Positive Friendships & Self-Esteem
© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Parents, teachers, caregivers, coaches and other caring adults are concerned with how to teach values and self-esteem to the children in their lives. They wonder how to foster positive friendships and discourage those that have a negative influence.

From the moment of birth, our children are soaking up and

Self-esteem and confidence begins at birth and continues till death. We judge ourselves through words and actions of others, especially family and friends.

Self-esteem, confidence and personal strength is gained by listening and sharing ideas with those who are in their “circle of influence.” Words that tell them who and what they are help them to form a self-image that will reflect their attitude towards life. Both positive and negative.

1. Be Available At Odd Times. Make sure your children know that you value them and will take or make time to share with them. If you really can’t talk right then and there, arrange a time and place and put it in your appointment book. Keep that appointment.

The best conversations we ever had were at midnight over a pizza. I am a morning person and it sometimes meant I had to have a nap so I could get up to visit when they came home from a date. It is also amazing what secrets are shared in a car coming home from a soccer game or middle school dance.

2. Make Your House the “Go-To House.” When you invite your children’s friends to spend time in your home, you create a safe harbor for many children who are afraid to go home. Make them feel welcome and try to get to know them and help them see how healthy, happy families operate. Include them in some of your family activities. Don’t worry about how much you are spending on groceries. Consider it an investment in the future.

3. Affirm Positive Friendships. Talk to your kids about their friends. Find out what they like about this friend. Help them to develop into the friend they would like to have. Rather than over-praise individual kids, talk about what a nice group of kids they are.

Peer pressure, along with bullying and drugs that frightens many parents. When your child is in a group it is easy to “group think” and make decisions, they would not normally do on an individual basis.

The more you know the other parents of your child’s friends they more they will have an extended tribe of adults who are looking out for their backs. Encourage group activities that are well chaperoned and with a purpose, rather than just “hanging out.”

You will want to go to http://www.useencouragingwords.com to claim your free ebook on confidence building. You will also want to join the community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all at http://www.judyhwright.com You will be glad you did.

Teach Acceptance-Build Confidence

©JudyHWright http://www.judyhwright.com

We all have weaknesses that are hard to accept. Parents, teachers and caring adults see areas that need improvement in children and want to help them build confidence.  The trick is to build confidence and acceptance without criticism and breaking the spirit.

As I have mentioned in previous articles and books, “Soar with Your Strengths.”

Determine which strengths are improvable, get to work on those and manage the rest.  For instance if your child is not good in math, but excels in woodshop, then do everything possible to encourage him in working with wood.  Find a tutor (high school or college student) to assist him in learning math in a way that makes sense for him.

The best way to build confidence and self-esteem is to find things we are good at and enjoy and do more of them.

Here Are Even More Ideas to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem in Kids

Accept Imperfections — in Your Child and Yourself. Rules and high expectations can seem overwhelming to a child, who may not understand that you don’t expect her to be perfect.

One way to reassure her that it’s okay to make mistakes is to let her see you make them—and correct them or apologize.  To do so will model for your child that it is fine to be human and that mistakes are temporary teaching tools.  As we teach and model that mistakes are a part of live and that we can do better next time, it will be comforting  and not an excuse to blame others.

Use Punishment Sparingly. In my work as a parent educator, I have seen parents come down hard on a child for a minor misdeed or oversight.

Major punishment for minor misdeeds makes kids feel helpless; the result is more likely to be a power struggle between parent and child than in a lesson in how life should be lived.

Shame and guilt create confusion and self-doubt.  They are difficult and destructive emotions for all humans to overcome. If your method of discipline is shame, blame or guilt, please go to http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com for many methods that are more effective and don’t break the spirit of the child.

Take or Make Time to Listen. Sometimes it feels impossible to find time to uninterrupted moments to listen to your child.  It is essential for a child to get the opportunity to talk to each parent individually, especially in single-parent, blended or divorced families.  Communicate regularly every single day.

If it is only five minutes before bed, let your child know that time is special and you will not lecture, blame or threaten, but just listen.  Trust me on this one.  You will never be sorry that you did not dismiss a confidence sharing time in order to lecture about dirty clothes on the floor.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you accept that you will have areas of weakness and strength in your talents? Claim your eBook at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com to help yourself and others be positive about life.
2. Will you build self-confidence in yourself and your children by concentrating on the strengths and managing the weak areas?
3. Will you take or make time to listen with your heart, ears and eyes when your child is sharing concerns?

About the Author

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer is an author of over 20 books. She speaks internationally on topics of resilience, family relationships and empowerment.  To contact her to speak for your conference or organization call 406-549-9813 or see http://www.judyhwright.com

Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem = Success in Life

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Success in life, friendship, business, family dynamics and spiritual growth has self-confidence and self-esteem at the foundation.  People who have a confidence in their personal worth seem to be magnets for success and happiness everywhere they go.

As parents and caring adults you will want to share methods and techniques to build self-confidence with the young people in your circle of influence.  One of the most important part of teaching a life-skill is to improve the concept in our own lives.

Here are three more tips to help build self-esteem and self-confidence in your kids.

• Teach Them to Think for Themselves. If you continually tell them what to do and how to do it, they will be looking outward for direction and not learn to trust their intuition.  For every situation, there are at least 5 different and correct solutions.        If we always want things “Our way” they will stop trying to find creative solutions.  Critical thinking and problem-solving ability are going to be more and more important in the new economy.  Those who enter the world of work will need “soft skills” of interpersonal communication and building teamwork and cooperation.

• Give Them Roots. Much of our identity comes from the family stories and the foundation of ethics and standards that make us who we are.  We are a storytelling and story gathering species.  This is a crucial difference that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. We can remember, process and pass on information to the next  generation.                                                                                                                                                                                            All of us hunger to belong to a “tribe” who love and accept us.  By sharing the heritage, history and cultural background we give them roots and wings. If you need guidance on gathering, recording or telling stories, you will want to go to http://www.MontanaStoryKeepers.com

• Good Posture Shows Confidence. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self-confidence. Verbal communication is the language of information.  Non-verbal or body communication is the language of relationships.

People who slouch indicate they   aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t             consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

We have a strong identification with our bodies.  However, it is amazing to see the effects of our inner thoughts on our outer appearance.  To develop high levels of self-confidence and self-esteem it is important to integrate the body and spirit in order to have success in life.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you find yourself drawn towards those who have good posture and non-verbal communication which indicates self-esteem and self-confidence?
2. When you hear family stories that exhibit courage and confidence, does it encourage your self-esteem?
3. Do you like to work with those who are critical thinkers?  Do you find them to excel in leadership roles?

You will want to claim your powerful eBook filled with encouraging words at http://www.judyhwright.com

Be sure to check out a new book about resiliency at http://www.bouncebackperson.com

Raise a Confident Kid

©Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

When children have a good relationship with significant adults in their formative years, it will impact and enhance their entire life.  When caring adults strive to make kids feel understood, valued and wanted they become confident and self-assured.

As confident kids feel supported and loved, they do well in school, social activities and community endeavors.  They are happier and more secure and make those around them happier and more secure also.

Confident kids have developed responsiblity and courage. They are able to take safe risks and feel competent and loved.

Confident kids gain several reliable groups of friends and learn to work out differences and handle conflict and disappointment.  As they mature and face the future with courage and self-esteem, we are blessed with a more peaceful home, community and world.

Here are Three Ways to Raise a Confident Kid

1. See them as a capable human being. This message is one that we all want to hear from important and influential people in our lives. Telling a baby he is clever for rolling over, or a seven year old for zipping his jacket when it is cold outside are all messages that say “You are capable.”  Success breeds success and when you have instilled a foundation of confidence in the ability of the child to problem solve, they will be more willing to try harder tasks.
2. Catch them being competent. Everyone likes to be around competent people, especially those who can teach or share with other team members. When you witness your child succeed at a task, yet allow others to participate and take part in the victory, be sure to acknowledge the leadership attributes. While it is important to praise the specific mechanical or technical skill, he or she is developing “soft skills” of interpersonal relationships.
3. Develop Responsibility and Safe Risk Taking. Rights matched with responsibility can encourage confident kids.  As caring adults, you will want to give appropriate and increasing responsibility, such as doing chores and homework in a timely manner.  As a child improves in his responsibility he will feel more comfortable in feeling competent and trust-worthy.  All kids should be encouraged to take safe risks and to widen their arsenal of life skills and talents.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• As a child, I was encouraged to develop responsibility?
• I see myself as a competent adult in at least five areas. List them.
• In order to raise a confident kid, I recognize that developing a supportive relationship and giving kind guidance are important components.

If you have enjoyed this article and it has helped you to be reflective about your role as a parent or caring adult in the life of a confident kid, please leave a comment.  You will also want to gain your free eBook on Using Encouraging Words at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com You will be glad you did.

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com

I am entered in a  Ultimate Blog challenge and so rather than work on two (or ten) important projects, I decided it  would be fun to repurpose an eBook I am writing for Kindle and Amazon.

It is titled 77Ways to Build Self-Confident  Kids and hopefully will be available within the month.

Especially if I post every day.

Meanwhile, let’s give you bite-sized pieces and get some feedback. I have neglected this blog to write a book, be in a movie and have a new marvelous grand daughter Autumn.

77 Divided By 31 is What???? 

77 tips on building self-confident kids - Can you think of other ways to increase self-esteem?

Since there are 31 days in January and I have 77 tips, it does not divide easily or evenly.  So some days I will include 2 and some days will see 3, 4, or 5 tips.  That will keep you on your toes and your eye-balls peeled in this direction.

1. Help them to help themselves. Dorothy Canfield Fisher (1879-1958) says “A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary.” If you are still zipping their jacket in elementary school, will you go with them to college?

1. See them as capable human being. This is encouragement we all  want to hear from important and influential people in our lives. Telling a baby he is clever for rolling over, or a seven year old for zipping his jacket when it is cold outside are all messages that say “You are capable.”  Success breeds success and when you have instilled a foundation of confidence in the ability of the child to problem solve, they will be more willing to try harder tasks.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• Do you tell yourself and your children “Good Job” when a difficult task is accomplished?
• Did you know it is more respectful to allow others to help themselves instead of rushing in to “save them” and do the job they are capable of doing.
• How did your parents or other adults build your confidence as a kid?

About The Author

Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” is an international speaker and author on resiliency and respect.  You will want to claim your eBook on Using Encouraging Words at http://www.useencouragingwords.com

You will be so glad you did.

How does your child handle disappointment? What happens when they don’t win the game, election or friend? Do they want to quit the team when they are not chosen for play?

Do they assume responsibility for their choices and decisions? Can they bounce-back when they make mistakes? Are they problem solvers and able to decide what to do next time?

Talk about Plan B

Being resilient and responsible means that sometimes you are going to lose or make mistakes. Do your kids understand that it is okay to fail sometimes?

Resilience helps people deal with stress, disadvantages or even trauma. The ability to have a plan B or to see an obstacle as a learning experience rather than a failure enhances the confidence of all of us, adult and child alike.

The road to success is made up of lots of pebbles and potholes as well as a few rocks and curves that are unexpected. The ability to bounce back from adversity and try again is a life skill that can be taught. The best teacher is assuming responsibility for areas under your control, and not blaming others or ourselves for circumstances beyond our control. Self blame is common, but can be destructive and begin a downward spiral towards low esteem and lack of confidence. It is better to understand that sometimes it is just being in the wrong place at the wrong time, the way the cookie crumbles or we can’t control how others think and act.

Help Them be Problem Solvers

Wise parents, teachers and caregivers help children to problem solve, rather than solve the problem for them. They assist the child to look creatively at other solutions and decide what to do next time. If they are open to verbalizing, don’t interrupt or put words in their mouth or tell them “Well, you shoulda, coulda, woulda.” It is their problem, have confidence in their ability to solve it.

You may want to point out their positive attributes by saying something like; “Boy, that must have hurt your feelings because you are careful to make sure everyone gets a turn.” Another powerful phrase that strengthens the resolve to find answers is to say: “I have confidence in you. You have a good mind and soul. You will come up with a solution that will be fair. If you need assistance, I am here for you.”

Allow them to be self reflective and look at the problem realistically without dwelling on what went wrong. Your part is to be a good listener and support them as they come up with plans to bounce back. You may want to ask them if they need some alone time to listen to music or play with the dog or kick the soccer ball to think about what happened and how they will handle a similar situation in the future.

Help Them be Optimistic About the Future

Self esteem is multi-dimensional: it is important to feel good about yourself in several different areas and skill sets (setting boundaries on how you want to be treated, apologizing when you are wrong, asking for what you want etc.) so that you can weather the occasional failure that life brings. Recognizing that setbacks are temporary and do not reflect on the inner core of who you are helps children move on quickly from disappointments. When the adults around them model positive coping strategies, it will become easier and easier to bounce back.

About the author:
Judy H. Wright is a life educator and author who is lucky enough to live in beautiful Montana. For a free report on the Power of Encouraging Words see http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com or check out www.ArtichokePress.com (more…)

“I am bored.” “Why wont you play with me?” “I want to do something fun.”

Children may not know how to spend time alone with themselves.  They may feel they are entitled to have fun and be entertained all day long by parents, friends and electronic equipment. Some people have called this phenomenon into a new breed of parents and entertainers called “parentertainers”  This is adults who feel responsible for making sure children have a good time and enjoy the excitement of new and better activities every minute of the waking day.

Children enjoy listening to sounds of nature

Stop The Insanity

There is a big difference between feeling lonely and spending time alone.  Your child may need to be introduced to this concept.  As adults, we treasure the few minutes daily we have of alone time to regroup and relax.  So why do we feel that our children need to be entertained each moment?

Only when we are alone and silent do we hear our own inner voice.  Sit down with your child or children and tell them what you do in your alone time, and why yo like it so much  Tell them what you get out of being quiet and thinking thoughts and imagining things.

There is so much commotion in the days of most families that it is hard to find the time to stop and listen in silence.  Yet, it is when we listen to the sounds around us and the thoughts in our mind have an opportunity to be heard and acknowledged, the world seems to come alive.  Answers and solutions to problems and situations are allowed to bubble to the front of your mind and present ideas you have never thought about.

Time to Daydream and Play Independently

Children who value their own thoughts learn to understand their feelings.  The child who is encouraged to entertain himself with a solitary interest or hobby learns to think independently.   Having a hobby is more important than you might think.  Being able to build a model car, color in a coloring book or read an interesting book is very relaxing and will give a sense of pride and accomplishment to the child.

In a world where everything seems fast, furious and noisy, the child who can entertain himself or be alone with his thoughts to daydream will be much better equipped to be a productive and happy adult.  His imagination and daydreams will provide peace and satisfaction in his own company.

Model Free Time to Think

Remember, your children will model your behavior, so if you sit around and watch TV or keep loud music on all day, so will they.  Give them a gift of creativity and a space of time to daydream, think, plan and imagine.

I have confidence in you.

Your friend,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

PS: Be sure to sign up for the free ebook at http://www.KidsChoresAndMore.com The book will help get family chores done quickly so everyone can enjoy free time.

Many of us are hearing the word “shift” in the news, at the coffee shop and at church.  The world is shifting by having earthquakes, hurricanes and floods. These natural disasters are forcing us to be aware of the environment and the changes that are occurring.  Our lives are shifting as we lose jobs, savings and homes in an uncertain economy.  Our spirits are shifting and our self esteem is rocking as we examine changes in our thoughts, feelings and deepest desires.  In order to enhance the new shifts to awareness in self esteem, it is important to speak with encouraging words and ask for what we want in life.

Decide What You Want, Not What You Don’t Want

Many people go through life in a default mode. Taking what ever comes along and not really asking for more. The biggest step in enhancing self esteem and confidence is making a decision. Seriously. All you need to do to feel stronger and more in control of you life is to make a decision with encouraging words and phrases.  Here are some samples;

1. I can do it. I know what I want and deserve.
2. I am a problem solver and find creative solutions.
3. My old patterns and habits no longer serve me.

Shift Your Thoughts and Change Your Life

Think about a small child that you love.  When they decided to give up crawling so they could go farther and reach more, they had to make a decision to start walking.  They fell down a lot.  They may have even cried and wanted you to carry them about.  You encouraged them to keep trying.  You knew that eventually they would master the skill and it would become automatic action.

That simple shift from all fours to upright opens all kinds of possibilities and opportunities for that child.  Things that were out of reach, suddenly can be grabbed.  Once they have mastered walking, running comes easier.

We Are Hard Wired to Succeed

Babies come into this world wanting their needs met and needing reassurance they are loved and valued. As a parent you want the best for that child. You go out of your way to encourage self esteem and success.  You and I continually parent ourselves.  This idea may be brand new to you, but think about it and see how you use encouraging or discouraging phrases often with your own self talk and thoughts.

Enhance your success and opportunities as you shift your thoughts and decisions into those that will serve your highest good.  Treat yourself with as much love and consideration as you would a small baby you loved very much.

Questions To Ponder

1. Would you say the things you say to yourself each day to a baby you loved?
2. How can you make a decision to change your inner talk to be more positive and encouraging?
3. Can you feel a shift in your spirit and body as you make a decision to enhance your self-esteem?
4. Can you see how many of the old beliefs and patterns you had in the past are not what you want for your future?
5. What decision are you going to make today that will make your life better?

I have confidence in your ability to encourage positive change and forward movement towards your goals and dreams.

Please know that I want only the best for you and yours.

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

http://www.ConfidenceClues.com

Are You Afraid and Frustrated?

If you are having difficulty turning problems into opportunities, you may be discouraged. You may have a need to build your self esteem in order to overcome fear, doubts and frustrations that are impacting the life you deserve to live.  Having courage does not mean that you are free of fear, despair, doubt, frustration or discouragement.

Get unstuck in life by making a decision to move forward

It does mean that we are able to meet life’s challenges and move forward.

Courage is Movement Forward

Any time we take action and move toward a goal, we set a process in place that will overcome negative thoughts and experiences. The Universe rewards those who know what they want and take immediate action.  Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is to say; “This is a negative place in my life and I want to change my direction and not remain stuck here.”  Making a decision  to overcome fear or to just walk through the doubt  is frequently the catapult to success in many areas of life

Encourage Yourself To Take First Step

By making a decision to overcome what may seem overwhelming, you will be moving forward as opposed to stagnation and paralysis.  Many people are stuck in miserable situations because they are waiting for someone or something outside of themselves to decide what to do or to save them from their misery.  The courage to turn a problem into a challenge is best met internally. Others may be vested in keeping you stuck. If you change and move forward, it may disrupt their safety net.  It is not their problem, it is yours.

You may be looking at problems in a restricted and narrow framework.  You may be basing your fear and doubt on old beliefs that no longer serve you. You may be replaying old family tapes in your head that keep you from stepping out into the future with courage and daring.

Peel Away Old Belief Systems

By getting to the root cause of our fears and doubts we can examine them in the light and reframe them for the future.  This will enable us to function in a more satisfying and rewarding manner.  We become what we are through our decisions, all of which require courage.

Lack of courage is often express in the decision not to make a decision.

Questions To Assist You In Overcoming Fear, Doubt and Frustration

• How do you encourage yourself when you are afraid?
• Do you recognize that you and you alone own the problem?
• Do you have old family beliefs that are holding you back?
• Are you sometimes suffer from paralysis of perfection?
• What decision will you make today that will move you forward from a stuck place?

You are invited to claim a free e-course on overcoming shyness and building self esteem and courage at

http://www.confidenceclues.com

Best wishes for a bright and courageous future. I believe in you and you can encourage courage in yourself and overcome fear, doubt and frustration.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

Hello From Beautiful Montana:

“I am furious at you! ” “You make me so mad.” “I am so angry I could scream.”  These are all  angry responses to stress in life.  While it may relieve some of the pressure of the moment, anger takes a price.  It can cost you relationships, employment,respect by others, and love of family.  A major cost is personal for angry people; health related and perhaps even your life. Road rage is an example of allowing the stress and annoyance of being stuck in traffic to escalate into a tragedy.

Benefits of Anger

Stress is a physical experience.  All strong emotions such as anger, fear, excitement trigger powerful hormones which enables a threatened person to run faster, climb higher, shout louder, hit harder and do what must be done in order to survive a perceived attack.   It is anger that is the catalyst of most great organizations that do good in the world.  A mother’s anger that her child has been killed by a drunk driver channels that anger into Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. It is the anger against injustice to schooling young girls in third world countries that motivates Greg Mortensen to write  “Three Cups of Tea” and to build schools that will educate them.

Disadvantages of Anger

Angry people are seen as dangerous and others like to steer clear of them.  They are handled like a loaded gun; others are aware that you could go off at any time and they are frightened to be around you. Those whom you need to have a fulfilling life

Anger management can be learned.

start to avoid you or if they cannot physically leave, tend to guard their words and actions so as not to offend or start a argument.

Not only will angry people find more problems on the job with co-workers and bosses, but will terminated more readily. Those who work with angry individuals tend to avoid situations which may result in an angry outburst and so are reluctant to suggest new ideas or methods of doing procedures, for fear of an emotional outburst.

Physical Changes in Body and Mind

Occasional anger creates no lasting harm to your body and emotions.  However; chronic, sustained and ever present anger keeps the body in a constant state of emergency and relationships in a constant state of fear.  This has an effect on regular body functions such as digestion, high blood pressure, auto-immune diseases, infections,headaches and many more that keep you and those around you from enjoying life to the fullest.

Questions For You

• What are your triggers to anger?
• Can you think of other ways to vent your emotions without getting so mad?
• Are there people in your life that you avoid because they tend to handle stress with anger?
• Has anger ever motivated you to do good?
• What do you think is the best reaction when a driver is clearly angry and experiencing road rage?

Thank you so much for being part of this community of kind and thoughtful people who want respect for all.  You will want to claim your free ebook on encouraging words at http://www.encouragingwords.com

Your friend,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker