The mind does not know when you are speaking the truth as it is or you are talking about what you wish were happening. To the mind it is just chatter. It is just as easy to see yourself and the members of your family having positive character traits as to dwell on the failure and disappointment. What you focus on, you get more of.  Shift your mindless chatter to good thoughts and look for the positive traits.

When you reflect back to people who disappointed you in their choices and you worry, stew, and fret about unchangeable circumstances, you are setting up a continual loop of negative self-talk. It takes no more effort to see a positive picture and the end result is more uplifting. You will find more information on catastrophic thinking in the chapter on emotions in the book Out of Balance? Be a Bounce Back Person.

Focus on the best in others, because they really are competent, worthy of your love and respect, when you strip away their anger, fears and insecurities. This allows them the freedom and opportunity to rise to your expectations.

Feedback Not Criticism

By operating from love and gratitude you will begin to see their mistakes as temporary indiscretions or mistakes, not personal attacks on you and your values.

When you correct others (and yourself) focus on the behavior not on the character. Today your son may have taken money from the top of your dresser and it is a fact that the money is gone.  The money is missing and he took it, but that does not mean he is a thief.  It simply means it is time to teach lessons on respecting other people’s property and resisting temptation.

Basically, he is a good kid and knows that it was wrong.  Tell him that he is expected to return the money with interest or mow the lawn for a month to repay the money or some discipline to teach about making better choices.

Stick to your guns and insist that he correct the mistake.  Do not make him the mistake.  If you call him a thief, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He will work hard to make that label fit.

It is just as easy to imagine and reinforce positive character traits in yourself and those you care about.  If you see your daughter being bossy and criticize her for being so, she becomes resentful and you become a nag.  If you can say “You are an amazing leader; let me help you to help yourself in finding ways to channel your talent in helping in the community.”

Just as nurturing and nursing a baby will help the physical body to grow and develop, so will nurturing the spirit. Part of your destiny includes helping others to reach theirs.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you recognize how negative labels can become self-fulfilling prophecies?
2. What do you do to encourage others and yourself?
3. What is the difference between feedback and criticism?

Thank you for sharing your feedback and comments. You are invited to claim your eBook at http://www.bouncebackperson.com You will be very glad you did. You may copy this article for use in a blog or classroom. Please give credit to Judy H. Wright and Artichoke Press.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

I promise I will get back to organizational tips tomorrow, but today I need to discuss a subject that have many parents and kids nervous.  Going back to school and finding friends.

Making friends is a skill, just like playing the piano or riding a bike.

Skills can be learned and behaviors can be changed.  New habits can be formed.  Different responses can become automatic action if they are practiced on a consistent basis.

While it may require more effort for some people to be comfortable in groups or to read body language, it can be done.  Especially, if the child is willing to practice this new skill and knows she has your support and encouragement.

Remind her of her positive qualities

Encourage your child’s  efforts to get along with peer and to find a friend, even when it appears that such attempt are not meeting with success. Another reminder is that making just the right friend for her may take some time and not to give up. 

Help her to see what she has to offer as a friend. 

For example, you might say: “I really appreciate it when my friends call me and invite me places.  It makes me feel welcome and accepted.  Even on the times when I am not able to go, it still feel good to know they thought of me.  That is why I treat them with kindness and respect, because that is how I want to be treated.”

If you would like more information on helping your child or you make friends, please go to hhtp://www.The LeftOutChild.com     I also lead a free teleclass on this and many other family relationship subjects each Thursday.  You may register for any or all of the calls at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

We would like to have you in the community of support and friendship.

Love,
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author