Ask Auntie Artichoke

Hello from beautiful Montana:

What constitutes respect?  Do you have to like someone to be considerate, kind and courteous?

How do you work in a relationship where there is an uneven balance of power?

Several years ago there was a study done of 100 self made millionaires.  They ranged in age from young 19 to well over 70.  Their educational experiences extended from grade school to the Ph.D level. They differed in almost all characteristics, except they were all found to be respectful of other people.

They had determined early in their careers that everyone had something to teach and to share. They built respectful relationships by learning from others.

We tend to treat people like we see them. If we see them as arrogant, snooty or even shy, we tend to treat them in that manner.  I just did a radio show recently about a second chance at making a good first impression.  You will want to listen to that one, if you haven’t already.

Once you find the good or ability in other people you treat him or her better and thus they perform better.  We all tend to live up to the expectations of other people.

If we see people worthy of respect, then we will treat them that way.  Even when they do not demonstrate their respect for us, we can still treat them with courtesy.

A quote that I love says “If you take a man as he is, you make him worse than he was, but if you see him as being the best person possible, then he, in fact, become the best person possible.”

Encouragement is giving someone the courage to keep trying, to move forward and to fulfill their destiny.  By giving respect and understanding to others in our relationship, we will all move forward.

Be sure to go to

http://www.artichokepress.com for a complete listing of books, reports, articles and videos by Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke

You will also want to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a workbook and bonus items that will assist you in building confidence in the future and courage today.

Thanks for sharing.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Parents and families are the foundations of the world.  Dads are important to children and society as a whole.

fathers are important in the lives of their children

What we fail to teach in childhood, can never truly be made up for in adulthood.  As important as mothers are in nurturing and guiding children, it is vital that we understand and encourage dads to take part in preparing the child for society.

Dads are important not only to their children and step-children but to strengthening the society as a whole.  The typical father spends about seven hours per week in “primary child care.”  That may not sound like a lot of time bonding, connecting and teaching but it is twice as much as was recorded in 1965.

Society Needs Imput From Both Parents, Grandparents and Teachers

Rather than competing for the attentions of the baby or child, we should consider the partnership of all the caring adults who love and guide a child into adulthood.  We really do need a village to raise a kind, thoughtful, respectful and understanding child.  These are attributes that can be taught and reinforced from a myriad of loving, kind and concerned adults.

Economy Changing Face of ChildCare

No longer is the mother staying at home to raise children while the father goes out to earn the living.  The economy worldwide is dictating that parenting, childcare and day to day involvement may be shared or even shifted to the Dad.

Psychologists and sociologists agree that the father is supposed to be the chief transmitter of culturally based concepts of what is masculine and what is feminine.  Growing up beside a loving dad who talks, has interest in activities, sets guidelines and gives wise discipline will set any child on a journey of success.

Dads are important to children and if there is not one in the life of your child, find a kind, safe and loving mentor who can teach and share the lessons of life that only a man can teach. Life lessons from dads can influence a child’s life forever.

You are invited to go to http://www.encouageselfconfidence.com to learn new techniques which will reframe negative thoughts and belief patterns into positive actions. You will be very glad you did.

Cardboard Boxes and Blank Walls- the Challenge of Every Military Wife

© Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com

What do you mean we have to be across the country next week?  How can the kids be pulled out of sports, school and the arms of their best friends again? Good thing we still have some of the cardboard boxes left from the last move. We never got around to unpacking them, so that is even better. At least the content is written on the outside of the box.  The majority of the boxes ended up with labels of Kitchen Misc. or Bathroom stuff or “I Hate This Crap-I Don’t Want to Move-signed by The Indentured Servant Who Wanted to Go to The Mall Today”

One would think after 12 moves in 15 years, a smart family would begin to simplify their possessions. A smart family would rid themselves of old yearbooks, unused cookbooks, scruffy stuffed animals and pans with no lids.  A smart family would just look for the nail in the walls and hang their pictures on them, regardless of placement.  By the time we found the separate boxes holding the hammer, level, hooks and pictures, it was almost time to move again.

No, we weren’t the smartest family in the military, but we were one of the most grateful.  We were filled with gratitude for each other, the ability to see the country and to make new friends and grateful for the experiences along the way.

One particular pivotal experience was moving into military housing on Vandenberg Air Force Base in Lompoc, California. As Dwain and I were unloading boxes, the children ran into the back yard to explore.  They came rushing back to tell us about the strange “thistles” all over the place.

Always the teacher, I called everyone around to tell them about artichokes.  I explained how delicious they were and that we would savor them at a coming meal.  I also used the teaching moment to say that the people who had lived here before had planted the artichokes, knowing that they may never see the fruits of their labor.  Given that it takes artichokes two years to produce, they were leaving a gift for us.

We talked about how we must follow their example and plant seeds everywhere we went. We would plant vegetable seeds, flower seeds, but most of all we would plant the seeds of kindness. We may never see the fruits of our labors just like the family before us, but we would do it anyway.

As we sat on cardboard boxes and looked at blank walls, we feasted on artichokes and butter and praised those who had given us this gift.

Our daughter Deb remarked that the artichoke was like some of the families I work with as a parent educator; the outer edges are tough, closed off and have prickly parts that can hurt if you get too close.  It is only through time, warmth and patience that we can find the outer leaves peeling off more easily and we reach the real treasure- the heart.

The artichoke is now my logo and stands as a symbol of finding the heart of the story in the journey of life. Our journey with cardboard boxes, blank walls and a military life may be a thing of the past, but the life lessons and forever friends will always remain in our hearts.

About the author:

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer is an Author, International Speaker and Life Educator who owns and operates ArtichokePress.com in beautiful Missoula, Montana  She runs a global online business from her home office marketing eBooks, tele-classes, newsletters, family coaching and a number of related products. At www.ArtichokePress.com you will receive free articles and a subscription to the newsletter The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in the journey of life.

A recent client said, “Being with Judy, whether in person, print or tele-class is like having a cup of tea with a loving Auntie who wants the best for you and yours.”

You will find her work warm, witty and packed with wisdom to make your life easier and more abundant.

Hello from Montana:

Can Young Children be Expected to Have Manners?

We have a house full of visitors this summer and lots of children running in and out of the doors, and lots of fingers grabbing for food.  I am struck by how kind some of the children are and how thoughtless others seem to be.  It doesn't seem to be a manner of training, since they come from similar backgrounds and are similar ages.It does seem to be clear that one family has consistent expectations, and the other does not always follow through with training or discipline.

Friendliness is Basis of all Relationships

Being a considerate and helpful friend is one of the simplest and most appreciated good manners that a person of any age can have. The first response usually sets the tone for the relationship and a simple smile and hello is always welcome.  If the adult is a relative or close friend, hugs are always a hit.  While I would never insist that a child hug or kiss someone if they feel uncomfortable, a three to five year old can be expected to look at the person and say hello.  Some children feel comfortable shaking hands, which is a sure sign of respect for the older person.

Older Children Need to be Taught to Introduce Others

Between six to nine years, most children can handle a simple introduction like, "Mom, this is my friend Chase Brown, who is in my class. Chase, this is my Mom, Mrs. Jones."  Help them to understand that introductions go "oldest to youngest, then youngest to oldest." Also by mentioning his mother's last name, Chase is given a subtle hint on what she would like to be called. It is good manners to call adults Mr. or Mrs. unless the adult gives the child permission to address them by another name.

By the age of ten or twelve, a child should have developed enough interpersonal skills to  introduce themselves to adults, shake hands and say "I am glad to have met you." or "Thank you for inviting me, I had a nice time." when leaving.

Moving from Greeting to Conversation

The basis of manners is making the other person feel at ease and comfortable in your presence. One way you do that is to talk about what interests them. Teach children to ask questions (but not too personal) to the other person. Help them to focus on what the other person is saying, verbally and non verbally in order to get conversation clues.

Pleasure to Meet Polite People

Children, teens and adults who are polite, well mannered and well behaved stand out in our mind.  They appear confident and self assured and are a pleasure to be around.

The life skills of  greeting, getting along and building relationships, will put your child in good stead for the rest of his or her life. The polite person is well regarded in the workplace and community.  It is well worth the effort to expect good manners at all times and remind them when they forget to say "thank you" and "you are welcome."

You may want to do role playing to teach these valuable skills.  You can practice greeting people and moving into a conversation. Children are much more confident when they have had an opportunity to practice and know the words to say.

If you are spending time teaching your children manners this summer, I commend you. Be sure to check out http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com for my latest book and some excellent bonus items.  You will be glad you did.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Cereal. Mush. Oatmeal. Granola. Fruit Loops. Frosted Flakes.
Cheerios. Captain Crunch. Kix. Raisin Bran and Choco-berries.

I will take my $100 bill, double coupons and newspaper ad
for items on sale and I will go shopping. My list will include all the boxes and bags of cereal my shopping cart
will hold. It might take two carts to
carry it all, because I am a good shopper. Cereal that routinely sells for
$3.49 a box can be found for less than $1.50 if you know where to look and have
the time. $100 will buy 67 boxes and
help many little children stop that growling in their stomachs.

Vitamins, protein, taste and kid appeal are my guiding
factors when I hit the stores looking for cereal bargains for the local food
pantry. My goal is to get the most for
the money and to be able to offer kids a meal with some nutrition that they can
fix themselves if necessary.

Beans, rice, meat and vegetables taste delicious when there
is an adult present to cook. It would be a wonderful world if families could
count on having a sit down dinner each night around the table. In an ideal
world, there would be plenty of good food and pleasant conversation shared at
that table.

Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

As a parent educator, I have heard the stories of kids and
families going hungry and kids left to forage for food on their own. The number
of latch-key kids in America

is staggering. Many children as young as
5 or 6 are coming home to an empty house and bare cupboards because parents are
working at low level jobs just to keep a roof over their heads. They barely
have time to make it to the local food pantry and certainly don’t have time to
shop for bargains or good tasting cereal for the kids. So I do it for
them.

Kids need to be able to have foods readily available that
are easy to fix, contain some nutrition and taste good. If parents are
unavailable, either physically or emotionally, the children need food that
fills the belly. If necessary, cereal
can be eaten right out of the box.

I buy and donate peanut butter and jelly. I buy and donate milk, apples and bread. But mostly, I buy and donate cereal, a lot of
cereal.