Boys and reading, teens who want to work. What do other successful families do? This common sense advice column is written by Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the Global Director of Solutions for Families. Easy to incorporate ideas and methods to make your family stronger and happier.
The best time to teach respect, responsibility and resiliency in when children are small. If you have out of control teens, it is not too late to set up boundaries of behavior. Fair, kind and consistent discipline is the best way to work with teens and pre-teens. You will want to read more at http://www.amzn.to/kindlebyjudy
Teaching respect is an important part of parenting. You cannot fake respect for others. Kids have a built in BS radar. They are very aware of adult’s moods, attitudes and belief systems. If we want them to practice kindness and respect for others, you must show respect and kindness to them.
4 Ways to Connect & Communicate With Your Toddler
Do you talk to your kids or with them? Do you listen to them and do you actually hear what they are trying to tell you? Does your body language (non-verbal) match what your words (verbal) are communicating? Connecting and bonding with your children will be one of the most valuable gifts and legacies that you can share with them.
If you are like most parents and caring adults, your main objective is to raise competent, well-adjusted children who become self-reliant and emotionally healthy adults. I would like to invite you to read, ponder and think how you can apply these four parts of communicating with young children today
1. Connect with them by saying their name
Before giving directions or asking them to do a task, make sure they are even on the same wave-length as you are. Squat down so you are looking at them and can engage their eyes on you instead of their toys. You may need to announce; “Emmie, I need your ears to hear what I am going to say.” “Jeffrey, I need your eyes to see what I want you to see.” As parents we also found it helpful to touch their upper arm when we needed their full attention. In return, they knew that when they touched our upper arm, they had something important to say.
2. Say what you want in short sentences, not long lectures
Be very specific in what you want. The more parents ramble and justify their position the more the kids become overwhelmed, confused and eager to say no. “I want the toys in the box now.” If it seems like they are going to argue, just repeat “Toys-box-now.” If your child can’t repeat back what you want done, it was too long and confusing.
3. When-then not If
This is the difference between a reward and a bribe. When is a measurable goal; “when you put your shoes on, then we will leave for the store and the park.” You both know if the shoes are on or off and that it is his job, there is nothing to debate, argue or throw a tantrum over. When and then implies that you expect obedience and compliance with the request.
However, you start a sentence with “If” then there is room for negotiation, whining and begging. Saying “if you put your shoes on we can go to the park after shopping” implies that he has a choice.
It is important that children know that they have some choices in life, but not everything is a choice or worthy of a decision. Sometimes, they just do what we say because we are the parent and make decisions that are in their best interest and best for the family.
Which leads us to the last and most important part of being a parent, helping the children we love and care for to be independent self-reliant individuals?
4. Help them to help themselves.
Of course it is easier and faster for us, as adults, to do things ourselves. We can zip the zipper and be on our way much quicker than we can take the time to show her one more time how to fit the zipper tab over the two sides. But this is a disservice and a discouragement to the child.
When we encourage them to learn new tasks and celebrate their capabilities that support transfers to every aspect of life. The accomplishment of a small thing today will lead to more successes every day. As they see us model making mistakes and self-correcting or adjusting our goals in life, they see that it is okay to not be perfect. The joy of knowing that you are loved unconditionally builds a foundation of confidence and self-esteem.
The more you do for your children the less time you have to do things with them. Connect and communicate your love, support and joy by building pleasant memories and strong life skills.
- Have you heard yourself saying to your toddler; “Here, just let me do it. It will be faster?”
- If your toddler wants to help, will you allow him to assist you?
- Are you aware of the natural stages of growth in small children?
- Would you like to learn more about tips and techniques to bond with your child?
- If so, then claim your free report at http://www.askauntieartichoke.com
Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” is an expert parent educator and speaker. If your organization would be interested in hiring Judy as a keynote speaker, please call 406-549-9813 or see http://www.judyhwright.com
If you found this article interesting, you will want to check out the new series of Raising Smart & Kind Kids- Babies, Toddlers and Pre-school. They are available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or at http://www.ArtichokePress.com
Natural and logical choices are an important part of discipline, not only with our children but ourselves as well. When we forget to pay the light bill, the electricity is shut off. That naturally follows the action. What if there is not a natural consequence to an inappropriate choice? Then we create on that is tied in some way to the learning lesson. If a child does not pick up his toys as asked, then the toys are taken away for a period of time.
Why do kids lie to parents, friends and teachers? Why do parents lie to kids, the insurance salesman and others. What is a lie? Learn 21 reasons why we tell lies and what to do about it.
The best way to build confidence and self-esteem is to find things we are good at and enjoy and do more of them. Determine what you or your child is good at and then just do more and better of that. Manage weakness but don’t concentrate on it.
Confident kids have developed responsibility and courage. They are able to take safe risks and feel competent and loved. You can raise a confident kid.
Are You Afraid and Frustrated?
If you are having difficulty turning problems into opportunities, you may be discouraged. You may have a need to build your self esteem in order to overcome fear, doubts and frustrations that are impacting the life you deserve to live. Having courage does not mean that you are free of fear, despair, doubt, frustration or discouragement.
It does mean that we are able to meet life’s challenges and move forward.
Courage is Movement Forward
Any time we take action and move toward a goal, we set a process in place that will overcome negative thoughts and experiences. The Universe rewards those who know what they want and take immediate action. Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is to say; “This is a negative place in my life and I want to change my direction and not remain stuck here.” Making a decision to overcome fear or to just walk through the doubt is frequently the catapult to success in many areas of life
Encourage Yourself To Take First Step
By making a decision to overcome what may seem overwhelming, you will be moving forward as opposed to stagnation and paralysis. Many people are stuck in miserable situations because they are waiting for someone or something outside of themselves to decide what to do or to save them from their misery. The courage to turn a problem into a challenge is best met internally. Others may be vested in keeping you stuck. If you change and move forward, it may disrupt their safety net. It is not their problem, it is yours.
You may be looking at problems in a restricted and narrow framework. You may be basing your fear and doubt on old beliefs that no longer serve you. You may be replaying old family tapes in your head that keep you from stepping out into the future with courage and daring.
Peel Away Old Belief Systems
By getting to the root cause of our fears and doubts we can examine them in the light and reframe them for the future. This will enable us to function in a more satisfying and rewarding manner. We become what we are through our decisions, all of which require courage.
Lack of courage is often express in the decision not to make a decision.
Questions To Assist You In Overcoming Fear, Doubt and Frustration
- How do you encourage yourself when you are afraid?
- Do you recognize that you and you alone own the problem?
- Do you have old family beliefs that are holding you back?
- Are you sometimes suffer from paralysis of perfection?
- What decision will you make today that will move you forward from a stuck place?
You are invited to claim a free e-course on overcoming shyness and building self esteem and courage at
Best wishes for a bright and courageous future. I believe in you and you can encourage courage in yourself and overcome fear, doubt and frustration.
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker
Ernest Hemingway once said: “The world breaks everyone. and afterward ,many are strong in the broken places.”
When we are going through adversity, it is not always possible to believe that everyone suffers loss and heartache. It feels and acts very personal whenand rotten life experiences happen to good people.
Our first response is ““ We may question whether we did something to deserve this punishment or trouble. We may feel resentment for others who are not suffering and question why trouble did not choose them. We may even add up all the bad, selfish and dishonest things a certain friend or acquaintance has done and yet still has good and a big .
It’s Not Fair
Life isn’t fair. As a mother of sixI tried to hard at time to make the gifts come out even for everyone. No matter how many times I counted and then made lists and then recounted, on Christmas morning during the bedlam of presents, paper and toys, I would realize it hadn’t been fair. Someone had gotten a watch worth twenty dollars and someone had gotten a bracelet worth three dollars. Some one had gotten the exact doll she wanted and someone else got the one that was in style last year.
We finally decided to recognize and joke that no matter what we did, it was never going to come out even. But the joy was that you knew that the chances were good that one day it would be your turn to get exactly what you wanted. We would often recite the battle cry of large families and pre-schools around the world; “You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.”
Luck or Life
Life is filled with luck and also filled with change and chance. As Ernest Hemingway said earlier, we all get broken in some way and it is the broken places that make us strong.
Bad Luck is described as unforeseen occurrence, happenstance and yet good luck is described as prosperity,, windfall, success, advantage, profit and triumph, and blessings. It is often from the luck that the opportunities for growth and development come to us. When we take the chance to growth through loss, grief and adversity, we will become stronger and more resilient. I know this is true, because I have experienced in my own life and the lives of countless friends and .
Questions To Think About
- Do you consider yourself lucky or unlucky? Why?
- Have you ever said “That’s not fair.” Why?
- What do you think about when bad things happen to you?
- Can you look back in your life and recognize how a certain situation helped you to grow personally and spiritually?
You are a good person and have been drawn to this information for a reason. I have confidence in you and your ability to have a good life for you and your loved ones. If you would like assistance in living a balanced life please go to
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
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