Posts Tagged ‘Artichoke Press’
Tuesday, February 9th, 2010
Hello from Montana:
What constitutes respect for others? Is being respectful the key to healthy relationships? Do you have to like someone to be considerate, kind and courteous? How do you work in a relationship where there is an uneven balance of power? Even if you disagree with someone can you respect their rights?
Several years ago there was a study done of 100 self made millionaires. They ranged in age from young 19 to well over 70. Their educational experiences extended from grade school to the Ph.D level. They differed in almost all characteristics, except they were all found to be respectful of other people.
Everyone Can Learn and Teach
They had determined early in their careers that everyone had something to teach and to share. They built respectful relationships by learning from others. Even those who do not believe as you do, or look like you or speak like you, still have something to share and should be given the right to share in some way.
We tend to treat people like we see them. If we see them as arrogant, snooty or even shy, we tend to treat them in that manner. I just did a radio show recently about a second chance at making a good first impression. You will want to listen to that one, if you haven’t already.
Live Up to Expectations
Once you find the good or ability in other people you treat him or her better and thus they perform better. We all tend to live up to the expectations of other people. I have seen children who were average students with one teacher and then become top producers with encouragement and acceptance.
If we see people worthy of respect, then we will treat them that way. Even when they do not demonstrate their respect for us, we can still treat them with courtesy.
A quote that I love says “If you take a man as he is, you make him worse than he was, but if you see him as being the best person possible, then he, in fact, become the best person possible.”
Courage To Keep Trying
Encouragement is giving someone the courage to keep progressing on an upward road, to move ahead and to fulfill their destiny. By giving respect and understanding to others in our relationship, we will all move forward. A life journey is seldom without some failure, or detours. When we can acknowledge the progress and respect the effort as well as the individual, we will have a better world.
Please come and join our community of kind, thoughtful people who want understanding and respect for all.You will find us at….
http://www.artichokepress.com
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All healthy relationships are based on respect and trust.
You will also want to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a workbook and bonus items that will assist you in building confidence in the future and courage today.
Thanks for sharing your time with me today,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
Tags: Artichoke Press, building confidence, disrepect for others, Judy H. Wright, manners towards others, Montana, personal growth, respect for others, self improvement, showing respect for people, what is respect
Posted in Communication, Confidence Clues, Current Affairs, Judy H. Wright, Self-Esteem, Wellness, building self confidence | No Comments »
Monday, February 8th, 2010
Auntie Artichoke Says: Children need encouragement. They need to have you cheering their progress and celebrating their success.
Greeting to those who love children;
As caring adults who want to find methods of encouraging positive character traits in the children and youth we love or work with, we want to give messages that reinforce their efforts. There are really only two kinds of messages that we can give young people–
- Hurtful ones that diminish or belittle them as individuals and break the spirit. The result is that we dis”couarage’ them from trying again.
- Love signals in verbal and non verbal ways that give them courage to keep trying, to celebrate talents and possibilities.
Children Prefer Beatings to Being Ignored
When I first heard that statement, I was shocked and saddened. As I have visited with those who suffered childhood trauma and abuse, they have shared the feeling that they were invisible, except for the abuse. No child should feel that way. Ever.Ever. Ever.
We often read about the commercial messages that our children are bombarded with each day and become concerned that they will believe erroneous advertising. The messages they receive from their parents and peer group is much more important and has the power to deeply alter their self esteem and identity.
Body Language is Communication of Relationships
Not all signals and sentences come from what we say, but rather how we act when we are present with our children. The crook of an eyebrow, a gesture of the hand, the pat on the back, the wink the smile, the frown, the crossed arms and impatient look are all gestures that speak volumes to others.
What is the message that a smile and a hug sends to a worried child on test day? We are encouraging them to do their best and letting them know that we love the person they are, not the test grade. When we rub our child’s back before bed, or snuggle close to watch a favorite movie we are sharing non-verbal words and encouragement.
Words to Encourage Positive Behavior
- You are very special and I have confidence you will find a good solution.
- I am impressed by how kind you were last week to our neighbor.
- You are a problem solver. Can you see what has to be done next?
- That took a lot of courage. I was impressed with your bravery.
- It looks like you are understanding the math problems. It feels good to finally “get it” doesn’t it?
- You have a good brain, I am interested to see what you think about this?
- You have really made some good choices this week. Good job.
A simple message given to our child becomes their truth and that truth then becomes their belief system and ultimately their self confidence and esteem. Thoughts and belief system govern their actions, their satisfactions and their joy.
If you would like additional assistance on encouraging words please see http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com
You will be glad you did.
Your friend, Judy H Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
PS: Would love to have you visit our community
http://www.ArtichokePress.com
Tags: Artichoke Press, Auntie Artichoke, body language in communication, building confidence, encouraging phrases for teachers and parents, encouraging positive character, enouraging words for children, good things to say, hild, Judy H. Wright, negative messages, positive feedback for family, positive messages for children, positive self esteem, positive words to say, ways to encourage good behavior
Posted in Communication, Family, Judy H. Wright, Parenting, Self-Esteem, Wellness, body language, building self confidence, child behavior issues | 3 Comments »
Friday, February 5th, 2010
Auntie Artichoke supports parents, grandparents, teachers, day care providers and all those who love children. Thank you for your important work.
Hello From Montana:
When you speak to your child, can you count more negative or positive words coming out of your mouth? Formal studies with learned psychologists have shown that it takes at least seven positive comments to undo a negative remark. My own informal studies working with parents and families tell me that many of the hurtful things said to children by parents and teachers never go away.
Plant Positive Thoughts in Garden of the Mind
Our subconscious brains are like gardens and what is planted there will multiply and grow in our thoughts and actions. Children internalize the words and actions of adults that they trust and love. If the messages you send through verbal and non verbal (body language) communication are negative or demeaning, the child will lose confidence in herself and her ability to affect her life for the better.
How does the child see herself when she looks through your eyes? If you are giving out labels of incompetence, lazy or stupid, you can count on your child believing your assessment of her as a person. If the message you send through your words, actions and attitudes is mistrust, disappointment, fear, worry or lack of confidence— those negative attitudes will slowly, but surely erode away the self esteem.
Example of Mother and Daughter
In my parenting workshops, I sometimes use the example of a mother and daughter with the daughter holding a piece of paper in her hand. Every time the mother makes a negative remark, demeaning comment or judgment about worth, the daughter tears a piece of the paper off and allows it to fall on the floor. When the mom makes a positive comment, we try to stick a little piece back on, but it frequently doesn’t stick.
It is a powerful visual reminder to parents to correct the behavior but not break the spirit of the child.
What Do You Like About Your Child?
How often do you compliment your child’s character strengths? I challenge you to frequently ask your child “Do you know what I like about you?”
These are the qualities of the heart. The important parts of what makes a good person. These are the values to be celebrated;
- generous attitude
- helpful to others
- kind to animals
- dependable
- fair
- friendly
- grateful
- honest
- loving
- sincere
- trustworthy
- loyal
- truthful
Whatever character traits you recognize, encourage your child to look at herself with an optimistic attitude. Help her to affirm all the qualities she has that will help her in her life. Assist the self confidence and self esteem in children and help them to see themselves as empowered to not let outside influences determine their worth. Hopefully, when your child holds up a mirror on her life she will see a strong, vital and worthy woman who is confident in life.
You are invited to http://www.ConfidenceClues.com
for even more information to empower your child to be self confident.
Your friend,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
http://www.ConfidenceClues.com
Tags: Artichoke Press, character traits, encouraging children, encouraging words and phrases, families, helping kids make friends, Judy H. Wright, langauge of love, overcoming shyness, Parenting, parents, self confidence, self-esteem in children
Posted in Communication, Confidence Clues, Family, Judy H. Wright, Parenting, body language, building self confidence, child behavior issues | No Comments »
Monday, February 1st, 2010
Hello;
Greetings from Griz Country - Montana
As a relationship author and parent educator, I am often asked to speak about many topics concerning families. It is such a treat to see parents taking responsibility for raising kids that are kind, thoughtful, creative and respectful of all. When I see parents and teachers working together in partnership, I know the child will be successful.
Teachers Enhance What Parents Have Taught
Parents, child care providers and extended families have few responsiblities more important or more rewarding than helping children to learn. The love of learning is a pattern that is established in early years and then enhanced as the child and subject matter grows. As a parent, you are your child’s first and best teacher Children learn what is modeled and appreciated by the adults in their life.
No Need To Be A Teacher To Teach
Many parents tell me that they don’t feel qualified to teach their children. I disagree. The best education is an ongoing endeavor and you and your child can learn together. Use your daily activities to informally teach your children about reading, math, geography, and science as well as to be an observent part of the world around us. There is a huge connection between academic knowledge and the skills you use and share every day at home and work.
Children Are Naturally Curious
During their pre-school years the child’s brain is developing at an amazing speed. Even though your daily activities may seem boring to you, to your child they provide a wide view into the world around them. The most important things you can do to assist your child’s brain to expand is to read, sing and talk to them every opportunity you have.
When they are able to connect words and language to daily experiences, they are more apt to seek out even more and exciting information. When you read to your child, they almost automatically learn about written language, tone of voice, facial expressions and that reading is a fun thing to do. Show them the shapes of letters and help her find her initials in the book or newspaper.
Work and play can be a great learning time. When your child is in the kitchen with you, encourage them to taste,smell, feel and describe the different foods. Talk to your child as you prepare meals and answer his questions. Be sure to ask him what he thinks the answer is. Help the creative juices to start flowing early in life.
Research has shown that children who have a good vocabulary and are aware of the names and sounds of letters when they begin school, learn to read sooner and consistently do better at studies. Parents, grandparents, care providers and extended families are the first and best teacher to the children they love.
I salute your important work with raising responsible children. You will want to claim the free report on responsible children at http://www.kidschoresandmore.com
You will be glad you did.
Your friend,
Judy H Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
http://www.ArtichokePress.com
Tags: Artichoke Press, best teacher is parent, connection with children, early childhood education, Judy H. Wright, kitchen as a classroom, Parenting small children, PBS ready to learn, read sing and talk to child, teaching children to read
Posted in Books, Communication, Family, Food and Drink, Learning, Parenting, building self confidence, child behavior issues | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, January 26th, 2010
Developing responsibility in children is important in most families. As I work with parents, grandparents, teachers and other caring adults who work with kids who are in school, I hear the following questions about responsibility;
- How do I get my child to do homework
- How do I get my child to clean his room
- How do I get my child to do his chores
- How do I get my child to feed the pet
- How do I get my child to practice the piano
- How do I get my child to speak to the family with respect
The problem is that responsible and acceptable behavior is different for every person and every child. When children are in school there are lots of new and exciting adventures that take their thoughts and energy away from the task at hand.
Difference between obedience and responsibility
One of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn is that you can’t make anyone do anything long term. You can force your child to do their homework tonight by yelling, screaming and threatening, but I promise you he will dislike school and you.
The difference between obedience and responsibility often comes down to this simple distinction, Who owns the problem. If you realize that the dog is hungry and you fix it by filling the food dish, but punish or yell at the child, you still own the problem. You will be telling the child to feed the pet every day and he will expect you to tell him and then lecture or else feed the dog.
Obedience needs no agreement or buy-in from the child. The motivation comes from an outside force, in this case, you making the child feel guilty.
Responsibility, however, involves the acceptance and understanding of the natural (the dog has no way to feed himself) and logical (the child feeds the dog before he eats breakfast and dinner) consequences.
Chore Charts Tell Child What Is Expected
When the parent is in the telling position and the child is in the doing position, which means the child won’t do if the parent doesn’t tell. The chore chart is a wonderful tool for pulling adults away from always telling the child what to do and when to do it. Chore charts shift the responsibility to the child and makes the chart the regulator and judge, not the adult.
Chore Charts or job lists or behavior calendars get the emotion out of the situation and strengthens both independence and responsibility. The best advantage of a chore chart that has been agreed on at a family council is the “buy-in” from all parties. Everyone knows what is expected to be done and the time frame for accomplishing said task and have decided and agreed on the consequences if it is not done.
Schools are not the teachers of responsibility. Their job is to enhance what has already been learned and modeled in the home and care giving situations. Those of us who love the child need to find methods and techniques to help the child to assume personal responsibility for their decisions and actions. We increase the odds of teaching the child to work independently by being consistent and realistic in our expectations.
Be sure to check out http://www.responsiblechildren.com for a free report on “30 Ways To Get Your Kids To Help At Home.” You will be glad you did.
With gratitude for the important work you do with children,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
PS: Do you know an organization that is looking for a dynamic keynote speaker on responsibility?
I give a very generous finder’s fee.
Tags: Artichoke Press, assume personal responsiblity, children and school work, children help at home, chore charts for children, do better in shcool, do his homework, job task for kids, Judy H. Wright, make his bed, parenting teens, parents and kids, responsible children, responsible kids
Posted in Books, Communication, Family, Judy H. Wright, Learning, Parenting, Wellness, building self confidence, child behavior issues | No Comments »
Saturday, January 16th, 2010
Hello from beautiful Montana;
Parents, ask yourself - Would you like to work for a boss who never complimented your efforts? Who only commented on what you had done wrong? Would it make you a more loyal employee to receive positive feedback and encouragement on the things you were trying to learn?
You would be more willing to change habits or ways of doing tasks if your instructions were not always negative and demeaning.
The answer is no! None of us like to be in a negative environment where we are discouraged from trying new methods or ways of doing things. Being told to do something only one way stifles the imagination and limits the use of creative freedom. Work can be fun if we feel empowered.
Many workplaces and homes do tasks in the same old, same old way. It is not an adventure to clean closets or pick up clothes, but a drudgery and a habit to do it the same way. Giving the parameters of a job and then allowing the freedom to find new and better solutions builds confidence and independence.
Change Your Responses to Change Bad Habits
If your child habitually drops his coat on the sofa when he comes home from school and that annoys you, have a brainstorming session with him and let him come up with new solutions. For every situation there are at least five solutions, so don’t get stuck using just one.
Give recognition for even the smallest of accomplishment as your child learns new skills and practices the old ones. Focus on the process not the specific task. For instance, “You are doing a better job with putting the bed covers on straight. Why do you think it is important to have the same amount of sheet on each side of the bed?”
You certainly are not going to compliment your child on every little thing he does right (even though statistics show he does 19 right to every 1 unacceptable act) but you are hopefully going to toss out encouragement words and phrases here and there on the days journey.
Positive Feedback Can Change Habits and Lives
Looking for something positive to give feedback on can change the attitude of the recipient. Positive encouragement has such great motivating power. It should be honest and sincere or the child will think it is worthless and phony.
Encouragement focuses on the effort and progress made. Praise tends to focus on the finished product and only offered after the job is done. Encouraging and positive feedback inspire children with hope and faith that they will improve.
We want our children to believe that the positive power behind them is always greater than the problem in front of them.
In gratitude for the important work you do.
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker
PS: Be sure to check out http://www.ResponsibleChildren.com You will be glad you did.
Tags: Artichoke Press, contributing to the family, family works together, feedback not criticism, Getting kids to help at home, inspire kids with home, Judy H. Wright, Kids Chores and More, lazy kids, overcoming bad habits with kids, Parenting, positive feedback, raising responsible children
Posted in Communication, Confidence Clues, Family, Judy H. Wright, Learning, Parenting, Uncategorized, building self confidence, child behavior issues | No Comments »
Thursday, January 14th, 2010
Hello from beautiful Montana:
Conflict is inevitable. As long as we have at least two human beings interacting, we will have at least two opinions on how things should be done. You cannot avoid conflict, but you can control it with confidence and a desire to find peaceful solutions.
Have you ever been drawn into a match of wills at work or home only to find that once you jumped in, you could not find a graceful way out? Maybe you were hoping that the other person would just give up or someone would come along to rescue you.
I have listed some ideas for you to use to rescue yourself. Read and reread and then practice these behaviors and you will see less conflict and more cooperation.
Four Confidence Clues
- Speak in short sentences. Say what you need to say, but don’t belittle the situation or the other person with long explanations. For instance, instead of saying; “Look you jerk, I worked my tail off preparing that report and all you could do is find one little error and want me to do it over again and I don’t have the time or energy to rework something that is good enough for most people.” How about saying; “I see the error you are concerned about.”
- Slow down your emotional response. Your first response is usually knee jerk reaction of revealing all the resentment, anger and justification of your actions. Your rate of speech will be very rapid and fast. When we speak rapidly, we often make mistakes or say things that are better left unsaid. Our mind also races ahead of our ability to think and form our answers. You will want to slow down so that you appear to be rational and mature.
- Watch your body language. Verbal communication is the language of information. Body or non verbal communication is the language of relationships. If your arms are crossed and foot is tapping, it sends a defensive signal right away to the other person. If possible, take a few deep breaths, put your shoulders back and put one hand in your pocket and the other hanging loosely at your side.
- Deepen your voice. Stress and anger can tighten your vocal cords, making your voice come out high and screech like. This higher pitch sends a message that you are vulnerable and emotionally overwrought. When you breathe as listed above, you will naturally relax and you will feel and hear a deeper, more confident voice coming out of your mouth. Your goal is not to avoid conflict, because that is impossible, but to control it with confidence and courage.
You can do it. I have confidence in you. If you would like to build more confidence in yourself http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com
You will be glad you made the decision to build your self confidence so you can control conflict in your life. How have you handled conflict in the past? Has that method worked for you? Leave a comment and let’s start a dialog about controlling conflict with confidence.
Your Friend,
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
Tags: appear more confident, Artichoke Press, Auntie Artichoke, beautiful Montana, body language in conflict, building self confidence, controlling conflict, emotional response to conflict, handling conflict, Judy H. Wright, Judy Helm Wright, mature and rational behavior, more cooperation, non verbal communication, paractice assertitive behavior, speak in short sentences, speak with deep voice in conflict, sure of yourself
Posted in Communication, Confidence Clues, Judy H. Wright, Motivation, Self-Esteem, Wellness, body language, building self confidence | No Comments »
Sunday, January 10th, 2010
Hello from beautiful Montana:
Have you ever been yelled at by your boss in front of co-workers? Has your two year old toddler had a melt down at the grocery store? Are you able to set
Assertive means respect the emotional, spiritual and physical boundaries of yourself and others.
boundaries for acceptable behavior from others and still been able to maintain emotional control?
Those who have a solid self image and have worked on their confidence usually have an advantage when it comes to conflicts or confrontations.
Being Assertive Is Not Easy, But Necessary
Those who want to manipulate and embarrass will usually target your feelings and emotions in order to put you on the defense. This is the same tactics used by bullies on the playground and jerks in the parking lot. It is a desire on their part to gain power and try to make you feel “less than.”
When we are functioning rationally, we recognize that while we aren’t perfect, we try hard to do a good job and deserve respect. We want to treat others as we would like to be treated, and so work to develop win-win situations.
If you would like assistance in finding the right words and phrases to overcome bullies please see http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com for a free e-course.
Control of Emotions Deflates Explosive Situations
When attacked verbally or manipulated, all humans tend to have a knee-jerk response to confrontation. It as if only one face, situation, accusation or tantrum is open to our heart, mind and reactions. When we are being assaulted it is very natural to lose control or act outside the guidelines and standards of our life.
Set Boundaries When Buttons Are Pushed
Let’s face it, we all lose our cool occasionally or have buttons that others can either knowingly or unknowingly push which cause our emotions to spiral out of control.
There are words, gesture, phrases, situations personality traits and especially body language which trigger our hot buttons. When those buttons are pushed, or boundaries are crossed, we often retaliate by saying “You made me angry.” But actually, we choose to be angry.
By establishing boundaries of acceptable behavior you will be able to fall back on assertive tactics and maintain your emotional control. You will be more comfortable in relationships when you set boundaries that you will not accept.
For instance;
- I will not allow you to yell at me. If you want to talk about the matter in a calm voice, let me know and I will be happy to discuss it further.
- I am sorry you choose to scream in the store. Remember, we talked about using a polite voice. We will go out to the car and maybe try coming back later.
- I am angry about what just happened in the lunchroom. You may not like me, but you do have to speak to me with respect. Please do not embarrass me in front of others ever again.
You are a strong and valuable person and I am proud of you for working on the skill of setting boundaries and maintaining emotional control in relationships.
You can do it. I have confidence in you.
Your friend,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker
http://www.ArtichokePress.com
Tags: Artichoke Press, attacked verbally, bullies on the playground, deserve respect, develop win-win situations, emotional control, feelings and emotions, gain confidence and courage, Judy H. Wright, maintain control, manipulated by others, overcome bullies, Set boundaries in relationships, traeat others as we would like to be treated
Posted in Communication, Confidence Clues, Judy H. Wright, Self-Esteem, Wellness, body language, building self confidence | No Comments »
Sunday, January 10th, 2010
Hello from beautiful Montana:
Has your shyness and lack of confidence held you back in relationships
Choose today to be more confident and overcome shyness
or on the job? Do you wish you were more assertive? Would you like to overcome shyness and be more outgoing? Perhaps I can offer a few encouraging words to assist you in this journey.
Shyness is a Behavior
Many people assume that being shy or being bossy are both in born parts of a baby’s personality. Actually, confidence is a learned skill and practiced behavior. It is much like learning to play the piano, or ride a bike. It takes some time to develop and incorporate this new skill into your life.
In order to gain self confidence and be more assertive in your life you need a mentor to show you the steps and then you need to practice daily.
When You Know Better You Do Better
If you are not comfortable with how you view yourself, perhaps you need to expand your viewpoint as well as your knowledge base. If you learn to overcome shyness you will be able to push back the walls of a cubicle as well as your mindset.
Liking and being comfortable with your self image does not happen overnight. Throughout your life you received some powerful messages about you are from parents, peers and co-workers. But the most powerful influence is your own self-talk and negative thought patterns.
Stop Negative Thinking
Replace the tapes of negative self-talk and replace it with positive thinking and action. Make a decision to overcome shyness by encouraging yourself with affirmations. Say yes to yourself and your goals.
You were drawn to this specific article because you are at a crossroads in your life. You can either continue with actions, behaviors and thoughts that have not served you well, or you can make a conscious choice to step out of the past and into the future you deserve.
Encourage Yourself With Wise Choice of Words
Instead of… ”I have always been shy” say “I choose to smile at three new people today.”
Instead of …”I am intimidated by crowds” say “I will find one person and start a conversation with them.”
Instead of …”I am such a loser” say “”I have done at least 20 things right today. I am going to count them.”
Instead of …”I don’t know what to say” consider “I will smile and comment on the weather to a co-worker.”
Building Self Confidence
Overcoming shyness is not an easy task, but it can be done. I have done it and so can you. I have confidence in you and your dream. Please take these encouraging words and know that I mean them from my heart.
Your friend,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker
PS: If you would like more assistance to build confidence, please see http://www.confidenceclues.com
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Posted in Communication, Confidence Clues, Judy H. Wright, Self-Esteem, Wellness, body language, building self confidence | 2 Comments »
