Don't be anxious or afraid at a party. Just ask questions and listen to people and you will gain confidence.

Are you nervous about social situations?  When there is going to be people you do not know, how does your stomach or neck feel?  Tight and choking? Do you regard yourself as too quiet or too uptight to relax in groups?  Are you concerned that others will expect you to be witty and sophisticated?

If you feel that you are shy or suffer from social anxiety, this is the article for you.

You don’t have to be witty, or smart or a sparkling conversationalist in order to make friends and influence people.  All you really need is to understand the art of listening.

People Don’t Care How Much You Know, Until They Know How Much You Care

We will be talking about how to be more comfortable in social situations.  We will also share about what makes a good listener and the five qualities to develop if you want to be popular and make lasting friendships.

1. Body language of acceptance – Non verbal or body language is the communication of relationships. When people first meet you they are receiving lots of messages about interested you are in them. Smile with your eyes and look directly at the person, or if that makes you uncomfortable, look at their right ear.

2. Ask questions and don’t give advice – When people come to you with a problem, it may appear they want your opinion.  But more often than not, they really just need someone to listen to their story.  By asking small questions or nodding your head, you are giving them permission to get the problem out, so they can see the issues in a new light and make their own decisions.

3. Never break a confidence or gossip about others – Even though it may be tempting to share a “tidbit of news” it will always backfire on you.  One of the signs of deepening friendships is that people will trust you with secrets. If someone gossips with you, you can be assured they will also gossip about you.

4. Complete the loop of conversation – Just as you don’t give unwanted advice, you do want to make sure what the other person needs from you.  Sometimes our words can be taken out of context or misunderstood, so it is best to clarify our message. If someone says; “Do you like baseball?” Don’t just say yes and drop it.  Ask open ended questions and give clarifying comebacks. For instance; “Yes, I do.  Would you like to go to a game sometime?”  Then be sure that you give a phone number or way to contact you if they are interested.

5. Show appreciation and gratitude – Shake hands warmly and say you were glad to meet them. Perhaps you could say something like; “I am grateful I had the opportunity to spend some time with you, your ideas will give me something to think about this week.”

The Secret to Being Interesting is to be Interested

To overcome social anxiety and gain confidence in life is to ask questions the other person will enjoy answering.  As you encourage strangers to talk about themselves, they will soon turn into friends.  Since so few people really go to the effort of listening to other people and making them feel comfortable, if you do, you will be successful.

Problem Kids  or Parent Training. Much like the age old question of which comes first, the chicken or the egg?  Many of the parents I see in my work as a family relationship author and trainer are not confident of their parenting skills and the children can sense their insecurity.

Those insecurities may stem from lack of role models in their youth, or that they want to over compensate for what they perceive are lacks in the family structure. They may feel that since there is divorce, financial problems, adhd or other problems, it is easier to let the children get away with being angry, spoiled and demanding.

Angry children make life miserable for everyone

Parents are Teachers not Friends

Perhaps it may be easier short term to allow the kids to be in control or disrespectful, but it will cause multiple life problems for everyone if it is not curtailed.

Parents are sometimes hesitant to talk about child behavior issues for fear of being judged by others. Many are not aware that most schools and many churches offer free or low cost parent training.

Children Need Consistent Boundaries

We all learn and behave better when we know what is expected of us and what is not going to be tolerated.  When parents meet together in groups and discuss behavior issues, they will find clues, tips and ideas from other families and the leader of the class.

Parent training is not so much about what you are doing wrong, but on reclaiming your power and understanding how to work with your children to achieve a more cooperative home.

Empowered Parents – Well Behaved Kids

As you discover more ways to work together with respect, you may actually see your child reacting with anger and resistance.  Stick to your guns. You are the parent and as the child sees that you are willing to change and grow in new ways, he or she will pick up on your behavior.

Change will not occur overnight and it may be a two steps forward, three steps back journey to a peaceful home.  Give yourself some “atta – boys” for recognizing that what your family has done in the past needs to adjust and shift in order for problem kids to turn into peaceful partners towards a more respectful relationship. You will also want to use some encouraging phrases on the family to keep moving forward.

I encourage you to go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com to claim your free eBook on effective communications.  You will be glad you did.

You will also want to check out this site if your problem kids are a danger to themselves or         others http://mytt.us/qkmsfhty The program is guaranteed and can transform your family.