The mind does not know when you are speaking the truth as it is or you are talking about what you wish were happening. To the mind it is just chatter. It is just as easy to see yourself and the members of your family having positive character traits as to dwell on the failure and disappointment. What you focus on, you get more of.  Shift your mindless chatter to good thoughts and look for the positive traits.

When you reflect back to people who disappointed you in their choices and you worry, stew, and fret about unchangeable circumstances, you are setting up a continual loop of negative self-talk. It takes no more effort to see a positive picture and the end result is more uplifting. You will find more information on catastrophic thinking in the chapter on emotions in the book Out of Balance? Be a Bounce Back Person.

Focus on the best in others, because they really are competent, worthy of your love and respect, when you strip away their anger, fears and insecurities. This allows them the freedom and opportunity to rise to your expectations.

Feedback Not Criticism

By operating from love and gratitude you will begin to see their mistakes as temporary indiscretions or mistakes, not personal attacks on you and your values.

When you correct others (and yourself) focus on the behavior not on the character. Today your son may have taken money from the top of your dresser and it is a fact that the money is gone.  The money is missing and he took it, but that does not mean he is a thief.  It simply means it is time to teach lessons on respecting other people’s property and resisting temptation.

Basically, he is a good kid and knows that it was wrong.  Tell him that he is expected to return the money with interest or mow the lawn for a month to repay the money or some discipline to teach about making better choices.

Stick to your guns and insist that he correct the mistake.  Do not make him the mistake.  If you call him a thief, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He will work hard to make that label fit.

It is just as easy to imagine and reinforce positive character traits in yourself and those you care about.  If you see your daughter being bossy and criticize her for being so, she becomes resentful and you become a nag.  If you can say “You are an amazing leader; let me help you to help yourself in finding ways to channel your talent in helping in the community.”

Just as nurturing and nursing a baby will help the physical body to grow and develop, so will nurturing the spirit. Part of your destiny includes helping others to reach theirs.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you recognize how negative labels can become self-fulfilling prophecies?
2. What do you do to encourage others and yourself?
3. What is the difference between feedback and criticism?

Thank you for sharing your feedback and comments. You are invited to claim your eBook at http://www.bouncebackperson.com You will be very glad you did. You may copy this article for use in a blog or classroom. Please give credit to Judy H. Wright and Artichoke Press.com

Just as nurturing and nursing a baby will help the physical body to grow and develop, so will nurturing the spirit. Part of your destiny includes helping others to reach theirs. You are the farmer and the gardener who will assist the family to develop their full potential.

Affirming kind words and encouraging positive behavior can affect the outcome of a child’s life. Whether you are a parent, teacher, coach, uncle or just kind neighbor, your positive words and actions will support and sustain a small child into a responsible adult.

It is possible to raise positive kids in a negative world.

Healthy Potted Plant

Think of a family as a healthy potted fern. A plant is made up of small individual stems and branches that, as separate entities, appear fragile and unsteady.  From a distance, the whole appears as a mass of green foliage that forms a solid picture and is described as a plant.

If you pulled out one stem and stuck it in a drinking glass, it might very well survive.  But it would look isolated and weak. The leaves would droop with no support or foundation of solid grounding. However, if that stem were resilient and had the right nurturing and assistance, it could form the foundation for another plant.

By growing and developing together, the individual stems gain strength and protection from one another. The plant and the family are healthier and grow more when everyone cooperates and shares both resources and environment. Their roots are intertwined and form a secure foundation that withstands being knocked over and occasionally neglected. Much like your mistakes and disappointments in life, as long as the roots are strong, you can grow again and again.

Nature is a Great Teacher

That is the way of nature. Nature is a wonderful teacher, and I gain hope just watching how plants turn toward the sun. When plants are exposed to light, they always turn toward the light and away from the negative shade if possible. Leaves tilt toward the Sun in order to absorb the greatest amount of positive nurturing possible. They – and I – want the light.

Don’t forget that a plant has spent a lot of time in dirty, dark places before it begins to blossom and expand

How To Be A Good Parent -Parenting Is Coaching

In today’s information age, parents are bombarded with tips, advice, and guidelines even before their children arrive in their arms. Everywhere parents turn, there’s another website, another friend, or another book pushing a different set of rules for how to be a good parent. Confusion is inevitable.
Trying to figure out the exact right way to be a good parent can become an obsession that obscures the real joys of parenting!
Trust Your Gut- But Get Assistance

Parenting is a big job! Listen and learn from successful families. Mentor your child to be a healthy, self-sufficient responsible adult.

You are the best expert on how to parent your child. But……….everyone needs tools to become a better parent and person.  If you grew up in a dysfunctional home or lack parenting skills, go to parenting classes, seek professional help or ask successful families that you know how to parent.
As a parent, you are more than a babysitter. To your children, you are a life mentor, supporter, coach, and guide. You do more than keep your child alive: you teach your child how to live. You are a specialist in your own lifestyle and have seen much of what works and a lot of techniques that are not healthy.
Don’t be shy about sharing your knowledge with your children! In our family, life always ran smother when we had family meetings and could discuss in a democratic way what was going on in life.  For an outline on Family Councils, see http://www.kidschoresandmore.com
Don’t Try To Be Perfect- Just Be Present
The perfect parent does not always have dinner on the table at six. The perfect parent does not always serve the healthiest option available. The perfect parent does not always know what to say. The perfect parent does not exist!
Families can do fine as long as the rules and boundaries are fair and consistent. If there is a foundation of unconditional love and forgiveness, then families will thrive, not just survive.
Rather than draining all of your energies as a parent in attempts to meet the standards others set for you, realize that the real answers to being a good parent lie within you. Spend time with your children listening and sharing and you will develop your own parenting style.
Mentor and Teacher–Not BabySitter

We are coaches, supporters, guides, and mentors to our children.
A football coach does not try to mentor children in French, yet many type B parents, encouraged by friends or media, try to teach their children to live a type A lifestyle. This is counter-intuitive and ultimately leads to frustration and confusion for both child and parent.
Like any other coach, mentor, or guide, a good parent teaches what he or she knows and admits what he or she doesn’t know.  You will be amazed at what your child will teach you.  They have a much less jaded prospective on life and can not only smell the roses but see the little Lady bugs.
Your best parenting style will be an extension of your own personal style.
Allow your personality, and that of your child, to guide you as you decide which parenting suggestions will work best for you. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Try new ideas. Reject the ones that don’t work for you or your child, and make the ones that do a  consistent part of your routine.

Self Awareness Quiz

1. What is some parenting advice that didn’t work for me and my child? What is some advice that did work?

2. What parenting methods from my past do I want to change or modify?

3. What are my goals as a parent?  How can we function best as a family?
Thanks for joining us today and sharing time learning new methods of parenting and family life.  This is the most important work you will ever do in your life. Enjoy your family and allow your child to enjoy you.
This article is written by Judy Helm Wright, life educator @ http://www.ArtichokePress.com You may have permission to use in your blog, ezine or offline magazine. Please keep contact information and content intact.

Thank You.

5 Tips for Family Resilience- Bounce Back From Adversity

Family resilience is the ability to bounce back from the adversities and bad luck that befall us.  No family or individual is immune from misfortune and tragedy. Daily life is filled with challenges to individual members of the family and sometimes to the family unit itself.

As the economy becomes more unstable and family finances go up and down, I see those families who are able to weather the storm and those who are devastated and destroyed.

Functioning Families Hang On

In my work as a family coach I see daily evidence of those families who can hang on to each other until a solution is found.  These families have developed a system and ability to spring back from bad times.

Their struggle to get through a tough situation is admirable.  I have noticed that they all seem to have intuitively used these 5 coping skills to bounce back.

1. Panic With Purpose-Once the panic stage is over; they step back from the pain and look at life more objectively.
2. No Blame or Shame-They did not buy into or assign guilt or blame. It was not someone’s fault, but rather a situation to be solved.
3. Remember Coping Successes-They bring up past successes of their family and other families they know and admire and how they coped with pain and disappointment. They assess their areas of strengths.
4. Brain Storm Ideas-They take a clear look at the problem and brainstorm solutions. They recognize that there are always a minimum of five methods of solving any situation
5. Move Forward- The new way may not feel comfortable at first, but the lines of communication are kept open and adjustments are made.

Cycle of Resiliency

It takes time and effort to adjust to new experiences, whether they are happy or sad.
Families who are resilient learn a new rhythm which will evolve and guide their lives as individuals as well as a unit.  Without that rhythm and flow the energy becomes stagnant and stuck in unhealthy places.

Self Awareness Quiz

1. Do you remember a time in your childhood when a big change occurred and how your family handled the experience?
2. At that time, were all members of the family involved in finding solutions or was “the new way” just dictated by the adults?
3. Did you wish that your family had chosen another way to cope?  Can you do so now? Can you be more resilient and bounce back from disappointments?

This article is written by Judy Helm Wright @Artichoke Press LLC  You have permission to use it in your blog or teaching, but please keep the content and contact information intact.

You will want to claim your eBook on 47 Steps To Empowerment at http://www.EmpowermentWithJudy.com You will be glad you did.

“I am bored.” “Why wont you play with me?” “I want to do something fun.”

Children may not know how to spend time alone with themselves.  They may feel they are entitled to have fun and be entertained all day long by parents, friends and electronic equipment. Some people have called this phenomenon into a new breed of parents and entertainers called “parentertainers”  This is adults who feel responsible for making sure children have a good time and enjoy the excitement of new and better activities every minute of the waking day.

Children enjoy listening to sounds of nature

Stop The Insanity

There is a big difference between feeling lonely and spending time alone.  Your child may need to be introduced to this concept.  As adults, we treasure the few minutes daily we have of alone time to regroup and relax.  So why do we feel that our children need to be entertained each moment?

Only when we are alone and silent do we hear our own inner voice.  Sit down with your child or children and tell them what you do in your alone time, and why yo like it so much  Tell them what you get out of being quiet and thinking thoughts and imagining things.

There is so much commotion in the days of most families that it is hard to find the time to stop and listen in silence.  Yet, it is when we listen to the sounds around us and the thoughts in our mind have an opportunity to be heard and acknowledged, the world seems to come alive.  Answers and solutions to problems and situations are allowed to bubble to the front of your mind and present ideas you have never thought about.

Time to Daydream and Play Independently

Children who value their own thoughts learn to understand their feelings.  The child who is encouraged to entertain himself with a solitary interest or hobby learns to think independently.   Having a hobby is more important than you might think.  Being able to build a model car, color in a coloring book or read an interesting book is very relaxing and will give a sense of pride and accomplishment to the child.

In a world where everything seems fast, furious and noisy, the child who can entertain himself or be alone with his thoughts to daydream will be much better equipped to be a productive and happy adult.  His imagination and daydreams will provide peace and satisfaction in his own company.

Model Free Time to Think

Remember, your children will model your behavior, so if you sit around and watch TV or keep loud music on all day, so will they.  Give them a gift of creativity and a space of time to daydream, think, plan and imagine.

I have confidence in you.

Your friend,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

PS: Be sure to sign up for the free ebook at http://www.KidsChoresAndMore.com The book will help get family chores done quickly so everyone can enjoy free time.

Many of us are hearing the word “shift” in the news, at the coffee shop and at church.  The world is shifting by having earthquakes, hurricanes and floods. These natural disasters are forcing us to be aware of the environment and the changes that are occurring.  Our lives are shifting as we lose jobs, savings and homes in an uncertain economy.  Our spirits are shifting and our self esteem is rocking as we examine changes in our thoughts, feelings and deepest desires.  In order to enhance the new shifts to awareness in self esteem, it is important to speak with encouraging words and ask for what we want in life.

Decide What You Want, Not What You Don’t Want

Many people go through life in a default mode. Taking what ever comes along and not really asking for more. The biggest step in enhancing self esteem and confidence is making a decision. Seriously. All you need to do to feel stronger and more in control of you life is to make a decision with encouraging words and phrases.  Here are some samples;

1. I can do it. I know what I want and deserve.
2. I am a problem solver and find creative solutions.
3. My old patterns and habits no longer serve me.

Shift Your Thoughts and Change Your Life

Think about a small child that you love.  When they decided to give up crawling so they could go farther and reach more, they had to make a decision to start walking.  They fell down a lot.  They may have even cried and wanted you to carry them about.  You encouraged them to keep trying.  You knew that eventually they would master the skill and it would become automatic action.

That simple shift from all fours to upright opens all kinds of possibilities and opportunities for that child.  Things that were out of reach, suddenly can be grabbed.  Once they have mastered walking, running comes easier.

We Are Hard Wired to Succeed

Babies come into this world wanting their needs met and needing reassurance they are loved and valued. As a parent you want the best for that child. You go out of your way to encourage self esteem and success.  You and I continually parent ourselves.  This idea may be brand new to you, but think about it and see how you use encouraging or discouraging phrases often with your own self talk and thoughts.

Enhance your success and opportunities as you shift your thoughts and decisions into those that will serve your highest good.  Treat yourself with as much love and consideration as you would a small baby you loved very much.

Questions To Ponder

1. Would you say the things you say to yourself each day to a baby you loved?
2. How can you make a decision to change your inner talk to be more positive and encouraging?
3. Can you feel a shift in your spirit and body as you make a decision to enhance your self-esteem?
4. Can you see how many of the old beliefs and patterns you had in the past are not what you want for your future?
5. What decision are you going to make today that will make your life better?

I have confidence in your ability to encourage positive change and forward movement towards your goals and dreams.

Please know that I want only the best for you and yours.

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

http://www.ConfidenceClues.com

Are You Afraid and Frustrated?

If you are having difficulty turning problems into opportunities, you may be discouraged. You may have a need to build your self esteem in order to overcome fear, doubts and frustrations that are impacting the life you deserve to live.  Having courage does not mean that you are free of fear, despair, doubt, frustration or discouragement.

Get unstuck in life by making a decision to move forward

It does mean that we are able to meet life’s challenges and move forward.

Courage is Movement Forward

Any time we take action and move toward a goal, we set a process in place that will overcome negative thoughts and experiences. The Universe rewards those who know what they want and take immediate action.  Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is to say; “This is a negative place in my life and I want to change my direction and not remain stuck here.”  Making a decision  to overcome fear or to just walk through the doubt  is frequently the catapult to success in many areas of life

Encourage Yourself To Take First Step

By making a decision to overcome what may seem overwhelming, you will be moving forward as opposed to stagnation and paralysis.  Many people are stuck in miserable situations because they are waiting for someone or something outside of themselves to decide what to do or to save them from their misery.  The courage to turn a problem into a challenge is best met internally. Others may be vested in keeping you stuck. If you change and move forward, it may disrupt their safety net.  It is not their problem, it is yours.

You may be looking at problems in a restricted and narrow framework.  You may be basing your fear and doubt on old beliefs that no longer serve you. You may be replaying old family tapes in your head that keep you from stepping out into the future with courage and daring.

Peel Away Old Belief Systems

By getting to the root cause of our fears and doubts we can examine them in the light and reframe them for the future.  This will enable us to function in a more satisfying and rewarding manner.  We become what we are through our decisions, all of which require courage.

Lack of courage is often express in the decision not to make a decision.

Questions To Assist You In Overcoming Fear, Doubt and Frustration

• How do you encourage yourself when you are afraid?
• Do you recognize that you and you alone own the problem?
• Do you have old family beliefs that are holding you back?
• Are you sometimes suffer from paralysis of perfection?
• What decision will you make today that will move you forward from a stuck place?

You are invited to claim a free e-course on overcoming shyness and building self esteem and courage at

http://www.confidenceclues.com

Best wishes for a bright and courageous future. I believe in you and you can encourage courage in yourself and overcome fear, doubt and frustration.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Wow! Just when our children were raised and became intelligent, thoughtful and kind adults, along came our grandchildren

Teens and Young Adults Need Encouragement and Acceptance

who needed encouragement and guidance.  Today’s parents and teens face new challenges which make adolescence more troublesome than ever before.  But one thing will never change and that is that children, teenagers and indeed all human beings want to be accepted and encouraged.

Nagging is Natural, But Not Effective

When we nag teenagers, we annoy them by persistent fault-finding, criticisms, complaints and demands.  We usually fall back on nagging when our children neglect some duty that is routinely  expected of them, such as cleaning their rooms, doing homework, taking out the garbage, or picking up their stuff scattered all over the house.  It is not the teenager we are irritated with, but the behavior that infringes on our space and comfort.

However, young adults fail to carry out their responsibilities for any number of reasons. Their minds and bodies may be occupied with their own interests and forget how important this task is to you and the rest of the family.  Getting an adolescent to do what they should do or what needs to be done to make life run smoothly is not always easy.  But, our natural reaction of nagging is not only non productive but often makes the situation worse.

Mentor Teenagers Into Positive Behavior

• I am impressed with your strength. Last year you could only carry one bag of groceries and now it is two. (more…)

Auntie Artichoke suggests you find ways to connect to step children that make them feel special.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

It is important that it takes time, effort and a great deal of patience to blend two families.  Just because the adults have gone through a marriage ceremony or feel committed to each other, it does not automatically blend personalities, experiences and expectations. Children in step families have a number of emotions that come into play when a non-parent suddenly enters the picture.

Life during the courtship period is frequently unrealistic as well as confusing. Daily life takes teamwork and cooperation to make a house a home. You may not be the natural Daddy or the Daddy they wanted, but you do deserve respect. Respect is earned and does not come automatically.

Step families Are Special

Parenting is hard enough in the first place and children love to test the limits of our patience and skills. Please remember that the children did not ask to be in this position and are understandably concerned and trying to work out the relationships in their own minds.

The child may have been in a position where the mother’s boyfriend gave him treats or special attention in order to win the affections of both mother and child.  Now, in a day-to-day experience it takes a lot of give and take to make the family work, and rewards are not forthcoming for just being there. Generally speaking, the premarital adult-child relationships may be confusing for mature adults as well as children.

Regular Family Meetings

The most successful families I have worked with have always had a regular family meeting or round-table weekly.  This enables all members of the blended family to discuss issues, set goals and clarify situations.  These meetings, which allow both parents and children to participate and become empowered.  Held on a weekly basis, many small problems can be solved before they become large ones.

Discussing problems and expectations on a regular basis allows everyone to feel part of the team.  Make sure that you and your spouse are united on goals for the family and that you show respect and kindness to each other and the children. A good parenting plan includes all responsible adults.

You Are Not My Daddy

One of the main issues of step parenting is to do your level best to respect and honor the relationship the child has with the biological parent, but still offering love and attention. Talk about the biological parent in positive or neutral terms.  If you speak negatively about the parent, the child will feel defensive, guilty and as if he too was being judged harshly.

If the biological or “real daddy” was negligent or a poor parent, your job is to empathize with the child. As you demonstrate that you are going to be a permanent, but loving part of the child’s life, there will be less and less power struggles.

Kids, Chores and More

As you work with the blended or step-family be sure to teach respect and responsibility as life skills. You will find information on Family meetings, appropriate expectations and fun activities to blend your family.

Good Luck.  You do an important job.

Judy H Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.kidschoresandmore.com

Help your children learn self soothing techniques when they are upset.

Hello from beautiful Montana,

When you have a headache do you rub your temples or push hard with your index finger between your eyes? How about when you were upset, did you hold your belly or hug yourself tightly? Do you rub your neck when other people are literally giving you “a pain in the neck?”

If so, you are doing what comes naturally, but has been called the Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT for short. EFT is a soothing technique that releases feelings of stress, anger and buried resentment.  Why wouldn’t you want to teach your child to find ways to break negative thought patterns and become calm?

Self Soothing and Self Care

Dr. Terry Brazelton, author of TouchPoints says one of the most important coping skills we can teach ourselves and our children is how to take care of yourself when you are upset or stressed.  Many adults head for food, alcohol, or drugs when life gets sticky, mainly because we have not developed other coping skills.

We can help children learn techniques of self-soothing so they do not turn to detrimental things like  out of control anger, misuse  of drugs and alcohol and defiant behavior.  No one likes the feeling of being out of control.  We can empower our children to take care of their needs with simple strategies that do not depend on outside sources.  EFT is  a soothing and easy to use technique that releases feelings of stress by rubbing or tapping  acupressure points in order to balance your energy.

Why Massage Feels So Good

We are electrical beings with many electromagnetic fields in the body. Our physical body, which we can see and touch and our energy body which we cannot see.  Positive and negative thoughts and belief systems have electrical charges.  When you are stressed, these electrical charges can get stuck and out of balance.

You may find spots on your body that are tender when you get a massage. Perhaps you didn’t even realize they were sore until they were rubbed.  It feels good to release those knots of tension and move your muscles more freely.

Tapping on Emotional Bumps

Tapping while you think about what upsets you helps smooth out those too-much and too-little energy places.  When you tap you release the energy so it can flow more smoothly. Breathing and talking about your feelings helps to let them go. Deep breathing goes past the rib cage down into the belly and helps create relaxation.

Emotional Freedom Technique is very effective and can be taught easily to children and will benefit them for the rest of their lives.

I am preparing a special report on using EFT for children, so be sure to check back often to get up to date information that will assist you and your family to gain the necessary skills for a happy life.

In gratitude,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com