To be a biological parent requires a single act of sex, or even a test tube or petri dish.  A joining of sperm and egg does not a family make.  How you were created is less important than how you were nurtured.

Parents and mentors come in all sizes, ages, sexual orientation and skills.  Many children I have met are parenting their parents.  They have had to assume adult roles in order to give themselves and their siblings any sense of stability.

To be a member of a healthy and nurturing family requires an endless array of complex behaviors, forgiveness, sacrifices, and commitment. It requires that we be very careful of derogatory labels like ”thief” “lazy” “liar” for occasional mistakes.

Kids Need Role Models

Children are the world’s most precious resource. They are the reason that we keep going to work and coming home dead-tired and still find time to play catch. Parents and role models recognize that the children are watching how we live our lives.

The best security blanket for any child is the knowledge that the adults in the family respect him/her and each other.  The choice legacy a family can bestow is unconditional love and forgiveness.

Separate the deed from the doer.  For more guidance on parenting, please see my website for excellent articles, resources and aides.

Families teach us that we can survive the pain of divorce, mental illness, abuse, alcoholism, suicide, unemployment, violence and all the other stuff that happens in life. The functional and flourishing family is most productive when it has goals and values as a unit.

When your family is supportive and respectful of the rights and dreams of each other, it is a wonderful spring-board to life.

Not all families are this loving, respectful group of individuals.  Many are made up of selfish people who put their own needs and desires above the highest good for all.   However, in my work with families, I have found that some of the most emotionally resilient and happiest groups are those who have been made stronger by their trials and tragedies.

How Do Healthy Families Work

Healthy families are not perfect; they may have yelling, bickering, misunderstanding, tension, hurt, and anger - but not all the time.

Dysfunction can be any condition that doesn’t return to normal after a stressful circumstance.  In an emotionally unhealthy home, problems tend to be ongoing. Sometimes for generations the coping mechanism or lack thereof, has been taught and modeled.

In healthy families emotional expression is not just allowed and accepted but encouraged. Family members can freely ask for and give attention. There is unconditional love but boundaries for behavior. Rules remain consistent, but with some flexibility to adapt to needs and particular situations.

Healthy families allow for each member to pursue his or her own interests, and boundaries between individuals are honored. When healthy boundaries and expectations of behavior are established and common courtesy is in place, all members flourish.

Cooperation and communication are effective tools in producing harmony and personal growth for family members.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Who was a role model in your family?  Who showed you love and forgiveness?
2. If you are not a parent, can you still influence and encourage children? How?
3. Do you remember a family that seemed emotionally healthy and happy? What did they teach you?

Thank you for being a part of this community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all. Be sure and claim your free eBook at http://bouncebackfromanything.com You may reprint this article in your blog but please give credit to Judy Helm Wright, Artichoke Press.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

What constitutes respect?  Do you have to like someone to be considerate, kind and courteous?

How do you work in a relationship where there is an uneven balance of power?

Several years ago there was a study done of 100 self made millionaires.  They ranged in age from young 19 to well over 70.  Their educational experiences extended from grade school to the Ph.D level. They differed in almost all characteristics, except they were all found to be respectful of other people.

They had determined early in their careers that everyone had something to teach and to share. They built respectful relationships by learning from others.

We tend to treat people like we see them. If we see them as arrogant, snooty or even shy, we tend to treat them in that manner.  I just did a radio show recently about a second chance at making a good first impression.  You will want to listen to that one, if you haven’t already.

Once you find the good or ability in other people you treat him or her better and thus they perform better.  We all tend to live up to the expectations of other people.

If we see people worthy of respect, then we will treat them that way.  Even when they do not demonstrate their respect for us, we can still treat them with courtesy.

A quote that I love says “If you take a man as he is, you make him worse than he was, but if you see him as being the best person possible, then he, in fact, become the best person possible.”

Encouragement is giving someone the courage to keep trying, to move forward and to fulfill their destiny.  By giving respect and understanding to others in our relationship, we will all move forward.

Be sure to go to

http://www.artichokepress.com for a complete listing of books, reports, articles and videos by Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke

You will also want to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a workbook and bonus items that will assist you in building confidence in the future and courage today.

Thanks for sharing.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker