Positive Friendships & Self-Esteem
© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Parents, teachers, caregivers, coaches and other caring adults are concerned with how to teach values and self-esteem to the children in their lives. They wonder how to foster positive friendships and discourage those that have a negative influence.

From the moment of birth, our children are soaking up and

Self-esteem and confidence begins at birth and continues till death. We judge ourselves through words and actions of others, especially family and friends.

Self-esteem, confidence and personal strength is gained by listening and sharing ideas with those who are in their “circle of influence.” Words that tell them who and what they are help them to form a self-image that will reflect their attitude towards life. Both positive and negative.

1. Be Available At Odd Times. Make sure your children know that you value them and will take or make time to share with them. If you really can’t talk right then and there, arrange a time and place and put it in your appointment book. Keep that appointment.

The best conversations we ever had were at midnight over a pizza. I am a morning person and it sometimes meant I had to have a nap so I could get up to visit when they came home from a date. It is also amazing what secrets are shared in a car coming home from a soccer game or middle school dance.

2. Make Your House the “Go-To House.” When you invite your children’s friends to spend time in your home, you create a safe harbor for many children who are afraid to go home. Make them feel welcome and try to get to know them and help them see how healthy, happy families operate. Include them in some of your family activities. Don’t worry about how much you are spending on groceries. Consider it an investment in the future.

3. Affirm Positive Friendships. Talk to your kids about their friends. Find out what they like about this friend. Help them to develop into the friend they would like to have. Rather than over-praise individual kids, talk about what a nice group of kids they are.

Peer pressure, along with bullying and drugs that frightens many parents. When your child is in a group it is easy to “group think” and make decisions, they would not normally do on an individual basis.

The more you know the other parents of your child’s friends they more they will have an extended tribe of adults who are looking out for their backs. Encourage group activities that are well chaperoned and with a purpose, rather than just “hanging out.”

You will want to go to http://www.useencouragingwords.com to claim your free ebook on confidence building. You will also want to join the community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all at http://www.judyhwright.com You will be glad you did.

Teach Acceptance-Build Confidence

©JudyHWright http://www.judyhwright.com

We all have weaknesses that are hard to accept. Parents, teachers and caring adults see areas that need improvement in children and want to help them build confidence.  The trick is to build confidence and acceptance without criticism and breaking the spirit.

As I have mentioned in previous articles and books, “Soar with Your Strengths.”

Determine which strengths are improvable, get to work on those and manage the rest.  For instance if your child is not good in math, but excels in woodshop, then do everything possible to encourage him in working with wood.  Find a tutor (high school or college student) to assist him in learning math in a way that makes sense for him.

The best way to build confidence and self-esteem is to find things we are good at and enjoy and do more of them.

Here Are Even More Ideas to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem in Kids

Accept Imperfections — in Your Child and Yourself. Rules and high expectations can seem overwhelming to a child, who may not understand that you don’t expect her to be perfect.

One way to reassure her that it’s okay to make mistakes is to let her see you make them—and correct them or apologize.  To do so will model for your child that it is fine to be human and that mistakes are temporary teaching tools.  As we teach and model that mistakes are a part of live and that we can do better next time, it will be comforting  and not an excuse to blame others.

Use Punishment Sparingly. In my work as a parent educator, I have seen parents come down hard on a child for a minor misdeed or oversight.

Major punishment for minor misdeeds makes kids feel helpless; the result is more likely to be a power struggle between parent and child than in a lesson in how life should be lived.

Shame and guilt create confusion and self-doubt.  They are difficult and destructive emotions for all humans to overcome. If your method of discipline is shame, blame or guilt, please go to http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com for many methods that are more effective and don’t break the spirit of the child.

Take or Make Time to Listen. Sometimes it feels impossible to find time to uninterrupted moments to listen to your child.  It is essential for a child to get the opportunity to talk to each parent individually, especially in single-parent, blended or divorced families.  Communicate regularly every single day.

If it is only five minutes before bed, let your child know that time is special and you will not lecture, blame or threaten, but just listen.  Trust me on this one.  You will never be sorry that you did not dismiss a confidence sharing time in order to lecture about dirty clothes on the floor.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you accept that you will have areas of weakness and strength in your talents? Claim your eBook at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com to help yourself and others be positive about life.
2. Will you build self-confidence in yourself and your children by concentrating on the strengths and managing the weak areas?
3. Will you take or make time to listen with your heart, ears and eyes when your child is sharing concerns?

About the Author

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer is an author of over 20 books. She speaks internationally on topics of resilience, family relationships and empowerment.  To contact her to speak for your conference or organization call 406-549-9813 or see http://www.judyhwright.com

3 Self-Esteem and Confidence Messages

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Self-esteem and confidence is the most important contribution that a parent or loving adult can make to the life of a child.  The messages received in childhood can build or destroy the self-esteem of a child and they carry over into all interactions as an adult.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are the foundation on which most other personality traits rest and will do more to determine a child’s future than any other single factor.  No matter what economic status, culture or family dynamics are present in childhood, nurturing loved ones have the greatest impact on future life.

3 Tips to Share a Message of High Self-Esteem;

1. Help Them Be Attractive. Although we don’t want to emphasis looks too much, it is a fact of life that others are drawn to those that are attractive and well groomed.  Does that mean that you should have plastic surgery on your daughter’s big ears?  Absolutely not. It means that if she is self-conscious about it, then you can help her choose a flattering haircut.

Help them fit in, with fashion of their friends. This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.

1. Make eye contact. Poet Mayo Angelou says “Your eyes should light up when your child comes in the room.”  Without realizing it, we use eye contact as a primary means of conveying love, especially to children.  A child uses eye contact with his parents and care givers to feed emotionally.  The more the adults make eye contact with the child as a means of expressing their love and bonding with them, the more the child is nourished emotionally.
2. Practice Kindness and Compassion. We think of self-esteem in terms of empowerment, confidence,
   

   Self-confidence and self-esteem are built when caring adults and parents take time to give positive message of encouragment and love.

   courage and bravery.  Kindness and compassion have a softer side and so we don’t teach these characteristics as often by lecture, but rather by example and modeling. Use encouraging words in dealing with the spirits of those you love and those you come in contact with on a daily basis. Being kind is a very powerful way to make a positive difference in the world and to reflect in the gratitude of others.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• Do you recall the self-esteem messages you received from adults when you were a child?
• Did those messages build high self-esteem and confidence or did they humiliate and demean you?
• Do you use encouraging words in personal communication to build the self-esteem and confidence of others, including children? You will want to claim your free eBook at http://www.useencouragingwords.com

The mind does not know when you are speaking the truth as it is or you are talking about what you wish were happening. To the mind it is just chatter. It is just as easy to see yourself and the members of your family having positive character traits as to dwell on the failure and disappointment. What you focus on, you get more of.  Shift your mindless chatter to good thoughts and look for the positive traits.

When you reflect back to people who disappointed you in their choices and you worry, stew, and fret about unchangeable circumstances, you are setting up a continual loop of negative self-talk. It takes no more effort to see a positive picture and the end result is more uplifting. You will find more information on catastrophic thinking in the chapter on emotions in the book Out of Balance? Be a Bounce Back Person.

Focus on the best in others, because they really are competent, worthy of your love and respect, when you strip away their anger, fears and insecurities. This allows them the freedom and opportunity to rise to your expectations.

Feedback Not Criticism

By operating from love and gratitude you will begin to see their mistakes as temporary indiscretions or mistakes, not personal attacks on you and your values.

When you correct others (and yourself) focus on the behavior not on the character. Today your son may have taken money from the top of your dresser and it is a fact that the money is gone.  The money is missing and he took it, but that does not mean he is a thief.  It simply means it is time to teach lessons on respecting other people’s property and resisting temptation.

Basically, he is a good kid and knows that it was wrong.  Tell him that he is expected to return the money with interest or mow the lawn for a month to repay the money or some discipline to teach about making better choices.

Stick to your guns and insist that he correct the mistake.  Do not make him the mistake.  If you call him a thief, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He will work hard to make that label fit.

It is just as easy to imagine and reinforce positive character traits in yourself and those you care about.  If you see your daughter being bossy and criticize her for being so, she becomes resentful and you become a nag.  If you can say “You are an amazing leader; let me help you to help yourself in finding ways to channel your talent in helping in the community.”

Just as nurturing and nursing a baby will help the physical body to grow and develop, so will nurturing the spirit. Part of your destiny includes helping others to reach theirs.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you recognize how negative labels can become self-fulfilling prophecies?
2. What do you do to encourage others and yourself?
3. What is the difference between feedback and criticism?

Thank you for sharing your feedback and comments. You are invited to claim your eBook at http://www.bouncebackperson.com You will be very glad you did. You may copy this article for use in a blog or classroom. Please give credit to Judy H. Wright and Artichoke Press.com

Just as nurturing and nursing a baby will help the physical body to grow and develop, so will nurturing the spirit. Part of your destiny includes helping others to reach theirs. You are the farmer and the gardener who will assist the family to develop their full potential.

Affirming kind words and encouraging positive behavior can affect the outcome of a child’s life. Whether you are a parent, teacher, coach, uncle or just kind neighbor, your positive words and actions will support and sustain a small child into a responsible adult.

It is possible to raise positive kids in a negative world.

Healthy Potted Plant

Think of a family as a healthy potted fern. A plant is made up of small individual stems and branches that, as separate entities, appear fragile and unsteady.  From a distance, the whole appears as a mass of green foliage that forms a solid picture and is described as a plant.

If you pulled out one stem and stuck it in a drinking glass, it might very well survive.  But it would look isolated and weak. The leaves would droop with no support or foundation of solid grounding. However, if that stem were resilient and had the right nurturing and assistance, it could form the foundation for another plant.

By growing and developing together, the individual stems gain strength and protection from one another. The plant and the family are healthier and grow more when everyone cooperates and shares both resources and environment. Their roots are intertwined and form a secure foundation that withstands being knocked over and occasionally neglected. Much like your mistakes and disappointments in life, as long as the roots are strong, you can grow again and again.

Nature is a Great Teacher

That is the way of nature. Nature is a wonderful teacher, and I gain hope just watching how plants turn toward the sun. When plants are exposed to light, they always turn toward the light and away from the negative shade if possible. Leaves tilt toward the Sun in order to absorb the greatest amount of positive nurturing possible. They – and I – want the light.

Don’t forget that a plant has spent a lot of time in dirty, dark places before it begins to blossom and expand

Are You Afraid and Frustrated?

If you are having difficulty turning problems into opportunities, you may be discouraged. You may have a need to build your self esteem in order to overcome fear, doubts and frustrations that are impacting the life you deserve to live.  Having courage does not mean that you are free of fear, despair, doubt, frustration or discouragement.

Get unstuck in life by making a decision to move forward

It does mean that we are able to meet life’s challenges and move forward.

Courage is Movement Forward

Any time we take action and move toward a goal, we set a process in place that will overcome negative thoughts and experiences. The Universe rewards those who know what they want and take immediate action.  Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is to say; “This is a negative place in my life and I want to change my direction and not remain stuck here.”  Making a decision  to overcome fear or to just walk through the doubt  is frequently the catapult to success in many areas of life

Encourage Yourself To Take First Step

By making a decision to overcome what may seem overwhelming, you will be moving forward as opposed to stagnation and paralysis.  Many people are stuck in miserable situations because they are waiting for someone or something outside of themselves to decide what to do or to save them from their misery.  The courage to turn a problem into a challenge is best met internally. Others may be vested in keeping you stuck. If you change and move forward, it may disrupt their safety net.  It is not their problem, it is yours.

You may be looking at problems in a restricted and narrow framework.  You may be basing your fear and doubt on old beliefs that no longer serve you. You may be replaying old family tapes in your head that keep you from stepping out into the future with courage and daring.

Peel Away Old Belief Systems

By getting to the root cause of our fears and doubts we can examine them in the light and reframe them for the future.  This will enable us to function in a more satisfying and rewarding manner.  We become what we are through our decisions, all of which require courage.

Lack of courage is often express in the decision not to make a decision.

Questions To Assist You In Overcoming Fear, Doubt and Frustration

• How do you encourage yourself when you are afraid?
• Do you recognize that you and you alone own the problem?
• Do you have old family beliefs that are holding you back?
• Are you sometimes suffer from paralysis of perfection?
• What decision will you make today that will move you forward from a stuck place?

You are invited to claim a free e-course on overcoming shyness and building self esteem and courage at

http://www.confidenceclues.com

Best wishes for a bright and courageous future. I believe in you and you can encourage courage in yourself and overcome fear, doubt and frustration.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Wow! Just when our children were raised and became intelligent, thoughtful and kind adults, along came our grandchildren

Teens and Young Adults Need Encouragement and Acceptance

who needed encouragement and guidance.  Today’s parents and teens face new challenges which make adolescence more troublesome than ever before.  But one thing will never change and that is that children, teenagers and indeed all human beings want to be accepted and encouraged.

Nagging is Natural, But Not Effective

When we nag teenagers, we annoy them by persistent fault-finding, criticisms, complaints and demands.  We usually fall back on nagging when our children neglect some duty that is routinely  expected of them, such as cleaning their rooms, doing homework, taking out the garbage, or picking up their stuff scattered all over the house.  It is not the teenager we are irritated with, but the behavior that infringes on our space and comfort.

However, young adults fail to carry out their responsibilities for any number of reasons. Their minds and bodies may be occupied with their own interests and forget how important this task is to you and the rest of the family.  Getting an adolescent to do what they should do or what needs to be done to make life run smoothly is not always easy.  But, our natural reaction of nagging is not only non productive but often makes the situation worse.

Mentor Teenagers Into Positive Behavior

• I am impressed with your strength. Last year you could only carry one bag of groceries and now it is two. (more…)

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Has your shyness and lack of confidence held you back in relationships

Choose today to be more confident and overcome shyness

or on the job?  Do you wish you were more assertive? Would you like to overcome shyness and be more outgoing?  Perhaps I can offer a few encouraging words to assist you in this journey.

Shyness is a Behavior

Many people assume that being shy or being bossy are both in born parts of a baby’s personality. Actually, confidence is a learned skill and practiced behavior.  It is much like learning to play the piano, or ride a bike. It takes some time to develop and incorporate this new skill into your life.

In order to gain self confidence and be more assertive in your life you need a mentor to show you the steps and then you need to practice daily.

When You Know Better You Do Better

If you are not comfortable with how you view yourself, perhaps you need to expand your viewpoint as well as your knowledge base.  If you learn to overcome shyness you will be able to push back the walls of a cubicle as well as your mindset.

Liking and being comfortable with your self image does not happen overnight.  Throughout your life you received some powerful messages about you are from parents, peers and co-workers. But the most powerful influence is your own self-talk and negative thought patterns.

Stop Negative Thinking

Replace the tapes of negative self-talk and replace it with positive thinking and action.  Make a decision to overcome shyness by encouraging yourself with affirmations.  Say yes to yourself and your goals.

You were drawn to this specific article because you are at a crossroads in your life.  You can either continue with actions, behaviors and thoughts  that have not served you well, or you can make a conscious choice to step out of the past and into the future you deserve.

Encourage Yourself With Wise Choice of Words

Instead of…  ”I have always been shy” say “I choose to smile at three new people today.”

Instead of …”I am intimidated by crowds” say “I will find one person and start a conversation with them.”

Instead of …”I am such a loser” say “”I have done at least 20 things right today. I am going to count them.”

Instead of …”I don’t know what to say” consider “I will smile and comment on the weather to a co-worker.”

Building Self Confidence

Overcoming shyness is not an easy task, but it can be done.  I have done it and so can you. I have confidence in you and your dream. Please take these encouraging words and know that I mean them from my heart.

Your friend,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker

PS: If you would like more assistance to build confidence, please see http://www.confidenceclues.com

Hello from Montana:

This is  tight economy this year, and if you have small children and a lot of expenses, you may be looking for ways to make homemade fun and gifts.

Cards From Construction Paper

When your child makes a greeting card or coupon book for the grandparents or extended family members, it just costs a little time and they have produced a precious one of of kind gift.  Provide them some construction paper or recycled computer paper, a set of crayons or markers, an envelope and it is done!

If your kids can’t write yet, let them draw a picture of something fun they like to do with their grandparents.  Perhaps they will want to include a leaf found on a walk, a recent snapshot or a sample school page with a good grade on it.  You can write the story as they tell you.

No matter what they send, it will be treasured by the grandparents much more than one more “thing.”  Relatives love knowing that the kids actually thought of them and wanted to send them a small reminder of their special relationship.

Kids Need to Learn About Homemade Fun

Your children see many toys and trinkets and really want them.  As loving parents, you wish you could fulfill their every desire. As loving parents you also know that is not only impractical but would be teaching the wrong lesson to the kids to get everything they want. They would develop an air of expectancy and instant gratification that would set them up for disappointment for the rest of their lives.

If you are willing to spend a little time helping them make homemade cards and stories, they will learn that gifts that mean the most come from the heart.

As a grandma and auntie, I have to tell you I have a whole drawer full of homemade cards.  They have been my greatest gifts.  To think someone was willing to spend time, no matter how tight the economy is, is the greatest gift of all.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker

Http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com

Hello from chilly Montana:

If you are a male born between 1961 and 1980, and you have children, you are called a generation X Dad.  You are building connections with kids who are born between 1981 and 2002 and are part of the Generation Y.

Huh? What? Whatsup? No Way

Have you ever wondered if you and your teen or tween were speaking a different language.  The answer is yes.  You each come from a different part of history,  different learning styles and especially different expectations of self and others.

Differences in Generation X and Generation Y

Generation X:

• Skeptical outlook – but don’t mind change
• Balanced work ethic, like time off for fun
• Unimpressed by authority or titles
• Most likely to start their own business
• Reluctant to commit, want to be self reliant

Generation Y:

• They generally have an optimistic outlook
• They are committed to working at a variety of jobs to earn a living
• Much more respectful of diversity
• They will follow an individual or a dream, but not necessarily an organization
• Don’t automatically trust and respect leaders, must be earned
• Hungry for tradition and family roots
• They are more empowered by their own confidence
• Want to be thought of as Problem Solvers – don’t like orders

Connections Between Generation X and Y

No matter what label society puts on us, we all want the same things from life;

1. Acceptance
2. Approval
3. Appreciation

If  Generation X dads are serious about building connections with kids, it is as simple as following the the 3 “A”s listed above.

You can do it.  I have confidence in your ability to use your influence as a father, teacher, mentor or grandfather to build lasting connections with kids.

If you would like the words to say, please claim a free eBook called Use Encouraging Words to Motivate Positive Action You will find it at:

http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker