Hello from beautiful Montana:

You want to be self-confident and you want to build that inner core of strength in your children and grandchildren or you wouldn’t have been drawn here. Something in those words resonated with your heart.

You have taken the first step on a wonderful journey that will help you to recognize and teach that you and yours are good human beings and worthy of respect and love.

Here is a small video you will enjoy; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaGbg3yKyuo

Even if you tend to see the negative or look at life with pessimistic eyes, it is possible to change your viewpoint. Becoming an encouraging person with an attitude of gratitude is a skill. It is not an overnight acquisition nor is it something that can be purchased. Skills take work and practice. They take a dogged determination to overcome obstacles in order to gain a reward.

It takes a process similar to improving any other skill you have conquered in your life. Think back on when you learned to ride a bike, play an instrument, or speak a foreign language. Who was it that taught you the basics and encouraged your efforts as you kept trying, even after falling off again and again?

Most of us want to play the piano, but not learn the scales and practice each day. Many wish they spoke a foreign language, but don’t want to take the time, money and effort to study.

It takes becoming and practice before it becomes a part of our being. Confidence in self and a positive attitude cannot be wished into being. It is a lifelong skill that requires commitment, time and consistent practice.

In order to learn any skill you must have a deep desire to:

1. Be aware and clear in your mind of the advantages in learning something new and incorporating it in your life.
2. Ask to be mentored or taught by someone you trust.
3. Learn the basics of the task or skill but don’t expect perfection right away.
4. Expect some setbacks and don’t become discouraged.
5. Set up a plan of action with measurable steps in order to reach an ultimate goal.
6. Focus on effort and use self-encouragement.
7. Move forward and do something every day to take advantage of momentum.
8. Enjoy the skill as it becomes automatic action and enhances your life.

Changing your outlook to one of encouragement and positive outcome will be a life skill that will not only affect you but everyone around you.

You are invited to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com to read more about this process of building your self confidence and self-esteem.  You will be so glad that you took the steps to overcome anxiety and fear and step into the light.

Your Friend and Supporter,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

If you want to make sure you or your child have an occupation that will last forever and will always be in demand, then learn to be a problem solver.  A new job description for a new world would read;

“Wanted: people who are bright, thoughtful, able to work without supervision and without a firm structure in place.  Especially want those who make their own rules and imagine the amazing possibilities. Searching for people who are willing to be a problem solver of all kinds of situations and to think not only outside the box, but outside the universe.”

Five Solutions for every Situation

The leaders, shakers and movers of the new world will have to recognize that there is no one answer for each problem.  There is no one way that anything can be done.  There are dozens, hundreds and thousands of ways that have not been tried and utilized.

Imagination, creativity and the ability to see into the future will make for the new workers.  I tell my grandchildren that their job has not been created yet, and they are going to be the ones to create it. Their life skills need to include day dreaming new ideas as well as ordering a pizza.

New Game and New Rules or Guidelines for Success

Don’t worry how the game used to be played, because the rules have completely changed or will as you learn to think of old problems with new solutions.

Your new job description is pretty simple but all encompassing; Be a problem solver and look for new answers, inventions and innovative ways to communicate what you know with others who need your direction and guidance.

I have confidence in you and your ability to see new ways of solving problems. If you are

concerned about your level of self confidence, see

http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com

Blessings,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Burp! Belch! Other obnoxious sounds and smells come from your 12 year old son. You want to die of embarrassment at what people will think of your rude children.  You have certainly tried to teach good manners, but were they even listening?

The problem with teaching tweens or teens manners is that parents frequently do it in a negative or critical way.  It is especially embarrassing to the young person to be corrected or nagged at in public or in front of friends.

Model Good Manners At Home

A young person whose parents treat everyone with respect, kindness and understanding are more likely to use good manners.  Rather than demand your daughter or son use good table manners, show them at home the correct way to hold a fork or pass the potatoes.

When you teach your child about rules of good manners in private and at a neutral (not heated with arguments or family fights) you will find the audience is more receptive.

Good table manners should be modeled at every meal. By establishing rules that govern polite interaction with others, you are teaching them to be aware of the feelings of those they associate with.  Simply be saying, “The rule at the dinner table is to enjoy your food and chew slowly, rather than gulping it down.”

Say Thank You and I am Sorry When Necessary

Your child is more likely to be aware of the feelings of others if you praise the good manners and then gently teach to the errors or mistakes.  When you encourage politeness, you are letting them know what the desired behavior is and it gives the positive reinforcement of the character traits, rather than specific tasks or situations.

If you are wrong, apologize. If someone is kind to you, say Thank you.  You child will be much more likely to do what you do, rather than what you say.

It is no fun to have rude children and in order to teach good manners, we need to use the “teachable moments” when they come along.  We want to be proud of the actions and intentions our children display in public and at home.

If you are having much more serious problems like lying, cheating, defiant kids or an out of control child, please go to a special website I have set up just for you.  You will receive a ten day e-Course on transforming for no cost to you.  You will be glad you did.

http://www.disciplineyesppunishno.com

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

Stepdad, hmmm, Does that mean that you are available to be stepped on or walked over?  No, you are not a stepped on dad.  You are an important part of your children’s and step children’s lives, even if they don’t always respect you or your position as the dad in this house.

You will never be their stepkids’ birth parent and you never will be.  Even if the other parent is deceased the children may refer to him as “my real dad.”  That is okay. That is reality.  But it is also reality that you are not necessarily worthless or inferior to the birth parent.  You are each unique and provide different aspects to parenting.

Dad of This House

Most stepparents want more than respect. We hold the dream that we will also be loved and honored by them as we hope we can build a new family unit.  Many therapists tell me that young children are very black and white and cannot deal in abstract thinking.

What this means is that when children begin to transfer affection to a step parent, they feel guilty and disloyal to the birth parent.  They need to be told that it is okay to love many people and that it is good to have a number of adults who care and support them.

Don’t Expect Instant Love

You may feel irritated or resentful of your stepchildren.  You don’t have to automatically love them, but you do have to act in a loving and respectful way towards them and their mother.

As you give and demand respect and kindness, you will create a shared life filled with memories. Love and affection take time to grow in any relationship.  Many times, just looking at what the child might be feeling and having an honest and open communication will pave the road for a mutually respectful relationship.

Step dad or stepped on dad?  How about being a part of the village it takes to raise a child.  We are all in this together.

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members,coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.

Artichoke Press is the home site of Judy H. Wright, family relationship coach and author of over 20 books and many articles on family relationships. If your organization would like to schedule Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer, for a workshop please call 406.549.9813.

(c) Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.

PS: If your family is having problems with disrespectful and rude children and you need ideas on how to deal with out of control kids; check it out. You will be glad you did and so will your family. http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com

I had never heard of Indigo children five years ago.  But I kept

Indigo Children need different parenting skills to gain cooperation.

seeing these kids in my parenting classes that seem to shine.  They were always active and full of themselves. Very hard to handle for parents and irritating to other adults. But then I started to see a pattern with some of the children and realized that not only did I know  Indigo Children, but I had one.

According to Lee Carroll and Jan Tober authors of a book published by Hay House Publishing, “An Indigo Child is one who displays a new and unusual set of psychological attributes and shows a pattern of behavior generally undocumented before.”

We are in the midst of human evolution and it is happening with our children and grandkids.

What does that mean to parents, day care providers and teachers who are trying to deal with these kids?

It means that discipline, reasoning and rigid rules that may have worked on other children will probably not work with Indigos.  We need to shift our parenting styles and expectations in order to allow them to function well in a society that not only does not understand their actions, but wants to drug them.

The book goes on to list the common traits of Indigo children. I have adapted these with my own observations.

1. They come into the world with a feeling of royalty.
2. They have a sense of being here for a reason.
3. Full of self worth and not much humility.
4. Have difficulty with absolute authority or rigid rules.
5. Have  agreat deal of difficulty waiting in line or taking turns.
6. Easily frustrated with systems that do not allow for creative thought and input.
7. Often have a much better idea on how things should be done.
8. May appear anti-social. School may be difficult for them socially. Would rather turn inward.
9. Will not be manipulated by guilt or threats.
10. If you ask them what they really want, they will tell you.

If your child has a number of these characteristics, you will want to research further on this subject. Our family found that old parenting styles were not going to work with an Indigo child.

Click here and You will find additional information at http://www.disciplineyespunishno.com for a series of free articles on    transforming your family communications and cooperation.

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members,coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.

Artichoke Press is the home site of Judy H. Wright, family relationship coach and author of over 20 books and many articles on family relationships. If your organization would like to schedule Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer, for a workshop please call 406.549.9813.

Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.

Divorce is hard on kids and adults and friends and neighbors. There is nothing easy about divorce. It requires a mind shift about expectations, dreams and plans for the future.

No matter how agonizing this is for the adults involved, you have to be supportive for your children. Children need to be told what is happening, and depending on their ages and vulnerabilities, they may need to hear a little bit about why.

Answer Questions Truthfully

There will be lots of questions right away and many, many more as you all go through this journey. They may ask specific questions about where  will I go to school, where will I live, where will dad or (mom) live?

The often unasked question, but one that most children harbor in their heart is; “Did I somehow cause this?  Is it my fault?”

Reassure Them Frequently

Even infants and toddlers can react negatively with sleep, toilet training and eating. Preschoolers may start to hit or have temper tantrums. School problems, bed-wetting or hyperactive can be a usual reactions for school age children.  Teens, tweens and even adult children may feel depressed, lonely, devalued, anxious or even ashamed.

Adults must put the needs of the child first and be a resource of reassurance in their life. The burden of being the “grown-ups” must fall on the caring adults.  This isn’t always easy to do when there is anger, disappointment and  betrayal.

No matter how angry you get, don’t tell your children that you hate your spouse or focus on the bad points.  Your kids are part of that person, and may very well feel that you are saying you hate them too.

Cooperate On The Children

Kids need to be reassured that they will be safe and cared for. Parents need to find a way to cooperate with each other over parenting issues. Put the needs and emotions of children first.  Do not expect them to be pawns in a struggle or to be involved in loyalty contests, that is not their job.

Divorce doesn’t have to be devastating, but can be a growing experience and an opening to closer communication with all the parties who are involved.

If you need additional assistance with parenting, please claim the  free 10 week e-course on transforming your family at http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

5 Ways to Understand Your Children

guest post by Adrienne Carlson

There is nothing more precious in the world than our children, and as parents, there is nothing we would not do to ensure their happiness. Unfortunately, as they grow older, they seem to grow away from us, mostly due to the fact that we are not able to understand them as well as we used to. Most parents fail in their duties as mom and dad when their kids hit their pre-teen years, and it often takes years before the balance is restored again. But if you want to avoid the unpleasantness of fighting with your kids and being their enemy No.1 during their formative years, you need to understand them first. And to do this, you must:

• Listen to them: When your child talks to you, don’t just hear what he or she is saying; instead, listen to more than just their words. Observe the tone, their body language, the expressions on their face, and the mood they are in. This way, you know exactly how your child feels about a particular issue or situation even though they may not say so in so many words. When you don’t listen to your children, they slowly drift away from you and you find it difficult to connect to them.
• Put yourself in their place: Very often, the generation gap widens when you don’t look at things from their point of view. Remember that you were also a teenager once and that you too were at odds with your parents. If you make the effort to explain to your children why you set certain rules and also try to understand their view of the situation, you grow closer to them, and in spite of the differences, you remain close to them.
• Be their friend: There are times when your kids need you to be their friends rather than parents, so switch roles accordingly. When they know that they can come to you with any problem they might have and that you are not going to hit the roof and act like a typical parent, they tend to trust you more and let you into their lives.
• Be attentive: Most kids who get into trouble often do so because they are seeking attention – in their book, the only way they can make their parents take notice of them is to engage in disruptive behavior. So understand your children’s cry for attention and spend more time with them so that they grow up to be mature adults with good values.
• Don’t interfere too much in their lives: No one likes a snoop, least of all adolescents with growing pains and troubles. So allow them their privacy and don’t interfere too much in their lives. Talk to them instead of going behind their backs, and be a friend who understands rather than a parent who reprimands.

Your children are your greatest assets, so nurture them well in order to enhance the value of their lives.

By-line:

This guest article was written by Adrienne Carlson, who regularly writes on the topic of physical therapy assistant schools . Adrienne welcomes your comments and questions at her email address: adrienne.carlson1@gmail.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

We recently showed a rental property to a family searching for adequate and affordable housing. The mother turned to the child and said “what do you think darling, should we rent this house.”  The child shook his head and yelled NO at the top of his lungs.

Of course that is what most two year old children do. I was grateful they took the advice of their child (gimmee a break, people) and decided to keep looking.  It was pretty evident who wore the pants or diapers in that family.

Responsibility of Parent is to Lead

Many parents try too hard to be friends with their children rather than parents to them.  It is good to have a family where all members can be heard and acknowledged, but the parents job is to lead, teach and guide children.

It is actually scary to a child to realize that the power has shifted and he is in charge of the situation.  He, rightfully so, expects the adults to protect him and keep him safe. Firm, kind and loving discipline may not always seem like the most popular parental obligation. However, it is much more important to the child’s development than having another buddy to play with.

Children Should Challenge Authority

It is perfectly normal child development to test the limits, push the buttons and challenge authority.  Our job as parents and caring adults is to establish boundaries and assist them in learning personal responsibility.  The best lessons are learned through natural or logical consequences.

Assume Parental Leadership

The most secure children and confident adults have parents who recognized that family life was not a popularity contest but they were loved and protected.

You can’t lead and guide a child’s development by seeking his approval constantly.  You don’t want to say “Sweetheart, are you ready for bed?  It’s time for beddy by, okay?    You are opening up for arguing, whining and negotiation.

Instead simply make an announcement “It’s time for bed.”

I am excited to offer you a ten part e-course on raising responsible children free! I have taken the series and was so impressed I wanted to share with you. All you need to do is click http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com

and a new lesson will come to your email box each day.

Have a great day with your children and remember you are the parent.

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS: Here is the site again for the free e-course on responsible children http://www.disciplineyespunishno.com

Hello from chilly Montana:

If you are a male born between 1961 and 1980, and you have children, you are called a generation X Dad.  You are building connections with kids who are born between 1981 and 2002 and are part of the Generation Y.

Huh? What? Whatsup? No Way

Have you ever wondered if you and your teen or tween were speaking a different language.  The answer is yes.  You each come from a different part of history,  different learning styles and especially different expectations of self and others.

Differences in Generation X and Generation Y

Generation X:

• Skeptical outlook – but don’t mind change
• Balanced work ethic, like time off for fun
• Unimpressed by authority or titles
• Most likely to start their own business
• Reluctant to commit, want to be self reliant

Generation Y:

• They generally have an optimistic outlook
• They are committed to working at a variety of jobs to earn a living
• Much more respectful of diversity
• They will follow an individual or a dream, but not necessarily an organization
• Don’t automatically trust and respect leaders, must be earned
• Hungry for tradition and family roots
• They are more empowered by their own confidence
• Want to be thought of as Problem Solvers – don’t like orders

Connections Between Generation X and Y

No matter what label society puts on us, we all want the same things from life;

1. Acceptance
2. Approval
3. Appreciation

If  Generation X dads are serious about building connections with kids, it is as simple as following the the 3 “A”s listed above.

You can do it.  I have confidence in your ability to use your influence as a father, teacher, mentor or grandfather to build lasting connections with kids.

If you would like the words to say, please claim a free eBook called Use Encouraging Words to Motivate Positive Action You will find it at:

http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker