© Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke—http://www.judyhwright.com

As parents and caregivers (lots of Aunties and Uncles out there) we want to encourage positive friendships with the children we love. We also like an orderly house and a minimum of noise and confusion in our house. Sometimes we have to let go of dreams of having neat homes and go with comfortable and inviting.

In order to make your home the go-to-house and encourage other kids to mingle at your home, you will need to create a safe haven with food, fun and acceptance.

Peer pressure, along with bullying and drugs frightens many parents.

Make your home the "go-to-house" in the neighborhood and school. Provide a safe haven for kids to gather in positive friendships.

When your child is in a group it is easy to “group think” and make decisions, they would not normally do on an individual basis. When they are in your home, you have a pulse on what is going on and can intercede if necessary.

The more you know the other parents of your child’s friends they more they will have an extended tribe of adults who are looking out for their backs. Encourage group activities that are well chaperoned and with a purpose, rather than just “hanging out.”

Some Tips On Building Community and Strengthening Kids

1. Make Your Home the “Go-To House.” When you invite your children’s friends to spend time in your home, you create a safe harbor for many children who are afraid to go home. Make them feel welcome and try to get to know them and help them see how healthy, happy families operate. Include them in some of your family activities. Don’t worry about how much you are spending on groceries. Consider it an investment in the future.

2. Affirm Positive Friendships. Talk to your kids about their friends. Find out what they like about this friend. Help them to develop into the friend they would like to have. Rather than over-praise individual kids, talk about what a nice group of kids they are. If your child has difficulty making and keeping friends, be sure to go the website http://www.theleftoutchild.com to find ways to help them be more likeable.

3. Don’t Criticize or Focus on One Friend. Resist the urge to criticize or refuse to allow your child to hang out with one particular person. Many kids will get defensive over friends their parent’s don’t like. We always found that when we criticized one friend that our child tended to choose one that was worse!!!
4. Don’t Blame Your Child’s Friend for His Parents. Many outstanding heroes and excellent individuals have come from horrible home situations. Just one positive mentor and example can change the life of a young person. You will be teaching respect, kindness and compassion to your child as well as the friend.

Nurturing Adults Needed to Mentor and Guide Young People

You will never know the impact you may have on the life of a child or teen when they make your house the “go-to-house.” One young woman who spent much time in our home told me later that she took notes while she was there on what a “normal family” did. She needed our home and our influence to become the successful and kind woman she is today.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• Do you remember an adult who welcomed all the neighborhood kids in their home and nurtured their positive traits?
• Do you have an accepting position of your child’s friends or do you stand in judgment of them and their parents?
• Can you use encouraging words to empower those who come to your home or have friendships? If you are wondering the words to say, please go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com for a fee eBook. You will be glad you did.

About the Author

Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” is an author of over 20 books and many, many articles on life education. She is also a keynote speaker and trainer for associations and conferences. If you know of an upcoming conference please suggest the program director call to schedule Auntie Artichoke at 406-549-9813 or visit http://www.ArtichokePress.com Thanks and blessings on your important work

Parents, teachers, caregivers, coaches and other caring adults are concerned with how to teach values and self-esteem to the children in their lives. They wonder how to foster positive friendships and discourage those that have a negative influence.

From the moment of birth, our children are soaking up and

Self-esteem and confidence begins at birth and continues till death. We judge ourselves through words and actions of others, especially family and friends.

Self-esteem, confidence and personal strength is gained by listening and sharing ideas with those who are in their “circle of influence.” Words that tell them who and what they are help them to form a self-image that will reflect their attitude towards life. Both positive and negative.

1. Be Available At Odd Times. Make sure your children know that you value them and will take or make time to share with them. If you really can’t talk right then and there, arrange a time and place and put it in your appointment book. Keep that appointment.

The best conversations we ever had were at midnight over a pizza. I am a morning person and it sometimes meant I had to have a nap so I could get up to visit when they came home from a date. It is also amazing what secrets are shared in a car coming home from a soccer game or middle school dance.

2. Make Your House the “Go-To House.” When you invite your children’s friends to spend time in your home, you create a safe harbor for many children who are afraid to go home. Make them feel welcome and try to get to know them and help them see how healthy, happy families operate. Include them in some of your family activities. Don’t worry about how much you are spending on groceries. Consider it an investment in the future.

3. Affirm Positive Friendships. Talk to your kids about their friends. Find out what they like about this friend. Help them to develop into the friend they would like to have. Rather than over-praise individual kids, talk about what a nice group of kids they are.

Peer pressure, along with bullying and drugs that frightens many parents. When your child is in a group it is easy to “group think” and make decisions, they would not normally do on an individual basis.

The more you know the other parents of your child’s friends they more they will have an extended tribe of adults who are looking out for their backs. Encourage group activities that are well chaperoned and with a purpose, rather than just “hanging out.”

You will want to go to http://www.useencouragingwords.com to claim your free ebook on confidence building. You will also want to join the community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all at http://www.judyhwright.com You will be glad you did.

Coping With Stress

When you are upset, you also need to have an arsenal of effective ways to calm yourself down and improving your mood. Sometimes unpleasant memories or negative self-talk will spark conflict in your heart.  You may feel your heart racing, breathing becoming shallow and your stomach churning.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed you can more easily relax by finding ways to be kind and gentle to comfort yourself.

Five Senses in Self-Care

By utilizing the five senses of feel, taste, touch, smell and hearing you can build an arsenal of empowering experiences. What makes you feel better? What techniques have you developed to calm and soothe yourself?  Are they beneficial or harmful?

Touch

• Massage
• Warm bath
• Playing with your pet

Taste

• Sipping herbal tea or flavored water
• A small helping of a comfort food

Smell

• Smelling lavender or vanilla
• Deeply breathing in fresh air
• Smelling the flowers and smells of nature

Sight

• Seeing a funny movie
• Reading a good book
• Looking at pictures of loved ones

Sound

• Listening to music
• Repeating positive affirmations out loud
• Singing or humming a favorite song to yourself

Is it art, a special chair, a clean kitchen, the color on the wall or a rock in your pocket?  What helps you relax when you are distressed and stressed out? Perhaps you need to invite in new ways to calm your troubled heart and soul.

Develop Your Self-Care Techniques

When I was a young mother trying to do way too much for way too many people, I found rejuvenation and relaxation by smelling the essential oil of lavender. One client, Pat, found that she could calm down by touching a tree in her yard.  Just leaning against it and breathing deeply was enough to move her into an emotionally healthy place and into being a much more appreciated member of the family.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. What can you do to calm yourself when you are in stressful situations?
2. Which of the five senses- touch, taste, smell, sight, or sound, is the most self-soothing and calming for you?
3. Do you try to do some calming exercises or techniques daily?

You are invited to claim a free eBook at http://www.bouncebackperson.com you will be so glad you did.

© Judy H. Wright- http://www.Artichoke Press.com

Parents and mentors come in all sizes, ages, sexual orientation and skills.  Many children I have met are parenting their parents.  They have had to assume adult roles in order to give themselves and their siblings any sense of stability.

To be a member of a healthy and nurturing family requires an endless array of complex behaviors, forgiveness, sacrifices, and commitment. It requires that we be very careful of derogatory labels like ”thief” “lazy” “liar” for occasional mistakes.

Kids Need Role Models

Children are the world’s most precious resource. They are the reason that we keep going to work and coming home dead-tired and still find time to play catch. Parents and role models recognize that the children are watching how we live our lives.

The best security blanket for any child is the knowledge that the adults in the family respect him/her and each other.  The choice legacy a family can bestow is unconditional love and forgiveness.

Separate the deed from the doer.  For more guidance on parenting, please see my website for excellent articles, resources and aides.

Families teach us that we can survive the pain of divorce, mental illness, abuse, alcoholism, suicide, unemployment, violence and all the other stuff that happens in life. The functional and flourishing family is most productive when it has goals and values as a unit.

When your family is supportive and respectful of the rights and dreams of each other, it is a wonderful spring-board to life.

Not all families are this loving, respectful group of individuals.  Many are made up of selfish people who put their own needs and desires above the highest good for all.   However, in my work with families, I have found that some of the most emotionally resilient and happiest groups are those who have been made stronger by their trials and tragedies.

How Do Healthy Families Work

Healthy families are not perfect; they may have yelling, bickering, misunderstanding, tension, hurt, and anger - but not all the time.

Dysfunction can be any condition that doesn’t return to normal after a stressful circumstance.  In an emotionally unhealthy home, problems tend to be ongoing. Sometimes for generations the coping mechanism or lack thereof, has been taught and modeled.

In healthy families emotional expression is not just allowed and accepted but encouraged. Family members can freely ask for and give attention. There is unconditional love but boundaries for behavior. Rules remain consistent, but with some flexibility to adapt to needs and particular situations.

Healthy families allow for each member to pursue his or her own interests, and boundaries between individuals are honored. When healthy boundaries and expectations of behavior are established and common courtesy is in place, all members flourish.

Cooperation and communication are effective tools in producing harmony and personal growth for family members.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Who was a role model in your family?  Who showed you love and forgiveness?
2. If you are not a parent, can you still influence and encourage children? How?
3. Do you remember a family that seemed emotionally healthy and happy? What did they teach you?

Thank you for being a part of this community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all. Be sure and claim your free eBook at http://bouncebackfromanything.com You may reprint this article in your blog but please give credit to Judy Helm Wright, Artichoke Press.com

When you reflect back to people who disappointed you in their choices and you worry, stew, and fret about unchangeable circumstances, you are setting up a continual loop of negative self-talk. It takes no more effort to see a positive picture and the end result is more uplifting. You will find more information on catastrophic thinking in the chapter on emotions in the book Out of Balance? Be a Bounce Back Person.

Focus on the best in others, because they really are competent, worthy of your love and respect, when you strip away their anger, fears and insecurities. This allows them the freedom and opportunity to rise to your expectations.

Feedback Not Criticism

By operating from love and gratitude you will begin to see their mistakes as temporary indiscretions or mistakes, not personal attacks on you and your values.

When you correct others (and yourself) focus on the behavior not on the character. Today your son may have taken money from the top of your dresser and it is a fact that the money is gone.  The money is missing and he took it, but that does not mean he is a thief.  It simply means it is time to teach lessons on respecting other people’s property and resisting temptation.

Basically, he is a good kid and knows that it was wrong.  Tell him that he is expected to return the money with interest or mow the lawn for a month to repay the money or some discipline to teach about making better choices.

Stick to your guns and insist that he correct the mistake.  Do not make him the mistake.  If you call him a thief, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He will work hard to make that label fit.

It is just as easy to imagine and reinforce positive character traits in yourself and those you care about.  If you see your daughter being bossy and criticize her for being so, she becomes resentful and you become a nag.  If you can say “You are an amazing leader; let me help you to help yourself in finding ways to channel your talent in helping in the community.”

Just as nurturing and nursing a baby will help the physical body to grow and develop, so will nurturing the spirit. Part of your destiny includes helping others to reach theirs.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you recognize how negative labels can become self-fulfilling prophecies?
2. What do you do to encourage others and yourself?
3. What is the difference between feedback and criticism?

Thank you for sharing your feedback and comments. You are invited to claim your eBook at http://www.bouncebackperson.com You will be very glad you did. You may copy this article for use in a blog or classroom. Please give credit to Judy H. Wright and Artichoke Press.com

Family resilience is the ability to bounce back from the adversities and bad luck that befall us.  No family or individual is immune from misfortune and tragedy. Daily life is filled with challenges to individual members of the family and sometimes to the family unit itself.

As the economy becomes more unstable and family finances go up and down, I see those families who are able to weather the storm and those who are devastated and destroyed.

Functioning Families Hang On

In my work as a family coach I see daily evidence of those families who can hang on to each other until a solution is found.  These families have developed a system and ability to spring back from bad times.

Their struggle to get through a tough situation is admirable.  I have noticed that they all seem to have intuitively used these 5 coping skills to bounce back.

1. Panic With Purpose-Once the panic stage is over; they step back from the pain and look at life more objectively.
2. No Blame or Shame-They did not buy into or assign guilt or blame. It was not someone’s fault, but rather a situation to be solved.
3. Remember Coping Successes-They bring up past successes of their family and other families they know and admire and how they coped with pain and disappointment. They assess their areas of strengths.
4. Brain Storm Ideas-They take a clear look at the problem and brainstorm solutions. They recognize that there are always a minimum of five methods of solving any situation
5. Move Forward- The new way may not feel comfortable at first, but the lines of communication are kept open and adjustments are made.

Cycle of Resiliency

It takes time and effort to adjust to new experiences, whether they are happy or sad.
Families who are resilient learn a new rhythm which will evolve and guide their lives as individuals as well as a unit.  Without that rhythm and flow the energy becomes stagnant and stuck in unhealthy places.

Self Awareness Quiz

1. Do you remember a time in your childhood when a big change occurred and how your family handled the experience?
2. At that time, were all members of the family involved in finding solutions or was “the new way” just dictated by the adults?
3. Did you wish that your family had chosen another way to cope?  Can you do so now? Can you be more resilient and bounce back from disappointments?

This article is written by Judy Helm Wright @Artichoke Press LLC  You have permission to use it in your blog or teaching, but please keep the content and contact information intact.

You will want to claim your eBook on 47 Steps To Empowerment at http://www.EmpowermentWithJudy.com You will be glad you did.

Decide What You Want, Not What You Don’t Want

Many people go through life in a default mode. Taking what ever comes along and not really asking for more. The biggest step in enhancing self esteem and confidence is making a decision. Seriously. All you need to do to feel stronger and more in control of you life is to make a decision with encouraging words and phrases.  Here are some samples;

1. I can do it. I know what I want and deserve.
2. I am a problem solver and find creative solutions.
3. My old patterns and habits no longer serve me.

Shift Your Thoughts and Change Your Life

Think about a small child that you love.  When they decided to give up crawling so they could go farther and reach more, they had to make a decision to start walking.  They fell down a lot.  They may have even cried and wanted you to carry them about.  You encouraged them to keep trying.  You knew that eventually they would master the skill and it would become automatic action.

That simple shift from all fours to upright opens all kinds of possibilities and opportunities for that child.  Things that were out of reach, suddenly can be grabbed.  Once they have mastered walking, running comes easier.

We Are Hard Wired to Succeed

Babies come into this world wanting their needs met and needing reassurance they are loved and valued. As a parent you want the best for that child. You go out of your way to encourage self esteem and success.  You and I continually parent ourselves.  This idea may be brand new to you, but think about it and see how you use encouraging or discouraging phrases often with your own self talk and thoughts.

Enhance your success and opportunities as you shift your thoughts and decisions into those that will serve your highest good.  Treat yourself with as much love and consideration as you would a small baby you loved very much.

Questions To Ponder

1. Would you say the things you say to yourself each day to a baby you loved?
2. How can you make a decision to change your inner talk to be more positive and encouraging?
3. Can you feel a shift in your spirit and body as you make a decision to enhance your self-esteem?
4. Can you see how many of the old beliefs and patterns you had in the past are not what you want for your future?
5. What decision are you going to make today that will make your life better?

I have confidence in your ability to encourage positive change and forward movement towards your goals and dreams.

Please know that I want only the best for you and yours.

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

http://www.ConfidenceClues.com

If you are having difficulty turning problems into opportunities, you may be discouraged. You may have a need to build your self esteem in order to overcome fear, doubts and frustrations that are impacting the life you deserve to live.  Having courage does not mean that you are free of fear, despair, doubt, frustration or discouragement.

Get unstuck in life by making a decision to move forward

It does mean that we are able to meet life’s challenges and move forward.

Courage is Movement Forward

Any time we take action and move toward a goal, we set a process in place that will overcome negative thoughts and experiences. The Universe rewards those who know what they want and take immediate action.  Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is to say; “This is a negative place in my life and I want to change my direction and not remain stuck here.”  Making a decision  to overcome fear or to just walk through the doubt  is frequently the catapult to success in many areas of life

Encourage Yourself To Take First Step

By making a decision to overcome what may seem overwhelming, you will be moving forward as opposed to stagnation and paralysis.  Many people are stuck in miserable situations because they are waiting for someone or something outside of themselves to decide what to do or to save them from their misery.  The courage to turn a problem into a challenge is best met internally. Others may be vested in keeping you stuck. If you change and move forward, it may disrupt their safety net.  It is not their problem, it is yours.

You may be looking at problems in a restricted and narrow framework.  You may be basing your fear and doubt on old beliefs that no longer serve you. You may be replaying old family tapes in your head that keep you from stepping out into the future with courage and daring.

Peel Away Old Belief Systems

By getting to the root cause of our fears and doubts we can examine them in the light and reframe them for the future.  This will enable us to function in a more satisfying and rewarding manner.  We become what we are through our decisions, all of which require courage.

Lack of courage is often express in the decision not to make a decision.

Questions To Assist You In Overcoming Fear, Doubt and Frustration

• How do you encourage yourself when you are afraid?
• Do you recognize that you and you alone own the problem?
• Do you have old family beliefs that are holding you back?
• Are you sometimes suffer from paralysis of perfection?
• What decision will you make today that will move you forward from a stuck place?

You are invited to claim a free e-course on overcoming shyness and building self esteem and courage at

http://www.confidenceclues.com

Best wishes for a bright and courageous future. I believe in you and you can encourage courage in yourself and overcome fear, doubt and frustration.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

Wow! Just when our children were raised and became intelligent, thoughtful and kind adults, along came our grandchildren

Teens and Young Adults Need Encouragement and Acceptance

who needed encouragement and guidance.  Today’s parents and teens face new challenges which make adolescence more troublesome than ever before.  But one thing will never change and that is that children, teenagers and indeed all human beings want to be accepted and encouraged.

Nagging is Natural, But Not Effective

When we nag teenagers, we annoy them by persistent fault-finding, criticisms, complaints and demands.  We usually fall back on nagging when our children neglect some duty that is routinely  expected of them, such as cleaning their rooms, doing homework, taking out the garbage, or picking up their stuff scattered all over the house.  It is not the teenager we are irritated with, but the behavior that infringes on our space and comfort.

However, young adults fail to carry out their responsibilities for any number of reasons. Their minds and bodies may be occupied with their own interests and forget how important this task is to you and the rest of the family.  Getting an adolescent to do what they should do or what needs to be done to make life run smoothly is not always easy.  But, our natural reaction of nagging is not only non productive but often makes the situation worse.

Mentor Teenagers Into Positive Behavior

• I am impressed with your strength. Last year you could only carry one bag of groceries and now it is two.
• Wow, you have really improved on your hoop shooting this year. let’s see you use that talent to get the dirty clothes in the hamper.
• I was noticing how kind you are.  That is a character strength that is so needed in the world.
• We have confidence in your ability to solve this problem.
• You are a good person and usually make wise choices.
• I know we can count on you to come up with creative ideas.
• You are an asset to the family.
• You are a very valuable person.
• Thanks for being you.

Focus On Progress

When we focus on the progress of life skills, the teenager will want to become a more responsible young adult.  Decide in a family council what needs to be done, when it will be done, and how it will be done and the natural consequences of not doing it.  By taking the emphasis off the personality  of the teen and put on the goal of encouraging positive character traits that will be transferable to other areas of life, we are more likely to attain the desired result.

Expectations of Teenagers and Adolescents

You are invited to go to http://www.KidsChoresandMore.com

You will find so many tips, tricks and techniques to help your children and teens  to become the kind of people they were meant to be.

Your friend,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS: you will be glad you checked out the link, you will receive a free series of tips on helping your children become more responsible

What constitutes respect for others?  Is being respectful the key to healthy relationships? Do you have to like someone to be considerate, kind and courteous? How do you work in a relationship where there is an uneven balance of power? Even if you disagree with someone can you respect their rights?

Several years ago there was a study done of 100 self made millionaires.  They ranged in age from young 19 to well over 70.  Their educational experiences extended from grade school to the Ph.D level. They differed in almost all characteristics, except they were all found to be respectful of other people.

Everyone Can Learn and Teach

They had determined early in their careers that everyone had something to teach and to share. They built respectful relationships by learning from others. Even  those who do not believe as you do, or look like you or speak like you, still have something to share and should be given the right to share in some way.

We tend to treat people like we see them. If we see them as arrogant, snooty or even shy, we tend to treat them in that manner.  I just did a radio show recently about a second chance at making a good first impression.  You will want to listen to that one, if you haven’t already.

Live Up to Expectations

Once you find the good or ability in other people you treat him or her better and thus they perform better.  We all tend to live up to the expectations of other people. I have seen children who were average students with one teacher and then become top producers with encouragement and acceptance.

If we see people worthy of respect, then we will treat them that way.  Even when they do not demonstrate their respect for us, we can still treat them with courtesy.

A quote that I love says “If you take a man as he is, you make him worse than he was, but if you see him as being the best person possible, then he, in fact, become the best person possible.”

Courage To Keep Trying

Encouragement is giving someone the courage to keep progressing on an upward road, to move ahead and to fulfill their destiny.  By giving respect and understanding to others in our relationship, we will all move forward. A life journey is seldom without some failure, or detours. When we can acknowledge the progress and respect the effort as well as the individual, we will have a better world.

Please come and join our community of kind, thoughtful people who want understanding and respect for all.You will find us at….

http://www.artichokepress.com

You will also want to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a workbook and bonus items that will assist you in building confidence in the future and courage today.

Thanks for sharing your time with me today,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker