What should you do when your kids fight and argue? Should you step in or allow them to work it out? The definition of sibling rivalry isCompetition between siblings especially for the attention, affection, and approval of their parents. This article is filled with good ideas that can assist your family to stop arguing and gain more cooperation.
When you build confidence, both in yourself and others, use strong words that evoke a sense of movement.
For instance; “I can do it” is certainly stronger than “I can’t do it.” Contrast that to “I choose to do it” which sounds more powerful and sure. The strongest is “I am going to do it! I will start right now and practice it every day until it becomes automatic action.”
Commit to Confidence
Making a decision that you can do something is great but making a commitment and an action plan is even better. The Universe rewards action. When you move forward, you will find assistance, guidance and doors opening for you. Life actually becomes easier once you move in a forward direction.
In my many books and articles available at http://www.ArtichokePress.com you will find the words to say to bring about positive change. I do this because sadly, many people have told me that they need the specific words and phrases because they have never heard them.
Phrases To Increase Self-Esteem and Confidence
Here is a list of 15 encouraging words and phrases that will assist you or your child to keep trying and increase self-esteem and confidence.
- “I like the way you handled that.”
- “Wow, you really thought out the solution to that problem.”
- “I have faith in your ability.”
- “I appreciate what you did.”
- “You are really showing improvement.”
- “I know you will figure out a good way to do it next time.”
- “You don’t have to be perfect. Effort and improvement are important.”
- “I trust you to be responsible.”
- “It must make you proud of yourself when you accomplish something like that.”
- “You are a valuable part of the team.”
- “It is okay to make a mistake, we all do. What do you think you learned from it?”
- “How can we turn this into a positive?”
- “I’m proud of you for trying.”
- “I’ll bet by next year you will be able to handle it, you just need to grow a little.”
- “I know you are disappointed that you didn’t win, but you’ll do better next time.”
Say Your Encouraging Words With Emotion
The stronger the positive statements spoken with emotion and deep meaning, the more the sub-conscious mind believes you and works to make it come true. That is why affirmations work. You are repeating positive statements with feeling and emotion.
Claim a copy of the audio book Affirmations For Abundance at http://www.ArtichokePress.com and listen to it daily for 21 days as you commute to work or walk around the park. You will see a big difference in your belief system and inner confidence.
You deserve the best and I am confident in your ability to impact the world by influencing others to make wise choices through the use of encouragement and attracting the positive.
Join our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all at http://www.ArtichokePress.com
4 Ways to Connect & Communicate With Your Toddler
Do you talk to your kids or with them? Do you listen to them and do you actually hear what they are trying to tell you? Does your body language (non-verbal) match what your words (verbal) are communicating? Connecting and bonding with your children will be one of the most valuable gifts and legacies that you can share with them.
If you are like most parents and caring adults, your main objective is to raise competent, well-adjusted children who become self-reliant and emotionally healthy adults. I would like to invite you to read, ponder and think how you can apply these four parts of communicating with young children today
1. Connect with them by saying their name
Before giving directions or asking them to do a task, make sure they are even on the same wave-length as you are. Squat down so you are looking at them and can engage their eyes on you instead of their toys. You may need to announce; “Emmie, I need your ears to hear what I am going to say.” “Jeffrey, I need your eyes to see what I want you to see.” As parents we also found it helpful to touch their upper arm when we needed their full attention. In return, they knew that when they touched our upper arm, they had something important to say.
2. Say what you want in short sentences, not long lectures
Be very specific in what you want. The more parents ramble and justify their position the more the kids become overwhelmed, confused and eager to say no. “I want the toys in the box now.” If it seems like they are going to argue, just repeat “Toys-box-now.” If your child can’t repeat back what you want done, it was too long and confusing.
3. When-then not If
This is the difference between a reward and a bribe. When is a measurable goal; “when you put your shoes on, then we will leave for the store and the park.” You both know if the shoes are on or off and that it is his job, there is nothing to debate, argue or throw a tantrum over. When and then implies that you expect obedience and compliance with the request.
However, you start a sentence with “If” then there is room for negotiation, whining and begging. Saying “if you put your shoes on we can go to the park after shopping” implies that he has a choice.
It is important that children know that they have some choices in life, but not everything is a choice or worthy of a decision. Sometimes, they just do what we say because we are the parent and make decisions that are in their best interest and best for the family.
Which leads us to the last and most important part of being a parent, helping the children we love and care for to be independent self-reliant individuals?
4. Help them to help themselves.
Of course it is easier and faster for us, as adults, to do things ourselves. We can zip the zipper and be on our way much quicker than we can take the time to show her one more time how to fit the zipper tab over the two sides. But this is a disservice and a discouragement to the child.
When we encourage them to learn new tasks and celebrate their capabilities that support transfers to every aspect of life. The accomplishment of a small thing today will lead to more successes every day. As they see us model making mistakes and self-correcting or adjusting our goals in life, they see that it is okay to not be perfect. The joy of knowing that you are loved unconditionally builds a foundation of confidence and self-esteem.
The more you do for your children the less time you have to do things with them. Connect and communicate your love, support and joy by building pleasant memories and strong life skills.
- Have you heard yourself saying to your toddler; “Here, just let me do it. It will be faster?”
- If your toddler wants to help, will you allow him to assist you?
- Are you aware of the natural stages of growth in small children?
- Would you like to learn more about tips and techniques to bond with your child?
- If so, then claim your free report at http://www.askauntieartichoke.com
Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” is an expert parent educator and speaker. If your organization would be interested in hiring Judy as a keynote speaker, please call 406-549-9813 or see http://www.judyhwright.com
If you found this article interesting, you will want to check out the new series of Raising Smart & Kind Kids- Babies, Toddlers and Pre-school. They are available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or at http://www.ArtichokePress.com
When we teach our children to be a kind and responsible person, we are really teaching three things: 1) Confidence 2)Character and
3) Critical thinking skills. This life-skills will stand them in good stead no matter what journey they may take in life.
Success in life, friendship, business, family dynamics and spiritual growth has self-confidence and self-esteem at the foundation. People who have a confidence in their personal worth seem to be magnets for success and happiness everywhere they go.
Hello from beautiful Montana:
Not only in Montana, but all over the world today children and teens are dreading the lunch bell. Why? Because they know that they will be teased, tormented and bullied when they are in a common area with other kids. Harsh and ugly words and phrases are hurled at the child and usually in the presence of classmates, which is embarrassing. There are usually power struggles for “Queen Bees” and the “Wannabees” in girls and the “Alpha Male” in the boys. Teasing and trading insults may be a way of getting acquainted or finding the group of friends who are friendly to the child.
Friendly and Unfriendly Teasing
If a child’s self esteem in grade school is dependent on relationships with peers, they need to learn to not take every remark as a personal insult. Hopefully, you and your child can understand that teasing can be friendly or unfriendly. Even saying a phrase like “Hello” or “Get out of here” can take on many different meaning with a change in tone of voice and body language.
Most communication is non verbal and so the child has to pay attention to not only what the other children say but how they say it.
Verbal Language is Exchange of Information
The words and greetings exchanged on the playground can often depend more on the mood and experiences of the speaker than on the one being addressed. However, people in general and children in particular, tend to personalize anything that is said. Helping them to interpret words and gestures to understand what the intent is behind the words.
Non Verbal Language is Communication of Relationships
Most emotional and relationship connecting people is nonverbal. So to understand other people the ability to read body language is huge. Some children, because of their difficulty in reading other people’s cues (especially in groups) need to practice and role play interacting with others. Children also need to have confidence in their ability to like and be liked by other people.
Teasing on the playground will be easier to interpret by children who have gained some understanding that relationships bring pleasure and belonging along with the flip side of disappointment and frustration. Here are some non verbal cue and clues to help them:
Clues for Unfriendly and Friendly Teasing
Hostile facial expression Smiling facial expression
Sarcastic tone of voice Joking tone of voice
Fists, Arms crossed Hands open
“In your face” Standing next to child being teased
Encourage Your Child To Problem Solve
When the child complains that they are being teased with hurtful words, the parents naturally feel the hurt as much or more than the child does. Be careful that you are not setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy. Teach them the skills they will need to help themselves. If you would like assistance in encouraging your child, please go to:
In support and joy,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
PS: Help your kids to assume personal responsibility for their feelings and emotions. You will always be grateful and so will they.
PSS: Be sure to take a look at this http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com
Hello from beautiful Montana:
Body Language is the communication of relationships. Verbal language is the communication of information and is really only processed and remembered about 20% of the time. Model confidence in your posture, gestures, facial expressions and approachability and you will gain friends and influence people.
Model Confidence of Others
One of the best ways to learn a new skill or behavior is to watch someone else demonstrate that behavior. This is especially true if the person you are modeling is someone you admire.
So watch how they greet others, do they extend the hand of friendship or stand against the wall? Do they take a seat near the front of the room and join in the conversation or sit in the back of the room and try not to be noticed?
Confident body language is about being comfortable in your own skin. It is about making others feel comfortable to be around you.
I like to say confidence is walking into a room and saying “Here I am, what can I do to help?” It is not about ego or pride, but rather about self-esteem and self-efficacy, which is how you use your confidence for the good of others.
Knowing what to do in difficult situations can make a person feel more competent, comfortable and in control. You would not learn to ski by jumping off the top of a mountain, and you will not learn the skill of confidence in one lesson.
You will learn more easily if you watch and model your mannerisms, body language and confidence one step at a time.
How does the leader of the group stand? Is he or she standing with feel a little apart, shoulders back and arms either at the side or making small gestures? Then you can do that. Practice this skill and you will find yourself more and more comfortable.
Smile at Others
Watch how your mentor smiles and follow the example. Try smiling with your whole face and watch how others will be drawn to you.
Your body language will soon begin to model confidence in yourself and your surroundings.
If you enjoyed this article you will want to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a wonderful book filled with methods to increase your confidence, friends and opportunities for a more positive life experience. You will feel it was written just for you. And it was.
For many people, the mere idea of social situations and conversations through them into anxiety. Just the thoughts of beginning a conversation with a stranger, or co-worker, can bring out latent inferior feelings and lack of confidence.
I have gathered 5 tips to help you feel more confident when connecting with other people. Try to incorporate them in a situation that feels comfortable for you, and soon you will see yourself having confidence in conversations with more and varied people.
- Smile. Did you know that you cannot physically smile and still think negative thoughts? Try it. You don’t have to grin like a cat, or freeze a smile on your face,but do turn the corners of your lips up and look approachable.
- Approach someone standing or setting alone. Instead of focusing on your own feelings of anxiety, you can make a polite comment (May I join you?) introduce yourself (I am Judy H. Wright from Montana)
- Ask an open ended question that requires more than just a yes or no answer (tell me about where you grew up or what do you enjoy doing in your spare time) Asking questions is a great way of saying “I am interested in you. I want to get to know you.”
- Listen to the answers and talk about what the other person is interested in. During a conversation, you will get lots of clues about what the other person thinks is important. If it is someone that you don’t know, take a cue from what they are wearing. ask them about a ring or bracelet they are wearing, did they make it, was it a gift or maybe even does the stone has a significant meaning for them?
- Make sure your body languages is open and approachable instead of closed, defensive and off putting. Verbal communication is sharing of information and people only remember or respond to about 20%. Body language, tone of voice and facial expression are much more important and account for 80% of understanding. Non verbal language is the communication of relationships.
Listening carefully, asking good questions, making eye contact and smiling are all necessary to start and continue conversations. Don’t worry if occasionally there is a silence, just relax and another subject will come up naturally.
You may not always be at ease in social situations, but the more you practice and try, the more confident you will be in your ability to carry on conversations with anyone.
So smile and ask me some questions.
In friendship and gratitude,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
PS: be sure to check out http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a more detailed look at building self confidence.
Hello from beautiful Montana:
As parents and children are preparing for back to school sales and worrying about what jeans are "in" this year, I want to remind you that I do Confidence Coaching. Please consider hiring me to help your child make this year the best one ever.
So here is what I offer:
- Once a week private phone coaching session with a non judgmental, supportive Auntie and your child (between ages of 8 and 18)
- Once a month over the phone or webinar mastermind session with other kids in the same age group.
- A copy of my workbook Building Self Confidence and the eBook Use Encouraging Words.
- twice a week emails and following on Twitter or text
Here is What it Will Do For Your Young Adult:
- Give them a coach in their corner who is not micro-managing their life.
- Knowledge that I am a "safe" person and friend. Their confidentiality will never be broken (unless they are in danger.)
- Teach them skills and techniques for making friends, getting organized, liking themselves and communicating with parents, teachers and playground politics.
- Give them an opportunity to relax and know there is no grade or pressure to perform, just a sounding board and guiding hand at helping them make their own choices and increase self esteem.
- Help them set up an Action Plan for the school year and beyond.
Here is What I Want You To Do Next:
- Talk it over as a family and decide how much it would mean to have a successful year without the stresses of previous years.
- All successful athletes, musicians and actors have coaches. I will provide the guidance, the young adult will provide the practice and follow through.
- Have the young adult phone me (set up an appointment at Judy@ArtichokePress.com) to see if they would like to have me coach them in some skills for success.
- Have the parents call me and discuss how much of the fee ($40.00 a session or $150.00 a month) the young adult will pay and how much you will pay.
- Understand that the contract to coach is between the young adult and myself, unless you, as parents would like family relationship coaching.
If you need more information, call me at 406-549-9813 or email Judy@ArtichokePress.com
With best wishes,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author