Dear Loved Ones:

I want you to know that when you were growing up, I always got a knot in my stomach when Mother’s Day was coming up.  On that Sunday every year when I yelled and prodded and threatened you if you didn’t get ready, my mind was kind of hoping we would be too late to make the church services.

Because the male speakers always had angel mothers!  Their mothers always listened, nursed scrapped knees for months and sacrificed every thing in their life for their children.  I would sit in the pew and look over at you (sleeping, eating the babies Cheerios, reading a book, picking the scab off your knee because I forgot to buy Bandaids, or writing on your sibling’s arm) and think, “I wish my kids could have had his mother.”

You see, I loved and love you enough to want the very best for you in life.  I never wanted to be his mother; I just wanted you to have the experience of someone that would devote their lives and every waking moment to you.  Because my idea of mothering was not to make you dependent on me, but to make you independent of me. My goal was to hurry and get you raised so you could go out and make a better world.

The other reason I dreaded Mother’s Day was because I felt like I was celebrated under false pretenses.  Sure, I had the opportunity and fertile eggs (and your father’s willing sperm) to deliver children but I could never have raised you without the influence of many, many wonderful people who did not use their ovaries to create you. Sometimes a birth mother is only a vehicle to get a spirit and body here to be loved by others.

Loving and nurturing do not automatically belong to only those who have given birth.  Aunt Liz and Aunt Lucy helped build your character and shape your personalities. They adored you on the days when I couldn’t stand you.  I saw the now and they saw the future.

I look at our immediate family and see what unconditional love the aunts and uncles give to the cousins. I defy anyone to say that anyone could care more about their nieces and nephews than Debbie, Emily, Faith and Andy.  Em shared one day that she felt sad that she had not given birth to her step sons.  I say hogwash!  Not only hogwash but Pshaaa!  The love connection so far transcends the birth canal.

You know, your Dad was practically raised by his mom’s Aunt Merle and Uncle Maurice who never married but lived at home with Grandma Ashe.  Uncle Maurice taught him to love the outdoors and to fix cars.  Aunt Merle thought he walked on water and bought him butter for his sandwiches when it was so expensive and his parents ate only margarine. It was his aunt who taught him to read.

Grandma Helm’s mother was Sarah Elizabeth and she was one of six daughters.  Only three of the daughters ever married, but the others were teachers and entrepreneurs and had their own homesteads. They taught, loved, corrected, guided, bankrolled, bailed out, clapped for and all the other things proud parents do.

So, on this Mother’s day, I want you to know that while I was not the perfect Mother and you were not the perfect kid, I am sure glad we connected.  You have turned out to be wonderful human beings in spite of, or because of, my mothering.

The very best gift anyone can receive in this world is the knowledge that they are loved and accepted.  Thank you.

I treasure you and yours forever.

PS:  You need to call or email the people in your life who have helped you to become the fine person you are. A thank you from a former student or relative will make the day for someone feeling less than on this commercialized day.  Trust me.

PPS: Our very best mother is Mother Nature.  So go for a walk today and really, really look at all the beautiful things we have been given and be grateful you are a part of it.

PPS:  Yes, Andy, every moment is a teaching moment!  So thanks for letting me share my heart with you.

Auntie Artichoke Asks: do your children know who your hereos are and why you admire them?

In Abundance,

Judy

The Extraordinary Indigo Children

Do you feel that your child acts and behaves in a certain way, which is different from other children of his age? If yes, you might be having an indigo child.

Indigo children became well known after Nancy Ann Tappe developed the idea in 1970s and the concept gained popularity in the 1990s after a series of books were published dealing with the subject and raising the general awareness. There were various studies and speculations about the nature and abilities of indigo children.

The rise of the Indigo children gained awareness and became immensely popular, though there were plenty of studies and speculations about the entire thing. The indigo children were identified as non-conforming and extremely confident of themselves, energetic and intelligent. They were often found to be bored with the regular routine task and had less attention span.

Indigo children are those with special psychological attributes- they are gifted and intelligent and often the out of the box thinkers. They are extremely different from the normal children and they reportedly are resistant to the authority and think themselves as extremely worthy and confident.

The name Indigo is given to the unique behavioral traits that these children possess and they are different from the others of their age. They possess special psychological attributes that are unusual and that is what that sets them apart.

Indigo children are classified according to their behavior and you will mainly come across four major types like the outgoing often called the humanist, the introvert or the task oriented one –called the conceptualist, the creative and sensitive called the artist and spiritually powerful ones and often the bullying types are called the inter-dimensional.

The concept of the indigo children dealt with the paranormal abilities that these children possess and studies revealed that these children were more creative and emphatic than the others. More often than not, the indigo children were also diagnosed with learning disabilities, though they were creative, energetic and intelligent.

Some believed that these children had ’old souls’ in a young body and had extremely high spiritual energies and the rise of indigo children were meant to serve higher purposes and believed them to be the improved and next stage of human development.

The Indigo children are generally in the age group of 13 to 30s and have a supramental consciousness that sets them apart from the rest. They are believed to be a super evolved category with improved consciousness. We also come across the Crystal children and Rainbow children with different attributes and a lot of research and studies are on to understand them better.

Experts often believed that the Indigo children are not in tune with ‘Universal Truth’ and are extremely different from the others of their age. They are believed by experts to have small attention span and were diagnosed with ADHD. Pediatricians often try them with algae diet supplements and vitamin regimens and ADHD medications.

Studies have revealed that the Indigo children also have a different level of emotional development and it is believed that they are able to deal with stronger levels of soul vibrations and may also a new vision. Their thoughts and feelings are of a higher level as their energies. There have been many who also possess special psychic healing capabilities, however, most need some kind of a steady support to nurture and develop these abilities.

The indigo children are all gifted souls with futuristic and inspirational energies from Uranus and Neptune- goes the popular belief; they are perfectly in tune with technological advancement and prefer to do things in their better own ways.

About The Author: Elias Cortez is a freelance writer and the editor of www.topnetbookpicks.com – a website which provides reviews and information for netbook computers. Learn more about the world of netbooks at his website.

I recently attended an excellent conference in Missoula, Montana sponsored by Postpartum Support International.  I honestly don’t know why

Mothers need to know: "You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help, you will be well."

I was prompted to go, since it was very clinical and designed from nurses, physicians, social workers and mental health professionals.  I am none of those.  My job description is a wife, mom, gram, Auntie and parent educator.

The Perinatal Period

Who knew that the perinatal period is the entire time frame from pregnancy through the first year after giving birth.  This term replaces the narrow PPD, which was concerned after birth.  Now we know that depression and anxiety disorders can occur anytime in pregnancy or in the first year postpartum.

Many of the medical terms and descriptions went right over my head.  I didn’t get the buzz words and catch phrases and the jargon of what to look for and when to look for it.  There were so many initials flying around that it seemed like alphabet soup for awhile. But then they started talking about feelings.  There I could and did connect.

Myths of Motherhood

Our culture, age, social circle, partner, past relationships, expectations and huge hormonal shifts are all playing a part in this drama, that seems so easy to other women. They all look so capable and organized. We tend to see others at their best and us at our worst.  Hormones can really shift our rational mind for a time.

I remembered suddenly sitting on the stairs crying at 4 am. I kept murmuring “what have we done, what have we done?”

The baby was wanted and planned but all of a sudden I didn’t think, no I knew beyond a shadow’s doubt, that I could not and would not be capable of being a decent Mother.  I started counting on my fingers all my shortcomings as mother, wife, daughter, neighbor, volunteer. When my husband found me sobbing out my list, I was on number 47 which was “I didn’t sell enough girl scout cookies to help them win the award. I am a failure with the kids we already have. How can I find time and energy for another one?”

You Are Not Alone

I will always be grateful for my husband’s kind perspective on my list of failures.  He was able to help me see that I was capable to cope  but was exhausted, overwhelmed  and depressed.  We developed a plan of action to see my doctor, have my mom come for a visit, involve he and the older kids in doing more and expecting less around the house.

I got better and you will too. I have confidence in your ability to find solutions and support as travel this bump in the road.

Thought To Ponder

1. Are you or someone you know suffering from depression or anxiety in pregnancy or post postpartum?
2. Do you know that Baby Blues  affects 60-80% of new moms and will only last from 2 days to 2 weeks?
3. If your anxiety or blues is not getting better, please see a medical professional for screening.
4. If you need information or to have questions answered there is a toll-free helpline 1-800-9444PPD (4773) there is also a website at www.postpartum.net

In loving support,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Who knew that a Buddhist community would be in Montana?  But then why wouldn’t an international dignitary want to come to visit the

Mountains and lakes are perfect for peace gatherings

mountains, streams and especially the people of Western Montana?  For those of us who live here, this is as close to Heaven as we may ever get.  Montana has often been called “The Last Best Place” because of it’s natural wonder and the people who are drawn here to share their lives and talents.

American Heritage Magazine was one who remarked on the diversity of Missoula when an article declared: “Nourished by by powerful rivers and an equally powerful sense of its past, a town of cowhands and poets and bikers and professors distills the whole history of the American West–its hope and rapacity, its calamities and triumphs.”

The area around Arlee, Montana  is especially beautiful as it is the gateway to  the Mission Mountains and beautiful Flathead valley.  In 2000 a student of Tulku Sang-ngang Rinpoche, a respected spiritual leader among followers of Tibetan Buddhism, purchased 60 acres of land north of Arlee and donated it to Ewam Montana.

Garden of 1000 Buddhas

The decision was made to build a garden on this site featuring 1,000 cast concrete statues, which will be placed in a 500 foot  round garden connected by eight spoke-like paths to a 25 foot statue of Yum Chenmo, or great mother, at it’s center. This image has great meaning not only for those of  this small community, but for visitors nationally and internationally who will come to find peace and solace in this garden of 1000 Buddhas. Even those of us who are not Buddhist appreciate the serenity and beauty of the garden.

Dalai Lama Will Visit Garden

The Dalai Lama is one of the world’s most recognized religious leaders and spiritual guides.  His wisdom is sought and appreciated not only by those who practice the Buddhist traditions, but by millions of people world wide.  He won the Nobel Peace Prize and has authored many books, articles and quotes on peace and serenity in life. His teachings of non violence have influenced many shifts in thinking towards peaceful solutions.

Questions For You To Think About

1. What do you know about Buddhism? How did you learn?
2. Would you travel long distances to see a spiritual leader that you admired?  Why or why not?
3. Did the description of the Garden with 1000 Buddhas sound peaceful and serene to you?
4. Have you ever wanted to visit the American West and Montana in particular?
5. Why do you think Montana is called the “Last Best Place”

You are invited to visit our beautiful state and experience the community of people who have respect for all.

For more information on this and other life skills please go to http://www.ArtichokePress.com

• Yikes, not fun to start the week with a headache. Remedy? suggestions? http://ff.im/h9gef #
• build a community of kind, thoughtful people who respect others, I have joined this org…. http://ff.im/h9gmw #
• Auntie ArtichokeAsks: Choose to learn new ways to deal with defiant children; see http;//www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com #
• Have you or someone you loved lost a pet recently? You will want to go to http://www.deathofmypet.com #
• @queenmotherblog Auntie artichoke Applauds and Appreciates you. Hurrah for you. You deserve it. in reply to queenmotherblog #
• @TrueLoveAfter40 Hurrah for you. You have lots to teach us. in reply to TrueLoveAfter40 #
• is reading 'Judy Wright – Author Spotlight' http://blog.ezinearticles.com/?p=4568 #
• Auntie Artichoke Asks.. How are you teaching your children to assume personal responsibility? See http://www.kidschoresandmore.com #
• @PaulaEder Thanks Paula, you always have great tips and tweets to share. in reply to PaulaEder #
• @PaulaEder Who is this Stephen Wright.. Obviously a relative. Judy Helm Wright in reply to PaulaEder #

Auntie Artichoke suggests you find ways to connect to step children that make them feel special.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

It is important that it takes time, effort and a great deal of patience to blend two families.  Just because the adults have gone through a marriage ceremony or feel committed to each other, it does not automatically blend personalities, experiences and expectations. Children in step families have a number of emotions that come into play when a non-parent suddenly enters the picture.

Life during the courtship period is frequently unrealistic as well as confusing. Daily life takes teamwork and cooperation to make a house a home. You may not be the natural Daddy or the Daddy they wanted, but you do deserve respect. Respect is earned and does not come automatically.

Step families Are Special

Parenting is hard enough in the first place and children love to test the limits of our patience and skills. Please remember that the children did not ask to be in this position and are understandably concerned and trying to work out the relationships in their own minds.

The child may have been in a position where the mother’s boyfriend gave him treats or special attention in order to win the affections of both mother and child.  Now, in a day-to-day experience it takes a lot of give and take to make the family work, and rewards are not forthcoming for just being there. Generally speaking, the premarital adult-child relationships may be confusing for mature adults as well as children.

Regular Family Meetings

The most successful families I have worked with have always had a regular family meeting or round-table weekly.  This enables all members of the blended family to discuss issues, set goals and clarify situations.  These meetings, which allow both parents and children to participate and become empowered.  Held on a weekly basis, many small problems can be solved before they become large ones.

Discussing problems and expectations on a regular basis allows everyone to feel part of the team.  Make sure that you and your spouse are united on goals for the family and that you show respect and kindness to each other and the children. A good parenting plan includes all responsible adults.

You Are Not My Daddy

One of the main issues of step parenting is to do your level best to respect and honor the relationship the child has with the biological parent, but still offering love and attention. Talk about the biological parent in positive or neutral terms.  If you speak negatively about the parent, the child will feel defensive, guilty and as if he too was being judged harshly.

If the biological or “real daddy” was negligent or a poor parent, your job is to empathize with the child. As you demonstrate that you are going to be a permanent, but loving part of the child’s life, there will be less and less power struggles.

Kids, Chores and More

As you work with the blended or step-family be sure to teach respect and responsibility as life skills. You will find information on Family meetings, appropriate expectations and fun activities to blend your family.

Good Luck.  You do an important job.

Judy H Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.kidschoresandmore.com

Hello from beautiful Montana,

One of the most important tasks a parent does is help their child to feel good about who they are and to have confidence to succeed.

Do your children know your hereos and mentors? Why do you admire them?

There is very little correlation between good grades and  success in life. Are you surprised? I was certainly amazed to find that of the valedictorians and the “C” or even “D” student years later, it was not academics that prepared them for life. It was those who felt empowered by the adults in their life who knew they could contribute to the world.

As parents, grandparents and other caring adults, we can share respect and admiration with our children for those who go the extra mile. We can help them to find heroes and then examine the character traits that made them who they are.

Heroes Inspire Us To Become All We Can Be

Heroes are mortal just like us.  Everything which has ever been done in the history of the world has been done by somebody.  Some person pulled on those character traits in their heart and responded with courage, bravery, loyalty or honesty.  If they can do it so can we.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said “The hero is no braver than the ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer.”

Our children will be at the forefront of great inventions and thinking involving global warming, environment, the global economy and helping humanity. We help them to be problem-solvers and forward thinkers, by introducing them to the men and women who have given the world an example of character and valor.

Help Children Find Heroes and Build Character

Who do you admire in life?  What are the teachings that shaped your destiny? How do you define leadership?  Does your child recognize those who step up from the ordinary and act in a brave and courageous way?

Take the time to talk about the heroes and mentors in your life and the lives of others who have shared stories.  Include stories and examples not only of world leaders, but also heroes in your family, neighborhood and community.  Be sure that you include those who have died but whose character traits and example live on. It is important for children to learn that character traits and responsibility are a part of who they are.

They have the choice to build character by the choices made on a daily basis. Making a choice to follow a path forged by heroes is an honorable one which will bring joy and progress to others, not just satisfy a selfish whim.  As parents and other caring adults, we help foster these characteristics in our children the same way we teach other desirable traits; by practice and example.

I have confidence in your ability to assist your children to find heroes in life and to build character strengths on a daily basis.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana;

Parents, ask yourself - Would you like to work for a boss who never complimented your efforts? Who only commented on what you had done wrong? Would it make you a more  loyal employee to receive positive feedback and encouragement on the things you were trying to learn?

You would be more willing to change habits or ways of doing tasks if your instructions were not always negative and demeaning.

The answer is no! None of us like to be in a negative environment where we are discouraged from trying new methods or ways of doing things. Being told  to do something only one way stifles the imagination and limits the use of creative freedom. Work can be fun if we feel empowered.

Many workplaces and homes do tasks in the same old, same old way.  It is not an adventure to clean closets or pick up clothes, but a drudgery and a habit to do it the same way. Giving the parameters of a job and then allowing the freedom to find new and better solutions builds confidence and independence.

Change Your Responses to Change Bad Habits

If your child habitually drops his coat on the sofa when he comes home from school and that annoys you,  have a brainstorming session with him and let him come up with new solutions. For every situation there are at least five solutions, so don’t get stuck using just one.

Give recognition for even the smallest of accomplishment as your child learns new skills and practices the old ones. Focus on the process not the specific task. For instance, “You are doing a better job with putting the bed covers on straight. Why do you think it is important to have the same amount of sheet on each side of the bed?”

You certainly are not going to compliment your child on every little thing he does right (even though statistics show he does 19 right to every 1 unacceptable act) but you are hopefully going to toss out encouragement words and phrases here and there on the days journey.

Positive Feedback Can Change Habits and Lives

Looking for something positive to give feedback on can change the attitude of the recipient. Positive encouragement has such great motivating power.  It should be honest and sincere or the child will think it is worthless and phony.

Encouragement focuses on the effort and progress made. Praise tends to focus on the finished product and only offered after the job is done.  Encouraging and positive feedback inspire children with hope and faith that they will improve.

We want our children to believe that the positive power behind them is always greater than the problem in front of them.

In gratitude for the important work you do.

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

PS:  Be sure to check out http://www.ResponsibleChildren.com You will be glad you did.

Hello from Montana:

As many of you know, I work with Hospice occasionally, especially gathering end of life stories. It is a sacred work and one that helps bring closure to a person’s time on this earth.  Most people are not afraid to die, but are afraid to have died in vain.  they want to know they will be remembered and that they somehow contributed to the universal cause of making it a better world.

Nothing Would Be the Same If You Did Not Exist

By gathering the little tales of triumph and tragedy, it is possible to see how a pattern of ones lives develops.  We are all connected, and we are all affected and touched by the decision and even the existence of those around us.

There was a study done with elderly patients some time ago in Berkley asking them their main regrets in life.  In different words, but similar meaning every life story I have conduced comes down to these three regrets:

1. I wish I would have risked more. My own mother said that she choose the unknown when the known would have been fine.
2. I wish I would have reflected more. Actually taken the time to stop and smell the roses and to determine; “Is this who I want to be?  Is this where I want to go” Is this the kind of person I admire?”
3. I wish I would have contributed more. This quality is not necessarily sharing money, even though that is important.  But it is also sharing emotions, thoughts and encouragement to others.

Many studies of older Americans find that one of the best predictors of happiness is whether a person considers his or her life to have a purpose.  Without a clearly defined purpose, seven in ten

people feel unsettled and nervous about their lives. Those who have determined that they do indeed have a purpose and they had added value and meaning to the world are content with their lives, no matter how much time they have left.

I have confidence in your purpose. It is a pleasure to connect our spirits in this community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all the world.

Judy Helm Wright, aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://artichokepress.com