Ask Auntie Artichoke

Expert on Parenting and Family Relationships

Ask Auntie Artichoke - Expert on Parenting and Family Relationships

What To Do If Your Child Has Violent Tendencies

What to Do If Your Child Has Violent Tendencies

© Debbie Nguyen & Judy Helm Wright

 Most parents have the highest hopes and anticipation for our children. When your visions of success and happiness are thwarted because of your child’s violent tendencies, parents may be tempted to deny that your child needs help or that your child’s tendencies will resolve themselves over time. However, ignoring or prolonging your offspring’s violent outbursts is the worst course of action you can take if you hope to restore any desires that your child will be happy and successful in the future.

Rather than give into the worry, fear, embarrassment, and stress that come with having a violent child, parents can instead take these prompt and necessary steps to lead your child to a healthy and meaningful future.

Understanding The Difficulty

  • Is it distractibility?
  • Is it high-intensity level?
  • Is it negative persistence?
  • Is it low sensory threshold?
  • Is it negative mood?
  • Is it low self-esteem?

 What Makes a Kid Violent?

It’s been proven that excessive exposure to violence through popular media like movies, TV shows and video games contribute to a child’s violent behavior. It desensitizes children to the violence and can make them adopt aggressive behavior. By the time a typical American child reaches the age of 18, he has already been exposed to almost 200,000 acts of violence seen on TV. Popular video games like Grand Theft Auto also rewards violent and destructive behavior.

If a child has suffered some trauma to his brain, this injury can also add to his violent behavior. Use of drugs and alcohol, violence or economic strain in the family can be factors too. Children at risk are those who have problems with being impulsive, irritable, and easily frustrated.

You will find valuable information to assist your child in making and keeping friends at

Accept the Problem for What It Is

Some parents may be ready to gloss over your child’s emotional and mental outbursts as a normal developmental stage or a bout of immaturity that will surely go away over time. Minimizing your child’s violent tendencies, however, only serves to deflect the responsibility of getting your child much needed help and addressing the issue for what it really is. Many parents avoid recognizing your child’s outbursts because you may feel embarrassed or that you are to blame for your child’s behavior. Instead of focusing on how you feel, however, you should think ahead about what is best for your child and act promptly to get your son or daughter the professional help they need.

As parents, you must also think of the safety of other children, like siblings or schoolmates, who might be at the receiving end of mean acts. Is your violent child being a typical “brat” or is he taking bullying to a dangerous level? Does he need constant monitoring because he is not to be trusted with playing nice or being left alone with other kids?
Seek Help through the Professional Community

You may try to keep your child out of the medical establishment by taking your offspring to counseling sessions with religious leaders or natural healers. While it may be perfectly acceptable to adhere to religious or lifestyle beliefs during your child’s recovery, parents are still encouraged to seek out qualified medical help for your child’s violent tendencies. A team of doctors, licensed psychiatrists, and mentors are the ideal choices for heading up a child’s emotional and mental treatment.

In the case of a troubled child, the causes might come from social issues which need to be addressed. A specialist in juvenile justice who also happens to work as a life coach in Seattle for at-risk kids, suggests that the child’s failure to thrive could be because of an addiction, and that he could use help with releasing stress, reframing and keeping boundary maintenance, and improved communication.”

A child may have to be hospitalized, put on medications, or go through other intense medical therapies that can help him recover from the emotional or mental distress that causes his violent behavior. The coach also works with the whole family, to help repair the dynamics between the child and his parents and siblings.

You will want to download a free eBook on encouraging words and phrases to say to yourself as well as your child.  Claim your copy today at

Parents As Partners

Each child is different so the course of action to be taken to diffuse his harmful behavior, and how it affects the dynamics of your family, would be agreed upon by the parental or professional coach with your family’s participation.

Working together with professionals is important, but even more important is remembering that no one loves your child like you do.  Become empowered to make decisions that will benefit your family and especially the child who is having violent outbursts.  You acting as an advocate for your child is the best gift you can give him or her.

Thank you for joining this community of kind, thoughtful people who have respect for all.  Be sure to claim your free eBook at  

No matter what life experiences may happen, kids need to be taught to bounce back from adversity.

No matter what life experiences may happen, kids need to be taught to bounce back from adversity.




You will be glad you did and so will your child.


Phrases to Build Confidence

When you build confidence, both in yourself and others, use strong words that evoke a sense of movement.

For instance; “I can do it” is certainly stronger than “I can’t do it.” Contrast that to “I choose to do it” which sounds more powerful and sure. The strongest is “I am going to do it! I will start right now and practice it every day until it becomes automatic action.”

Commit to Confidence

Making a decision that you can do something is great but making a commitment and an action plan is even better.  The Universe rewards action.  When you move forward, you will find assistance, guidance and doors opening for you.  Life actually becomes easier once you move in a forward direction.

In my many books and articles available at  you will find the words to say to bring about positive change.  I do this because sadly, many people have told me that they need the specific words and phrases because they have never heard them.

Phrases To Increase Self-Esteem and Confidence

Here is a list of 15 encouraging words and phrases that will assist you or your child to keep trying and increase self-esteem and confidence.

  1. “I like the way you handled that.”
  2. “Wow, you really thought out the solution to that problem.”
  3. “I have faith in your ability.”
  4. “I appreciate what you did.”
  5. “You are really showing improvement.”
  6. “I know you will figure out a good way to do it next time.”
  7. “You don’t have to be perfect. Effort and improvement are important.”
  8. “I trust you to be responsible.”
  9. “It must make you proud of yourself when you accomplish something like that.”
  10. “You are a valuable part of the team.”
  11. “It is okay to make a mistake, we all do. What do you think you learned from it?”
  12. “How can we turn this into a positive?”
  13. “I’m proud of you for trying.”
  14. “I’ll bet by next year you will be able to handle it, you just need to grow a little.”
  15. “I know you are disappointed that you didn’t win, but you’ll do better next time.”

Say Your Encouraging Words With Emotion

The stronger the positive statements spoken with emotion and deep meaning, the more the sub-conscious mind believes you and works to make it come true. That is why affirmations work. You are repeating positive statements with feeling and emotion.

Claim a copy of the audio book Affirmations For Abundance  at and listen to it daily for 21 days as you commute to work or walk around the park.  You will see a big difference in your belief system and inner confidence.

You deserve the best and I am confident in your ability to impact the world by influencing others to make wise choices through the use of encouragement and attracting the positive.


Join our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all at

3 Easy Steps To Really Enjoy Children (EXPERT)

Aunties and Uncles, Teachers and Coaches, Youth Leaders and extended families are so important to raising resilient, confident kids into adults.

Parents spend an average of seventeen hours a week in the company of their kids, but less than two hours a week devoted to interacting with them. Interacting means face to face or shoulder to shoulder time talking, playing or helping with homework. It does not mean texting or phone calls, which is connecting but not building real relationships.

3 Simple Ways to Keep Young Children Safe

3 Simple Ways to Keep Young Children Safe

As a parent, keeping your children safe is your chief priority. And there’s plenty of advice out there touting certain strategies for doing so. But it doesn’t have to be complex or difficult.

To improve the safety of your young child, we’ll keep things simple. Here are three tips for child safety success:

1) Avoid leaving children unattended

Leaving a child unattended guarantees you won’t be available to correct dangerous behavior or help in the event of an accident. And although you shouldn’t leave small children unattended unless they are in the confines of a safe bedroom or they are sleeping, there are special circumstances in which you always want to pay extra special attention.

  • Your child is playing in a yard or on a playground near a road: Children often wander and can walk right into harm’s way in an instant if you aren’t paying attention.
  • Your child is anywhere near a body of water: Whether your son or daughter is playing with ducks by a pond in the park, sitting on the steps of a swimming pool or just in the bathtub enjoying a bubble bath, always ensure you’re watching them to prevent drowning.
  • Your child is eating: Most children will choke on food at some point in their youth, and you want to be there to offer immediate assistance if it does happen.
  • Your child is playing with animals: While most pets make good companions, you should never leave your child alone with one. Pets can quickly become aggressive if agitated, and you should be there to intervene if your dog or cat attempts to bully your young child.
  • Your child is in a car: No matter what the temperature is outside and regardless of whether or not you crack the windows, leaving your kids in the car is dangerous and not to mention illegal in many areas.

2) Childproof your home

How will you go about making your home a safer place? The best way to keep your kids safe at home is to childproof it. Childproofing is simply taking precautionary measures to ensure your kids don’t have access to things that can threaten their health or safety.

  • Restrict access to the kitchen. Depending on the age of your child, he or she may be able to turn the knobs on the stove while it’s unattended. Or if you’re cooking, they may be able to reach the handles of pots and pans, knock them off the stove and causing them to suffer burns.
  • Install covers on all your home’s electrical outlets, and add child-proof latches to cabinet doors.
  • Keep matches and lighters in a safe place so kids can’t access them and inadvertently light a fire or burn themselves.
  • Prevent poisoning by ensuring that your kids don’t have access to household cleaning items, cosmetic products, medicines, etc.
  • For furniture with sharp edges, add protective corner bumpers to prevent injuries.

For the best results, continually scan the home environment to identity potential safety threats for your young children, and take action to correct those issues.

3) Monitor your home for burglary, fire and carbon monoxide

Getting a home security system doesn’t replace taking precautions and exercising good judgment. But it can help add to the overall home safety experience by putting you the push of a button away from professional assistance for a variety of home emergencies. With a home security system, you get fast emergency response to:

  • Burglaries, home intrusions and forced entries
  • House fires and smoke
  • Unsafe levels of carbon monoxide
  • Other common hazards including flooding and freezing

When you select home security systems, you’re not just protecting your children. You’re getting protection for your home and peace of mind, too. And when you have a safe home and peace of mind, you can enjoy spending time with the ones you love instead of worrying about what you would ever do if you experienced an emergency.

Keeping your kids safe isn’t necessarily easy. But it’s a lot less difficult if you consistently monitor your children, exercise safety precautions within the home and get protection from an external home security company. Take these three simple steps today and enjoy life as a parent more than ever have before.





4 Ways to Connect & Communicate With Your Toddler(EXPERT)

4 Ways to Connect & Communicate With Your Toddler


Do you talk to your kids or with them?  Do you listen to them and do you actually hear what they are trying to tell you? Does your body language (non-verbal) match what your words (verbal) are communicating?  Connecting and bonding with your children will be one of the most valuable gifts and legacies that you can share with them.

If you are like most parents and caring adults, your main objective is to raise competent, well-adjusted children who become self-reliant and emotionally healthy adults. I would like to invite you to read, ponder and think how you can apply these four parts of communicating with young children today

1.     Connect with them by saying their name

Before giving directions or asking them to do a task, make sure they are even on the same wave-length as you are. Squat down so you are looking at them and can engage their eyes on you instead of their toys.  You may need to announce; “Emmie, I need your ears to hear what I am going to say.”  “Jeffrey, I need your eyes to see what I want you to see.”  As parents we also found it helpful to touch their upper arm when we needed their full attention.  In return, they knew that when they touched our upper arm, they had something important to say.

2.     Say what you want in short sentences, not long lectures

Be very specific in what you want.  The more parents ramble and justify their position the more the kids become overwhelmed, confused and eager to say no. “I want the toys in the box now.” If it seems like they are going to argue, just repeat “Toys-box-now.”  If your child can’t repeat back what you want done, it was too long and confusing.

3.     When-then not If

This is the difference between a reward and a bribe. When is a measurable goal; “when you put your shoes on, then we will leave for the store and the park.”  You both know if the shoes are on or off and that it is his job, there is nothing to debate, argue or throw a tantrum over.  When and then implies that you expect obedience and compliance with the request.

Encouraging words and phrases will help your child to become an independent self-reliant person. This article has tips of building self-confidence and esteem.See for more information.

However, you start a sentence with “If” then there is room for negotiation, whining and begging. Saying “if you put your shoes on we can go to the park after shopping” implies that he has a choice.

It is important that children know that they have some choices in life, but not everything is a choice or worthy of a decision.  Sometimes, they just do what we say because we are the parent and make decisions that are in their best interest and best for the family.

Which leads us to the last and most important part of being a parent, helping the children we love and care for to be independent self-reliant individuals?

4.     Help them to help themselves.

Of course it is easier and faster for us, as adults, to do things ourselves.  We can zip the zipper and be on our way much quicker than we can take the time to show her one more time how to fit the zipper tab over the two sides.  But this is a disservice and a discouragement to the child.

When we encourage them to learn new tasks and celebrate their capabilities that support transfers to every aspect of life.  The accomplishment of a small thing today will lead to more successes every day. As they see us model making mistakes and self-correcting or adjusting our goals in life, they see that it is okay to not be perfect.  The joy of knowing that you are loved unconditionally builds a foundation of confidence and self-esteem.

The more you do for your children the less time you have to do things with them.  Connect and communicate your love, support and joy by building pleasant memories and strong life skills.

Self-Awareness Quiz

  • Have you heard yourself saying to your toddler; “Here, just let me do it. It will be faster?”
  • If your toddler wants to help, will you allow him to assist you?
  • Are you aware of the natural stages of growth in small children?
  • Would you like to learn more about tips and techniques to bond with your child?
  • If so, then claim your free report at


Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” is an expert parent educator and speaker.  If your organization would be interested in hiring Judy as a keynote speaker, please call 406-549-9813 or see

If you found this article interesting, you will want to check out the new series of Raising Smart & Kind Kids- Babies, Toddlers and Pre-school.   They are available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or at