Teach Acceptance-Build Confidence

©JudyHWright http://www.judyhwright.com

We all have weaknesses that are hard to accept. Parents, teachers and caring adults see areas that need improvement in children and want to help them build confidence.  The trick is to build confidence and acceptance without criticism and breaking the spirit.

As I have mentioned in previous articles and books, “Soar with Your Strengths.”

Determine which strengths are improvable, get to work on those and manage the rest.  For instance if your child is not good in math, but excels in woodshop, then do everything possible to encourage him in working with wood.  Find a tutor (high school or college student) to assist him in learning math in a way that makes sense for him.

The best way to build confidence and self-esteem is to find things we are good at and enjoy and do more of them.

Here Are Even More Ideas to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem in Kids

Accept Imperfections — in Your Child and Yourself. Rules and high expectations can seem overwhelming to a child, who may not understand that you don’t expect her to be perfect.

One way to reassure her that it’s okay to make mistakes is to let her see you make them—and correct them or apologize.  To do so will model for your child that it is fine to be human and that mistakes are temporary teaching tools.  As we teach and model that mistakes are a part of live and that we can do better next time, it will be comforting  and not an excuse to blame others.

Use Punishment Sparingly. In my work as a parent educator, I have seen parents come down hard on a child for a minor misdeed or oversight.

Major punishment for minor misdeeds makes kids feel helpless; the result is more likely to be a power struggle between parent and child than in a lesson in how life should be lived.

Shame and guilt create confusion and self-doubt.  They are difficult and destructive emotions for all humans to overcome. If your method of discipline is shame, blame or guilt, please go to http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com for many methods that are more effective and don’t break the spirit of the child.

Take or Make Time to Listen. Sometimes it feels impossible to find time to uninterrupted moments to listen to your child.  It is essential for a child to get the opportunity to talk to each parent individually, especially in single-parent, blended or divorced families.  Communicate regularly every single day.

If it is only five minutes before bed, let your child know that time is special and you will not lecture, blame or threaten, but just listen.  Trust me on this one.  You will never be sorry that you did not dismiss a confidence sharing time in order to lecture about dirty clothes on the floor.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you accept that you will have areas of weakness and strength in your talents? Claim your eBook at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com to help yourself and others be positive about life.
2. Will you build self-confidence in yourself and your children by concentrating on the strengths and managing the weak areas?
3. Will you take or make time to listen with your heart, ears and eyes when your child is sharing concerns?

About the Author

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer is an author of over 20 books. She speaks internationally on topics of resilience, family relationships and empowerment.  To contact her to speak for your conference or organization call 406-549-9813 or see http://www.judyhwright.com

Raise a Confident Kid

©Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

When children have a good relationship with significant adults in their formative years, it will impact and enhance their entire life.  When caring adults strive to make kids feel understood, valued and wanted they become confident and self-assured.

As confident kids feel supported and loved, they do well in school, social activities and community endeavors.  They are happier and more secure and make those around them happier and more secure also.

Confident kids have developed responsiblity and courage. They are able to take safe risks and feel competent and loved.

Confident kids gain several reliable groups of friends and learn to work out differences and handle conflict and disappointment.  As they mature and face the future with courage and self-esteem, we are blessed with a more peaceful home, community and world.

Here are Three Ways to Raise a Confident Kid

1. See them as a capable human being. This message is one that we all want to hear from important and influential people in our lives. Telling a baby he is clever for rolling over, or a seven year old for zipping his jacket when it is cold outside are all messages that say “You are capable.”  Success breeds success and when you have instilled a foundation of confidence in the ability of the child to problem solve, they will be more willing to try harder tasks.
2. Catch them being competent. Everyone likes to be around competent people, especially those who can teach or share with other team members. When you witness your child succeed at a task, yet allow others to participate and take part in the victory, be sure to acknowledge the leadership attributes. While it is important to praise the specific mechanical or technical skill, he or she is developing “soft skills” of interpersonal relationships.
3. Develop Responsibility and Safe Risk Taking. Rights matched with responsibility can encourage confident kids.  As caring adults, you will want to give appropriate and increasing responsibility, such as doing chores and homework in a timely manner.  As a child improves in his responsibility he will feel more comfortable in feeling competent and trust-worthy.  All kids should be encouraged to take safe risks and to widen their arsenal of life skills and talents.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• As a child, I was encouraged to develop responsibility?
• I see myself as a competent adult in at least five areas. List them.
• In order to raise a confident kid, I recognize that developing a supportive relationship and giving kind guidance are important components.

If you have enjoyed this article and it has helped you to be reflective about your role as a parent or caring adult in the life of a confident kid, please leave a comment.  You will also want to gain your free eBook on Using Encouraging Words at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com You will be glad you did.

Are You Afraid and Frustrated?

If you are having difficulty turning problems into opportunities, you may be discouraged. You may have a need to build your self esteem in order to overcome fear, doubts and frustrations that are impacting the life you deserve to live.  Having courage does not mean that you are free of fear, despair, doubt, frustration or discouragement.

Get unstuck in life by making a decision to move forward

It does mean that we are able to meet life’s challenges and move forward.

Courage is Movement Forward

Any time we take action and move toward a goal, we set a process in place that will overcome negative thoughts and experiences. The Universe rewards those who know what they want and take immediate action.  Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is to say; “This is a negative place in my life and I want to change my direction and not remain stuck here.”  Making a decision  to overcome fear or to just walk through the doubt  is frequently the catapult to success in many areas of life

Encourage Yourself To Take First Step

By making a decision to overcome what may seem overwhelming, you will be moving forward as opposed to stagnation and paralysis.  Many people are stuck in miserable situations because they are waiting for someone or something outside of themselves to decide what to do or to save them from their misery.  The courage to turn a problem into a challenge is best met internally. Others may be vested in keeping you stuck. If you change and move forward, it may disrupt their safety net.  It is not their problem, it is yours.

You may be looking at problems in a restricted and narrow framework.  You may be basing your fear and doubt on old beliefs that no longer serve you. You may be replaying old family tapes in your head that keep you from stepping out into the future with courage and daring.

Peel Away Old Belief Systems

By getting to the root cause of our fears and doubts we can examine them in the light and reframe them for the future.  This will enable us to function in a more satisfying and rewarding manner.  We become what we are through our decisions, all of which require courage.

Lack of courage is often express in the decision not to make a decision.

Questions To Assist You In Overcoming Fear, Doubt and Frustration

• How do you encourage yourself when you are afraid?
• Do you recognize that you and you alone own the problem?
• Do you have old family beliefs that are holding you back?
• Are you sometimes suffer from paralysis of perfection?
• What decision will you make today that will move you forward from a stuck place?

You are invited to claim a free e-course on overcoming shyness and building self esteem and courage at

http://www.confidenceclues.com

Best wishes for a bright and courageous future. I believe in you and you can encourage courage in yourself and overcome fear, doubt and frustration.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

Ernest Hemingway once said: “The world breaks everyone. and afterward ,many are strong in the broken places.”

When we are going through adversity, it is not always possible to believe that everyone suffers loss and heartache.  It feels and acts very personal when bad luck and rotten life experiences happen to good people.

Our first response is “Why Me?“  We may question whether we did something to deserve this punishment or trouble. We may feel resentment for others who are not suffering and question why trouble did not choose them.  We may even add up all the bad, selfish and dishonest things a certain friend or acquaintance has done and yet still has good health and a big bank account.

It’s Not Fair

Life isn’t fair.  As a mother of six children I tried to hard at Christmas time to make the gifts come out even for everyone.  No matter how many times I counted and then made lists and then recounted, on Christmas morning during the bedlam of presents, paper and toys, I would realize it hadn’t been fair.  Someone had gotten a watch worth twenty dollars and someone had gotten a bracelet worth three dollars.  Some one had gotten the exact doll she wanted and someone else got the one that was in style last year.

We finally decided to recognize and joke that no matter what we did, it was never going to come out even.  But the joy was that  you knew that the chances were good that one day it would be your turn to get exactly what you wanted.  We would often recite the battle cry of large families and pre-schools around the world; “You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.”

Luck or Life

Life is filled with luck and also filled with change and chance.  As Ernest Hemingway said earlier, we all get broken in some way and it is the broken places that make us strong.

Bad Luck is described as unforeseen occurrence, happenstance and yet good luck is described as prosperity, wealth, windfall, success, advantage, profit and triumph, happiness and blessings.  It is often from the luck that the opportunities for growth and development come to us.  When we take the chance to growth through loss, grief and adversity, we will become stronger and more resilient.  I know this is true, because I have experienced in my own life and the lives of countless friends and family.

Questions To Think About

1. Do you consider yourself lucky or unlucky?  Why?
2. Have you ever said “That’s not fair.” Why?
3. What do you think about when bad things happen to you?
4. Can you look back in your life and recognize how a certain situation helped you to grow personally and spiritually?

You are a good person and have been drawn to this information for a reason.  I have confidence in you and your ability to have a good life for you and your loved ones.  If you would like assistance in living a balanced life  please go to

Your friend,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS:  You will want to claim your books, articles and telecasts at

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Not only in Montana, but all over the world today children and teens are dreading the lunch bell.  Why?  Because they know that they will be teased, tormented and bullied when they are in a common area with other kids. Harsh and ugly words and phrases are hurled at the  child and usually in the presence of classmates, which is embarrassing. There are usually power struggles for “Queen Bees” and the “Wannabees” in girls and the “Alpha Male” in the boys. Teasing and  trading insults may be a way of getting acquainted or finding the group of friends who are friendly to the child.

Friendly and Unfriendly Teasing

If a child’s self esteem in grade school is dependent on relationships with peers, they need to learn to not take every remark as a personal insult.  Hopefully, you and your child can understand that teasing can be friendly or unfriendly.  Even saying a phrase like “Hello” or “Get out of here” can take on many different meaning with a change in tone of voice and body language.

Most communication is non verbal and so the child has to pay attention to not only what the other children say but how they say it.

Verbal Language is Exchange of Information

The words and greetings exchanged on the playground can often depend more on the mood and experiences of the speaker than on the one being addressed.  However, people in general and children in particular, tend to personalize anything that is said.  Helping them to interpret words and gestures to understand what the intent is behind the words.

Non Verbal Language is Communication of Relationships

Most emotional and relationship connecting people is nonverbal. So to understand other people the ability to read body language is huge.  Some children, because of their difficulty in reading other people’s cues (especially in groups) need to practice and role play interacting with others. Children also need to have confidence in their ability to like and be liked by other people.

Teasing on the playground will be easier to  interpret  by children who have gained some understanding that relationships bring pleasure and belonging along with the flip side of disappointment and frustration. Here are some non verbal cue and clues to help them:

Clues for Unfriendly and Friendly Teasing

Hostile facial expression                  Smiling facial expression

Sarcastic tone of voice                     Joking tone of voice

Fists, Arms crossed                           Hands open

“In your face”                                      Standing next to child being teased

Encourage Your Child To Problem Solve

When the child complains that they are being teased with hurtful words, the parents naturally feel the hurt as much or more than the child does. Be careful that you are not setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Teach them the skills they will need to help themselves. If  you would like assistance in encouraging your child, please go to:

http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

In support and joy,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS:  Help your kids to assume personal responsibility for their feelings and emotions.   You will always be grateful and so will they.

PSS:   Be sure to take a look at this    http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

Hello;

Greetings from Griz Country - Montana

 As a relationship author and parent educator, I am often asked to speak about many topics concerning families.  It is such a treat to see parents taking responsibility for raising kids that are kind, thoughtful, creative and respectful of all.  When I see parents and teachers working together in partnership, I know the child will be successful.

Teachers Enhance What Parents Have Taught

Parents, child care providers and extended families have few responsiblities more important or more rewarding than helping children to learn.  The love of learning is a pattern that is established in early years and then enhanced as the child and subject matter grows.  As a parent, you are your child’s first and best teacher Children learn what is modeled and appreciated by the adults in their life.

No Need To Be A Teacher To Teach

Many parents tell me that they don’t feel qualified to teach their children. I disagree.  The best education is an ongoing endeavor and you and your child can learn together.  Use your daily activities to informally teach your children about reading, math, geography, and science as well as to be an observent part of the world around us.  There is a huge connection between academic knowledge and the skills you use and share every day at home and work. 

Children Are Naturally Curious

During their pre-school years the child’s brain is developing at an amazing speed. Even though your daily activities may seem boring to you, to your child they provide a wide view into the world around them.  The most important things you can do to assist your child’s brain to expand is to read, sing and talk to them every opportunity you have.

When they are able to connect words and language to daily experiences, they are more apt to seek out even more and exciting information.  When you read to your child, they almost automatically learn about written language, tone of voice, facial expressions and that reading is a fun thing to do. Show them the shapes of letters and help her find her initials in the book or newspaper.

Work and play can be a great learning time.  When your child is in the kitchen with you, encourage them to taste,smell, feel and describe the different foods. Talk to your child as you prepare meals and  answer his questions. Be sure to ask him what he thinks the answer is. Help the creative juices to start flowing early in life.

Research has shown that children who have a good vocabulary and are aware of the names and sounds of letters when they begin school, learn to read sooner and consistently do better at studies. Parents, grandparents, care providers and extended families are the first and best teacher to the children they love.

I salute your important work with raising responsible children. You will want to claim the free report on responsible children at http://www.kidschoresandmore.com

You will be glad you did.

Your friend,

Judy H Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Developing responsibility in children is important in most families. As I work with parents, grandparents, teachers and other caring adults who work with kids who are in school, I hear the following questions about responsibility;

• How do I get my child to do homework
• How do I get my child to clean his room
• How do I get my child to do his chores
• How do I get my child to feed the pet
• How do I get my child to practice the piano
• How do I get my child to speak to the family with respect

The problem is that responsible and acceptable behavior is different for every person and every child.  When children are in school there are lots of new and exciting adventures that take their thoughts and energy away from the task at hand.

Difference between obedience and responsibility

One of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn is that you can’t make anyone do anything long term. You can force your child to do their homework tonight by yelling, screaming and threatening, but I promise you he will dislike school and you.

The difference between obedience and responsibility often comes down to this simple distinction, Who owns the problem. If you realize that the dog is hungry and you fix it by filling the food dish, but punish or yell at the child, you still own the problem.  You will be telling the child to feed the pet every day and he will expect you to tell him  and then lecture or else feed the dog.

Obedience needs no agreement or buy-in from the child. The motivation comes from an outside force, in this case, you making the child feel guilty.

Responsibility, however, involves the acceptance and understanding of the natural (the dog has no way to feed himself) and logical (the child feeds the dog before he eats breakfast and dinner) consequences.

Chore Charts Tell Child What Is Expected

When the parent is in the telling position and the child is in the doing position, which means the child won’t do if the parent doesn’t tell.  The chore chart is a wonderful tool for pulling adults away from always telling the child what to do and when to do it.  Chore charts shift the responsibility to the child and makes the chart the regulator and judge, not the adult.

Chore Charts or job lists or behavior calendars get the emotion out of the situation and strengthens both independence and responsibility.  The best advantage of a chore chart that has been agreed on at a family council is the “buy-in” from all parties.  Everyone knows what is expected to be done and the time frame for accomplishing said task and have decided and agreed on the consequences if it is not done.

Schools are not the teachers of responsibility. Their job is to enhance what has already been learned and modeled in the home and care giving situations. Those of us who love the child need to find methods and techniques to help the child to assume personal responsibility for their decisions and actions.  We increase the odds of teaching the child to work independently by being consistent and realistic in our expectations.

Be sure to check out http://www.responsiblechildren.com for a free report on “30 Ways To Get Your Kids To Help At Home.”  You will be glad you did.

With gratitude for the important work you do with children,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS:  Do you know an organization that is looking for a dynamic keynote speaker on responsibility?

I give a very generous finder’s fee.

Hello from Montana:

As many of you know, I work with Hospice occasionally, especially gathering end of life stories. It is a sacred work and one that helps bring closure to a person’s time on this earth.  Most people are not afraid to die, but are afraid to have died in vain.  they want to know they will be remembered and that they somehow contributed to the universal cause of making it a better world.

Nothing Would Be the Same If You Did Not Exist

By gathering the little tales of triumph and tragedy, it is possible to see how a pattern of ones lives develops.  We are all connected, and we are all affected and touched by the decision and even the existence of those around us.

There was a study done with elderly patients some time ago in Berkley asking them their main regrets in life.  In different words, but similar meaning every life story I have conduced comes down to these three regrets:

1. I wish I would have risked more. My own mother said that she choose the unknown when the known would have been fine.
2. I wish I would have reflected more. Actually taken the time to stop and smell the roses and to determine; “Is this who I want to be?  Is this where I want to go” Is this the kind of person I admire?”
3. I wish I would have contributed more. This quality is not necessarily sharing money, even though that is important.  But it is also sharing emotions, thoughts and encouragement to others.

Many studies of older Americans find that one of the best predictors of happiness is whether a person considers his or her life to have a purpose.  Without a clearly defined purpose, seven in ten

people feel unsettled and nervous about their lives. Those who have determined that they do indeed have a purpose and they had added value and meaning to the world are content with their lives, no matter how much time they have left.

I have confidence in your purpose. It is a pleasure to connect our spirits in this community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all the world.

Judy Helm Wright, aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://artichokepress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

As a parent educator, I teach families that the 3 best ways to insure their babies success in school and life is to:

• Talk to them ( tell them stories, tell them where their nose is, tell them what is going on in the room around them.)
• Read to them (babies love the sound of your voice and children love the closeness of cuddling on the sofa to read books. Ideally, you should read to them at least 20 minutes every day to enrich their vocabulary and use of the language.
• Sing to them (sing  a nursery rhythm, nonsense song or a current top hit – babies need to learn about pitch, tone and volume too)

The communication skills taught in very young children instill a love of learning and a vocabulary that will assist them in various academic situations.

Nurture Positive and Encouraging Communication

This is best done when you can find these factors in the home and family;

1. The atmosphere  is warm and accepting. There is not a lot of judgement or rigid and unbending rules.
2. Each member of the family is allowed to be unique and different. They are not locked into labels “The shy one” or roles “the good one.”
3. The family enjoys being together and can laugh and play with each other.
4. Members of the family feel that they can voice a different opinion and still be heard.
5. The guidelines of the family are kind but firm.

Healthy family who have healthy communication is a goal for all of us. Especially if we were brought up in a family that did not allow open conversation and dialog.

To learn more about this subject, you are invited to go to: http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com You will be glad you did.

In support and love,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote motivational speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

You want to be self-confident and you want to build that inner core of strength in your children and grandchildren or you wouldn’t have been drawn here. Something in those words resonated with your heart.

You have taken the first step on a wonderful journey that will help you to recognize and teach that you and yours are good human beings and worthy of respect and love.

Here is a small video you will enjoy; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaGbg3yKyuo

Even if you tend to see the negative or look at life with pessimistic eyes, it is possible to change your viewpoint. Becoming an encouraging person with an attitude of gratitude is a skill. It is not an overnight acquisition nor is it something that can be purchased. Skills take work and practice. They take a dogged determination to overcome obstacles in order to gain a reward.

It takes a process similar to improving any other skill you have conquered in your life. Think back on when you learned to ride a bike, play an instrument, or speak a foreign language. Who was it that taught you the basics and encouraged your efforts as you kept trying, even after falling off again and again?

Most of us want to play the piano, but not learn the scales and practice each day. Many wish they spoke a foreign language, but don’t want to take the time, money and effort to study.

It takes becoming and practice before it becomes a part of our being. Confidence in self and a positive attitude cannot be wished into being. It is a lifelong skill that requires commitment, time and consistent practice.

In order to learn any skill you must have a deep desire to:

1. Be aware and clear in your mind of the advantages in learning something new and incorporating it in your life.
2. Ask to be mentored or taught by someone you trust.
3. Learn the basics of the task or skill but don’t expect perfection right away.
4. Expect some setbacks and don’t become discouraged.
5. Set up a plan of action with measurable steps in order to reach an ultimate goal.
6. Focus on effort and use self-encouragement.
7. Move forward and do something every day to take advantage of momentum.
8. Enjoy the skill as it becomes automatic action and enhances your life.

Changing your outlook to one of encouragement and positive outcome will be a life skill that will not only affect you but everyone around you.

You are invited to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com to read more about this process of building your self confidence and self-esteem.  You will be so glad that you took the steps to overcome anxiety and fear and step into the light.

Your Friend and Supporter,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker