The best time to teach respect, responsibility and resiliency in when children are small. If you have out of control teens, it is not too late to set up boundaries of behavior. Fair, kind and consistent discipline is the best way to work with teens and pre-teens. You will want to read more at http://www.amzn.to/kindlebyjudy
Tag Archives: relationships
Teach Acceptance-Build Confidence
The best way to build confidence and self-esteem is to find things we are good at and enjoy and do more of them. Determine what you or your child is good at and then just do more and better of that. Manage weakness but don’t concentrate on it.
Why We Get Mad – How Anger Stops Stress
Hello From Beautiful Montana:
“I am furious at you! ” “You make me so mad.” “I am so angry I could scream.” These are all angry responses to stress in life. While it may relieve some of the pressure of the moment, anger takes a price. It can cost you relationships, employment,respect by others, and love of family. A major cost is personal for angry people; health related and perhaps even your life. Road rage is an example of allowing the stress and annoyance of being stuck in traffic to escalate into a tragedy.
Benefits of Anger
Stress is a physical experience. All strong emotions such as anger, fear, excitement trigger powerful hormones which enables a threatened person to run faster, climb higher, shout louder, hit harder and do what must be done in order to survive a perceived attack. It is anger that is the catalyst of most great organizations that do good in the world. A mother’s anger that her child has been killed by a drunk driver channels that anger into Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. It is the anger against injustice to schooling young girls in third world countries that motivates Greg Mortensen to write “Three Cups of Tea” and to build schools that will educate them.
Disadvantages of Anger
Angry people are seen as dangerous and others like to steer clear of them. They are handled like a loaded gun; others are aware that you could go off at any time and they are frightened to be around you. Those whom you need to have a fulfilling life
Anger management can be learned.
start to avoid you or if they cannot physically leave, tend to guard their words and actions so as not to offend or start a argument.
Not only will angry people find more problems on the job with co-workers and bosses, but will terminated more readily. Those who work with angry individuals tend to avoid situations which may result in an angry outburst and so are reluctant to suggest new ideas or methods of doing procedures, for fear of an emotional outburst.
Physical Changes in Body and Mind
Occasional anger creates no lasting harm to your body and emotions. However; chronic, sustained and ever present anger keeps the body in a constant state of emergency and relationships in a constant state of fear. This has an effect on regular body functions such as digestion, high blood pressure, auto-immune diseases, infections,headaches and many more that keep you and those around you from enjoying life to the fullest.
Questions For You
- What are your triggers to anger?
- Can you think of other ways to vent your emotions without getting so mad?
- Are there people in your life that you avoid because they tend to handle stress with anger?
- Has anger ever motivated you to do good?
- What do you think is the best reaction when a driver is clearly angry and experiencing road rage?
Thank you so much for being part of this community of kind and thoughtful people who want respect for all. You will want to claim your free ebook on encouraging words at http://www.encouragingwords.com
Your friend,
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
Every Relationship is Different
Hello from beautiful Montana:
This is a time of family togetherness and a lot of different personalities to contend with. If you have been disappointed by strained relationships with members of your family or you anticipate difficult conversations, you may actually create your reality.
Every relationship is different, don’t allow tension or difficulty with one person undermine your intentions. You have the ability to be a good friend, kind neighbor and loving family member.
Recognize That Your Perceptions Color the Issue
Most relationships come from two different perceptions and basis of knowledge. We bring into every meeting, not only our current self, but our former experiences and judgments. Each conversation and interaction will be influenced by our behavioral style, self esteem, prejudices, likes, dislikes and information gathered by inference or by talking to others.
Black or White?
As you know, I am a parent educator and a tool I use is a sheet of paper that is black on one side and white on the other. When I show the black side I ask the audience what color the paper is, they answer loudly “Black.” Then I turn the paper over and ask what color the paper is and they answer, hesitantly “White.”
It really depends on where you are and what you see when you make a judgement. The paper is actually both black and white. It is only a perception and a point of view. If you are looking at one side it is black, the other side is white and can quickly be changed by looking at it from another viewpoint.
Recognize that each relationship is different and that each person is an individual with unique qualities and personality traits. You don’t have to love or even like someone, but you do need to respect them, if you want to have a working relationship.
In gratitude,
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
Social Anxiety – Shy or Confident
Don't be anxious or afraid at a party. Just ask questions and listen to people and you will gain confidence.
Are you nervous about social situations? When there is going to be people you do not know, how does your stomach or neck feel? Tight and choking? Do you regard yourself as too quiet or too uptight to relax in groups? Are you concerned that others will expect you to be witty and sophisticated?
If you feel that you are shy or suffer from social anxiety, this is the article for you.
You don’t have to be witty, or smart or a sparkling conversationalist in order to make friends and influence people. All you really need is to understand the art of listening.
People Don’t Care How Much You Know, Until They Know How Much You Care
We will be talking about how to be more comfortable in social situations. We will also share about what makes a good listener and the five qualities to develop if you want to be popular and make lasting friendships.
1. Body language of acceptance – Non verbal or body language is the communication of relationships. When people first meet you they are receiving lots of messages about interested you are in them. Smile with your eyes and look directly at the person, or if that makes you uncomfortable, look at their right ear.
2. Ask questions and don’t give advice – When people come to you with a problem, it may appear they want your opinion. But more often than not, they really just need someone to listen to their story. By asking small questions or nodding your head, you are giving them permission to get the problem out, so they can see the issues in a new light and make their own decisions.
3. Never break a confidence or gossip about others – Even though it may be tempting to share a “tidbit of news” it will always backfire on you. One of the signs of deepening friendships is that people will trust you with secrets. If someone gossips with you, you can be assured they will also gossip about you.
4. Complete the loop of conversation – Just as you don’t give unwanted advice, you do want to make sure what the other person needs from you. Sometimes our words can be taken out of context or misunderstood, so it is best to clarify our message. If someone says; “Do you like baseball?” Don’t just say yes and drop it. Ask open ended questions and give clarifying comebacks. For instance; “Yes, I do. Would you like to go to a game sometime?” Then be sure that you give a phone number or way to contact you if they are interested.
5. Show appreciation and gratitude – Shake hands warmly and say you were glad to meet them. Perhaps you could say something like; “I am grateful I had the opportunity to spend some time with you, your ideas will give me something to think about this week.”
The Secret to Being Interesting is to be Interested
To overcome social anxiety and gain confidence in life is to ask questions the other person will enjoy answering. As you encourage strangers to talk about themselves, they will soon turn into friends. Since so few people really go to the effort of listening to other people and making them feel comfortable, if you do, you will be successful.
Encourage Without Unrealistic Praise
Everyone likes to be praised, right? Actually, too much praise can have a boomerang effect if the recipient of the compliment believes it is untrue or unrealistic. It can also cause distrust or discouragement of other members of the team or family.
While praise may be of value, if the child or employee maintains a low opinion of himself or becomes dependent on the outside world to give him an external reward, he is constantly looking for external approval. Our goal as employers, parents, teachers and coaches is to encourage positive progress without unrealistic praise and assist in building inward confidence.
Recently a grandmother asked me on Facebook how to encourage without giving unrealistic and too much praise.
“Have you suggestions between praise and “too much” praise – i.e. “You really worked hard on that project” vs. “You are WONDERFUL” – which is easy to spout but really pretty meaningless. Today’s young workforce expects to be praised for everything vs. deserved praise or encouragement.”
My answer was:
Hi Jo Ann- You have raised such an important point. “You really worked hard on that project” is encouragement and it is praising the process rather than the task. It is transferable to other tasks and attempts. You are saying “Keep going, you are on the right path.”
When kids get praised for every little thing they come to expect it and feel they deserve it. The world of work is not going to give them constant approval. They are in for a big shock when no one is going to applaud their every effort. If the child has come to look for praise and external evaluation which must constantly be earned, he may be unsure when he will get it again. This causes some to fail or to sabotage efforts of others on the team in order to receive the coveted “praiseworthy” award.
This next generation of children coming up must be able to trust their own judgment and intuition. They must be able to follow their own inner compass rather than waiting for outside approval.
Difference Between Praise and Encouragement
Praise is like a reward for something well done, and implies a spirit of competition. The unspoken message is clear; “winner takes all.” When members of a workplace, family or class are singled out for unrealistic praise, the others become discouraged and also lose faith with the authority figure.
In contrast, encouragement may be given for any effort or for slight improvement. Encouragement is not concerned with superior-inferior relationships but focuses on making the child or employee understand they are a valued part of the team.
Self esteem comes from an inward knowing that you are a capable problem solver. The effects of encouragement and cooperation that builds respect for self and others have long range and lasting results.
I encourage you to claim your free ebook at:
http://www.useencouragingwords.com
Love,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker
http://AskAuntieArtichoke.com