Hello from beautiful Montana:

This is a time of family togetherness and a lot of different personalities to contend with. If you have been disappointed by strained relationships with members of your family or you anticipate difficult conversations, you may actually create your reality.

Every relationship is different, don’t allow tension or difficulty with one person undermine your intentions.  You have the ability to be a good friend, kind neighbor and loving family member.

Recognize That Your Perceptions Color the Issue

Most relationships come from two different perceptions and basis of knowledge.  We bring into every meeting, not only our current self, but our former experiences and judgments. Each conversation and interaction will be influenced by our behavioral style, self esteem, prejudices, likes, dislikes and information gathered by inference or by talking to others.

Black or White?

As you know, I am a parent educator and a tool I use is a sheet of paper that is black on one side and white on the other.  When I show the black side I ask the audience what color the paper is, they answer loudly “Black.”  Then I turn the paper over and ask what color the paper is and they answer, hesitantly “White.”

It really depends on where you are and what you see when you make a judgement.  The paper is actually both black and white.  It is only a perception and a point of view. If you are looking at one side it is black, the other side is white and can quickly be changed by looking at it from another viewpoint.

Recognize that each relationship is different and that each person is an individual with unique qualities and personality traits.  You don’t have to love or even like someone, but you do need to respect them, if you want to have a working relationship.

In gratitude,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from Montana:

Shyness is an adjective or label imposed by others when they observe someone who does not communicate well and is at unease in social situations. We may label ourselves as “quiet, reticent, unassuming or even self-contained.”

People who are shy in social situations usually do not see it as a problem until someone points it out or draws attention to the behavior.  The perspective of how to look at shyness is interesting, because those who are shy, see only a quiet demeanor.  Observers however, tend to judge the shy person as standoffish, rude, snobby, superior attitude and wants to be left alone.

Starting The  Change From Shy to Confident

It is important for those who consider themselves as quiet or not good at communication to realize that it is okay to be quiet occasionally.  Everyone has periods of  being quiet and also of being confident and outgoing.

If you want to learn to be more confident, especially in social situations, be willing to take a few chances.  One never grows in confident by staying in a comfortable place.  It is only when you step out of your old habits and find a new comfort level that you move toward success.

Practice The Steps To Overcome Shyness

Being shy is not a disease, it is a behavior.  Behaviors can be changed.  Belief systems and negative thoughts can be changed.

Communication is a process of sharing in a relationship. Just by forcing yourself to smile, you will find others more receptive to you and your ideas. The next time it will be easier and easier.

Please commit to starting on the journey to no longer by shy in social situations. For additional support and assistance, please go to:

http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Today I twittered on the social networks about how important it is to connect with your teen. I advised parents and grandparents to connect at least 5 times a day. Touchpoints are not necessarily actually touching but more of making a point of acknowledging the existence of the other person.

After I had pushed the send button, I remembered how much teens dislike being in the same room as parents. They especially dislike the long eyeball to eyeball conversations that we adults treasure so much.

Touchpoints of Love

Our children need to hear our words. They need the guidance on life lessons we can teach. They need to hear the delight in our voice when we communicate lovingly.  They need to hear the pride and admiration we shower on them when they have overcome an adversity or tackled a hard task.

Yes, they do need to hear the love, tenderness and affection in our voice when we are expressing our joy in their being.  But sometimes, the best expressions of love and acceptance are non verbal.

Body Language is Communication of Relationships

Teens especially, respond better to non verbal communication or body language.  Rather than a long lecture on being a good sport when your team lost, a simple pat on the back is sufficient. A wink, a smile, a back rub, thumbs up, a grin or a clap of applause all signal that we are aware of them and their efforts.

Watch your facial expressions and tone of voice, because saying “I Love You” with a distracted look, gives a much different message.

The opposite of love is not hate, but being ignored. We want to connect with teens to let them know we are aware of their struggles and are on their side. The most powerful message in the world is that you are valued and appreciated.

Look for ways to connect with your teen. It may be the most important work in your life and theirs.

If your teen is having behavior problems, please go to http://www.disciplineyespunishno.com

You will be glad you did.

In support,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Learning to communicate with those you care about takes a great deal of courage and time. Listening to your family takes courage because you may hear the truth, when you would  prefer an easier and less painful version.  Taking seconds, minutes and hours to listen to your family goes on forever.Time because if you don’t listen to the questions of children when they are two and three, they won’t be sharing conversations with you when they are twelve and thirty three.

Put Up a Billboard Ad and Buy Lots of Gifts To Show Your Love

Actually, this outward manifestations of caring can backfire on family relationships. People don’t care how much you know and show, unless they know how much you care…about them as individuals.

Presents have far less influence in the lives and future of a child, than the gift of presence.  The simple act of truly listening gives value to their thoughts and concerns. Confidence is built when others take our point of view seriously and acknowledge our ideas.

How You Listen More Important Than What You Say

Body language is the communication of relationships. If people have to choose whether to believe what you say or how you looked and made them feel, verbal language will fail every time.

Lean forward, pay attention to your facial expressions and try not to interrupt. What kind of message are you sending if you keep interrupting with a better idea or to downplay their request.

My husband Dwain used to use this technique with our kids; “Tell me why I should say yes?” Then he would listen as they presented their case or talked their thoughts out loud.  Very often they would come to their own conclusions about the merits of their case.  They knew they had been heard, acknowledged and loved.

It is hard to find the time, energy and patience to listen to your family. But I have confidence in you and know that even when you hear the truth, you will be connecting in a real way with those you love best.

Your friend,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote motivational speaker

http://www.ConfidenceClues.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Do you speak the same language as your spouse, children, boss and co-workers?  You may very well be  nodding your head and saying; “Of course, we all speak English or Spanish or French.” You may  understand the words others speak, but do you always get the message they intended? Do others sometimes miss what you are trying to convey in words?

There is a much more universal language and that is the language of love and friendship. Sometimes the words spoken and verbal languages are the least important part of communication.

Body Language

Spoken words are the communication of information and are only integrated and believed about 20% of the time.  Body language is the communication of relationships  and is accepted and believed 80% of the time. If a choice comes between what you say and what you do, people will always believe what you do and how you make them feel.

It is the unspoken facial expression of delight when someone you love comes into view. It is the pat on the back for the teenager to indicate you are on his side. It is warm handshake for a business client. It is smiling at the grocery clerk who is obviously stressed and overwhelmed.

Relationships Need Communication to Grow

For all of us, our communication skills directly relate to how successful we’ll be in the inner personal relationships, both personal and professional.  Learning to respect others unconditionally will help us to connect on a spiritual level.

You don’t need to like what others say and do, but you do need to respect their right to be who they are.  Our souls are all connected, and by communicating with the language of love, we will be able to understand those who are struggling to speak “our language of love.”

Your friend and supporter,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote motivational speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Every Relationship is Different

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Hello from Montana:

As many of you know, I work with Hospice occasionally, especially gathering end of life stories. It is a sacred work and one that helps bring closure to a person’s time on this earth.  Most people are not afraid to die, but are afraid to have died in vain.  they want to know they will be remembered and that they somehow contributed to the universal cause of making it a better world.

Nothing Would Be the Same If You Did Not Exist

By gathering the little tales of triumph and tragedy, it is possible to see how a pattern of ones lives develops.  We are all connected, and we are all affected and touched by the decision and even the existence of those around us.

There was a study done with elderly patients some time ago in Berkley asking them their main regrets in life.  In different words, but similar meaning every life story I have conduced comes down to these three regrets:

1. I wish I would have risked more. My own mother said that she choose the unknown when the known would have been fine.
2. I wish I would have reflected more. Actually taken the time to stop and smell the roses and to determine; “Is this who I want to be?  Is this where I want to go” Is this the kind of person I admire?”
3. I wish I would have contributed more. This quality is not necessarily sharing money, even though that is important.  But it is also sharing emotions, thoughts and encouragement to others.

Many studies of older Americans find that one of the best predictors of happiness is whether a person considers his or her life to have a purpose.  Without a clearly defined purpose, seven in ten

people feel unsettled and nervous about their lives. Those who have determined that they do indeed have a purpose and they had added value and meaning to the world are content with their lives, no matter how much time they have left.

I have confidence in your purpose. It is a pleasure to connect our spirits in this community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all the world.

Judy Helm Wright, aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://artichokepress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

As a parent educator, I teach families that the 3 best ways to insure their babies success in school and life is to:

• Talk to them ( tell them stories, tell them where their nose is, tell them what is going on in the room around them.)
• Read to them (babies love the sound of your voice and children love the closeness of cuddling on the sofa to read books. Ideally, you should read to them at least 20 minutes every day to enrich their vocabulary and use of the language.
• Sing to them (sing  a nursery rhythm, nonsense song or a current top hit – babies need to learn about pitch, tone and volume too)

The communication skills taught in very young children instill a love of learning and a vocabulary that will assist them in various academic situations.

Nurture Positive and Encouraging Communication

This is best done when you can find these factors in the home and family;

1. The atmosphere  is warm and accepting. There is not a lot of judgement or rigid and unbending rules.
2. Each member of the family is allowed to be unique and different. They are not locked into labels “The shy one” or roles “the good one.”
3. The family enjoys being together and can laugh and play with each other.
4. Members of the family feel that they can voice a different opinion and still be heard.
5. The guidelines of the family are kind but firm.

Healthy family who have healthy communication is a goal for all of us. Especially if we were brought up in a family that did not allow open conversation and dialog.

To learn more about this subject, you are invited to go to: http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com You will be glad you did.

In support and love,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote motivational speaker

Do you know why it is so much easier to harvest negative thoughts

Plant positive thoughts and actions with affirmations. Just as you choose to put good food in your body, put good thoughts in your mind.

and beliefs from our minds and actions? Do you know how to plant positive thoughts with affirmations? We are what we think about, so it is in our best interest to think positive thoughts.

Law of Attraction – Thoughts equal Actions

When we begin search for great self knowledge, in any recovery program or just in the inner soul examinations we may feel that all we are seeing are character flaws. One reason the negative thoughts come up so easily is because parents, siblings, teachers and religious leaders were so eager to tell us what we were doing was wrong.

If those messages came from someone we trusted, we probably believed what they were saying. and then the thoughts became belief systems and we acted according to them.

Minds Are Like Gardens

When you plant a bean seed, you not only get a bean but multiples of beans. It is a law of nature, that what you plant multiplies in gestation. It is the same thing with thoughts. When you plant, or have planted negative thoughts into your sub-consious mind, you will have many, many more negative thoughts and thus actions.

Plant Positive Thoughts With Affirmations

In psychology, an affirmation is a positive thought or statement declaring (or affirming) that a desired goal has been reached or is within reach. When using affirmations, think of them as planting positive flowers or seeds. You can expect to see more as they grow and develop and spread to other areas of your life.

Repeat Affirmations Many Times  Daily

• I am a kind and loving person.
• I am strong and healthy.
• I am a problem solver and look for new solutions to old problems.
• It is easy for me to learn new methods of doing things.
• I smile at people because I am glad to be alive and to share my life with them.
• I will list 3 things I am grateful for tonight before I go to sleep. I have many to choose from.
• I am a fortunate person and good things happen to me.

I have confidence in your ability to change your negative thoughts to positive actions with the use of affirmations.

You are invited to go to this website for great ideas for you.http://www.confidenceclues.com

Wow, Time Flies.  I think we just had New Year’s Eve a few weeks ago. Either time moves faster  or we move slower as age and circumstances come along our life’s journey. I was prompted to think about this particular subject by reading a group writing project by Daniel Scocco and Connie Ragan Green

At a recent gathering, we asked the question of dinner guests;

Was last year happy or horrible for you? After everyone had finished moaning and groaning about some aspects of the past year, I taught them a trick I use to help children be more positive.  This is also a great way to teach ourselves and our children to be problem solvers.

But Then….

As a parent educator I hear all the stories of negative thoughts and pessimistic families.  Parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches and day care providers want to know how to turn negative thoughts, and whiny voices to positive actions.

A technique we used was to allow the child (or adult) to vent and then to say  “But then…” and ask them to tell us something positive that came out of the experience. Sometimes they decided it wasn’t worth the effort to be mad. Or perhaps they realized that there are some things in life you can not change, and so you change what you can and do not worry about the other things.

Life Lesson 101

No one has a life that is completely happy or completely horrible. Most of our joy comes in little bursts of pleasure and enjoyment. Most of our disappointment come in little bursts of frustration or being overwhelmed.

We all have the answers and solutions in our mind and spirit. Sometimes we just need a little nudge to remember or think of them.  There are at least five solutions to every situation and it feels good to be able to come up with an idea you had never considered before.

Lists of Negative and Positive

If you are making a list and checking it twice, be sure to ask yourself what you learned from each negative or horrible experience?  Empower yourself by finding ways to turn horrible into happy.

Your friend and supporter,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker

http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com