Hello from beautiful Montana:

As caring adults(either by DNA or friendship) we want to create a safe and nurturing space in order to build strong family relationships.  We also want the kind of  family relationship  where each child is a connected child within the family.

Here are a few ideas we have used in our family and have been suggested by other close families in my parenting classes.  Use these ideas as springboards to decide what can enhance the relationships and build a strong family.

1. Create an  home environment where feelings can be shared This means that we give names to our emotions and not just feel mad, sad and glad.  Even anger is an appropriate emotion at times.  We need to continually be learning methods of expressing feelings without hurting others.
2. Spend Time with the Kids The idea of quality time is over used.  What kids want is just your time. They want you there completely when you are there. If you can only spare 15 minutes to play Candy Land, then be present for the whole time.  Be involved in their activities with them.
3. Be Open and Approachable With All Members of the Family Make an effort to be nonjudgmental and to listen to all sides of the story.  Many parents just want to be “right.”  For every situation there are at least five solutions so listen to your kids, they may teach you something.
4. Let The Family Know That Love is Unconditional You may be disappointed at what they did, but are never disappointed with them as individuals.  Make sure everyone knows that your emotional support and love are not tied to accomplishments, looks or achievements.  We love each other in spite of…not because of.

Good luck in building strong family relationships.  Trust me it is worth the effort to bind your tribe, family and group into a solid foundation of love and support.

I have confidence in you.  If you would like more information on raising responsible children please go to:

http://www.kidschoresandmore.com

Fondly,  Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Hello from chilly Montana:

If you are a male born between 1961 and 1980, and you have children, you are called a generation X Dad.  You are building connections with kids who are born between 1981 and 2002 and are part of the Generation Y.

Huh? What? Whatsup? No Way

Have you ever wondered if you and your teen or tween were speaking a different language.  The answer is yes.  You each come from a different part of history,  different learning styles and especially different expectations of self and others.

Differences in Generation X and Generation Y

Generation X:

• Skeptical outlook – but don’t mind change
• Balanced work ethic, like time off for fun
• Unimpressed by authority or titles
• Most likely to start their own business
• Reluctant to commit, want to be self reliant

Generation Y:

• They generally have an optimistic outlook
• They are committed to working at a variety of jobs to earn a living
• Much more respectful of diversity
• They will follow an individual or a dream, but not necessarily an organization
• Don’t automatically trust and respect leaders, must be earned
• Hungry for tradition and family roots
• They are more empowered by their own confidence
• Want to be thought of as Problem Solvers – don’t like orders

Connections Between Generation X and Y

No matter what label society puts on us, we all want the same things from life;

1. Acceptance
2. Approval
3. Appreciation

If  Generation X dads are serious about building connections with kids, it is as simple as following the the 3 “A”s listed above.

You can do it.  I have confidence in your ability to use your influence as a father, teacher, mentor or grandfather to build lasting connections with kids.

If you would like the words to say, please claim a free eBook called Use Encouraging Words to Motivate Positive Action You will find it at:

http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

What constitutes respect?  Do you have to like someone to be considerate, kind and courteous?

How do you work in a relationship where there is an uneven balance of power?

Several years ago there was a study done of 100 self made millionaires.  They ranged in age from young 19 to well over 70.  Their educational experiences extended from grade school to the Ph.D level. They differed in almost all characteristics, except they were all found to be respectful of other people.

They had determined early in their careers that everyone had something to teach and to share. They built respectful relationships by learning from others.

We tend to treat people like we see them. If we see them as arrogant, snooty or even shy, we tend to treat them in that manner.  I just did a radio show recently about a second chance at making a good first impression.  You will want to listen to that one, if you haven’t already.

Once you find the good or ability in other people you treat him or her better and thus they perform better.  We all tend to live up to the expectations of other people.

If we see people worthy of respect, then we will treat them that way.  Even when they do not demonstrate their respect for us, we can still treat them with courtesy.

A quote that I love says “If you take a man as he is, you make him worse than he was, but if you see him as being the best person possible, then he, in fact, become the best person possible.”

Encouragement is giving someone the courage to keep trying, to move forward and to fulfill their destiny.  By giving respect and understanding to others in our relationship, we will all move forward.

Be sure to go to

http://www.artichokepress.com for a complete listing of books, reports, articles and videos by Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke

You will also want to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a workbook and bonus items that will assist you in building confidence in the future and courage today.

Thanks for sharing.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Relationships are the basis for all of life. We are all interdependent on each other. This means that we rely on others for mutual assistance, support, cooperation or interaction. When we meet someone for the first time we disclose much about who and what we are.

First impressions form the basis for the relationship. Verbally and non-verbally we tell others who we are through our dress, gestures, expressions and manner of speaking.  The other person makes a judgment in the first three seconds on whether to build a relationship with you or avoid you in the future.

First Impressions Give Clues to Personality

When two people come together in a personal or professional relationship, they are constantly trying to prove or disprove their first impression.  If their initial reaction is that you are sloppy, uncouth and a little rude, you will have your work cut out for you to prove that you just came from painting a widow’s home and you were tired and grouchy because you had not eaten.

Second Chance at First Impression

If you recognize you gave a false first impression and you want to build the relationships of those you have come in contact with, simply apologize and ask for a second chance.  It is amazing, but everyone wants to help the person who acknowledges a mistake and asks for another chance.

People with deep and lasting relationships may be introverts, extroverts, young, old, smart, dull but the one characteristic they have in common is the ability to be open and honest.

WUSIWYG

It is called transparency and has been in the news a lot lately, but what it really means is; What you see is what you get. In order to develop this transparency and to be a vital part of an on going interdependent relationship with another person, just be yourself.

And if you screw up the first time, try it again.

I have confidence in you.

If you would like to have more confidence in yourself and overcome social anxiety, you will want to go to http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com

You will be glad you did.

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Understanding angry feelings and dealing with frustration

What to do with the mad that you feel? That is a question Mr. Rogers used to ask on his television show.  Why do we try to blame others when we get angry?  We all get mad sometimes. Children, adults and even animals get angry over some of the silliest reasons to us, but the reasons are important to them.

However, the anger over a specific incident is usually just the tip of the iceberg. There is almost always a deeper need that has not been met. Here are 5 reasons  why children get angry. I learned them at a parents meeting recently and they make sense to me.

I have put a suggestion or example of a problem that relates to the reason.  You may be able to come up with more concrete examples from your family.

Everyone gets angry and mad sometimes and parents can help themselves and their children handle these feelings by looking at the underlying needs. What is the real reason they are angry?

It is hard for children to learn not to hit or hurt others when they are frustrated.  But, parents can model acceptable behavior and encourage talking about feelings.  When there is a close bond, children are more likely to want to please their parents and make wise choices.

I invite you to claim your free eBook on using positive langauge and non verbal communication with friends, family and self.  Please check out http://www.useencouragingwords.com

You will feel that it was written for you. And it was.

With gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS: Don’t forget to  go to to claim your free eBook and join our community of kind, thoughtful people.
http://www.useencouragingwords.com

Don't be anxious or afraid at a party. Just ask questions and listen to people and you will gain confidence.

Are you nervous about social situations?  When there is going to be people you do not know, how does your stomach or neck feel?  Tight and choking? Do you regard yourself as too quiet or too uptight to relax in groups?  Are you concerned that others will expect you to be witty and sophisticated?

If you feel that you are shy or suffer from social anxiety, this is the article for you.

You don’t have to be witty, or smart or a sparkling conversationalist in order to make friends and influence people.  All you really need is to understand the art of listening.

People Don’t Care How Much You Know, Until They Know How Much You Care

We will be talking about how to be more comfortable in social situations.  We will also share about what makes a good listener and the five qualities to develop if you want to be popular and make lasting friendships.

1. Body language of acceptance – Non verbal or body language is the communication of relationships. When people first meet you they are receiving lots of messages about interested you are in them. Smile with your eyes and look directly at the person, or if that makes you uncomfortable, look at their right ear.

2. Ask questions and don’t give advice – When people come to you with a problem, it may appear they want your opinion.  But more often than not, they really just need someone to listen to their story.  By asking small questions or nodding your head, you are giving them permission to get the problem out, so they can see the issues in a new light and make their own decisions.

3. Never break a confidence or gossip about others – Even though it may be tempting to share a “tidbit of news” it will always backfire on you.  One of the signs of deepening friendships is that people will trust you with secrets. If someone gossips with you, you can be assured they will also gossip about you.

4. Complete the loop of conversation – Just as you don’t give unwanted advice, you do want to make sure what the other person needs from you.  Sometimes our words can be taken out of context or misunderstood, so it is best to clarify our message. If someone says; “Do you like baseball?” Don’t just say yes and drop it.  Ask open ended questions and give clarifying comebacks. For instance; “Yes, I do.  Would you like to go to a game sometime?”  Then be sure that you give a phone number or way to contact you if they are interested.

5. Show appreciation and gratitude – Shake hands warmly and say you were glad to meet them. Perhaps you could say something like; “I am grateful I had the opportunity to spend some time with you, your ideas will give me something to think about this week.”

The Secret to Being Interesting is to be Interested

To overcome social anxiety and gain confidence in life is to ask questions the other person will enjoy answering.  As you encourage strangers to talk about themselves, they will soon turn into friends.  Since so few people really go to the effort of listening to other people and making them feel comfortable, if you do, you will be successful.

Words have power. Power to hurt. Power to heal. And especially the power to build relationships with  family members. If you want  to encourage  communication with the family be careful of the word power you have.

Communication is More Than Just Speaking

Parents and teachers who hope to communicate successfully with children and adolescents need to have a clear understanding that talking is more than just giving orders or criticizing.

True communication is exchanging of thoughts, messages, wishes and ideas.  It is based on mutual respect and listening skills.  When we pay attention to the verbal words as well as the non verbal body language, the chances are much greater that will have a dialog rather than an argument.

Body Language is Communication of Relationships

A verbal exchange of words is the basis for sharing information.  However, it is the body signals, facial expression and tone of voice that will encourage communication with family.

The child or teenager may give you non verbal clues when they are upset or need your full attention.  Watch for the word power as well as the body language to understand the needs of your family.

Listening To Words or Hearing Words

There is a big difference between listening and actually hearing what is being said and understood.  Many family members listen to one another but don’t really listen to the unsaid message.

Successful communication involves the senses, faculties  and attention of both parties.  If you think your child is not hearing you, you may want to double check without criticizing.  Perhaps you can ask the child what he understood you to say.

When using word power make sure you are saying things clearly, directly and firmly so there will be mistakes in what was said and what was heard.  To encourage communication with your family, be sure to listen as much or more than you speak. Watch for subtle clues about what else they want to share.

You can do it. I have confidence in you. I also invite you to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com to claim your free eBook    on           Self Confidence.

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Adult  vs. Childhood Trauma

Adult trauma is the experience of a bodily or emotional event, usually negative, as an adult verses a childhood happening. A traumatic episode can have a lasting psychic effect on both an adult or child, but especially on children who are still forming their personality.

Adult vs childhood trauma effects how the person sees adversity or negative events that occur in the journey of life.  Those who have had a strong support system and have been able to process what happened are more capable of handling additional stress than those who had no one to help them deal with the negative trauma.

Is It Trauma or Just Stressful Incident

Adults who have experienced trauma as children are more likely to perceive events in their grown lives as traumatic rather than stressful.  Adults who have had fairly trauma-free early lives tend to perceive negative  events and experiences as more isolated and have a greater stress tolerance.

Adults and children who have not dealt successfully with the  past traumatic events tend to link their current trauma to past events.  By processing and working through a traumatic event, whether as an adult or child, allows the individual to put it in a wider context of life.

The individual learns great coping skills that can transfer to other areas of life.

Do Some People Attract Trauma

Some scientific studies have shown that those with early childhood trauma  which has never been resolved or processed continue to experience more trauma as adults. The debate is how much it is a matter of perception or choice to keep attracting that to which they have unfortunately become accustomed.  Some people create crisis situations because they have become accustomed to being in crisis.

Negative Belief Systems Can Be Changed

If you were involved in either Adult or Childhood Trauma, you will want to re-examine your belief system and make sure it is serving you now.  If not, then reframe the trauma and process the experience so it is not repeated.

I would invite you to check out

http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com for a more complete look on how to modify your belief systems. You deserve to put the past behind you and become more confident in the future.

We have all had emotional wounding in our lives.  Usually the negative beliefs about our capabilities, appearance or skills was given to us by someone in our early life experience.  The hurt or criticism was typically handed out by a caregiver, parent or teacher. They may even have had the best of intentions and really loved us, but did not know how to express that love in a positive manner.

Reframe Past Hurts

Reframing is a process of consciously choosing the thoughts you have about your memories and experiences.  You cannot make past events go away.  What happened to you is real and is a part of who you are.

However, you have the power to control your future and the ability to have another look at what happened. In the worst of experiences, there was some good.  You can choose to reflect on the life lesson learned in the experience and focus on that rather than the sad or traumatic emotional wounding that occurred.

It is as if you have been given a family portrait from your grandmother’s estate.  You value the picture, but the frame does not go with your style of decorating.  You simply re-frame the photo by putting a new frame around the old picture.  It now fits who and what you are today.

Virginia Dunstone M.S. in her book Why Do I Do What I do? suggests we ask ourselves these questions about past hurts;

• Can I change what happened?
• What is right about this picture?
• What does the situation teach me?
• Who would I be without this experience?
• Who are the teachers in this memory?
• What did they teach me?
• How can I serve others with what I have experienced?

Past Hurts Can Heal

When we understand that what may have occurred in a vulnerable time in our belief forming years may no longer be relevant, if it ever was, it is easier to let the emotional wounding go. They may shape the adult we became.

Empowerment can come from overcoming emotional wounding and recognizing that we no longer need to carry that burden  of hurt from the past. We can choose to see these wounds through the lens of a victim or change the perception by choosing to look at them through a new and better frame.

Look for Mentor or Teacher To Build Confidence

As you go through this journey of life you will need a mentor, guide or teacher who can assist you in putting new frames around old emotional wounding and past hurts.  Please allow me to be that support system for you.

Claim your free MP3 recording and eBook  http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com today.  You will be glad you did.

with love and support,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com