All likeable people behave in certain ways. They literally have a “magnetic” personality drawing others to them. The advantages of being likeable are numerous, including higher grades and income, self-esteem, better health, longer life and happiness and well-being.
You can make the choice to be more self-confident and assured. It is your responsibility to promote personal growth and success. This article lists 7 mental obstacles to overcome as you work toward a more confident you. If you want a better world, just build a better you.
The best way to build confidence and self-esteem is to find things we are good at and enjoy and do more of them. Determine what you or your child is good at and then just do more and better of that. Manage weakness but don’t concentrate on it.
I am entered in a Ultimate Blog challenge and so rather than work on two (or ten) important projects, I decided it would be fun to repurpose an eBook I am writing for Kindle. It is titled 77Ways to Build Self-Confident Kids and hopefully will be available within the month.
Hello From Montana:
When you speak to your child, can you count more negative or positive words coming out of your mouth? Formal studies with learned psychologists have shown that it takes at least seven positive comments to undo a negative remark. My own informal studies working with parents and families tell me that many of the hurtful things said to children by parents and teachers never go away.
Plant Positive Thoughts in Garden of the Mind
Our subconscious brains are like gardens and what is planted there will multiply and grow in our thoughts and actions. Children internalize the words and actions of adults that they trust and love. If the messages you send through verbal and non verbal (body language) communication are negative or demeaning, the child will lose confidence in herself and her ability to affect her life for the better.
How does the child see herself when she looks through your eyes? If you are giving out labels of incompetence, lazy or stupid, you can count on your child believing your assessment of her as a person. If the message you send through your words, actions and attitudes is mistrust, disappointment, fear, worry or lack of confidence— those negative attitudes will slowly, but surely erode away the self esteem.
Example of Mother and Daughter
In my parenting workshops, I sometimes use the example of a mother and daughter with the daughter holding a piece of paper in her hand. Every time the mother makes a negative remark, demeaning comment or judgment about worth, the daughter tears a piece of the paper off and allows it to fall on the floor. When the mom makes a positive comment, we try to stick a little piece back on, but it frequently doesn’t stick.
It is a powerful visual reminder to parents to correct the behavior but not break the spirit of the child.
What Do You Like About Your Child?
How often do you compliment your child’s character strengths? I challenge you to frequently ask your child “Do you know what I like about you?”
These are the qualities of the heart. The important parts of what makes a good person. These are the values to be celebrated;
- generous attitude
- helpful to others
- kind to animals
Whatever character traits you recognize, encourage your child to look at herself with an optimistic attitude. Help her to affirm all the qualities she has that will help her in her life. Assist the self confidence and self esteem in children and help them to see themselves as empowered to not let outside influences determine their worth. Hopefully, when your child holds up a mirror on her life she will see a strong, vital and worthy woman who is confident in life.
You are invited to http://www.ConfidenceClues.com
for even more information to empower your child to be self confident.
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
Hello from beautiful Montana:
You want to be self-confident and you want to build that inner core of strength in your children and grandchildren or you wouldn’t have been drawn here. Something in those words resonated with your heart.
You have taken the first step on a wonderful journey that will help you to recognize and teach that you and yours are good human beings and worthy of respect and love.
Here is a small video you will enjoy; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaGbg3yKyuo
Even if you tend to see the negative or look at life with pessimistic eyes, it is possible to change your viewpoint. Becoming an encouraging person with an attitude of gratitude is a skill. It is not an overnight acquisition nor is it something that can be purchased. Skills take work and practice. They take a dogged determination to overcome obstacles in order to gain a reward.
It takes a process similar to improving any other skill you have conquered in your life. Think back on when you learned to ride a bike, play an instrument, or speak a foreign language. Who was it that taught you the basics and encouraged your efforts as you kept trying, even after falling off again and again?
Most of us want to play the piano, but not learn the scales and practice each day. Many wish they spoke a foreign language, but don’t want to take the time, money and effort to study.
It takes becoming and practice before it becomes a part of our being. Confidence in self and a positive attitude cannot be wished into being. It is a lifelong skill that requires commitment, time and consistent practice.
In order to learn any skill you must have a deep desire to:
- Be aware and clear in your mind of the advantages in learning something new and incorporating it in your life.
- Ask to be mentored or taught by someone you trust.
- Learn the basics of the task or skill but don’t expect perfection right away.
- Expect some setbacks and don’t become discouraged.
- Set up a plan of action with measurable steps in order to reach an ultimate goal.
- Focus on effort and use self-encouragement.
- Move forward and do something every day to take advantage of momentum.
- Enjoy the skill as it becomes automatic action and enhances your life.
Changing your outlook to one of encouragement and positive outcome will be a life skill that will not only affect you but everyone around you.
You are invited to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com to read more about this process of building your self confidence and self-esteem. You will be so glad that you took the steps to overcome anxiety and fear and step into the light.
Your Friend and Supporter,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker
Words have power. Power to hurt. Power to heal. And especially the power to build relationships with family members. If you want to encourage communication with the family be careful of the word power you have.
Communication is More Than Just Speaking
Parents and teachers who hope to communicate successfully with children and adolescents need to have a clear understanding that talking is more than just giving orders or criticizing.
True communication is exchanging of thoughts, messages, wishes and ideas. It is based on mutual respect and listening skills. When we pay attention to the verbal words as well as the non verbal body language, the chances are much greater that will have a dialog rather than an argument.
Body Language is Communication of Relationships
A verbal exchange of words is the basis for sharing information. However, it is the body signals, facial expression and tone of voice that will encourage communication with family.
The child or teenager may give you non verbal clues when they are upset or need your full attention. Watch for the word power as well as the body language to understand the needs of your family.
Listening To Words or Hearing Words
There is a big difference between listening and actually hearing what is being said and understood. Many family members listen to one another but don’t really listen to the unsaid message.
Successful communication involves the senses, faculties and attention of both parties. If you think your child is not hearing you, you may want to double check without criticizing. Perhaps you can ask the child what he understood you to say.
When using word power make sure you are saying things clearly, directly and firmly so there will be mistakes in what was said and what was heard. To encourage communication with your family, be sure to listen as much or more than you speak. Watch for subtle clues about what else they want to share.
You can do it. I have confidence in you. I also invite you to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com to claim your free eBook on Self Confidence.
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker