Home is where your heart is safe. It is the one place you can relax and be authentic. Home is not just walls, floor and bed, but the intangible aspects of your environment that make you feel welcome and blessed. It is, or should be, a refuge from the world.

I am not going to write much about home because it is such a sacred and personal sanctuary. But I will encourage and empower you to be a homemaker, to make a home wherever you may be sleeping and residing.

3 Ways to Rest Well Wherever You Sleep

I have found three simple and yet effective ways to make any house, hotel, campground or friend’s sofa to feel like a welcoming refuge from the world.  Perhaps you can find additional methods of being a home-maker, and making your little corner intimately yours.

1. Use natural fabric for your sheets and pillow case. They will give a subtle comforting feel to your body to remind you to rest well.
2. Tuck a good luck charm or token under your pillow.  Some little touchstone that you can put under the pillow, so you will know the familiar and be soothed back to sleep.
3. Make your bed.  Even if you are staying in the Hilton Towers, smooth the covers up on the bed and express gratitude for the restful night’s sleep.  You will begin your day in a more polished and eager way when you have ended the segment of rest.

You will feel rejuvenated and relaxed as you begin to understand the power of being a maker of a home, or a homemaker where ever you are.

Your Sacred Space

It is my deepest wish for you that you have some space that is all yours. That you have in this space small tokens or experiences that remind you that you are loved and you are safe. When you get to that wonderful space at the end of the day, you can relax, unwind and be your authentic self.

How would you enjoy being this relaxed and confident in your body, your relationships, your workplace and the Universe? Do you feel at home with who you are?

Home is where your heart is. The Dalai Lama has said, “This is my simple religion. There is no need of temples; no need for complicated philosophy.  Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. What would it feel like in your heart to experience home wherever you go?
2. How do you make wherever you sleep at night feel safe and comforting to you?
3. Does the word “home maker” bring up positive or negative feelings?

We are interested in your comments and feedback. You are welcomed at our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all. Sign up today at http://www.ArtichokePress.com You are free to use this article in your blog or ezine, but please keep the © Judy Helm Wright.  Thank you.

As an empowerment coach and life educator, I teach families about the importance of self-soothing rituals and calming techniques for each member of the family. If you have been a parent, you will remember the methods you developed to sooth a fretful baby or toddler.  You knew what worked and what would just make the child more upset.

Coping With Stress

When you are upset, you also need to have an arsenal of effective ways to calm yourself down and improving your mood. Sometimes unpleasant memories or negative self-talk will spark conflict in your heart.  You may feel your heart racing, breathing becoming shallow and your stomach churning.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed you can more easily relax by finding ways to be kind and gentle to comfort yourself.

Five Senses in Self-Care

By utilizing the five senses of feel, taste, touch, smell and hearing you can build an arsenal of empowering experiences. What makes you feel better? What techniques have you developed to calm and soothe yourself?  Are they beneficial or harmful?

Touch

• Massage
• Warm bath
• Playing with your pet

Taste

• Sipping herbal tea or flavored water
• A small helping of a comfort food

Smell

• Smelling lavender or vanilla
• Deeply breathing in fresh air
• Smelling the flowers and smells of nature

Sight

• Seeing a funny movie
• Reading a good book
• Looking at pictures of loved ones

Sound

• Listening to music
• Repeating positive affirmations out loud
• Singing or humming a favorite song to yourself

Is it art, a special chair, a clean kitchen, the color on the wall or a rock in your pocket?  What helps you relax when you are distressed and stressed out? Perhaps you need to invite in new ways to calm your troubled heart and soul.

Develop Your Self-Care Techniques

When I was a young mother trying to do way too much for way too many people, I found rejuvenation and relaxation by smelling the essential oil of lavender. One client, Pat, found that she could calm down by touching a tree in her yard.  Just leaning against it and breathing deeply was enough to move her into an emotionally healthy place and into being a much more appreciated member of the family.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. What can you do to calm yourself when you are in stressful situations?
2. Which of the five senses- touch, taste, smell, sight, or sound, is the most self-soothing and calming for you?
3. Do you try to do some calming exercises or techniques daily?

You are invited to claim a free eBook at http://www.bouncebackperson.com you will be so glad you did.

© Judy H. Wright- http://www.Artichoke Press.com

5 Tips for Family Resilience- Bounce Back From Adversity

Family resilience is the ability to bounce back from the adversities and bad luck that befall us.  No family or individual is immune from misfortune and tragedy. Daily life is filled with challenges to individual members of the family and sometimes to the family unit itself.

As the economy becomes more unstable and family finances go up and down, I see those families who are able to weather the storm and those who are devastated and destroyed.

Functioning Families Hang On

In my work as a family coach I see daily evidence of those families who can hang on to each other until a solution is found.  These families have developed a system and ability to spring back from bad times.

Their struggle to get through a tough situation is admirable.  I have noticed that they all seem to have intuitively used these 5 coping skills to bounce back.

1. Panic With Purpose-Once the panic stage is over; they step back from the pain and look at life more objectively.
2. No Blame or Shame-They did not buy into or assign guilt or blame. It was not someone’s fault, but rather a situation to be solved.
3. Remember Coping Successes-They bring up past successes of their family and other families they know and admire and how they coped with pain and disappointment. They assess their areas of strengths.
4. Brain Storm Ideas-They take a clear look at the problem and brainstorm solutions. They recognize that there are always a minimum of five methods of solving any situation
5. Move Forward- The new way may not feel comfortable at first, but the lines of communication are kept open and adjustments are made.

Cycle of Resiliency

It takes time and effort to adjust to new experiences, whether they are happy or sad.
Families who are resilient learn a new rhythm which will evolve and guide their lives as individuals as well as a unit.  Without that rhythm and flow the energy becomes stagnant and stuck in unhealthy places.

Self Awareness Quiz

1. Do you remember a time in your childhood when a big change occurred and how your family handled the experience?
2. At that time, were all members of the family involved in finding solutions or was “the new way” just dictated by the adults?
3. Did you wish that your family had chosen another way to cope?  Can you do so now? Can you be more resilient and bounce back from disappointments?

This article is written by Judy Helm Wright @Artichoke Press LLC  You have permission to use it in your blog or teaching, but please keep the content and contact information intact.

You will want to claim your eBook on 47 Steps To Empowerment at http://www.EmpowermentWithJudy.com You will be glad you did.

Are You Afraid and Frustrated?

If you are having difficulty turning problems into opportunities, you may be discouraged. You may have a need to build your self esteem in order to overcome fear, doubts and frustrations that are impacting the life you deserve to live.  Having courage does not mean that you are free of fear, despair, doubt, frustration or discouragement.

Get unstuck in life by making a decision to move forward

It does mean that we are able to meet life’s challenges and move forward.

Courage is Movement Forward

Any time we take action and move toward a goal, we set a process in place that will overcome negative thoughts and experiences. The Universe rewards those who know what they want and take immediate action.  Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is to say; “This is a negative place in my life and I want to change my direction and not remain stuck here.”  Making a decision  to overcome fear or to just walk through the doubt  is frequently the catapult to success in many areas of life

Encourage Yourself To Take First Step

By making a decision to overcome what may seem overwhelming, you will be moving forward as opposed to stagnation and paralysis.  Many people are stuck in miserable situations because they are waiting for someone or something outside of themselves to decide what to do or to save them from their misery.  The courage to turn a problem into a challenge is best met internally. Others may be vested in keeping you stuck. If you change and move forward, it may disrupt their safety net.  It is not their problem, it is yours.

You may be looking at problems in a restricted and narrow framework.  You may be basing your fear and doubt on old beliefs that no longer serve you. You may be replaying old family tapes in your head that keep you from stepping out into the future with courage and daring.

Peel Away Old Belief Systems

By getting to the root cause of our fears and doubts we can examine them in the light and reframe them for the future.  This will enable us to function in a more satisfying and rewarding manner.  We become what we are through our decisions, all of which require courage.

Lack of courage is often express in the decision not to make a decision.

Questions To Assist You In Overcoming Fear, Doubt and Frustration

• How do you encourage yourself when you are afraid?
• Do you recognize that you and you alone own the problem?
• Do you have old family beliefs that are holding you back?
• Are you sometimes suffer from paralysis of perfection?
• What decision will you make today that will move you forward from a stuck place?

You are invited to claim a free e-course on overcoming shyness and building self esteem and courage at

http://www.confidenceclues.com

Best wishes for a bright and courageous future. I believe in you and you can encourage courage in yourself and overcome fear, doubt and frustration.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

Auntie Artichoke suggests you find ways to connect to step children that make them feel special.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

It is important that it takes time, effort and a great deal of patience to blend two families.  Just because the adults have gone through a marriage ceremony or feel committed to each other, it does not automatically blend personalities, experiences and expectations. Children in step families have a number of emotions that come into play when a non-parent suddenly enters the picture.

Life during the courtship period is frequently unrealistic as well as confusing. Daily life takes teamwork and cooperation to make a house a home. You may not be the natural Daddy or the Daddy they wanted, but you do deserve respect. Respect is earned and does not come automatically.

Step families Are Special

Parenting is hard enough in the first place and children love to test the limits of our patience and skills. Please remember that the children did not ask to be in this position and are understandably concerned and trying to work out the relationships in their own minds.

The child may have been in a position where the mother’s boyfriend gave him treats or special attention in order to win the affections of both mother and child.  Now, in a day-to-day experience it takes a lot of give and take to make the family work, and rewards are not forthcoming for just being there. Generally speaking, the premarital adult-child relationships may be confusing for mature adults as well as children.

Regular Family Meetings

The most successful families I have worked with have always had a regular family meeting or round-table weekly.  This enables all members of the blended family to discuss issues, set goals and clarify situations.  These meetings, which allow both parents and children to participate and become empowered.  Held on a weekly basis, many small problems can be solved before they become large ones.

Discussing problems and expectations on a regular basis allows everyone to feel part of the team.  Make sure that you and your spouse are united on goals for the family and that you show respect and kindness to each other and the children. A good parenting plan includes all responsible adults.

You Are Not My Daddy

One of the main issues of step parenting is to do your level best to respect and honor the relationship the child has with the biological parent, but still offering love and attention. Talk about the biological parent in positive or neutral terms.  If you speak negatively about the parent, the child will feel defensive, guilty and as if he too was being judged harshly.

If the biological or “real daddy” was negligent or a poor parent, your job is to empathize with the child. As you demonstrate that you are going to be a permanent, but loving part of the child’s life, there will be less and less power struggles.

Kids, Chores and More

As you work with the blended or step-family be sure to teach respect and responsibility as life skills. You will find information on Family meetings, appropriate expectations and fun activities to blend your family.

Good Luck.  You do an important job.

Judy H Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.kidschoresandmore.com

Help your children learn self soothing techniques when they are upset.

Hello from beautiful Montana,

When you have a headache do you rub your temples or push hard with your index finger between your eyes? How about when you were upset, did you hold your belly or hug yourself tightly? Do you rub your neck when other people are literally giving you “a pain in the neck?”

If so, you are doing what comes naturally, but has been called the Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT for short. EFT is a soothing technique that releases feelings of stress, anger and buried resentment.  Why wouldn’t you want to teach your child to find ways to break negative thought patterns and become calm?

Self Soothing and Self Care

Dr. Terry Brazelton, author of TouchPoints says one of the most important coping skills we can teach ourselves and our children is how to take care of yourself when you are upset or stressed.  Many adults head for food, alcohol, or drugs when life gets sticky, mainly because we have not developed other coping skills.

We can help children learn techniques of self-soothing so they do not turn to detrimental things like  out of control anger, misuse  of drugs and alcohol and defiant behavior.  No one likes the feeling of being out of control.  We can empower our children to take care of their needs with simple strategies that do not depend on outside sources.  EFT is  a soothing and easy to use technique that releases feelings of stress by rubbing or tapping  acupressure points in order to balance your energy.

Why Massage Feels So Good

We are electrical beings with many electromagnetic fields in the body. Our physical body, which we can see and touch and our energy body which we cannot see.  Positive and negative thoughts and belief systems have electrical charges.  When you are stressed, these electrical charges can get stuck and out of balance.

You may find spots on your body that are tender when you get a massage. Perhaps you didn’t even realize they were sore until they were rubbed.  It feels good to release those knots of tension and move your muscles more freely.

Tapping on Emotional Bumps

Tapping while you think about what upsets you helps smooth out those too-much and too-little energy places.  When you tap you release the energy so it can flow more smoothly. Breathing and talking about your feelings helps to let them go. Deep breathing goes past the rib cage down into the belly and helps create relaxation.

Emotional Freedom Technique is very effective and can be taught easily to children and will benefit them for the rest of their lives.

I am preparing a special report on using EFT for children, so be sure to check back often to get up to date information that will assist you and your family to gain the necessary skills for a happy life.

In gratitude,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from Montana:

What constitutes respect for others?  Is being respectful the key to healthy relationships? Do you have to like someone to be considerate, kind and courteous? How do you work in a relationship where there is an uneven balance of power? Even if you disagree with someone can you respect their rights?

Several years ago there was a study done of 100 self made millionaires.  They ranged in age from young 19 to well over 70.  Their educational experiences extended from grade school to the Ph.D level. They differed in almost all characteristics, except they were all found to be respectful of other people.

Everyone Can Learn and Teach

They had determined early in their careers that everyone had something to teach and to share. They built respectful relationships by learning from others. Even  those who do not believe as you do, or look like you or speak like you, still have something to share and should be given the right to share in some way.

We tend to treat people like we see them. If we see them as arrogant, snooty or even shy, we tend to treat them in that manner.  I just did a radio show recently about a second chance at making a good first impression.  You will want to listen to that one, if you haven’t already.

Live Up to Expectations

Once you find the good or ability in other people you treat him or her better and thus they perform better.  We all tend to live up to the expectations of other people. I have seen children who were average students with one teacher and then become top producers with encouragement and acceptance.

If we see people worthy of respect, then we will treat them that way.  Even when they do not demonstrate their respect for us, we can still treat them with courtesy.

A quote that I love says “If you take a man as he is, you make him worse than he was, but if you see him as being the best person possible, then he, in fact, become the best person possible.”

Courage To Keep Trying

Encouragement is giving someone the courage to keep progressing on an upward road, to move ahead and to fulfill their destiny.  By giving respect and understanding to others in our relationship, we will all move forward. A life journey is seldom without some failure, or detours. When we can acknowledge the progress and respect the effort as well as the individual, we will have a better world.

Please come and join our community of kind, thoughtful people who want understanding and respect for all.You will find us at….

http://www.artichokepress.com

You will also want to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a workbook and bonus items that will assist you in building confidence in the future and courage today.

Thanks for sharing your time with me today,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Auntie Artichoke Says: Children need encouragement. They need to have you cheering their progress and celebrating their success.

Greeting to those who love children;

As caring adults who want to find methods of encouraging positive character traits in the children and youth  we love or work with, we want to give messages that reinforce their efforts.  There are really only two kinds of messages that we can give young people–

• Hurtful ones that diminish or belittle them as individuals and break the spirit. The result is that we dis”couarage’ them from trying again.
• Love signals in verbal and non verbal ways that give them courage to keep trying, to celebrate talents and possibilities.

Children Prefer Beatings to Being Ignored

When I first heard that statement, I was shocked and saddened. As I have visited with those who suffered childhood trauma and abuse, they have shared the feeling that they were invisible, except for the abuse.  No child should feel that way. Ever.Ever. Ever.

We often read about the commercial messages that our children are bombarded with each day and become  concerned that they will believe erroneous advertising.  The messages they receive from their parents and peer group is much more important and has the power to deeply alter their self esteem and identity.

Body Language is Communication of Relationships

Not all signals and sentences come from what we say, but rather how we act when we are present with our children. The crook of an eyebrow, a gesture of the hand, the pat on the back, the wink the smile, the frown, the crossed arms and impatient look are all gestures that speak volumes to others.

What is the message that a smile and a hug  sends to a worried child on test day?  We are encouraging them to do their best and letting them know that we love the person they are, not the test grade.  When we rub our child’s back before bed, or snuggle close to watch a favorite movie we are sharing non-verbal words and encouragement.

Words to Encourage Positive Behavior

• You are very special and I have confidence you will find a good solution.
• I am impressed by how kind you were last week to our neighbor.
• You are a problem solver. Can you see what has to be done next?
• That took a lot of courage. I was impressed with your bravery.
• It looks like you are understanding the math problems. It feels good to finally “get it” doesn’t it?
• You have a good brain, I am interested to see what you think about this?
• You have really made some good choices this week. Good job.

A simple message given to our child becomes their truth and that truth then becomes their belief system and ultimately their self confidence and esteem.  Thoughts and belief system govern their actions, their satisfactions and their joy.

If you would like additional assistance on encouraging words please see http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com

You will be glad you did.

Your friend,  Judy H Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS:  Would love to have you visit our community

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Missoula:

Assuming personal responsibility is one of the measures of a mature individual.  This is a goal for each of us and one we want to teach our children.  This act of assuming personal responsibility is the willingness to think for myself and to act wisely with choices from my own mind.  Others may have influence over me and may instruct, give tools, assist, and  try to persuade me to go against my best interest.  However,  I do not grant others authority or my consciousness or follow blindly when I do not understand or agree.

When one act responsibly, it is with the agreement that the achievement of my happiness is my own job. No one else has the power to “make me happy” or “make me mad.”

I know that I, alone, am responsible for  my life, well-being, attitude and actions in all those areas that are open to my choice.

What is Not My Responsibility?

Just as I determine what I am responsible for, I need to recognize and acknowledge all that I am not responsible for.  I can control my own actions and thoughts, but I am not responsible for control other people’s thoughts and actions.  I can influence them with new information or ideas but do not have the power or the right to control their minds and lives.

As parents, we have a responsibility to teach character traits and values.  Does this insure that our children will not reject the teachings and make wrong choices? No, each individual has the right to make choices for their lives. Sometimes parents in my parenting classes will be racked with guilt because they taught and modeled honesty and their son still shoplifted.

Lack The Power To Control Others

Many feel that it is their responsibility to help others make wise choices.  They imagine themselves to posses a power no one posses; the power to determine the choices another person will make. If we learn that we do not have control over the minds and lives of others, we must also accept that we do not have complete and unlimited control over our own lives either.

Forces Beyond Our Choices Occur

It is a hard lesson to learn that sometimes bad things happen to good people.  Individuals do suffer through no fault or responsibility of their own. Choices are frequently very limited. All of us are affected at times by political,economic, environmental conditions that we do not choose.  We do have options, that are within our responsibly, of how we react or respond to those forces.

You are invited to claim your free ebook on Use Encouraging Words at http://www.useencouragingwords.com

Auntie Artichoke Asks- What is your responsibility and what is not your responsibility?

Developing responsibility in children is important in most families. As I work with parents, grandparents, teachers and other caring adults who work with kids who are in school, I hear the following questions about responsibility;

• How do I get my child to do homework
• How do I get my child to clean his room
• How do I get my child to do his chores
• How do I get my child to feed the pet
• How do I get my child to practice the piano
• How do I get my child to speak to the family with respect

The problem is that responsible and acceptable behavior is different for every person and every child.  When children are in school there are lots of new and exciting adventures that take their thoughts and energy away from the task at hand.

Difference between obedience and responsibility

One of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn is that you can’t make anyone do anything long term. You can force your child to do their homework tonight by yelling, screaming and threatening, but I promise you he will dislike school and you.

The difference between obedience and responsibility often comes down to this simple distinction, Who owns the problem. If you realize that the dog is hungry and you fix it by filling the food dish, but punish or yell at the child, you still own the problem.  You will be telling the child to feed the pet every day and he will expect you to tell him  and then lecture or else feed the dog.

Obedience needs no agreement or buy-in from the child. The motivation comes from an outside force, in this case, you making the child feel guilty.

Responsibility, however, involves the acceptance and understanding of the natural (the dog has no way to feed himself) and logical (the child feeds the dog before he eats breakfast and dinner) consequences.

Chore Charts Tell Child What Is Expected

When the parent is in the telling position and the child is in the doing position, which means the child won’t do if the parent doesn’t tell.  The chore chart is a wonderful tool for pulling adults away from always telling the child what to do and when to do it.  Chore charts shift the responsibility to the child and makes the chart the regulator and judge, not the adult.

Chore Charts or job lists or behavior calendars get the emotion out of the situation and strengthens both independence and responsibility.  The best advantage of a chore chart that has been agreed on at a family council is the “buy-in” from all parties.  Everyone knows what is expected to be done and the time frame for accomplishing said task and have decided and agreed on the consequences if it is not done.

Schools are not the teachers of responsibility. Their job is to enhance what has already been learned and modeled in the home and care giving situations. Those of us who love the child need to find methods and techniques to help the child to assume personal responsibility for their decisions and actions.  We increase the odds of teaching the child to work independently by being consistent and realistic in our expectations.

Be sure to check out http://www.responsiblechildren.com for a free report on “30 Ways To Get Your Kids To Help At Home.”  You will be glad you did.

With gratitude for the important work you do with children,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS:  Do you know an organization that is looking for a dynamic keynote speaker on responsibility?

I give a very generous finder’s fee.