I had never heard of Indigo children five years ago.  But I kept

Indigo Children need different parenting skills to gain cooperation.

seeing these kids in my parenting classes that seem to shine.  They were always active and full of themselves. Very hard to handle for parents and irritating to other adults. But then I started to see a pattern with some of the children and realized that not only did I know  Indigo Children, but I had one.

According to Lee Carroll and Jan Tober authors of a book published by Hay House Publishing, “An Indigo Child is one who displays a new and unusual set of psychological attributes and shows a pattern of behavior generally undocumented before.”

We are in the midst of human evolution and it is happening with our children and grandkids.

What does that mean to parents, day care providers and teachers who are trying to deal with these kids?

It means that discipline, reasoning and rigid rules that may have worked on other children will probably not work with Indigos.  We need to shift our parenting styles and expectations in order to allow them to function well in a society that not only does not understand their actions, but wants to drug them.

The book goes on to list the common traits of Indigo children. I have adapted these with my own observations.

1. They come into the world with a feeling of royalty.
2. They have a sense of being here for a reason.
3. Full of self worth and not much humility.
4. Have difficulty with absolute authority or rigid rules.
5. Have  agreat deal of difficulty waiting in line or taking turns.
6. Easily frustrated with systems that do not allow for creative thought and input.
7. Often have a much better idea on how things should be done.
8. May appear anti-social. School may be difficult for them socially. Would rather turn inward.
9. Will not be manipulated by guilt or threats.
10. If you ask them what they really want, they will tell you.

If your child has a number of these characteristics, you will want to research further on this subject. Our family found that old parenting styles were not going to work with an Indigo child.

Click here and You will find additional information at http://www.disciplineyespunishno.com for a series of free articles on    transforming your family communications and cooperation.

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members,coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.

Artichoke Press is the home site of Judy H. Wright, family relationship coach and author of over 20 books and many articles on family relationships. If your organization would like to schedule Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer, for a workshop please call 406.549.9813.

Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.

Divorce is hard on kids and adults and friends and neighbors. There is nothing easy about divorce. It requires a mind shift about expectations, dreams and plans for the future.

No matter how agonizing this is for the adults involved, you have to be supportive for your children. Children need to be told what is happening, and depending on their ages and vulnerabilities, they may need to hear a little bit about why.

Answer Questions Truthfully

There will be lots of questions right away and many, many more as you all go through this journey. They may ask specific questions about where  will I go to school, where will I live, where will dad or (mom) live?

The often unasked question, but one that most children harbor in their heart is; “Did I somehow cause this?  Is it my fault?”

Reassure Them Frequently

Even infants and toddlers can react negatively with sleep, toilet training and eating. Preschoolers may start to hit or have temper tantrums. School problems, bed-wetting or hyperactive can be a usual reactions for school age children.  Teens, tweens and even adult children may feel depressed, lonely, devalued, anxious or even ashamed.

Adults must put the needs of the child first and be a resource of reassurance in their life. The burden of being the “grown-ups” must fall on the caring adults.  This isn’t always easy to do when there is anger, disappointment and  betrayal.

No matter how angry you get, don’t tell your children that you hate your spouse or focus on the bad points.  Your kids are part of that person, and may very well feel that you are saying you hate them too.

Cooperate On The Children

Kids need to be reassured that they will be safe and cared for. Parents need to find a way to cooperate with each other over parenting issues. Put the needs and emotions of children first.  Do not expect them to be pawns in a struggle or to be involved in loyalty contests, that is not their job.

Divorce doesn’t have to be devastating, but can be a growing experience and an opening to closer communication with all the parties who are involved.

If you need additional assistance with parenting, please claim the  free 10 week e-course on transforming your family at http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

What constitutes respect?  Do you have to like someone to be considerate, kind and courteous?

How do you work in a relationship where there is an uneven balance of power?

Several years ago there was a study done of 100 self made millionaires.  They ranged in age from young 19 to well over 70.  Their educational experiences extended from grade school to the Ph.D level. They differed in almost all characteristics, except they were all found to be respectful of other people.

They had determined early in their careers that everyone had something to teach and to share. They built respectful relationships by learning from others.

We tend to treat people like we see them. If we see them as arrogant, snooty or even shy, we tend to treat them in that manner.  I just did a radio show recently about a second chance at making a good first impression.  You will want to listen to that one, if you haven’t already.

Once you find the good or ability in other people you treat him or her better and thus they perform better.  We all tend to live up to the expectations of other people.

If we see people worthy of respect, then we will treat them that way.  Even when they do not demonstrate their respect for us, we can still treat them with courtesy.

A quote that I love says “If you take a man as he is, you make him worse than he was, but if you see him as being the best person possible, then he, in fact, become the best person possible.”

Encouragement is giving someone the courage to keep trying, to move forward and to fulfill their destiny.  By giving respect and understanding to others in our relationship, we will all move forward.

Be sure to go to

http://www.artichokepress.com for a complete listing of books, reports, articles and videos by Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke

You will also want to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a workbook and bonus items that will assist you in building confidence in the future and courage today.

Thanks for sharing.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Relationships are the basis for all of life. We are all interdependent on each other. This means that we rely on others for mutual assistance, support, cooperation or interaction. When we meet someone for the first time we disclose much about who and what we are.

First impressions form the basis for the relationship. Verbally and non-verbally we tell others who we are through our dress, gestures, expressions and manner of speaking.  The other person makes a judgment in the first three seconds on whether to build a relationship with you or avoid you in the future.

First Impressions Give Clues to Personality

When two people come together in a personal or professional relationship, they are constantly trying to prove or disprove their first impression.  If their initial reaction is that you are sloppy, uncouth and a little rude, you will have your work cut out for you to prove that you just came from painting a widow’s home and you were tired and grouchy because you had not eaten.

Second Chance at First Impression

If you recognize you gave a false first impression and you want to build the relationships of those you have come in contact with, simply apologize and ask for a second chance.  It is amazing, but everyone wants to help the person who acknowledges a mistake and asks for another chance.

People with deep and lasting relationships may be introverts, extroverts, young, old, smart, dull but the one characteristic they have in common is the ability to be open and honest.

WUSIWYG

It is called transparency and has been in the news a lot lately, but what it really means is; What you see is what you get. In order to develop this transparency and to be a vital part of an on going interdependent relationship with another person, just be yourself.

And if you screw up the first time, try it again.

I have confidence in you.

If you would like to have more confidence in yourself and overcome social anxiety, you will want to go to http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com

You will be glad you did.

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Parents and families are the foundations of the world.  Dads are important to children and society as a whole.

fathers are important in the lives of their children

What we fail to teach in childhood, can never truly be made up for in adulthood.  As important as mothers are in nurturing and guiding children, it is vital that we understand and encourage dads to take part in preparing the child for society.

Dads are important not only to their children and step-children but to strengthening the society as a whole.  The typical father spends about seven hours per week in “primary child care.”  That may not sound like a lot of time bonding, connecting and teaching but it is twice as much as was recorded in 1965.

Society Needs Imput From Both Parents, Grandparents and Teachers

Rather than competing for the attentions of the baby or child, we should consider the partnership of all the caring adults who love and guide a child into adulthood.  We really do need a village to raise a kind, thoughtful, respectful and understanding child.  These are attributes that can be taught and reinforced from a myriad of loving, kind and concerned adults.

Economy Changing Face of ChildCare

No longer is the mother staying at home to raise children while the father goes out to earn the living.  The economy worldwide is dictating that parenting, childcare and day to day involvement may be shared or even shifted to the Dad.

Psychologists and sociologists agree that the father is supposed to be the chief transmitter of culturally based concepts of what is masculine and what is feminine.  Growing up beside a loving dad who talks, has interest in activities, sets guidelines and gives wise discipline will set any child on a journey of success.

Dads are important to children and if there is not one in the life of your child, find a kind, safe and loving mentor who can teach and share the lessons of life that only a man can teach. Life lessons from dads can influence a child’s life forever.

You are invited to go to http://www.encouageselfconfidence.com to learn new techniques which will reframe negative thoughts and belief patterns into positive actions. You will be very glad you did.

We have all had emotional wounding in our lives.  Usually the negative beliefs about our capabilities, appearance or skills was given to us by someone in our early life experience.  The hurt or criticism was typically handed out by a caregiver, parent or teacher. They may even have had the best of intentions and really loved us, but did not know how to express that love in a positive manner.

Reframe Past Hurts

Reframing is a process of consciously choosing the thoughts you have about your memories and experiences.  You cannot make past events go away.  What happened to you is real and is a part of who you are.

However, you have the power to control your future and the ability to have another look at what happened. In the worst of experiences, there was some good.  You can choose to reflect on the life lesson learned in the experience and focus on that rather than the sad or traumatic emotional wounding that occurred.

It is as if you have been given a family portrait from your grandmother’s estate.  You value the picture, but the frame does not go with your style of decorating.  You simply re-frame the photo by putting a new frame around the old picture.  It now fits who and what you are today.

Virginia Dunstone M.S. in her book Why Do I Do What I do? suggests we ask ourselves these questions about past hurts;

• Can I change what happened?
• What is right about this picture?
• What does the situation teach me?
• Who would I be without this experience?
• Who are the teachers in this memory?
• What did they teach me?
• How can I serve others with what I have experienced?

Past Hurts Can Heal

When we understand that what may have occurred in a vulnerable time in our belief forming years may no longer be relevant, if it ever was, it is easier to let the emotional wounding go. They may shape the adult we became.

Empowerment can come from overcoming emotional wounding and recognizing that we no longer need to carry that burden  of hurt from the past. We can choose to see these wounds through the lens of a victim or change the perception by choosing to look at them through a new and better frame.

Look for Mentor or Teacher To Build Confidence

As you go through this journey of life you will need a mentor, guide or teacher who can assist you in putting new frames around old emotional wounding and past hurts.  Please allow me to be that support system for you.

Claim your free MP3 recording and eBook  http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com today.  You will be glad you did.

with love and support,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Problem Kids  or Parent Training. Much like the age old question of which comes first, the chicken or the egg?  Many of the parents I see in my work as a family relationship author and trainer are not confident of their parenting skills and the children can sense their insecurity.

Those insecurities may stem from lack of role models in their youth, or that they want to over compensate for what they perceive are lacks in the family structure. They may feel that since there is divorce, financial problems, adhd or other problems, it is easier to let the children get away with being angry, spoiled and demanding.

Angry children make life miserable for everyone

Parents are Teachers not Friends

Perhaps it may be easier short term to allow the kids to be in control or disrespectful, but it will cause multiple life problems for everyone if it is not curtailed.

Parents are sometimes hesitant to talk about child behavior issues for fear of being judged by others. Many are not aware that most schools and many churches offer free or low cost parent training.

Children Need Consistent Boundaries

We all learn and behave better when we know what is expected of us and what is not going to be tolerated.  When parents meet together in groups and discuss behavior issues, they will find clues, tips and ideas from other families and the leader of the class.

Parent training is not so much about what you are doing wrong, but on reclaiming your power and understanding how to work with your children to achieve a more cooperative home.

Empowered Parents – Well Behaved Kids

As you discover more ways to work together with respect, you may actually see your child reacting with anger and resistance.  Stick to your guns. You are the parent and as the child sees that you are willing to change and grow in new ways, he or she will pick up on your behavior.

Change will not occur overnight and it may be a two steps forward, three steps back journey to a peaceful home.  Give yourself some “atta – boys” for recognizing that what your family has done in the past needs to adjust and shift in order for problem kids to turn into peaceful partners towards a more respectful relationship. You will also want to use some encouraging phrases on the family to keep moving forward.

I encourage you to go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com to claim your free eBook on effective communications.  You will be glad you did.

You will also want to check out this site if your problem kids are a danger to themselves or         others http://mytt.us/qkmsfhty The program is guaranteed and can transform your family.

All children deserve to feel safe and protected.

Safe and Protected Children – Parents and Adults Protect From Harm

The fundamental need of every child is to feel safe and protected.  Children want to trust the adults in their lives to take care of them and protect them from harm as much as possible. There are bad and scary things that go on in the world outside the walls of the home. Hopefully, the home environment is one which children are protected and loved. Caring parents and adults teach caution without fear and to be aware of dangerous situations.

Functional families watch out for each other

In functional families, each generation gives love and acceptance to the next generation as well as each other.  Children thus grow up secure that they are valuable and wanted human beings in the tribe, community or family. They learn the necessary life skills in setting boundaries in relationships.

If not given that love and safety, the children may attempt to fill the emptiness with any number of substitutes; drug or alcohol abuse, sexual promiscuity, or other compulsive behavior just to prove to themselves they are alive.

What  does SAFE Mean for a Child?

S__Secure means free from danger. This is an instinctual feeling that the parent will protect the child as much as possible.  The child does not have to worry needlessly that volcanoes will erupt, that terrorists will bomb their school or that Dad will forget to pick him up after soccer.

A__Affection and warmth is sometimes the only way some can show love. Many parents and adults have  never been taught to verbalize words and feelings and so instead show their love with acts of service, touching the hair, rubbing the back etc.  Affection is as necessary as air and nourishment but there is a line of safe and nurturing touch and toxic, selfish touch.  Incest, fondling or sexual touches are not appropriate and should not be tolerated.

F…Freedom to be who and what we are. When parents and other adults want to children to be obedient all the time, it stifles the creativity of the child. Just because a father loves football, it does not necessarily mean the son will. Parents who protect and safeguard their children allow them to express themselves and know that they will be loved anyway.

E…Encouraged to assume personal responsibility. Competent children who have learned to problem solve and make decisions become confident, contributing adults.

Safe and protected children are treasures and to be treasured. Parents and adults protect them from harm and guide, direct and teach them to be successful in life.

You are invited to http://www.artichokepress.com for more ideas to help your child succeed.  You will be glad you went.

Parents want responsible children. The world needs responsible adults who will teach children in their circle of influence to assume personal responsibility.

Parents who allow children to experience the natural and/or logical consequences of their actions prepare them to be responsible, reflective, responsive, respectful and resilient adults. It is important to the future adults that we assist them to become self sufficient thinkers and problem solvers who don’t have to ask or be told what to do in every situation.

World of Work Needs Responsible Workers

As business owners, we found many of those who had fine educations and  technical skills did not know how to assume personal responsibility for their choices and decisions. It was as if we, the business owners and managers, were expected to re-parent people and teach them skills best learned as children.

Those young people who have those life skills of responsible attitudes and a work ethic, literally stand head and shoulders above other applicants.  They are the first to be promoted and the last to be let go in economic downturns.

Competent Kids Make Confident Adults

What does it take for parents to teach responsibility?  Every parent has a different answer and a different expectation of when and how their child will assume personal responsibility.  One thing is for sure ant that is responsibility must be taught.  It is not a natural skill and most of us would love to have others wait on and provide for us, but learn the joy of being in charge of our own lives.

Responsibility can be taught at any age, but is best when consistency and follow through is used in daily teaching moments.  You cannot expect a 35 year old job from a 10 year old. Nor can you expect a 10 year old to assume responsibility for a task unless he/she knows that the ownership of the decision or problem belongs to them. Parents may have to occasionally jump in and help them do an unpleasant task or problem solve, but not do it for them.

Encourage Children to Make Responsible Choices

The more the child has the opportunity of “owning” the decision or task, the more he/she will learn and the more their confidence will grow. The purpose of allowing natural consequences to occur and designing logical consequences is to encourage children to make responsible choices.

This is teaching, training and guidance not a method of punishment.  Parents should look down the road and envision their child in the world of work and help them learn problem solving skills.

You do not become responsible when you mature, you mature as you become more responsible.

For more information on teaching your children responsibility, please go to: http://www.kidschoresandmore.com

You will be glad you did!

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Cardboard Boxes and Blank Walls- the Challenge of Every Military Wife

© Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com

What do you mean we have to be across the country next week?  How can the kids be pulled out of sports, school and the arms of their best friends again? Good thing we still have some of the cardboard boxes left from the last move. We never got around to unpacking them, so that is even better. At least the content is written on the outside of the box.  The majority of the boxes ended up with labels of Kitchen Misc. or Bathroom stuff or “I Hate This Crap-I Don’t Want to Move-signed by The Indentured Servant Who Wanted to Go to The Mall Today”

One would think after 12 moves in 15 years, a smart family would begin to simplify their possessions. A smart family would rid themselves of old yearbooks, unused cookbooks, scruffy stuffed animals and pans with no lids.  A smart family would just look for the nail in the walls and hang their pictures on them, regardless of placement.  By the time we found the separate boxes holding the hammer, level, hooks and pictures, it was almost time to move again.

No, we weren’t the smartest family in the military, but we were one of the most grateful.  We were filled with gratitude for each other, the ability to see the country and to make new friends and grateful for the experiences along the way.

One particular pivotal experience was moving into military housing on Vandenberg Air Force Base in Lompoc, California. As Dwain and I were unloading boxes, the children ran into the back yard to explore.  They came rushing back to tell us about the strange “thistles” all over the place.

Always the teacher, I called everyone around to tell them about artichokes.  I explained how delicious they were and that we would savor them at a coming meal.  I also used the teaching moment to say that the people who had lived here before had planted the artichokes, knowing that they may never see the fruits of their labor.  Given that it takes artichokes two years to produce, they were leaving a gift for us.

We talked about how we must follow their example and plant seeds everywhere we went. We would plant vegetable seeds, flower seeds, but most of all we would plant the seeds of kindness. We may never see the fruits of our labors just like the family before us, but we would do it anyway.

As we sat on cardboard boxes and looked at blank walls, we feasted on artichokes and butter and praised those who had given us this gift.

Our daughter Deb remarked that the artichoke was like some of the families I work with as a parent educator; the outer edges are tough, closed off and have prickly parts that can hurt if you get too close.  It is only through time, warmth and patience that we can find the outer leaves peeling off more easily and we reach the real treasure- the heart.

The artichoke is now my logo and stands as a symbol of finding the heart of the story in the journey of life. Our journey with cardboard boxes, blank walls and a military life may be a thing of the past, but the life lessons and forever friends will always remain in our hearts.

About the author:

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer is an Author, International Speaker and Life Educator who owns and operates ArtichokePress.com in beautiful Missoula, Montana  She runs a global online business from her home office marketing eBooks, tele-classes, newsletters, family coaching and a number of related products. At www.ArtichokePress.com you will receive free articles and a subscription to the newsletter The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in the journey of life.

A recent client said, “Being with Judy, whether in person, print or tele-class is like having a cup of tea with a loving Auntie who wants the best for you and yours.”

You will find her work warm, witty and packed with wisdom to make your life easier and more abundant.