When you reflect back to people who disappointed you in their choices and you worry, stew, and fret about unchangeable circumstances, you are setting up a continual loop of negative self-talk. It takes no more effort to see a positive picture and the end result is more uplifting. You will find more information on catastrophic thinking in the chapter on emotions in the book Out of Balance? Be a Bounce Back Person.

Focus on the best in others, because they really are competent, worthy of your love and respect, when you strip away their anger, fears and insecurities. This allows them the freedom and opportunity to rise to your expectations.

Feedback Not Criticism

By operating from love and gratitude you will begin to see their mistakes as temporary indiscretions or mistakes, not personal attacks on you and your values.

When you correct others (and yourself) focus on the behavior not on the character. Today your son may have taken money from the top of your dresser and it is a fact that the money is gone.  The money is missing and he took it, but that does not mean he is a thief.  It simply means it is time to teach lessons on respecting other people’s property and resisting temptation.

Basically, he is a good kid and knows that it was wrong.  Tell him that he is expected to return the money with interest or mow the lawn for a month to repay the money or some discipline to teach about making better choices.

Stick to your guns and insist that he correct the mistake.  Do not make him the mistake.  If you call him a thief, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He will work hard to make that label fit.

It is just as easy to imagine and reinforce positive character traits in yourself and those you care about.  If you see your daughter being bossy and criticize her for being so, she becomes resentful and you become a nag.  If you can say “You are an amazing leader; let me help you to help yourself in finding ways to channel your talent in helping in the community.”

Just as nurturing and nursing a baby will help the physical body to grow and develop, so will nurturing the spirit. Part of your destiny includes helping others to reach theirs.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you recognize how negative labels can become self-fulfilling prophecies?
2. What do you do to encourage others and yourself?
3. What is the difference between feedback and criticism?

Thank you for sharing your feedback and comments. You are invited to claim your eBook at http://www.bouncebackperson.com You will be very glad you did. You may copy this article for use in a blog or classroom. Please give credit to Judy H. Wright and Artichoke Press.com

Auntie Artichoke supports parents, grandparents, teachers, day care providers and all those who love children. Thank you for your important work.

Hello From Montana:

When you speak to your child, can you count more negative or positive words coming out of your mouth?   Formal studies with learned psychologists have shown that it takes at least seven positive comments to undo a negative remark.   My own informal studies working with parents and families tell me that many of the hurtful things said to children by parents and teachers never go away.

Plant Positive Thoughts in Garden of the Mind

Our subconscious brains are like gardens and what is planted there will multiply and grow in our thoughts and actions. Children internalize the words and actions of adults that they trust and love.  If the messages you send through verbal and non verbal (body language) communication are negative or demeaning, the child will lose confidence in herself and her ability to affect her life for the better.

How does the child see herself when she looks through your eyes?  If you are giving out labels of incompetence, lazy or stupid, you can count on your child believing your assessment of her as a person.  If the message you send through your words, actions and attitudes is mistrust, disappointment, fear, worry or lack of confidence— those negative attitudes will slowly, but surely erode away the self esteem.

Example of Mother and Daughter

In my parenting workshops, I sometimes use the example of a mother and daughter with the daughter holding a piece of paper in her hand. Every time the mother makes a negative remark, demeaning comment or judgment about worth, the daughter tears a piece of the paper off and allows it to fall on the floor. When the mom makes a positive comment, we try to stick a little piece back on, but it frequently doesn’t stick.

It is a powerful visual reminder to parents to correct the behavior but not break the spirit of the child.

What Do You Like About Your Child?

How often do you compliment your child’s character strengths?  I challenge you to frequently ask your child “Do you know what I like about you?”

These are the qualities of the heart. The important parts of what makes a good person. These are the values to be celebrated;

• generous attitude
• helpful to others
• kind to animals
• dependable
• fair
• friendly
• grateful
• honest
• loving
• sincere
• trustworthy
• loyal
• truthful

Whatever character traits you recognize, encourage your child to look at herself with an optimistic attitude. Help her to affirm all the qualities she has that will help her in her life. Assist the self confidence and self esteem in children and help them to see themselves as empowered to not let outside influences determine their worth.  Hopefully, when your child holds up a mirror on her life she will see a strong, vital and worthy woman who is confident in life.

You are invited to http://www.ConfidenceClues.com

for even more information to empower your child to be self confident.

Your friend,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ConfidenceClues.com