Hello from beautiful Montana:

Wow! Just when our children were raised and became intelligent, thoughtful and kind adults, along came our grandchildren

Teens and Young Adults Need Encouragement and Acceptance

who needed encouragement and guidance.  Today’s parents and teens face new challenges which make adolescence more troublesome than ever before.  But one thing will never change and that is that children, teenagers and indeed all human beings want to be accepted and encouraged.

Nagging is Natural, But Not Effective

When we nag teenagers, we annoy them by persistent fault-finding, criticisms, complaints and demands.  We usually fall back on nagging when our children neglect some duty that is routinely  expected of them, such as cleaning their rooms, doing homework, taking out the garbage, or picking up their stuff scattered all over the house.  It is not the teenager we are irritated with, but the behavior that infringes on our space and comfort.

However, young adults fail to carry out their responsibilities for any number of reasons. Their minds and bodies may be occupied with their own interests and forget how important this task is to you and the rest of the family.  Getting an adolescent to do what they should do or what needs to be done to make life run smoothly is not always easy.  But, our natural reaction of nagging is not only non productive but often makes the situation worse.

Mentor Teenagers Into Positive Behavior

• I am impressed with your strength. Last year you could only carry one bag of groceries and now it is two. (more…)

Ernest Hemingway once said: “The world breaks everyone. and afterward ,many are strong in the broken places.”

When we are going through adversity, it is not always possible to believe that everyone suffers loss and heartache.  It feels and acts very personal when bad luck and rotten life experiences happen to good people.

Our first response is “Why Me?“  We may question whether we did something to deserve this punishment or trouble. We may feel resentment for others who are not suffering and question why trouble did not choose them.  We may even add up all the bad, selfish and dishonest things a certain friend or acquaintance has done and yet still has good health and a big bank account.

It’s Not Fair

Life isn’t fair.  As a mother of six children I tried to hard at Christmas time to make the gifts come out even for everyone.  No matter how many times I counted and then made lists and then recounted, on Christmas morning during the bedlam of presents, paper and toys, I would realize it hadn’t been fair.  Someone had gotten a watch worth twenty dollars and someone had gotten a bracelet worth three dollars.  Some one had gotten the exact doll she wanted and someone else got the one that was in style last year.

We finally decided to recognize and joke that no matter what we did, it was never going to come out even.  But the joy was that  you knew that the chances were good that one day it would be your turn to get exactly what you wanted.  We would often recite the battle cry of large families and pre-schools around the world; “You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.”

Luck or Life

Life is filled with luck and also filled with change and chance.  As Ernest Hemingway said earlier, we all get broken in some way and it is the broken places that make us strong.

Bad Luck is described as unforeseen occurrence, happenstance and yet good luck is described as prosperity, wealth, windfall, success, advantage, profit and triumph, happiness and blessings.  It is often from the luck that the opportunities for growth and development come to us.  When we take the chance to growth through loss, grief and adversity, we will become stronger and more resilient.  I know this is true, because I have experienced in my own life and the lives of countless friends and family.

Questions To Think About

1. Do you consider yourself lucky or unlucky?  Why?
2. Have you ever said “That’s not fair.” Why?
3. What do you think about when bad things happen to you?
4. Can you look back in your life and recognize how a certain situation helped you to grow personally and spiritually?

You are a good person and have been drawn to this information for a reason.  I have confidence in you and your ability to have a good life for you and your loved ones.  If you would like assistance in living a balanced life  please go to

Your friend,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS:  You will want to claim your books, articles and telecasts at

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Who knew that a Buddhist community would be in Montana?  But then why wouldn’t an international dignitary want to come to visit the

Mountains and lakes are perfect for peace gatherings

mountains, streams and especially the people of Western Montana?  For those of us who live here, this is as close to Heaven as we may ever get.  Montana has often been called “The Last Best Place” because of it’s natural wonder and the people who are drawn here to share their lives and talents.

American Heritage Magazine was one who remarked on the diversity of Missoula when an article declared: “Nourished by by powerful rivers and an equally powerful sense of its past, a town of cowhands and poets and bikers and professors distills the whole history of the American West–its hope and rapacity, its calamities and triumphs.”

The area around Arlee, Montana  is especially beautiful as it is the gateway to  the Mission Mountains and beautiful Flathead valley.  In 2000 a student of Tulku Sang-ngang Rinpoche, a respected spiritual leader among followers of Tibetan Buddhism, purchased 60 acres of land north of Arlee and donated it to Ewam Montana.

Garden of 1000 Buddhas

The decision was made to build a garden on this site featuring 1,000 cast concrete statues, which will be placed in a 500 foot  round garden connected by eight spoke-like paths to a 25 foot statue of Yum Chenmo, or great mother, at it’s center. This image has great meaning not only for those of  this small community, but for visitors nationally and internationally who will come to find peace and solace in this garden of 1000 Buddhas. Even those of us who are not Buddhist appreciate the serenity and beauty of the garden.

Dalai Lama Will Visit Garden

The Dalai Lama is one of the world’s most recognized religious leaders and spiritual guides.  His wisdom is sought and appreciated not only by those who practice the Buddhist traditions, but by millions of people world wide.  He won the Nobel Peace Prize and has authored many books, articles and quotes on peace and serenity in life. His teachings of non violence have influenced many shifts in thinking towards peaceful solutions.

Questions For You To Think About

1. What do you know about Buddhism? How did you learn?
2. Would you travel long distances to see a spiritual leader that you admired?  Why or why not?
3. Did the description of the Garden with 1000 Buddhas sound peaceful and serene to you?
4. Have you ever wanted to visit the American West and Montana in particular?
5. Why do you think Montana is called the “Last Best Place”

You are invited to visit our beautiful state and experience the community of people who have respect for all.

For more information on this and other life skills please go to http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello From Beautiful Montana:

“I am furious at you! ” “You make me so mad.” “I am so angry I could scream.”  These are all  angry responses to stress in life.  While it may relieve some of the pressure of the moment, anger takes a price.  It can cost you relationships, employment,respect by others, and love of family.  A major cost is personal for angry people; health related and perhaps even your life. Road rage is an example of allowing the stress and annoyance of being stuck in traffic to escalate into a tragedy.

Benefits of Anger

Stress is a physical experience.  All strong emotions such as anger, fear, excitement trigger powerful hormones which enables a threatened person to run faster, climb higher, shout louder, hit harder and do what must be done in order to survive a perceived attack.   It is anger that is the catalyst of most great organizations that do good in the world.  A mother’s anger that her child has been killed by a drunk driver channels that anger into Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. It is the anger against injustice to schooling young girls in third world countries that motivates Greg Mortensen to write  “Three Cups of Tea” and to build schools that will educate them.

Disadvantages of Anger

Angry people are seen as dangerous and others like to steer clear of them.  They are handled like a loaded gun; others are aware that you could go off at any time and they are frightened to be around you. Those whom you need to have a fulfilling life

Anger management can be learned.

start to avoid you or if they cannot physically leave, tend to guard their words and actions so as not to offend or start a argument.

Not only will angry people find more problems on the job with co-workers and bosses, but will terminated more readily. Those who work with angry individuals tend to avoid situations which may result in an angry outburst and so are reluctant to suggest new ideas or methods of doing procedures, for fear of an emotional outburst.

Physical Changes in Body and Mind

Occasional anger creates no lasting harm to your body and emotions.  However; chronic, sustained and ever present anger keeps the body in a constant state of emergency and relationships in a constant state of fear.  This has an effect on regular body functions such as digestion, high blood pressure, auto-immune diseases, infections,headaches and many more that keep you and those around you from enjoying life to the fullest.

Questions For You

• What are your triggers to anger?
• Can you think of other ways to vent your emotions without getting so mad?
• Are there people in your life that you avoid because they tend to handle stress with anger?
• Has anger ever motivated you to do good?
• What do you think is the best reaction when a driver is clearly angry and experiencing road rage?

Thank you so much for being part of this community of kind and thoughtful people who want respect for all.  You will want to claim your free ebook on encouraging words at http://www.encouragingwords.com

Your friend,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Helping out around the house

Hello from beautiful Montana;

As I go around the country teaching parenting and family relationship communication, I frequently hear about stepkids having more than sibling rivalry, but outright war with each other.  When adults marry, they hope that the children will get along, cooperate with chore charts and want to become a blended family. What they may not take into consideration is the children are going through different stages of emotional, physical and spiritual growth.

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Auntie Artichoke suggests you find ways to connect to step children that make them feel special.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

It is important that it takes time, effort and a great deal of patience to blend two families.  Just because the adults have gone through a marriage ceremony or feel committed to each other, it does not automatically blend personalities, experiences and expectations. Children in step families have a number of emotions that come into play when a non-parent suddenly enters the picture.

Life during the courtship period is frequently unrealistic as well as confusing. Daily life takes teamwork and cooperation to make a house a home. You may not be the natural Daddy or the Daddy they wanted, but you do deserve respect. Respect is earned and does not come automatically.

Step families Are Special

Parenting is hard enough in the first place and children love to test the limits of our patience and skills. Please remember that the children did not ask to be in this position and are understandably concerned and trying to work out the relationships in their own minds.

The child may have been in a position where the mother’s boyfriend gave him treats or special attention in order to win the affections of both mother and child.  Now, in a day-to-day experience it takes a lot of give and take to make the family work, and rewards are not forthcoming for just being there. Generally speaking, the premarital adult-child relationships may be confusing for mature adults as well as children.

Regular Family Meetings

The most successful families I have worked with have always had a regular family meeting or round-table weekly.  This enables all members of the blended family to discuss issues, set goals and clarify situations.  These meetings, which allow both parents and children to participate and become empowered.  Held on a weekly basis, many small problems can be solved before they become large ones.

Discussing problems and expectations on a regular basis allows everyone to feel part of the team.  Make sure that you and your spouse are united on goals for the family and that you show respect and kindness to each other and the children. A good parenting plan includes all responsible adults.

You Are Not My Daddy

One of the main issues of step parenting is to do your level best to respect and honor the relationship the child has with the biological parent, but still offering love and attention. Talk about the biological parent in positive or neutral terms.  If you speak negatively about the parent, the child will feel defensive, guilty and as if he too was being judged harshly.

If the biological or “real daddy” was negligent or a poor parent, your job is to empathize with the child. As you demonstrate that you are going to be a permanent, but loving part of the child’s life, there will be less and less power struggles.

Kids, Chores and More

As you work with the blended or step-family be sure to teach respect and responsibility as life skills. You will find information on Family meetings, appropriate expectations and fun activities to blend your family.

Good Luck.  You do an important job.

Judy H Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.kidschoresandmore.com

Help your children learn self soothing techniques when they are upset.

Hello from beautiful Montana,

When you have a headache do you rub your temples or push hard with your index finger between your eyes? How about when you were upset, did you hold your belly or hug yourself tightly? Do you rub your neck when other people are literally giving you “a pain in the neck?”

If so, you are doing what comes naturally, but has been called the Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT for short. EFT is a soothing technique that releases feelings of stress, anger and buried resentment.  Why wouldn’t you want to teach your child to find ways to break negative thought patterns and become calm?

Self Soothing and Self Care

Dr. Terry Brazelton, author of TouchPoints says one of the most important coping skills we can teach ourselves and our children is how to take care of yourself when you are upset or stressed.  Many adults head for food, alcohol, or drugs when life gets sticky, mainly because we have not developed other coping skills.

We can help children learn techniques of self-soothing so they do not turn to detrimental things like  out of control anger, misuse  of drugs and alcohol and defiant behavior.  No one likes the feeling of being out of control.  We can empower our children to take care of their needs with simple strategies that do not depend on outside sources.  EFT is  a soothing and easy to use technique that releases feelings of stress by rubbing or tapping  acupressure points in order to balance your energy.

Why Massage Feels So Good

We are electrical beings with many electromagnetic fields in the body. Our physical body, which we can see and touch and our energy body which we cannot see.  Positive and negative thoughts and belief systems have electrical charges.  When you are stressed, these electrical charges can get stuck and out of balance.

You may find spots on your body that are tender when you get a massage. Perhaps you didn’t even realize they were sore until they were rubbed.  It feels good to release those knots of tension and move your muscles more freely.

Tapping on Emotional Bumps

Tapping while you think about what upsets you helps smooth out those too-much and too-little energy places.  When you tap you release the energy so it can flow more smoothly. Breathing and talking about your feelings helps to let them go. Deep breathing goes past the rib cage down into the belly and helps create relaxation.

Emotional Freedom Technique is very effective and can be taught easily to children and will benefit them for the rest of their lives.

I am preparing a special report on using EFT for children, so be sure to check back often to get up to date information that will assist you and your family to gain the necessary skills for a happy life.

In gratitude,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from Montana:

What constitutes respect for others?  Is being respectful the key to healthy relationships? Do you have to like someone to be considerate, kind and courteous? How do you work in a relationship where there is an uneven balance of power? Even if you disagree with someone can you respect their rights?

Several years ago there was a study done of 100 self made millionaires.  They ranged in age from young 19 to well over 70.  Their educational experiences extended from grade school to the Ph.D level. They differed in almost all characteristics, except they were all found to be respectful of other people.

Everyone Can Learn and Teach

They had determined early in their careers that everyone had something to teach and to share. They built respectful relationships by learning from others. Even  those who do not believe as you do, or look like you or speak like you, still have something to share and should be given the right to share in some way.

We tend to treat people like we see them. If we see them as arrogant, snooty or even shy, we tend to treat them in that manner.  I just did a radio show recently about a second chance at making a good first impression.  You will want to listen to that one, if you haven’t already.

Live Up to Expectations

Once you find the good or ability in other people you treat him or her better and thus they perform better.  We all tend to live up to the expectations of other people. I have seen children who were average students with one teacher and then become top producers with encouragement and acceptance.

If we see people worthy of respect, then we will treat them that way.  Even when they do not demonstrate their respect for us, we can still treat them with courtesy.

A quote that I love says “If you take a man as he is, you make him worse than he was, but if you see him as being the best person possible, then he, in fact, become the best person possible.”

Courage To Keep Trying

Encouragement is giving someone the courage to keep progressing on an upward road, to move ahead and to fulfill their destiny.  By giving respect and understanding to others in our relationship, we will all move forward. A life journey is seldom without some failure, or detours. When we can acknowledge the progress and respect the effort as well as the individual, we will have a better world.

Please come and join our community of kind, thoughtful people who want understanding and respect for all.You will find us at….

http://www.artichokepress.com

You will also want to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a workbook and bonus items that will assist you in building confidence in the future and courage today.

Thanks for sharing your time with me today,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Auntie Artichoke Says: Children need encouragement. They need to have you cheering their progress and celebrating their success.

Greeting to those who love children;

As caring adults who want to find methods of encouraging positive character traits in the children and youth  we love or work with, we want to give messages that reinforce their efforts.  There are really only two kinds of messages that we can give young people–

• Hurtful ones that diminish or belittle them as individuals and break the spirit. The result is that we dis”couarage’ them from trying again.
• Love signals in verbal and non verbal ways that give them courage to keep trying, to celebrate talents and possibilities.

Children Prefer Beatings to Being Ignored

When I first heard that statement, I was shocked and saddened. As I have visited with those who suffered childhood trauma and abuse, they have shared the feeling that they were invisible, except for the abuse.  No child should feel that way. Ever.Ever. Ever.

We often read about the commercial messages that our children are bombarded with each day and become  concerned that they will believe erroneous advertising.  The messages they receive from their parents and peer group is much more important and has the power to deeply alter their self esteem and identity.

Body Language is Communication of Relationships

Not all signals and sentences come from what we say, but rather how we act when we are present with our children. The crook of an eyebrow, a gesture of the hand, the pat on the back, the wink the smile, the frown, the crossed arms and impatient look are all gestures that speak volumes to others.

What is the message that a smile and a hug  sends to a worried child on test day?  We are encouraging them to do their best and letting them know that we love the person they are, not the test grade.  When we rub our child’s back before bed, or snuggle close to watch a favorite movie we are sharing non-verbal words and encouragement.

Words to Encourage Positive Behavior

• You are very special and I have confidence you will find a good solution.
• I am impressed by how kind you were last week to our neighbor.
• You are a problem solver. Can you see what has to be done next?
• That took a lot of courage. I was impressed with your bravery.
• It looks like you are understanding the math problems. It feels good to finally “get it” doesn’t it?
• You have a good brain, I am interested to see what you think about this?
• You have really made some good choices this week. Good job.

A simple message given to our child becomes their truth and that truth then becomes their belief system and ultimately their self confidence and esteem.  Thoughts and belief system govern their actions, their satisfactions and their joy.

If you would like additional assistance on encouraging words please see http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com

You will be glad you did.

Your friend,  Judy H Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS:  Would love to have you visit our community

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Missoula:

Assuming personal responsibility is one of the measures of a mature individual.  This is a goal for each of us and one we want to teach our children.  This act of assuming personal responsibility is the willingness to think for myself and to act wisely with choices from my own mind.  Others may have influence over me and may instruct, give tools, assist, and  try to persuade me to go against my best interest.  However,  I do not grant others authority or my consciousness or follow blindly when I do not understand or agree.

When one act responsibly, it is with the agreement that the achievement of my happiness is my own job. No one else has the power to “make me happy” or “make me mad.”

I know that I, alone, am responsible for  my life, well-being, attitude and actions in all those areas that are open to my choice.

What is Not My Responsibility?

Just as I determine what I am responsible for, I need to recognize and acknowledge all that I am not responsible for.  I can control my own actions and thoughts, but I am not responsible for control other people’s thoughts and actions.  I can influence them with new information or ideas but do not have the power or the right to control their minds and lives.

As parents, we have a responsibility to teach character traits and values.  Does this insure that our children will not reject the teachings and make wrong choices? No, each individual has the right to make choices for their lives. Sometimes parents in my parenting classes will be racked with guilt because they taught and modeled honesty and their son still shoplifted.

Lack The Power To Control Others

Many feel that it is their responsibility to help others make wise choices.  They imagine themselves to posses a power no one posses; the power to determine the choices another person will make. If we learn that we do not have control over the minds and lives of others, we must also accept that we do not have complete and unlimited control over our own lives either.

Forces Beyond Our Choices Occur

It is a hard lesson to learn that sometimes bad things happen to good people.  Individuals do suffer through no fault or responsibility of their own. Choices are frequently very limited. All of us are affected at times by political,economic, environmental conditions that we do not choose.  We do have options, that are within our responsibly, of how we react or respond to those forces.

You are invited to claim your free ebook on Use Encouraging Words at http://www.useencouragingwords.com

Auntie Artichoke Asks- What is your responsibility and what is not your responsibility?