Hello from beautiful Montana:

Conflict is inevitable. As long as we have at least two human beings interacting, we will have at least two opinions on how things should be done. You cannot avoid conflict, but you can control it with confidence and a desire to find peaceful solutions.

Have you ever been drawn into a match of wills at work or home only to find that once you jumped in, you could not find a graceful way out? Maybe you were hoping that the other person would just give up or someone would come along to rescue you.

I have listed some ideas for you to use to rescue yourself. Read and reread and then practice these behaviors and you will see less conflict and more cooperation.

Four Confidence Clues

1. Speak in short sentences. Say what you need to say, but don’t belittle the situation or the other person with long explanations. For instance, instead of saying; “Look you jerk, I worked my tail off preparing that report and all you could do is find one little error and want me to do it over again and I don’t have the time or energy to rework something that is good enough for most people.”  How about saying; “I see the error you are concerned about.”
2. Slow down your emotional response. Your first response is usually knee jerk reaction of revealing all the resentment, anger and justification of your actions.  Your rate of speech will be very rapid and fast.  When we speak rapidly, we often make mistakes or say things that are better left unsaid.  Our mind also races ahead of our ability to think and form our answers. You will want to slow down so that you appear to be rational and mature.
3. Watch your body language. Verbal communication is the language of information. Body or non verbal communication is the language of relationships.  If your arms are crossed and foot is tapping, it sends a defensive signal right away to the other person. If possible, take a few deep breaths, put your shoulders back and put one hand in your pocket and the other hanging loosely at your side.
4. Deepen your voice. Stress and anger can tighten your vocal cords, making your voice come out high and screech like.  This higher pitch sends a message that you are vulnerable and emotionally overwrought.  When you breathe as listed above, you will naturally relax and you will feel and hear a deeper, more confident voice coming out of your mouth.                                                                                                                                                                                                     Your goal is not to avoid conflict, because that is impossible, but to control it with confidence and courage.

You can do it. I have confidence in you.  If you would like to build more confidence in yourself  http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com

You will be glad you made the decision to build your self confidence so you can control conflict in your life.  How have you handled conflict in the past? Has that method worked for you? Leave a comment and let’s start a dialog about controlling conflict with confidence.

Your Friend,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Are you or someone you love overcome with low self esteem? A belief system which implies that you are less than others and not deserving of happiness is not serving you well.  Each one of us is born with a gift or destiny. It is important that you find ways and means to build confidence and raise your self-esteem.

Build Confidence With Positive Affirmations

Our thoughts and belief systems are continually running through our minds.  Are your thoughts mostly positive or negative?  Thoughts are like plants in a garden, when you plant a bean (or positive thought) you get multiples of beans. You will want to plant a series of hope, success, happiness and enthusiasm seeds of positive affirmations.

Affirmations are statements of belief.  Your subconscious does not grade or evaluate them.  It just tries to make the actions of the individual (you) make them come true. The more you repeat a statement, the more the mind will hear the message and  encourage your physical body to follow the encouragement.

Affirmations For High Self-Esteem

• I am a worthy person who treats others and myself with respect.
• I am a successful problem solver and find creative solutions.
• I draw others to me who are kind, thoughtful and helpful.
• I  take care of my body and mind so I can appreciate all my talents.
• I am brave, courageous, and unafraid to change ways and thoughts that are not working for my highest good.

Negative Thoughts and Low Self-Esteem Unwelcome

I have confidence in your ability to encourage a positive attitude and high self-esteem. You can do it.  You are worthy of the respect of your peers, family and friends. Just keep planting positive affirmations in your mind and acting in a confident manner.

If you need assistance, please go to:
http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com

You will be glad you did.

In gratitude,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker

Every Relationship is Different

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Wow, Time Flies.  I think we just had New Year’s Eve a few weeks ago. Either time moves faster  or we move slower as age and circumstances come along our life’s journey. I was prompted to think about this particular subject by reading a group writing project by Daniel Scocco and Connie Ragan Green

At a recent gathering, we asked the question of dinner guests;

Was last year happy or horrible for you? After everyone had finished moaning and groaning about some aspects of the past year, I taught them a trick I use to help children be more positive.  This is also a great way to teach ourselves and our children to be problem solvers.

But Then….

As a parent educator I hear all the stories of negative thoughts and pessimistic families.  Parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches and day care providers want to know how to turn negative thoughts, and whiny voices to positive actions.

A technique we used was to allow the child (or adult) to vent and then to say  “But then…” and ask them to tell us something positive that came out of the experience. Sometimes they decided it wasn’t worth the effort to be mad. Or perhaps they realized that there are some things in life you can not change, and so you change what you can and do not worry about the other things.

Life Lesson 101

No one has a life that is completely happy or completely horrible. Most of our joy comes in little bursts of pleasure and enjoyment. Most of our disappointment come in little bursts of frustration or being overwhelmed.

We all have the answers and solutions in our mind and spirit. Sometimes we just need a little nudge to remember or think of them.  There are at least five solutions to every situation and it feels good to be able to come up with an idea you had never considered before.

Lists of Negative and Positive

If you are making a list and checking it twice, be sure to ask yourself what you learned from each negative or horrible experience?  Empower yourself by finding ways to turn horrible into happy.

Your friend and supporter,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker

http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com

Hello from Montana:

This is  tight economy this year, and if you have small children and a lot of expenses, you may be looking for ways to make homemade fun and gifts.

Cards From Construction Paper

When your child makes a greeting card or coupon book for the grandparents or extended family members, it just costs a little time and they have produced a precious one of of kind gift.  Provide them some construction paper or recycled computer paper, a set of crayons or markers, an envelope and it is done!

If your kids can’t write yet, let them draw a picture of something fun they like to do with their grandparents.  Perhaps they will want to include a leaf found on a walk, a recent snapshot or a sample school page with a good grade on it.  You can write the story as they tell you.

No matter what they send, it will be treasured by the grandparents much more than one more “thing.”  Relatives love knowing that the kids actually thought of them and wanted to send them a small reminder of their special relationship.

Kids Need to Learn About Homemade Fun

Your children see many toys and trinkets and really want them.  As loving parents, you wish you could fulfill their every desire. As loving parents you also know that is not only impractical but would be teaching the wrong lesson to the kids to get everything they want. They would develop an air of expectancy and instant gratification that would set them up for disappointment for the rest of their lives.

If you are willing to spend a little time helping them make homemade cards and stories, they will learn that gifts that mean the most come from the heart.

As a grandma and auntie, I have to tell you I have a whole drawer full of homemade cards.  They have been my greatest gifts.  To think someone was willing to spend time, no matter how tight the economy is, is the greatest gift of all.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker

Http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Tell your new friends about a great place to hike in Montana.

If you knew you were entering a room of strangers at work, church, meeting or even a store, what do you feel in your body?  Does your stomach muscles tighten, shoulders come up, hands get sweaty and the area in the back of your neck tighten up?  My body used to do all that plus get a rapid heartbeat I was sure the people on the next street could hear.

Yeah, there is help for shy, anxious and nervous people

Once I get to know and trust people I can relax and have fun. Sometimes that would take the whole party or activity.  Then gradually, I found shortcuts and tricks to help ease the anxiety and raise the confidence.

One of the first things I did was to watch how others made friends and influenced people (I also read the book and so should you).  It was amazing to see three tricks that were automatic for those who appeared comfortable and at ease;

• They smile with their whole face. Their eyes light up when they see you.They lean slightly toward you in a body language signal that they are glad to connect.
• They introduce themselves and put out their hand right to shake. they ask questions about you and then they listen to what you have to say. They don’t try to monopolize the conversation or interrupt what you are saying to make a point of their own.
• Their posture is erect and their shoulders are back in an approachable position.  their hands are free to shake hands, hold a drink or gesture in the conversation.

Just these three little techniques can assist you in having more fun when you are with other people.  Building confidence is a skill and like every other skill, it takes time, effort and consistent practice in order to have it become automatic action.

There is plenty of help for shy, anxious and nervous people and I suggest you check out http://www.useencouragingwords.com You will be glad you did.

Blessings,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

As caring adults(either by DNA or friendship) we want to create a safe and nurturing space in order to build strong family relationships.  We also want the kind of  family relationship  where each child is a connected child within the family.

Here are a few ideas we have used in our family and have been suggested by other close families in my parenting classes.  Use these ideas as springboards to decide what can enhance the relationships and build a strong family.

1. Create an  home environment where feelings can be shared This means that we give names to our emotions and not just feel mad, sad and glad.  Even anger is an appropriate emotion at times.  We need to continually be learning methods of expressing feelings without hurting others.
2. Spend Time with the Kids The idea of quality time is over used.  What kids want is just your time. They want you there completely when you are there. If you can only spare 15 minutes to play Candy Land, then be present for the whole time.  Be involved in their activities with them.
3. Be Open and Approachable With All Members of the Family Make an effort to be nonjudgmental and to listen to all sides of the story.  Many parents just want to be “right.”  For every situation there are at least five solutions so listen to your kids, they may teach you something.
4. Let The Family Know That Love is Unconditional You may be disappointed at what they did, but are never disappointed with them as individuals.  Make sure everyone knows that your emotional support and love are not tied to accomplishments, looks or achievements.  We love each other in spite of…not because of.

Good luck in building strong family relationships.  Trust me it is worth the effort to bind your tribe, family and group into a solid foundation of love and support.

I have confidence in you.  If you would like more information on raising responsible children please go to:

http://www.kidschoresandmore.com

Fondly,  Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Relationships are the basis for all of life. We are all interdependent on each other. This means that we rely on others for mutual assistance, support, cooperation or interaction. When we meet someone for the first time we disclose much about who and what we are.

First impressions form the basis for the relationship. Verbally and non-verbally we tell others who we are through our dress, gestures, expressions and manner of speaking.  The other person makes a judgment in the first three seconds on whether to build a relationship with you or avoid you in the future.

First Impressions Give Clues to Personality

When two people come together in a personal or professional relationship, they are constantly trying to prove or disprove their first impression.  If their initial reaction is that you are sloppy, uncouth and a little rude, you will have your work cut out for you to prove that you just came from painting a widow’s home and you were tired and grouchy because you had not eaten.

Second Chance at First Impression

If you recognize you gave a false first impression and you want to build the relationships of those you have come in contact with, simply apologize and ask for a second chance.  It is amazing, but everyone wants to help the person who acknowledges a mistake and asks for another chance.

People with deep and lasting relationships may be introverts, extroverts, young, old, smart, dull but the one characteristic they have in common is the ability to be open and honest.

WUSIWYG

It is called transparency and has been in the news a lot lately, but what it really means is; What you see is what you get. In order to develop this transparency and to be a vital part of an on going interdependent relationship with another person, just be yourself.

And if you screw up the first time, try it again.

I have confidence in you.

If you would like to have more confidence in yourself and overcome social anxiety, you will want to go to http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com

You will be glad you did.

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Don't be anxious or afraid at a party. Just ask questions and listen to people and you will gain confidence.

Are you nervous about social situations?  When there is going to be people you do not know, how does your stomach or neck feel?  Tight and choking? Do you regard yourself as too quiet or too uptight to relax in groups?  Are you concerned that others will expect you to be witty and sophisticated?

If you feel that you are shy or suffer from social anxiety, this is the article for you.

You don’t have to be witty, or smart or a sparkling conversationalist in order to make friends and influence people.  All you really need is to understand the art of listening.

People Don’t Care How Much You Know, Until They Know How Much You Care

We will be talking about how to be more comfortable in social situations.  We will also share about what makes a good listener and the five qualities to develop if you want to be popular and make lasting friendships.

1. Body language of acceptance – Non verbal or body language is the communication of relationships. When people first meet you they are receiving lots of messages about interested you are in them. Smile with your eyes and look directly at the person, or if that makes you uncomfortable, look at their right ear.

2. Ask questions and don’t give advice – When people come to you with a problem, it may appear they want your opinion.  But more often than not, they really just need someone to listen to their story.  By asking small questions or nodding your head, you are giving them permission to get the problem out, so they can see the issues in a new light and make their own decisions.

3. Never break a confidence or gossip about others – Even though it may be tempting to share a “tidbit of news” it will always backfire on you.  One of the signs of deepening friendships is that people will trust you with secrets. If someone gossips with you, you can be assured they will also gossip about you.

4. Complete the loop of conversation – Just as you don’t give unwanted advice, you do want to make sure what the other person needs from you.  Sometimes our words can be taken out of context or misunderstood, so it is best to clarify our message. If someone says; “Do you like baseball?” Don’t just say yes and drop it.  Ask open ended questions and give clarifying comebacks. For instance; “Yes, I do.  Would you like to go to a game sometime?”  Then be sure that you give a phone number or way to contact you if they are interested.

5. Show appreciation and gratitude – Shake hands warmly and say you were glad to meet them. Perhaps you could say something like; “I am grateful I had the opportunity to spend some time with you, your ideas will give me something to think about this week.”

The Secret to Being Interesting is to be Interested

To overcome social anxiety and gain confidence in life is to ask questions the other person will enjoy answering.  As you encourage strangers to talk about themselves, they will soon turn into friends.  Since so few people really go to the effort of listening to other people and making them feel comfortable, if you do, you will be successful.