How To Be A Good Parent -Parenting Is Coaching

In today’s information age, parents are bombarded with tips, advice, and guidelines even before their children arrive in their arms. Everywhere parents turn, there’s another website, another friend, or another book pushing a different set of rules for how to be a good parent. Confusion is inevitable.
Trying to figure out the exact right way to be a good parent can become an obsession that obscures the real joys of parenting!
Trust Your Gut- But Get Assistance

Parenting is a big job! Listen and learn from successful families. Mentor your child to be a healthy, self-sufficient responsible adult.

You are the best expert on how to parent your child. But……….everyone needs tools to become a better parent and person.  If you grew up in a dysfunctional home or lack parenting skills, go to parenting classes, seek professional help or ask successful families that you know how to parent.
As a parent, you are more than a babysitter. To your children, you are a life mentor, supporter, coach, and guide. You do more than keep your child alive: you teach your child how to live. You are a specialist in your own lifestyle and have seen much of what works and a lot of techniques that are not healthy.
Don’t be shy about sharing your knowledge with your children! In our family, life always ran smother when we had family meetings and could discuss in a democratic way what was going on in life.  For an outline on Family Councils, see http://www.kidschoresandmore.com
Don’t Try To Be Perfect- Just Be Present
The perfect parent does not always have dinner on the table at six. The perfect parent does not always serve the healthiest option available. The perfect parent does not always know what to say. The perfect parent does not exist!
Families can do fine as long as the rules and boundaries are fair and consistent. If there is a foundation of unconditional love and forgiveness, then families will thrive, not just survive.
Rather than draining all of your energies as a parent in attempts to meet the standards others set for you, realize that the real answers to being a good parent lie within you. Spend time with your children listening and sharing and you will develop your own parenting style.
Mentor and Teacher–Not BabySitter

We are coaches, supporters, guides, and mentors to our children.
A football coach does not try to mentor children in French, yet many type B parents, encouraged by friends or media, try to teach their children to live a type A lifestyle. This is counter-intuitive and ultimately leads to frustration and confusion for both child and parent.
Like any other coach, mentor, or guide, a good parent teaches what he or she knows and admits what he or she doesn’t know.  You will be amazed at what your child will teach you.  They have a much less jaded prospective on life and can not only smell the roses but see the little Lady bugs.
Your best parenting style will be an extension of your own personal style.
Allow your personality, and that of your child, to guide you as you decide which parenting suggestions will work best for you. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Try new ideas. Reject the ones that don’t work for you or your child, and make the ones that do a  consistent part of your routine.

Self Awareness Quiz

1. What is some parenting advice that didn’t work for me and my child? What is some advice that did work?

2. What parenting methods from my past do I want to change or modify?

3. What are my goals as a parent?  How can we function best as a family?
Thanks for joining us today and sharing time learning new methods of parenting and family life.  This is the most important work you will ever do in your life. Enjoy your family and allow your child to enjoy you.
This article is written by Judy Helm Wright, life educator @ http://www.ArtichokePress.com You may have permission to use in your blog, ezine or offline magazine. Please keep contact information and content intact.

Thank You.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Wow! Just when our children were raised and became intelligent, thoughtful and kind adults, along came our grandchildren

Teens and Young Adults Need Encouragement and Acceptance

who needed encouragement and guidance.  Today’s parents and teens face new challenges which make adolescence more troublesome than ever before.  But one thing will never change and that is that children, teenagers and indeed all human beings want to be accepted and encouraged.

Nagging is Natural, But Not Effective

When we nag teenagers, we annoy them by persistent fault-finding, criticisms, complaints and demands.  We usually fall back on nagging when our children neglect some duty that is routinely  expected of them, such as cleaning their rooms, doing homework, taking out the garbage, or picking up their stuff scattered all over the house.  It is not the teenager we are irritated with, but the behavior that infringes on our space and comfort.

However, young adults fail to carry out their responsibilities for any number of reasons. Their minds and bodies may be occupied with their own interests and forget how important this task is to you and the rest of the family.  Getting an adolescent to do what they should do or what needs to be done to make life run smoothly is not always easy.  But, our natural reaction of nagging is not only non productive but often makes the situation worse.

Mentor Teenagers Into Positive Behavior

• I am impressed with your strength. Last year you could only carry one bag of groceries and now it is two. (more…)

Hello;

Greetings from Griz Country - Montana

 As a relationship author and parent educator, I am often asked to speak about many topics concerning families.  It is such a treat to see parents taking responsibility for raising kids that are kind, thoughtful, creative and respectful of all.  When I see parents and teachers working together in partnership, I know the child will be successful.

Teachers Enhance What Parents Have Taught

Parents, child care providers and extended families have few responsiblities more important or more rewarding than helping children to learn.  The love of learning is a pattern that is established in early years and then enhanced as the child and subject matter grows.  As a parent, you are your child’s first and best teacher Children learn what is modeled and appreciated by the adults in their life.

No Need To Be A Teacher To Teach

Many parents tell me that they don’t feel qualified to teach their children. I disagree.  The best education is an ongoing endeavor and you and your child can learn together.  Use your daily activities to informally teach your children about reading, math, geography, and science as well as to be an observent part of the world around us.  There is a huge connection between academic knowledge and the skills you use and share every day at home and work. 

Children Are Naturally Curious

During their pre-school years the child’s brain is developing at an amazing speed. Even though your daily activities may seem boring to you, to your child they provide a wide view into the world around them.  The most important things you can do to assist your child’s brain to expand is to read, sing and talk to them every opportunity you have.

When they are able to connect words and language to daily experiences, they are more apt to seek out even more and exciting information.  When you read to your child, they almost automatically learn about written language, tone of voice, facial expressions and that reading is a fun thing to do. Show them the shapes of letters and help her find her initials in the book or newspaper.

Work and play can be a great learning time.  When your child is in the kitchen with you, encourage them to taste,smell, feel and describe the different foods. Talk to your child as you prepare meals and  answer his questions. Be sure to ask him what he thinks the answer is. Help the creative juices to start flowing early in life.

Research has shown that children who have a good vocabulary and are aware of the names and sounds of letters when they begin school, learn to read sooner and consistently do better at studies. Parents, grandparents, care providers and extended families are the first and best teacher to the children they love.

I salute your important work with raising responsible children. You will want to claim the free report on responsible children at http://www.kidschoresandmore.com

You will be glad you did.

Your friend,

Judy H Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Developing responsibility in children is important in most families. As I work with parents, grandparents, teachers and other caring adults who work with kids who are in school, I hear the following questions about responsibility;

• How do I get my child to do homework
• How do I get my child to clean his room
• How do I get my child to do his chores
• How do I get my child to feed the pet
• How do I get my child to practice the piano
• How do I get my child to speak to the family with respect

The problem is that responsible and acceptable behavior is different for every person and every child.  When children are in school there are lots of new and exciting adventures that take their thoughts and energy away from the task at hand.

Difference between obedience and responsibility

One of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn is that you can’t make anyone do anything long term. You can force your child to do their homework tonight by yelling, screaming and threatening, but I promise you he will dislike school and you.

The difference between obedience and responsibility often comes down to this simple distinction, Who owns the problem. If you realize that the dog is hungry and you fix it by filling the food dish, but punish or yell at the child, you still own the problem.  You will be telling the child to feed the pet every day and he will expect you to tell him  and then lecture or else feed the dog.

Obedience needs no agreement or buy-in from the child. The motivation comes from an outside force, in this case, you making the child feel guilty.

Responsibility, however, involves the acceptance and understanding of the natural (the dog has no way to feed himself) and logical (the child feeds the dog before he eats breakfast and dinner) consequences.

Chore Charts Tell Child What Is Expected

When the parent is in the telling position and the child is in the doing position, which means the child won’t do if the parent doesn’t tell.  The chore chart is a wonderful tool for pulling adults away from always telling the child what to do and when to do it.  Chore charts shift the responsibility to the child and makes the chart the regulator and judge, not the adult.

Chore Charts or job lists or behavior calendars get the emotion out of the situation and strengthens both independence and responsibility.  The best advantage of a chore chart that has been agreed on at a family council is the “buy-in” from all parties.  Everyone knows what is expected to be done and the time frame for accomplishing said task and have decided and agreed on the consequences if it is not done.

Schools are not the teachers of responsibility. Their job is to enhance what has already been learned and modeled in the home and care giving situations. Those of us who love the child need to find methods and techniques to help the child to assume personal responsibility for their decisions and actions.  We increase the odds of teaching the child to work independently by being consistent and realistic in our expectations.

Be sure to check out http://www.responsiblechildren.com for a free report on “30 Ways To Get Your Kids To Help At Home.”  You will be glad you did.

With gratitude for the important work you do with children,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS:  Do you know an organization that is looking for a dynamic keynote speaker on responsibility?

I give a very generous finder’s fee.

Hello from beautiful Montana;

Parents, ask yourself - Would you like to work for a boss who never complimented your efforts? Who only commented on what you had done wrong? Would it make you a more  loyal employee to receive positive feedback and encouragement on the things you were trying to learn?

You would be more willing to change habits or ways of doing tasks if your instructions were not always negative and demeaning.

The answer is no! None of us like to be in a negative environment where we are discouraged from trying new methods or ways of doing things. Being told  to do something only one way stifles the imagination and limits the use of creative freedom. Work can be fun if we feel empowered.

Many workplaces and homes do tasks in the same old, same old way.  It is not an adventure to clean closets or pick up clothes, but a drudgery and a habit to do it the same way. Giving the parameters of a job and then allowing the freedom to find new and better solutions builds confidence and independence.

Change Your Responses to Change Bad Habits

If your child habitually drops his coat on the sofa when he comes home from school and that annoys you,  have a brainstorming session with him and let him come up with new solutions. For every situation there are at least five solutions, so don’t get stuck using just one.

Give recognition for even the smallest of accomplishment as your child learns new skills and practices the old ones. Focus on the process not the specific task. For instance, “You are doing a better job with putting the bed covers on straight. Why do you think it is important to have the same amount of sheet on each side of the bed?”

You certainly are not going to compliment your child on every little thing he does right (even though statistics show he does 19 right to every 1 unacceptable act) but you are hopefully going to toss out encouragement words and phrases here and there on the days journey.

Positive Feedback Can Change Habits and Lives

Looking for something positive to give feedback on can change the attitude of the recipient. Positive encouragement has such great motivating power.  It should be honest and sincere or the child will think it is worthless and phony.

Encouragement focuses on the effort and progress made. Praise tends to focus on the finished product and only offered after the job is done.  Encouraging and positive feedback inspire children with hope and faith that they will improve.

We want our children to believe that the positive power behind them is always greater than the problem in front of them.

In gratitude for the important work you do.

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

PS:  Be sure to check out http://www.ResponsibleChildren.com You will be glad you did.

Focus Attention on the Learning Experience

When parents and other caregivers focus attention  on  the finished product, rather than the learning experience, it does not encourage the child to be a problem solver. If only perfectly made beds are acceptable, then why keep trying because perfection is not possible.

Trail and Error is a Great Teacher

Logical and natural consequences help children learn much more than one more lecture on how to do “my way.”  Part of being a mature responsible adult is seeing cause and effect.

If the soccer uniform does not get in the laundry, then the child will have to wear a stained shirt to the game.  Questions such as “What did you learn from this experience today?” or even “Given how this turned out for you, what do you think you could do next time?”

Next Time….

As you help the child evaluate, plan for the next time and encourage them to problem solve on their own, you will be adding to their core of confidence. They will also gain a sense of independence when they don’t rely on others to judge their work and worth.

By stressing that failure is never final and we are all on a learning curve, you will be giving them permission to start over.

Raising Responsible Children may seem overwhelming to you, especially if you don’t know the way. However, it is  possible and doable with the assistance and guidance of the parents located a http://www.KidsChoresAndMore.com

Get it today.  It will be an investment in your families harmony and the future of your child.

In support and confidence,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Hello from Montana:

Shyness is an adjective or label imposed by others when they observe someone who does not communicate well and is at unease in social situations. We may label ourselves as “quiet, reticent, unassuming or even self-contained.”

People who are shy in social situations usually do not see it as a problem until someone points it out or draws attention to the behavior.  The perspective of how to look at shyness is interesting, because those who are shy, see only a quiet demeanor.  Observers however, tend to judge the shy person as standoffish, rude, snobby, superior attitude and wants to be left alone.

Starting The  Change From Shy to Confident

It is important for those who consider themselves as quiet or not good at communication to realize that it is okay to be quiet occasionally.  Everyone has periods of  being quiet and also of being confident and outgoing.

If you want to learn to be more confident, especially in social situations, be willing to take a few chances.  One never grows in confident by staying in a comfortable place.  It is only when you step out of your old habits and find a new comfort level that you move toward success.

Practice The Steps To Overcome Shyness

Being shy is not a disease, it is a behavior.  Behaviors can be changed.  Belief systems and negative thoughts can be changed.

Communication is a process of sharing in a relationship. Just by forcing yourself to smile, you will find others more receptive to you and your ideas. The next time it will be easier and easier.

Please commit to starting on the journey to no longer by shy in social situations. For additional support and assistance, please go to:

http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Do you speak the same language as your spouse, children, boss and co-workers?  You may very well be  nodding your head and saying; “Of course, we all speak English or Spanish or French.” You may  understand the words others speak, but do you always get the message they intended? Do others sometimes miss what you are trying to convey in words?

There is a much more universal language and that is the language of love and friendship. Sometimes the words spoken and verbal languages are the least important part of communication.

Body Language

Spoken words are the communication of information and are only integrated and believed about 20% of the time.  Body language is the communication of relationships  and is accepted and believed 80% of the time. If a choice comes between what you say and what you do, people will always believe what you do and how you make them feel.

It is the unspoken facial expression of delight when someone you love comes into view. It is the pat on the back for the teenager to indicate you are on his side. It is warm handshake for a business client. It is smiling at the grocery clerk who is obviously stressed and overwhelmed.

Relationships Need Communication to Grow

For all of us, our communication skills directly relate to how successful we’ll be in the inner personal relationships, both personal and professional.  Learning to respect others unconditionally will help us to connect on a spiritual level.

You don’t need to like what others say and do, but you do need to respect their right to be who they are.  Our souls are all connected, and by communicating with the language of love, we will be able to understand those who are struggling to speak “our language of love.”

Your friend and supporter,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote motivational speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Do you know why it is so much easier to harvest negative thoughts

Plant positive thoughts and actions with affirmations. Just as you choose to put good food in your body, put good thoughts in your mind.

and beliefs from our minds and actions? Do you know how to plant positive thoughts with affirmations? We are what we think about, so it is in our best interest to think positive thoughts.

Law of Attraction – Thoughts equal Actions

When we begin search for great self knowledge, in any recovery program or just in the inner soul examinations we may feel that all we are seeing are character flaws. One reason the negative thoughts come up so easily is because parents, siblings, teachers and religious leaders were so eager to tell us what we were doing was wrong.

If those messages came from someone we trusted, we probably believed what they were saying. and then the thoughts became belief systems and we acted according to them.

Minds Are Like Gardens

When you plant a bean seed, you not only get a bean but multiples of beans. It is a law of nature, that what you plant multiplies in gestation. It is the same thing with thoughts. When you plant, or have planted negative thoughts into your sub-consious mind, you will have many, many more negative thoughts and thus actions.

Plant Positive Thoughts With Affirmations

In psychology, an affirmation is a positive thought or statement declaring (or affirming) that a desired goal has been reached or is within reach. When using affirmations, think of them as planting positive flowers or seeds. You can expect to see more as they grow and develop and spread to other areas of your life.

Repeat Affirmations Many Times  Daily

• I am a kind and loving person.
• I am strong and healthy.
• I am a problem solver and look for new solutions to old problems.
• It is easy for me to learn new methods of doing things.
• I smile at people because I am glad to be alive and to share my life with them.
• I will list 3 things I am grateful for tonight before I go to sleep. I have many to choose from.
• I am a fortunate person and good things happen to me.

I have confidence in your ability to change your negative thoughts to positive actions with the use of affirmations.

You are invited to go to this website for great ideas for you.http://www.confidenceclues.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

When we talk about the ability to make friends, there is one quality

As adults model kindness, friendships follow for our children

that attracts others to you as a bee to a flower.  That quality is the the decision you make to practice kindness to everyone you see.

Just as with any other behavior or skill the deciding factor is the consistency of the practice. Many people want to play the piano, but not many dedicate themselves to practicing the scales daily. However, after a while the practice of anything, piano or building friendships, becomes automatic action and does not require conscious decision. It just is.

Make Others Comfortable

The word kindness has a soft and gently feel to it, and yet it is one of the most powerful forces for good in the world today.  Going out of your way to make other people comfortable and feel good about themselves has a ripple effect on the workplace, family, neighborhood, community and world.

When we practice kindness, we will easily make friends and build a support system.  The mere act of truly listening to others as they speak, of being aware of those who need assistance or encouragement, and of looking beyond our own needs, is empowering.

Friends Are a Resource And Strength

You will find that as your network of  true friends and acquaintances grow, so will your confidence and self esteem.  Knowing that you have built a network of people who care about you just as you care about them will give you courage to try new things and be open to new opportunities.

As you practice kindness each day do it with the goal of simply being a kind person.  The side effect of making friends will be an added bonus. People can tell if they are being manipulated or used, just as you can.  Make friends comfortable being around you, so they know they can trust your motivation is to help them, not use them.

If your child is having problems on the playground or has a hard time making friends click here:
http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

You will be glad you did.

In gratitude,

Judy Helm Wright, aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker