Ask Auntie Artichoke

Expert on Parenting and Family Relationships

Ask Auntie Artichoke - Expert on Parenting and Family Relationships

Supporting Your Teen’s Self-Expression

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If you’re the parent of a teen or preteen, you likely already know about the many phases that kids go through on their journey toward discovering their personal sense of style. One minute your little princess is prancing around in a tiara, and the next, she’s experimenting with black eyeliner and wanting a tattoo. Experimenting these rapidly shifting phases can be scary as a parent, and you want to do your best to support your child’s self-expression without allowing him or her to make a regrettable change.

Acceptable Forms of Self-Expression

Different parents have different ideas about what is acceptable self-expression. If you’re a tattooed rocker yourself, you may be more comfortable with the idea of your young one wanting some body art than a straight-laced conservative type. However, even most parents who are supportive of tattoos believe that a young teenager isn’t ready to make such a permanent decision.

There will be many more phases of exploration still to come, and no good parent would allow their children to do things they might later regret. Some parents might be against any form of self-expression that makes their kids look different from the norm, but if you’re okay with an edgier look and just don’t want your child making any permanent adjustments, you might want to consider allowing things like semi-permanent purple hair color and temporary tattoos.

All The Fun, None of The Commitment

Temporary tattoos have come a long way since the tiny, faded pictures that used to come as prizes in cereal and snack boxes. Case in point, the website of Tattoo You “is re-inventing the temporary tattoo.” Now, you can find removables in every color and design imaginable, many of which are very intricate and realistic looking.

Various online stores offer a wide selection, allowing your child to choose designs that he or she feels match their desired look. Creating unique and stylish offerings, even some famous designers have jumped on the bandwagon.

Make a Convincing Case For Removable Ink

If your child’s desire for a permanent ink is strong, he or she may be less than enthused about going the temporary route. You can make a convincing argument by explaining that while tattoos can be a great method to make a personal statement, most people are happier with them when they wait until later in life. Also, explain the difficult, painful and extremely expensive process of getting an unwanted tattoo removed versus the easy and pain-free process of washing off a temporary version, which can be done with rubbing alcohol, soap and water.

If their complain is their desired design isn’t available, let them know they have some options to customize the perfect removable image. Not only will playing with temporary tattoos encourage your child’s creativity and self-expression, but it will allow him or her to have some time to think about whether a certain design would make a good real tattoo in the future.

If you play your cards right, your child will listen to your points and decide to be happy with a temporary tattoo. If not, you might have to deal with some anger at first, but in the long run, they will likely thank you for not allowing such a permanent decision to narrow down options for style in the future. Or if you can get them to wait a minute, the next day, as teens do, they may be on to something different.

Teresa Stewart, a free-lance writer with an artistic edge, appreciates a meaningful tattoo but subscribes to the theme that variety is the spice of life. What’s great for today might be not so great tomorrow. She writes for parents who feel their child’s still maturing mind may also want a change in the future.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/marcogomes/3300609258/

Thank you for being part of our community of kind, thoughtful people who have respect for all.  Be sure to claim your  free download and find out how to have Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” speak at your next convention or in-service.  You can contact her at http://www.judyhwright.com.   You will be glad you did.

4 Step Model For Setting Boundaries–Be Firm, But Kind (EXPERT)

We teach people how to treat us by allowing them to step on our boundaries and hurt our feelings. This is an excellent article about the 4 steps to setting boundaries in a firm, kind voice that sends a message of how we want to be treated. For more information, please go to http://artichokepress.com which has a full listing of books, videos, e-learning and articles to enhance family relationships and build strong, resilient family members.

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10 Signs It’s Time For Assisted Living For Your Loved One is an excellent article on helping your loved ones age with care and concern. It is not easy to know when to step in and help a family member or friend move to assisted living, but it is often the necessary thing to do. Reading the 10 signs will help you to know when and how to make the decision to re-locate an aging loved one.

What To Do If Your Child Has Violent Tendencies

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What To Do If Your Child Has Violent Tendencies

Most parents have the highest hopes and anticipation for our children. When your visions of success and happiness are thwarted because of your child’s violent tendencies, parents may be tempted to deny that your child needs help or that your child’s tendencies will resolve themselves over time. However, ignoring or prolonging your offspring’s violent outbursts is the worst course of action you can take if you hope to restore any desires that your child will be happy and successful in the future.

Rather than give into the worry, fear, embarrassment, and stress that come with having a violent child, parents can instead take these prompt and necessary steps to lead your child to a healthy and meaningful future.

What Makes A Kid Violent?

It’s been proven that excessive exposure to violence through popular media like movies, TV shows and video games contribute to a child’s violent behavior. It desensitizes children to the violence and can make them adopt aggressive behavior. By the time a typical American child reaches the age of 18, he has already been exposed to almost 200,000 acts of violence seen on TV. Popular video games like Grand Theft Auto also rewards violent and destructive behavior.

If a child has suffered some trauma to his brain, this injury can also add to his violent behavior. Use of drugs and alcohol, violence or economic strain in the family can be factors too. Children at risk are those who have problems with being impulsive, irritable, and easily frustrated.

Accept The Problem For What It Is

Some parents may be ready to gloss over your child’s emotional and mental outbursts as a normal developmental stage or a bout of immaturity that will surely go away over time. Minimizing your child’s violent tendencies, however, only serves to deflect the responsibility of getting your child much needed help and addressing the issue for what it really is. Many parents avoid recognizing your child’s outbursts because you may feel embarrassed or that you are to blame for your child’s behavior. Instead of focusing on how you feel, however, you should think ahead about what is best for your child and act promptly to get your son or daughter the professional help they need.

As parents, you must also think of the safety of other children, like siblings or schoolmates, who might be at the receiving end of mean acts. Is your violent child being a typical “brat” or is he taking bullying to a dangerous level? Does he need constant monitoring because he is not to be trusted with playing nice or being left alone with other kids?

Seek Help Through The Professional Community

You may try to keep your child out of the medical establishment by taking your offspring to counseling sessions with religious leaders or natural healers. While it may be perfectly acceptable to adhere to religious or lifestyle beliefs during your child’s recovery, parents are still encouraged to seek out qualified medical help for your child’s violent tendencies. A team of doctors, licensed psychiatrists, and mentors are the ideal choices for heading up a child’s emotional and mental treatment.

In the case of a troubled child, the causes might come from social issues which need to be addressed. A specialist in juvenile justice who also happens to work as a life coach in Seattle for at-risk kids, suggests that the child’s failure to thrive could be because of an addiction, and that he could use help with “releasing stress, reframing and keeping boundary maintenance, and improved communication.” A child may have to be hospitalized, put on medications, or go through other intense medical therapies that can help him recover from the emotional or mental distress that causes his violent behavior. The coach also works with the whole family, to help repair the dynamics between the child and his parents and siblings. Each child is different so the course of action for your particular family would be worked out by the coach with your family’s participation.

Commit To Long-Term Monitoring And Care

Once your child has been treated and shows signs of improvement, don’t be quick to dismiss his behavior and believe that the problem is resolved permanently. Few children recover quickly from violent emotional and mental behaviors. Many kids face years of treatment for their behavior, making it necessary for their parents to commit to a long-term care plan that ultimately should lead to the child’s successful recovery. Falsely believing that the treatment will be short-lived and resolved in a few short weeks or months can set you up for disappointment and frustration.

Work As A Parental Team

Parents whose children show signs of violent behavior may be quick to blame each other. It is vital that you realize that blaming your spouse only leads to a breakdown of your relationship with each other and your entire family’s structure. For the sake of your child and his siblings, parents must work together to focus on his recovery. Showing a unified front can give the troubled adolescent the reassurance he needs to commit to his medical treatment.

When children show signs of violent behavior, parents should not hesitate to act quickly and get their child the help he needs. By taking these important and urgent steps, parents can lead their son or daughter to a healthy and happy recovery.

Debbie Nguyen is a writer who likes to blog about children’s difficulties and how parents can best help resolve them. She has first-hand experience with her two teens.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/trixer/3531445744/

 

No matter what life experiences may happen, kids need to be taught to bounce back from adversity.

No matter what life experiences may happen, kids need to be taught to bounce back from adversity.http://www.bouncebackfromanything.com

 

 

 

You will be glad you did and so will your child.

 

Phrases to Build Confidence

When you build confidence, both in yourself and others, use strong words that evoke a sense of movement.

For instance; “I can do it” is certainly stronger than “I can’t do it.” Contrast that to “I choose to do it” which sounds more powerful and sure. The strongest is “I am going to do it! I will start right now and practice it every day until it becomes automatic action.”

Commit to Confidence

Making a decision that you can do something is great but making a commitment and an action plan is even better.  The Universe rewards action.  When you move forward, you will find assistance, guidance and doors opening for you.  Life actually becomes easier once you move in a forward direction.

In my many books and articles available at http://www.ArtichokePress.com  you will find the words to say to bring about positive change.  I do this because sadly, many people have told me that they need the specific words and phrases because they have never heard them.

Phrases To Increase Self-Esteem and Confidence

Here is a list of 15 encouraging words and phrases that will assist you or your child to keep trying and increase self-esteem and confidence.

  1. “I like the way you handled that.”
  2. “Wow, you really thought out the solution to that problem.”
  3. “I have faith in your ability.”
  4. “I appreciate what you did.”
  5. “You are really showing improvement.”
  6. “I know you will figure out a good way to do it next time.”
  7. “You don’t have to be perfect. Effort and improvement are important.”
  8. “I trust you to be responsible.”
  9. “It must make you proud of yourself when you accomplish something like that.”
  10. “You are a valuable part of the team.”
  11. “It is okay to make a mistake, we all do. What do you think you learned from it?”
  12. “How can we turn this into a positive?”
  13. “I’m proud of you for trying.”
  14. “I’ll bet by next year you will be able to handle it, you just need to grow a little.”
  15. “I know you are disappointed that you didn’t win, but you’ll do better next time.”

Say Your Encouraging Words With Emotion

The stronger the positive statements spoken with emotion and deep meaning, the more the sub-conscious mind believes you and works to make it come true. That is why affirmations work. You are repeating positive statements with feeling and emotion.

Claim a copy of the audio book Affirmations For Abundance  at http://www.ArtichokePress.com and listen to it daily for 21 days as you commute to work or walk around the park.  You will see a big difference in your belief system and inner confidence.

You deserve the best and I am confident in your ability to impact the world by influencing others to make wise choices through the use of encouragement and attracting the positive.

 

Join our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

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Parents spend an average of seventeen hours a week in the company of their kids, but less than two hours a week devoted to interacting with them. Interacting means face to face or shoulder to shoulder time talking, playing or helping with homework. It does not mean texting or phone calls, which is connecting but not building real relationships.