Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem = Success in Life

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Success in life, friendship, business, family dynamics and spiritual growth has self-confidence and self-esteem at the foundation.  People who have a confidence in their personal worth seem to be magnets for success and happiness everywhere they go.

As parents and caring adults you will want to share methods and techniques to build self-confidence with the young people in your circle of influence.  One of the most important part of teaching a life-skill is to improve the concept in our own lives.

Here are three more tips to help build self-esteem and self-confidence in your kids.

• Teach Them to Think for Themselves. If you continually tell them what to do and how to do it, they will be looking outward for direction and not learn to trust their intuition.  For every situation, there are at least 5 different and correct solutions.        If we always want things “Our way” they will stop trying to find creative solutions.  Critical thinking and problem-solving ability are going to be more and more important in the new economy.  Those who enter the world of work will need “soft skills” of interpersonal communication and building teamwork and cooperation.

• Give Them Roots. Much of our identity comes from the family stories and the foundation of ethics and standards that make us who we are.  We are a storytelling and story gathering species.  This is a crucial difference that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. We can remember, process and pass on information to the next  generation.                                                                                                                                                                                            All of us hunger to belong to a “tribe” who love and accept us.  By sharing the heritage, history and cultural background we give them roots and wings. If you need guidance on gathering, recording or telling stories, you will want to go to http://www.MontanaStoryKeepers.com

• Good Posture Shows Confidence. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self-confidence. Verbal communication is the language of information.  Non-verbal or body communication is the language of relationships.

People who slouch indicate they   aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t             consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

We have a strong identification with our bodies.  However, it is amazing to see the effects of our inner thoughts on our outer appearance.  To develop high levels of self-confidence and self-esteem it is important to integrate the body and spirit in order to have success in life.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you find yourself drawn towards those who have good posture and non-verbal communication which indicates self-esteem and self-confidence?
2. When you hear family stories that exhibit courage and confidence, does it encourage your self-esteem?
3. Do you like to work with those who are critical thinkers?  Do you find them to excel in leadership roles?

You will want to claim your powerful eBook filled with encouraging words at http://www.judyhwright.com

Be sure to check out a new book about resiliency at http://www.bouncebackperson.com

3 Self-Esteem and Confidence Messages

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Self-esteem and confidence is the most important contribution that a parent or loving adult can make to the life of a child.  The messages received in childhood can build or destroy the self-esteem of a child and they carry over into all interactions as an adult.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are the foundation on which most other personality traits rest and will do more to determine a child’s future than any other single factor.  No matter what economic status, culture or family dynamics are present in childhood, nurturing loved ones have the greatest impact on future life.

3 Tips to Share a Message of High Self-Esteem;

1. Help Them Be Attractive. Although we don’t want to emphasis looks too much, it is a fact of life that others are drawn to those that are attractive and well groomed.  Does that mean that you should have plastic surgery on your daughter’s big ears?  Absolutely not. It means that if she is self-conscious about it, then you can help her choose a flattering haircut.

Help them fit in, with fashion of their friends. This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.

1. Make eye contact. Poet Mayo Angelou says “Your eyes should light up when your child comes in the room.”  Without realizing it, we use eye contact as a primary means of conveying love, especially to children.  A child uses eye contact with his parents and care givers to feed emotionally.  The more the adults make eye contact with the child as a means of expressing their love and bonding with them, the more the child is nourished emotionally.
2. Practice Kindness and Compassion. We think of self-esteem in terms of empowerment, confidence,
   

   Self-confidence and self-esteem are built when caring adults and parents take time to give positive message of encouragment and love.

   courage and bravery.  Kindness and compassion have a softer side and so we don’t teach these characteristics as often by lecture, but rather by example and modeling. Use encouraging words in dealing with the spirits of those you love and those you come in contact with on a daily basis. Being kind is a very powerful way to make a positive difference in the world and to reflect in the gratitude of others.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• Do you recall the self-esteem messages you received from adults when you were a child?
• Did those messages build high self-esteem and confidence or did they humiliate and demean you?
• Do you use encouraging words in personal communication to build the self-esteem and confidence of others, including children? You will want to claim your free eBook at http://www.useencouragingwords.com

Why won’t my kid behave? What makes him so angry? How can I control his angry behavior? Why is his behavior rude and obnoxious? How can we teach respect and responsibility? Are all kids his age lazy?  What am I doing wrong?

Difficult Child or Child Having Difficult Day?

These are common questions that come up in parenting classes I teach and attend.    One of the biggest concerns of parents, teachers and care givers is how to get their kids to behave.  I know this for a fact, because my husband and I have six adult children, foster children and now grandchildren.  We see them with eyes of love and tolerance but are also aware that some children are more “high maintenance”  than others.

Labels Become Self Fulfilling Prophecies

There are many labels that adults put on children who do not immediately obey instructions. some are called ADD, ADDHD, Extreme kids, Indigo Child, Star Children and I have even heard them revered to as spoiled brats.  The problem with labels, titles and roles is that children soon begin to be that which they are called.  If they are seen as difficult, they will continue to be difficult.

Encouragement Toward Positive Goals

Although we may want and desire our children to automatically know what to do and say that will please us and society, life doesn’t work that way.  We must believe in our children if they are to believe in themselves.  In order to feel adequate and accepted, children need frequent encouragement.  A cooperative relationship depends on how children feel about themselves and their place in the world.

Although adults and other important people  do not cause children to misbehave, we can reinforce and encourage their misbehavior without being aware of what our expectations are for the child.  The child may be unaware that his action is seeking one of the four goals of misbehavior;

• Attention
• Power
• Revenge
• Display of inadequacy

No effective parenting will work long term unless the whole family works together to build a respectful and positive relationship.  Most families with a difficult child who appears rude, defiant and lazy have tried everything before recognizing that it is a family concern and can only be resolved by working together.

Be Kind But Firm

Have a family council and decide what kind of a family you want to be and how to achieve those goals.  Set reasonable consequences and make sure the whole family understands what the rules and guidelines are going to be.  Don’t worry about every little infraction, but instead concentrate on a few behavior issues that are disrupting the quality of family life.  Ask the children to draw the chore calender or behavior chart.  Help them to become empowered with their own place in the family.

Consistent Consequences and Expectations

In my experience, it is not that parents don’t love their children, rather it is the opposite.  They want the best for the whole family but often discourage positive behavior by focusing on the negative.  Follow through and be consistent and you will be rewarded by not living with a difficult child, but rather a good kid having an occasional bad day.

I have confidence in you.

Your friend,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS: Another great resource is http://www.kidschoresandmore.com which will help the whole family work together so there will be more free time for fun activities.

If you have difficult teenagers in your home, you have our sympathy.

Angry teenagers can be moody and difficult to live with. Habits can change.

It is not fun to live in a combat zone and worry that everyday will bring more battles and fights.

Once you recognize the reason for the continued anger and disrespect may be poor communication patterns, you have to make the decision to continue fighting or to just hope it will stop. it will not stop on it’s own.

If you decide that your family deserves a more harmonious atmosphere, you will be choosing to change a habit. Fighting has probably become the default method of communication. Any pattern or habit that has been learned, can also be unlearned, but it takes commitment and practice.

Change Is Possible And Worth The Effort

The three most powerful words in English language is: I Can Change.

Communication will improve when you want it to, and especially if you have learned new ways of getting them to connect to the family.  As long as there is no alcohol or drugs involved, most teenagers will stop fighting when they see that they are not going to keep pushing your buttons and make you mad.

Listen More Than Talk

Truly being present for another person is the most powerful life skill there is.  By listening, I mean truly understanding where they coming from and what they really need. By restating what they have said and making sure it is what they meant to convey, you can avoid misunderstandings.

There are many programs that can assist you in parenting endeavors but I recommend one ahttp://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com

it helps families to transform angry, difficult teenagers into cooperative, thoughtful members of the family.

Good Luck, this is not going to be easy, but it is going to be worth it.  Your family deserves to  build strong connections and happy memories.

Your friend,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

I had never heard of Indigo children five years ago.  But I kept

Indigo Children need different parenting skills to gain cooperation.

seeing these kids in my parenting classes that seem to shine.  They were always active and full of themselves. Very hard to handle for parents and irritating to other adults. But then I started to see a pattern with some of the children and realized that not only did I know  Indigo Children, but I had one.

According to Lee Carroll and Jan Tober authors of a book published by Hay House Publishing, “An Indigo Child is one who displays a new and unusual set of psychological attributes and shows a pattern of behavior generally undocumented before.”

We are in the midst of human evolution and it is happening with our children and grandkids.

What does that mean to parents, day care providers and teachers who are trying to deal with these kids?

It means that discipline, reasoning and rigid rules that may have worked on other children will probably not work with Indigos.  We need to shift our parenting styles and expectations in order to allow them to function well in a society that not only does not understand their actions, but wants to drug them.

The book goes on to list the common traits of Indigo children. I have adapted these with my own observations.

1. They come into the world with a feeling of royalty.
2. They have a sense of being here for a reason.
3. Full of self worth and not much humility.
4. Have difficulty with absolute authority or rigid rules.
5. Have  agreat deal of difficulty waiting in line or taking turns.
6. Easily frustrated with systems that do not allow for creative thought and input.
7. Often have a much better idea on how things should be done.
8. May appear anti-social. School may be difficult for them socially. Would rather turn inward.
9. Will not be manipulated by guilt or threats.
10. If you ask them what they really want, they will tell you.

If your child has a number of these characteristics, you will want to research further on this subject. Our family found that old parenting styles were not going to work with an Indigo child.

Click here and You will find additional information at http://www.disciplineyespunishno.com for a series of free articles on    transforming your family communications and cooperation.

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members,coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.

Artichoke Press is the home site of Judy H. Wright, family relationship coach and author of over 20 books and many articles on family relationships. If your organization would like to schedule Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer, for a workshop please call 406.549.9813.

Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.

Adult  vs. Childhood Trauma

Adult trauma is the experience of a bodily or emotional event, usually negative, as an adult verses a childhood happening. A traumatic episode can have a lasting psychic effect on both an adult or child, but especially on children who are still forming their personality.

Adult vs childhood trauma effects how the person sees adversity or negative events that occur in the journey of life.  Those who have had a strong support system and have been able to process what happened are more capable of handling additional stress than those who had no one to help them deal with the negative trauma.

Is It Trauma or Just Stressful Incident

Adults who have experienced trauma as children are more likely to perceive events in their grown lives as traumatic rather than stressful.  Adults who have had fairly trauma-free early lives tend to perceive negative  events and experiences as more isolated and have a greater stress tolerance.

Adults and children who have not dealt successfully with the  past traumatic events tend to link their current trauma to past events.  By processing and working through a traumatic event, whether as an adult or child, allows the individual to put it in a wider context of life.

The individual learns great coping skills that can transfer to other areas of life.

Do Some People Attract Trauma

Some scientific studies have shown that those with early childhood trauma  which has never been resolved or processed continue to experience more trauma as adults. The debate is how much it is a matter of perception or choice to keep attracting that to which they have unfortunately become accustomed.  Some people create crisis situations because they have become accustomed to being in crisis.

Negative Belief Systems Can Be Changed

If you were involved in either Adult or Childhood Trauma, you will want to re-examine your belief system and make sure it is serving you now.  If not, then reframe the trauma and process the experience so it is not repeated.

I would invite you to check out

http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com for a more complete look on how to modify your belief systems. You deserve to put the past behind you and become more confident in the future.