If you are clear in your mind that you need time and emotional support rather than a George Foreman Grill, then say so.  Speak in a neutral (not angry or passive) voice about what you want and also what you will be able to do in the holiday season.

Invitation to a Free Tele-Seminar on Sunday December 6, 2009 at 3 PM PST.

As my gift to those of you who are grieving or sad, I will be offering a free seminar on Coping With The Holidays on Sunday December 6,2009.  The call in number is 1-641-715-3200 and the pass code is 244919#

I will “see” you there.

In Peace,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from Montana:

This is  tight economy this year, and if you have small children and a lot of expenses, you may be looking for ways to make homemade fun and gifts.

Cards From Construction Paper

When your child makes a greeting card or coupon book for the grandparents or extended family members, it just costs a little time and they have produced a precious one of of kind gift.  Provide them some construction paper or recycled computer paper, a set of crayons or markers, an envelope and it is done!

If your kids can’t write yet, let them draw a picture of something fun they like to do with their grandparents.  Perhaps they will want to include a leaf found on a walk, a recent snapshot or a sample school page with a good grade on it.  You can write the story as they tell you.

No matter what they send, it will be treasured by the grandparents much more than one more “thing.”  Relatives love knowing that the kids actually thought of them and wanted to send them a small reminder of their special relationship.

Kids Need to Learn About Homemade Fun

Your children see many toys and trinkets and really want them.  As loving parents, you wish you could fulfill their every desire. As loving parents you also know that is not only impractical but would be teaching the wrong lesson to the kids to get everything they want. They would develop an air of expectancy and instant gratification that would set them up for disappointment for the rest of their lives.

If you are willing to spend a little time helping them make homemade cards and stories, they will learn that gifts that mean the most come from the heart.

As a grandma and auntie, I have to tell you I have a whole drawer full of homemade cards.  They have been my greatest gifts.  To think someone was willing to spend time, no matter how tight the economy is, is the greatest gift of all.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker

Http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Tell your new friends about a great place to hike in Montana.

If you knew you were entering a room of strangers at work, church, meeting or even a store, what do you feel in your body?  Does your stomach muscles tighten, shoulders come up, hands get sweaty and the area in the back of your neck tighten up?  My body used to do all that plus get a rapid heartbeat I was sure the people on the next street could hear.

Yeah, there is help for shy, anxious and nervous people

Once I get to know and trust people I can relax and have fun. Sometimes that would take the whole party or activity.  Then gradually, I found shortcuts and tricks to help ease the anxiety and raise the confidence.

One of the first things I did was to watch how others made friends and influenced people (I also read the book and so should you).  It was amazing to see three tricks that were automatic for those who appeared comfortable and at ease;

• They smile with their whole face. Their eyes light up when they see you.They lean slightly toward you in a body language signal that they are glad to connect.
• They introduce themselves and put out their hand right to shake. they ask questions about you and then they listen to what you have to say. They don’t try to monopolize the conversation or interrupt what you are saying to make a point of their own.
• Their posture is erect and their shoulders are back in an approachable position.  their hands are free to shake hands, hold a drink or gesture in the conversation.

Just these three little techniques can assist you in having more fun when you are with other people.  Building confidence is a skill and like every other skill, it takes time, effort and consistent practice in order to have it become automatic action.

There is plenty of help for shy, anxious and nervous people and I suggest you check out http://www.useencouragingwords.com You will be glad you did.

Blessings,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

When we talk about the ability to make friends, there is one quality

As adults model kindness, friendships follow for our children

that attracts others to you as a bee to a flower.  That quality is the the decision you make to practice kindness to everyone you see.

Just as with any other behavior or skill the deciding factor is the consistency of the practice. Many people want to play the piano, but not many dedicate themselves to practicing the scales daily. However, after a while the practice of anything, piano or building friendships, becomes automatic action and does not require conscious decision. It just is.

Make Others Comfortable

The word kindness has a soft and gently feel to it, and yet it is one of the most powerful forces for good in the world today.  Going out of your way to make other people comfortable and feel good about themselves has a ripple effect on the workplace, family, neighborhood, community and world.

When we practice kindness, we will easily make friends and build a support system.  The mere act of truly listening to others as they speak, of being aware of those who need assistance or encouragement, and of looking beyond our own needs, is empowering.

Friends Are a Resource And Strength

You will find that as your network of  true friends and acquaintances grow, so will your confidence and self esteem.  Knowing that you have built a network of people who care about you just as you care about them will give you courage to try new things and be open to new opportunities.

As you practice kindness each day do it with the goal of simply being a kind person.  The side effect of making friends will be an added bonus. People can tell if they are being manipulated or used, just as you can.  Make friends comfortable being around you, so they know they can trust your motivation is to help them, not use them.

If your child is having problems on the playground or has a hard time making friends click here:
http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

You will be glad you did.

In gratitude,

Judy Helm Wright, aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

You want to be self-confident and you want to build that inner core of strength in your children and grandchildren or you wouldn’t have been drawn here. Something in those words resonated with your heart.

You have taken the first step on a wonderful journey that will help you to recognize and teach that you and yours are good human beings and worthy of respect and love.

Here is a small video you will enjoy; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaGbg3yKyuo

Even if you tend to see the negative or look at life with pessimistic eyes, it is possible to change your viewpoint. Becoming an encouraging person with an attitude of gratitude is a skill. It is not an overnight acquisition nor is it something that can be purchased. Skills take work and practice. They take a dogged determination to overcome obstacles in order to gain a reward.

It takes a process similar to improving any other skill you have conquered in your life. Think back on when you learned to ride a bike, play an instrument, or speak a foreign language. Who was it that taught you the basics and encouraged your efforts as you kept trying, even after falling off again and again?

Most of us want to play the piano, but not learn the scales and practice each day. Many wish they spoke a foreign language, but don’t want to take the time, money and effort to study.

It takes becoming and practice before it becomes a part of our being. Confidence in self and a positive attitude cannot be wished into being. It is a lifelong skill that requires commitment, time and consistent practice.

In order to learn any skill you must have a deep desire to:

1. Be aware and clear in your mind of the advantages in learning something new and incorporating it in your life.
2. Ask to be mentored or taught by someone you trust.
3. Learn the basics of the task or skill but don’t expect perfection right away.
4. Expect some setbacks and don’t become discouraged.
5. Set up a plan of action with measurable steps in order to reach an ultimate goal.
6. Focus on effort and use self-encouragement.
7. Move forward and do something every day to take advantage of momentum.
8. Enjoy the skill as it becomes automatic action and enhances your life.

Changing your outlook to one of encouragement and positive outcome will be a life skill that will not only affect you but everyone around you.

You are invited to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com to read more about this process of building your self confidence and self-esteem.  You will be so glad that you took the steps to overcome anxiety and fear and step into the light.

Your Friend and Supporter,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

If you want to make sure you or your child have an occupation that will last forever and will always be in demand, then learn to be a problem solver.  A new job description for a new world would read;

“Wanted: people who are bright, thoughtful, able to work without supervision and without a firm structure in place.  Especially want those who make their own rules and imagine the amazing possibilities. Searching for people who are willing to be a problem solver of all kinds of situations and to think not only outside the box, but outside the universe.”

Five Solutions for every Situation

The leaders, shakers and movers of the new world will have to recognize that there is no one answer for each problem.  There is no one way that anything can be done.  There are dozens, hundreds and thousands of ways that have not been tried and utilized.

Imagination, creativity and the ability to see into the future will make for the new workers.  I tell my grandchildren that their job has not been created yet, and they are going to be the ones to create it. Their life skills need to include day dreaming new ideas as well as ordering a pizza.

New Game and New Rules or Guidelines for Success

Don’t worry how the game used to be played, because the rules have completely changed or will as you learn to think of old problems with new solutions.

Your new job description is pretty simple but all encompassing; Be a problem solver and look for new answers, inventions and innovative ways to communicate what you know with others who need your direction and guidance.

I have confidence in you and your ability to see new ways of solving problems. If you are

concerned about your level of self confidence, see

http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com

Blessings,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana;

How do you manage social situations?  Do you know what to say when networking in the work place? Would your co-workers say you are well liked?  There is a power of likability that some have naturally, but most need to work on.

Friendship Foundation

The root and base of every relationship is friendship.This springboard of friendship with self and then others takes us to love and trust.  How we communicate and interact with others is indicative of how we treat those we live with as well as complete strangers.

If we give only surface attention to the needs of others, it will reflect on our friendships but also on our bottom line.

Respect, Kindness and Understanding

If we treat ourselves and others with respect, kindness and understanding, friendship will grow and develop naturally. Our body language is the communication of relationships, so stand tall and look people in the eye. Smile often and really listen to what others have to say.

People Like To Do Business With People They Know, Like and Trust

In the world of business, if all things are equal, people will do business with a friend.  If things are unequal, they will still do business with a friend.  Those who are giving you their money want to know that you know what you are doing and they want to trust you.

Your likability is the critical factor in  helping customers make a buying decision.  If they like you, they are more likely to trust you.  If you have indicated that you like them and want to help them solve their problems they will believe you more readily. If you show confidence in yourself and products, your customers will want to do business with you.

Be Confident to Be Well Liked

Building Confidence is a skill and just like any other skill, it can be learned. It takes a guide or mentor, basic directions, practicing on a consistent basis and  WOW, there you are.

You will send out positive vibrations which will tell others that you are a likable person and they will be drawn to your power of likability.

The power of likability cannot be underestimated. It is the connection between you and others.

I have confidence in your ability to find solutions to situations that are not working in your life right now.  Please let me be your guide and mentor in this journey of life.

http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com is a wonderful program that can assist you in your goal of being more likeable and successful in your life.

Your friend,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

Tips for Long Distance Parenting

This following guest article was written by Richard Hemby who regularly writes about social science degrees and college related topics for Online College Guru, an online college degree guide.

Whether it is a divorce or a job commitment (such as the military) which has taken you away from your child, parenting from a long distance can be very difficult for you and your child. There are some things that you can do however that will ease this anxiety and keep you as an active parent in their life. The most important thing for a long distance parent to do is to maintain communication with your child.

Communicate Regularly

Today’s technology allows us to communicate rather easily. Besides using the phone, text messaging, email, facebook, as well as online video and picture sharing are all easily accessible to both the parent and the child. Make a commitment to communicate with your child daily, whether it is a text message, an email or a phone call, regular communication is important. Start right away, call your child when you get to your new location, let them know you are okay. This will start things off on a good note.

Establish a routine with your child. Send them an email every morning; call them every Tuesday and Thursday evening after dinner, whatever works best for both of you. A child likes a routine, it reassures them. They will not be sitting around wondering when they will here from you, they know when they will. This takes away everyone’s anxiety.

Keep up with Their Life

Long distance parenting can easily make you feel disconnected with your child. Do everything that you can to stay current on their life. When you talk with them, don’t just make small talk; ask them detailed questions about what they are doing now. This may take some practice on both of your parts. You will have to get skilled at asking the right questions without appearing to be meddling, and it will take the child some time to open up with you over the phone or through email. Just be persistent. You can use other avenues to learn about their life. Keep up with their facebook page; you would be surprised how much they open up in that forum. Keep a line of communication open with their school, find out how your child is doing and what school activities are coming up. Also it is best if you have maintained communication with the other parent. This is the best source of knowledge of what is going on in your child’s life. Use this information to ask your child relevant questions about his/her life.

Also, you should reciprocate by sharing the new things in your life with them. Keep a running list of things you would like to share with your child, so you don’t forget. When you call them, bring these things up in the conversation. If you are open with them, they will more likely be open with you. This also helps them stay connected with you.

Let them know you are always thinking about them, and that they are special to you. If they have a big test, or a big event coming up that they may be worried or even just excited about, send them a postcard letting them know that you are thinking of him/her. Children really like getting mail, and this will make them feel special.
Long distance parenting is a difficult adjustment for the parent and the child, but by committing to regular communication with the child, a lot of anxiety will be alleviated.

Burp! Belch! Other obnoxious sounds and smells come from your 12 year old son. You want to die of embarrassment at what people will think of your rude children.  You have certainly tried to teach good manners, but were they even listening?

The problem with teaching tweens or teens manners is that parents frequently do it in a negative or critical way.  It is especially embarrassing to the young person to be corrected or nagged at in public or in front of friends.

Model Good Manners At Home

A young person whose parents treat everyone with respect, kindness and understanding are more likely to use good manners.  Rather than demand your daughter or son use good table manners, show them at home the correct way to hold a fork or pass the potatoes.

When you teach your child about rules of good manners in private and at a neutral (not heated with arguments or family fights) you will find the audience is more receptive.

Good table manners should be modeled at every meal. By establishing rules that govern polite interaction with others, you are teaching them to be aware of the feelings of those they associate with.  Simply be saying, “The rule at the dinner table is to enjoy your food and chew slowly, rather than gulping it down.”

Say Thank You and I am Sorry When Necessary

Your child is more likely to be aware of the feelings of others if you praise the good manners and then gently teach to the errors or mistakes.  When you encourage politeness, you are letting them know what the desired behavior is and it gives the positive reinforcement of the character traits, rather than specific tasks or situations.

If you are wrong, apologize. If someone is kind to you, say Thank you.  You child will be much more likely to do what you do, rather than what you say.

It is no fun to have rude children and in order to teach good manners, we need to use the “teachable moments” when they come along.  We want to be proud of the actions and intentions our children display in public and at home.

If you are having much more serious problems like lying, cheating, defiant kids or an out of control child, please go to a special website I have set up just for you.  You will receive a ten day e-Course on transforming for no cost to you.  You will be glad you did.

http://www.disciplineyesppunishno.com

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker