Ask Auntie Artichoke

Expert on Parenting and Family Relationships

Ask Auntie Artichoke - Expert on Parenting and Family Relationships

Teaching & Modeling Empowerment (EXPERT)

How does a parent, grandparent, mentor or teacher model empowerment and confidence to the kids in their circle of influence?

The primary way anything is taught to children is through modeling. We show them the behavior we desire.  From the time they are infants, children are constantly watching and mimicking what we do and say.

They May Not Do What You Say, But What You Do

If there is a discrepancy between what we do and what we say, they learn a whole different lesson than what we set out to teach.  If you are giving your child a lecture on lying, then the phone rings and you tell him to say you aren’t home if it is your crazy Aunt Mabel, which behavior do you think he will adapt in his life?

The most important way to convey the lessons of encouragement, empowerment and confidence is to show them how to behave, or model the behavior.  The most effective way to teach your child he or she has the power to take positive action and make changes in behavior is to allow them to see you work through challenges.  We need to walk the walk, and guide them to persist in the process of a lifelong learning experience.

Teach Problem Solving

Teach and mentor others something that will improve their lives.  Sometimes just a word or gesture that shows you have confidence in their ability to problem solve gives them courage to move forward. Help them to achieve goals they can’t reach by themselves.  Empower them to succeed.

Every situation has at least five solutions.  Help them to help themselves in all areas of life. Encourage them to look at a problem from different angles and perspectives.

Acknowledge & Appreciate Success

Many of the people in your life who are top performers may be limiting their effectiveness because they don’t realize just how good they are. The greatest gift we can do for others is not to share our riches but to reveal theirs.

confidence, empowerment, problem solving, Judy Helm Wright, Auntie Artichoke, EXPERT,

Children will not always do what you say, but usually will do what you do. Model confidence

At a recent parenting class I was talking about discovering the accomplishments of their children. The goal was to have them recognize their own strengths, skills and talents. I started with a ball thrown to a participant with the instruction to yell out something they were good at and then throw the ball to another person.

Surprisingly, many of the participants had great difficulty recognizing and acknowledging their own special talents.  It took some gentle prodding and suggestions from others for them to see themselves in a new and powerful light.

Once we got going it was much easier to recognize that not everyone can make delicious chocolate chip cookies.  It is a skill to be able to be able to return an item to a store that not everyone has.  It takes someone special to be able to bring peace to a conflict at work.

Part of empowering others is to make sure we recognize and applaud our own accomplishments.  Many have been taught to not get “a big head” or that “that’s not so special.”  We need to help them reveal to themselves and others what great gifts they have been given.

 

Third Party Credibility

 

I remember hearing the phrase “Criticize in private, Praise in public” and it really seemed like a good idea to incorporate in my business and personal life.  Since the word criticize has some bad connotations for me, I prefer to use the word feedback or mentor.

You will find more about that philosophy in my parenting book How to Discipline Without Damage.

Whenever you get a chance to brag about someone do it.  That is called third party credibility and carries a lot of weight.  How do I know?  Because I leave reviews on YELP, recommendations on Angie’s list and write testimonials for people I do business with.

Don’t allow your children, friends and associates to dismiss or ignore a success.  Reveal their victories to them by documenting success on performance reviews or testimonials on Linked In or YELP. Send them a note of congratulations. Post a Hurrah on Facebook. Let them know that you noticed and were impressed with their success.

It takes so little time to empower and encourage others and yet many would prefer to be part of the destruction crew rather than the builders and enhancers of others.  I have never quite got why so many people will cheer for their team to win a football game but won’t give their own kid a high-five and an atta-boy.

Self-Awareness Quiz

  1. Do you acknowledge your own successes out loud and in your mind?  Practice saying “Yay Me.”
  2. Do you share the success of others in public by compliments, reviews and testimonials?
  3. Do you model confidence in finding solutions and assuming your own power?

Would You Benefit From A Private Coaching Session?

If so, then contact me at www.JudyHWright.com and let’s find a time to discover if we resonate and can travel the empowerment journey together.

You will be glad you did.  It costs nothing to ask and the benefits are priceless. See www.judyhwright.com  today.

 

 

Learning Disabled Teens & Teasing (EXPERT)

Learning Disabled Teens And Teasing – No Easy Answers

Expert Author Judy H. Wright

Parents, teachers, extended family and neighbors recognize the special challenges of those who love and teach learning disabled children and adults. They are usually sensitive, kind and giving as small children. Because they are small in stature, people are more forgiving of what they can and cannot do.

Teenagers With Learning Disabilities

However, as these cute little kids grow into teens and adults, they have accelerated difficulties. He/she is still very dependent, while becoming harder to control, guide and teach. The skills may be delayed, but the body and hormones are changing daily. A LD teen may not understand or confuse many aspects of life when in social situations. Sensitive to others anyway, this teen may react negatively to any correction or criticism. What may have started out as casual banter, may be interpreted as hurtful teasing.

Learning disabilities can make the social scene very hard for teens.

Brain disorders are expressed in many strange ways, included a frenzy of hyperactivity. This hyperactivity may irritate the very people the teen is hoping to attract as friends.

Teens With Learning or Physical Disability May Become Target of Teasing

As I have said in many of the previous posts and articles-bullying and teasing is about power. The bully looks for someone who can be manipulated or humiliated in order to make himself/herself feel more important. The majority of learning disable adolescents do not have social skills and the ability to communicate in order to stop the teasing. Self esteem and confidence is not easy to come by in any teenager, but may be especially lacking in those who have severe physical or learning abilities. The amount of teasing, bullying, name calling and taunting that goes on in Special Ed classes and in the hallways of schools internationally, is overwhelming. This is especially true in junior high and high school when independence is encouraged and tattling is discouraged.

What Should Teachers and Parents Do

Kindness and empathy for others hopefully is an on-going conversation in your home and classroom. Help all children, but especially those that have learning and social difficulties, to determine if it is a big problem or a small problem. If it is a small problem help them come up with techniques or ideas to solve it themselves. If it is a big problem, which involves safety, help them to communicate either with the bully or with an adult. Tattling is to get someone in trouble. Telling is to save someone from harm.

Self Awareness Quiz

1. What do you think when you see a learning disabled teen?

2. Do you feel that you have nothing in common?

3. Would you step up and intervene or find help if you saw someone being teased?

4. Do you agree with the difference between tattling and telling?

5. Can you decide what is a big problem and what is a small problem in life?

You are a smart and strong person and I have confidence you will find good solutions to help support not only learning disabled teens, but others who are being teased and bullied. Be sure to claim your free report about bullying at http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com

Thank you for being part of a community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all.

You have permission to reprint this article in your blog or newsletter as long as you keep the complete content and contact information intact.Thank you, Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke”

Your Teen and DUI: Consequences For the Entire Family

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Your Teen and DUI: Consequences For the Entire Family

Any situation involving a DUI can have serious repercussions for accused individual. However, this is oftentimes even worse for teenager, as it can also negatively affect not only their future, but their family as well. Though everyone involved would likely wish to put this one “stupid decision” firmly behind them, drunk driving incidents can have an emotional ripple effect on the entire family.

Coping with the aftermath of your teen’s drunk driving incident is difficult enough without taking into consideration the further impact it may have on your family. Your relationship with your spouse can suffer, as can social relationships for both you and your other children. Additionally, there are financial setbacks and future plans that could possibly be severely compromised.

1) Your other children are teased at school.

Whether you live in a large city or a small town, every community has a grapevine. Even if your teen’s DUI wasn’t published in the paper, chances are, word will get around. This could result in your other children being teased by their friends, or their parents even forbidding them to come to your home. Talk to your children about how to handle teasing, and speak to other parents to let them know while you love your teenager, you do not condone their choices and would never let their child come to harm in your home.

2) The legal costs are crippling to your family’s finances.

According to Hofland & Tomsheck, Las Vegas criminal defense attorneys, criminal conviction often carries with it a range of potential consequences that can negatively impact your life forever. This includes exspensive fines can range from $500 to over $2000. From hiring a DUI attorney to court costs and fines, coping with the price can bring a huge amount of debt to a family. This may mean that birthdays and holidays suffer, as well as any planned vacations going out the window. Sit down with your family and be honest about the situation so everyone knows what to expect. While it is disappointing, sticking together during this time is key.

3) Your friends and family think you’re a bad parent.

Parents of teens caught drunk driving can often experience the cold shoulder from other parents, members of their community and even their own family. Coping with feeling “cut off” from your support system can be very depressing for everyone involved. Try to be forthcoming with your friends and family about what has happened, and that your family is trying to cope with a very serious setback. More than likely, there will be people in your circle who have dealt with similar situations who can help.

4) You and your spouse can’t stop arguing.

Stress is an enormous cause of arguments in any relationship, but the stress of a child in trouble can be doubly so. If your teenager is in trouble, it will be natural for you to be angry, and that can sometimes move into picking fights with your spouse or loved one. Try to understand the cause of your anger, and if need be, speak to a professional to counsel you and your family with your issues.

5) Your insurance is through the roof.

Insurance in the United States is expensive enough for most families without having to add a DUI charge to the mix. If your teenager is convicted with an offense or there is damage to your car or injuries, you are likely to see a big jump in your insurance costs. Shop around for your insurance provider and be forthcoming about the cause. Additionally, your teenager should also be asked to contribute towards the insurance with a part-time job.

Communication is important when dealing with the aftermath of a drunk driving charge. However, good communication is key. Take a policy of complete honesty to deal with friends and family, making sure to underline that while you do not agree with what your child did, you are trying to work through it as a family. Sticking together is the most important thing you can do.

Journalist Nicole Bailey-Covin has covered many unfortunate cases where young people have made and sometimes fatal choices in deciding to drink and drive. She encourage parents to talk to their teens and when needed don’t be afraid to monitor their children’s communications and whereabouts.  It is better to be protective and safe, than to look back with regrets.

Photo Credit: https://flic.kr/p/2gG9e1

Thank you for being part of our community of kind, thoughtful people who have respect for all.  Be sure to claim your  free download and find out how to have Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” speak at your next convention or in-service.  You can contact her at http://www.judyhwright.com. You will be glad you did.

Do You Have An Indigo Child? (EXPERT)

 

speaking, indigo kids, techno-savvy, technology, hard to manage kids, how to manage indigo kids

Judy Helm Wright, aka “Auntie Artichoke” is a parent educator and life coach who has worked with families like yours all over the world. Give her a call at 406-549-9813 to schedule a speaking engagement.

 

Indigo Children- Born to Lead, Hard to Manage, Do you have one at your house?

 Indigo children are children that are not content to color in the lines or glue macaroni on paper. They are very bright but also very active and curious, which can make them hard to keep up with. It often seems like Indigo children are born knowing who and what they are immediately.

What they really need are parents to guide them a little and keep them safe until they are grown up enough to accomplish what they have been sent to do. Many parents and teachers are scared of such independent spirits and want to medicate them because they are easier to handle that way.

These beautiful kind spirits are very hard to keep in the old rules of schools and families. They are self directed and don’t always get why adults want them to do things. They often believe that they are the boss.

Because they were exposed to technology in the womb, they are often very tech-savvy.  Show them an iPad or cell phone and within minutes, they know how to make it work to play games or look at cartoons.

A Few Characteristics of Indigo Children (Noted by Jan Tober and Lee Carol, Authors of “What is an Indigo Child.”)

 *  They have difficulty with absolute authority (authority without explanation or choice).

*  They simply will not do certain things; for example, waiting in line is difficult for them.

*  They get frustrated with systems that are ritually oriented and don’t require creative thought.

*  They often see better ways of doing things, both at home and in school, which makes them seem like “system busters” (nonconforming to any system).

* They seem antisocial unless they are with their own kind. If there are no others of like consciousness around them, they often turn inward; feeling like no other human understands them. School is often extremely difficult for them socially.

How do I tell if my child is an Indigo Child?

You will know. I can usually tell when a child is an indigo child because their eyes will look at you as if they can see into your soul. They are the ones who will help all of humanity to move in a better direction. A leader who will lead in their own way. Our job is to keep these Indigo Children safe and recognize what they have to teach us. They are born to lead, so let’s guide and accompany them on their journey, but let them lead the way. I am sure you probably have a child or two who come to mind when I talk about an Indigo Child.

So, now that you know what an Indigo Child is, if you didn’t already, how should you act when dealing with one?

Trust Your Intuition

There are many other books out there that will give you insight into the personality of an Indigo Child. However, your most important source of inspiration on dealing with your child is your heart and intuition. No one knows and loves your child as you do. Discuss and plan with the child systems to make life easier for both of you.

If your child has lost self esteem by trying to fit into a “regular world” please go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com for a free ebook which will help them recognize their inner strength. You will be so glad you did.

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members, coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.

The Most Valuable Gift Of All…Teaching Your Toddler To Share

where do the children play?

 

Children who learn the value of sharing at an early age will mature into balanced and well-adjusted adults who are focused on helping others. Your toddler may have natural instincts to keep their belongings for their own enjoyment, especially as they reach the terrible twos stage of life. However, it’s important to let this phase pass quickly by incorporating acts of kindness and generosity into their everyday activities.

Ask to Borrow a Favorite Toy

If your child has a favorite toy, you can relay the importance of sharing by asking to borrow it. Whether you tell them you’re going to take it to work and show your co-workers or you want to bring it to a family gathering, you’ll get the opportunity to explain the importance the gift of sharing can bring to an individual.

Childhood Squabbles

It’s natural for childhood squabbles to occur over a toys or a favorite belonging when children play together. However, you can ease their tempers by having your child offer it to others to play with for a certain amount of time. When the clock says it’s time to give it back, it can go to the next person to play with. This can be done until everyone has gotten a fair amount of time to play with the item.

In the same manner that you purchase learning toys for toddlers in order to teach them age appropriate skills, it is a good idea to create opportunities for your child to practice sharing and being kind to others.

Set a Good Example

You can be a good role model for your child by setting a good example. When your toddler witnesses you sharing your food, clothing, cooking utensils and yard equipment, they’ll follow your lead. You can do this by sharing items with your spouse, children, friends, family members and neighbors.

Items of Value

If your child has a few prized possessions such as a favorite teddy bear, blanket or ball, you can give them the go ahead to hide them before a play date. However, you need to set the ground rules ahead of time and let them know that the remaining toys and items that are left behind are fair game and should be shared.

Refrain from Punishments

Try not to punish a child for failing to share. You can express your sadness and disappointment in their lack of sharing, but you should never make it into a big deal. Your child will eventually learn the importance of sharing, and the repercussions if they don’t when they hang out with their friends. They’ll eventually come around when they realize the happiness and joy it can bring to another person.

The Importance of Friendship

While certain belongings may hold value and should be cherished, you’ll find other objects to be replaceable. This is the ideal time to teach your child that friendships and getting along with others proves far more favorable than the actual object. While it doesn’t mean that they have to give everything they own away, you want to express the importance of being generous to those less fortunate.

A toddler who refuses to share their favorite doll or truck doesn’t mean to be cruel. Unfortunately, they’re just acting normal for their age. The good part is that sharing is a learned trait that they’ll develop over the course of their toddler years. With a little practice, encouragement and by setting a good example, your toddler will learn the value of sharing.

Teresa Stewart is a professional blogger with an interest in parenting issues. She has found that children typically learn by example and parents can find many teachable moments during the course of their daily activities to get their children into the habit of sharing.
Thank you for being part of our community of kind, thoughtful people who have respect for all.  Be sure to claim your  free download and find out how to have Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” speak at your next convention or in-service.  You can contact her at http://www.judyhwright.com   You will be glad you did.

Recognizing The Signs Of Sexual Abuse In Your Child

Sunday morning pleasures

Recognizing The Signs Of Sexual Abuse In Your Child

Sexual abuse in children is something that no one wants to acknowledge but everyone knows occurs. Nobody can fathom how someone could do this to a child, yet sadly, about 12 percent of all children born will be subjected to this type of abuse. Some experts believe that the percentage is almost double this rate, but that many cases are unreported.

This type of abuse generally occurs by someone that is either an immediate member of the family or a very close family friend. These are the people that you least expect this type of behavior from towards your children. Teachers, counselors and coaches have also been associated with this type of act due to their close relationships that they form with children.

Knowing some of the signs of sexual abuse can help you protect your children and get them the help they need if it is discovered that abuse is taking place.

 Withdrawal From Family and Friends The guilt and shame that these children feel often cause them to withdraw from their family and friends.

• Inappropriate Knowledge If your child seems to have knowledge of sex that is beyond their age or experience, it is safe to think that they are learning it from somewhere that is inappropriate.
Eating Disorders If your child’s eating patterns drastically change, there is an emotional issue taking place. Severe overeating or under eating are both signs of sexual abuse.
Behavior Changes Out of frustration, these children often become very angry and very emotional.
New Friend If your child seems to be building a relationship with an adult that is not making you feel comfortable, trust your instincts.

Self-Harm Many children will begin to hurt themselves physically as a way to “change” their body and make themselves less desirable.These are only a fee of the more noticeable signs. Other signs include a dramatic change in their school work, lack of interest in any of their hobbies or favorite activities, and a fear of going around specific adults.

What to Do If You Discover Your Child Is Being Abused

If your child is being sexually abused, the first thing that you must do is notify the police so that an investigation can be started and an arrest can be made. Once you have notified the authorities, you will need to seek counseling for your child and you will need to contact representation, whether that means a Florida sex crime lawyer or a New Jersey family attorney. Your child will need legal representation and may be entitled to specific compensation under the law.

It is very sad that parents must keep a diligent watch for this type of event in their child’s life, but it is a fact. With twelve out of every one hundred children suffering from this type of abuse, the risk is high. Parents, however, can make a difference by looking for signs and stopping this type of abuse as soon as possible. With love, compassion, and the right counseling, any child who has suffered this type of abuse can recover and go on to live a long and happy life.

Concerned parent Molly Pearce writes this post to educate readers on the epidemic of child sexual abuse and how to protect their rights and the rights of their children. Taking action against an offender can be daunting for a child and/or parent but is always worthwhile. Molly learned more about the litigation process in a case like this from the website of Florida sex crime lawyer firm, Katz & Phillips, PA.

Photo credit: https://flic.kr/p/aq5Hkg

Thank you for being part of our community of kind, thoughtful people who have respect for all.  Be sure to claim your  free download and find out how to have Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” speak at your next convention or in-service.  You can contact her at http://www.judyhwright.com   You will be glad you did.

Dogs, Cats & Babies Speak The Language of Love (GUEST EXPERT)

A study published in the “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology” found that pet guardians tend to be more extroverted and less fearful, and they also experience a reduction in loneliness and a boost in self-esteem. The study indicated that pets provide social support, and this is linked to many positive physical and psychological benefits. In other words, your family dog is likely to become your baby’s first best friend, and this can help them when they become old enough to begin forging friendships with other children. http://www.artichokepress.com

What To Do If Your Child Has Violent Tendencies

Bully

What To Do If Your Child Has Violent Tendencies

Most parents have the highest hopes and anticipation for our children. When your visions of success and happiness are thwarted because of your child’s violent tendencies, parents may be tempted to deny that your child needs help or that your child’s tendencies will resolve themselves over time. However, ignoring or prolonging your offspring’s violent outbursts is the worst course of action you can take if you hope to restore any desires that your child will be happy and successful in the future.

Rather than give into the worry, fear, embarrassment, and stress that come with having a violent child, parents can instead take these prompt and necessary steps to lead your child to a healthy and meaningful future.

What Makes A Kid Violent?

It’s been proven that excessive exposure to violence through popular media like movies, TV shows and video games contribute to a child’s violent behavior. It desensitizes children to the violence and can make them adopt aggressive behavior. By the time a typical American child reaches the age of 18, he has already been exposed to almost 200,000 acts of violence seen on TV. Popular video games like Grand Theft Auto also rewards violent and destructive behavior.

If a child has suffered some trauma to his brain, this injury can also add to his violent behavior. Use of drugs and alcohol, violence or economic strain in the family can be factors too. Children at risk are those who have problems with being impulsive, irritable, and easily frustrated.

Accept The Problem For What It Is

Some parents may be ready to gloss over your child’s emotional and mental outbursts as a normal developmental stage or a bout of immaturity that will surely go away over time. Minimizing your child’s violent tendencies, however, only serves to deflect the responsibility of getting your child much needed help and addressing the issue for what it really is. Many parents avoid recognizing your child’s outbursts because you may feel embarrassed or that you are to blame for your child’s behavior. Instead of focusing on how you feel, however, you should think ahead about what is best for your child and act promptly to get your son or daughter the professional help they need.

As parents, you must also think of the safety of other children, like siblings or schoolmates, who might be at the receiving end of mean acts. Is your violent child being a typical “brat” or is he taking bullying to a dangerous level? Does he need constant monitoring because he is not to be trusted with playing nice or being left alone with other kids?

Seek Help Through The Professional Community

You may try to keep your child out of the medical establishment by taking your offspring to counseling sessions with religious leaders or natural healers. While it may be perfectly acceptable to adhere to religious or lifestyle beliefs during your child’s recovery, parents are still encouraged to seek out qualified medical help for your child’s violent tendencies. A team of doctors, licensed psychiatrists, and mentors are the ideal choices for heading up a child’s emotional and mental treatment.

In the case of a troubled child, the causes might come from social issues which need to be addressed. A specialist in juvenile justice who also happens to work as a life coach in Seattle for at-risk kids, suggests that the child’s failure to thrive could be because of an addiction, and that he could use help with “releasing stress, reframing and keeping boundary maintenance, and improved communication.” A child may have to be hospitalized, put on medications, or go through other intense medical therapies that can help him recover from the emotional or mental distress that causes his violent behavior. The coach also works with the whole family, to help repair the dynamics between the child and his parents and siblings. Each child is different so the course of action for your particular family would be worked out by the coach with your family’s participation.

Commit To Long-Term Monitoring And Care

Once your child has been treated and shows signs of improvement, don’t be quick to dismiss his behavior and believe that the problem is resolved permanently. Few children recover quickly from violent emotional and mental behaviors. Many kids face years of treatment for their behavior, making it necessary for their parents to commit to a long-term care plan that ultimately should lead to the child’s successful recovery. Falsely believing that the treatment will be short-lived and resolved in a few short weeks or months can set you up for disappointment and frustration.

Work As A Parental Team

Parents whose children show signs of violent behavior may be quick to blame each other. It is vital that you realize that blaming your spouse only leads to a breakdown of your relationship with each other and your entire family’s structure. For the sake of your child and his siblings, parents must work together to focus on his recovery. Showing a unified front can give the troubled adolescent the reassurance he needs to commit to his medical treatment.

When children show signs of violent behavior, parents should not hesitate to act quickly and get their child the help he needs. By taking these important and urgent steps, parents can lead their son or daughter to a healthy and happy recovery.

Debbie Nguyen is a writer who likes to blog about children’s difficulties and how parents can best help resolve them. She has first-hand experience with her two teens.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/trixer/3531445744/

 

No matter what life experiences may happen, kids need to be taught to bounce back from adversity.

No matter what life experiences may happen, kids need to be taught to bounce back from adversity.http://www.bouncebackfromanything.com

 

 

 

You will be glad you did and so will your child.