Home is where your heart is safe. It is the one place you can relax and be authentic. Home is not just walls, floor and bed, but the intangible aspects of your environment that make you feel welcome and blessed. It is, or should be, a refuge from the world.

I am not going to write much about home because it is such a sacred and personal sanctuary. But I will encourage and empower you to be a homemaker, to make a home wherever you may be sleeping and residing.

3 Ways to Rest Well Wherever You Sleep

I have found three simple and yet effective ways to make any house, hotel, campground or friend’s sofa to feel like a welcoming refuge from the world.  Perhaps you can find additional methods of being a home-maker, and making your little corner intimately yours.

1. Use natural fabric for your sheets and pillow case. They will give a subtle comforting feel to your body to remind you to rest well.
2. Tuck a good luck charm or token under your pillow.  Some little touchstone that you can put under the pillow, so you will know the familiar and be soothed back to sleep.
3. Make your bed.  Even if you are staying in the Hilton Towers, smooth the covers up on the bed and express gratitude for the restful night’s sleep.  You will begin your day in a more polished and eager way when you have ended the segment of rest.

You will feel rejuvenated and relaxed as you begin to understand the power of being a maker of a home, or a homemaker where ever you are.

Your Sacred Space

It is my deepest wish for you that you have some space that is all yours. That you have in this space small tokens or experiences that remind you that you are loved and you are safe. When you get to that wonderful space at the end of the day, you can relax, unwind and be your authentic self.

How would you enjoy being this relaxed and confident in your body, your relationships, your workplace and the Universe? Do you feel at home with who you are?

Home is where your heart is. The Dalai Lama has said, “This is my simple religion. There is no need of temples; no need for complicated philosophy.  Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. What would it feel like in your heart to experience home wherever you go?
2. How do you make wherever you sleep at night feel safe and comforting to you?
3. Does the word “home maker” bring up positive or negative feelings?

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To be a biological parent requires a single act of sex, or even a test tube or petri dish.  A joining of sperm and egg does not a family make.  How you were created is less important than how you were nurtured.

Parents and mentors come in all sizes, ages, sexual orientation and skills.  Many children I have met are parenting their parents.  They have had to assume adult roles in order to give themselves and their siblings any sense of stability.

To be a member of a healthy and nurturing family requires an endless array of complex behaviors, forgiveness, sacrifices, and commitment. It requires that we be very careful of derogatory labels like ”thief” “lazy” “liar” for occasional mistakes.

Kids Need Role Models

Children are the world’s most precious resource. They are the reason that we keep going to work and coming home dead-tired and still find time to play catch. Parents and role models recognize that the children are watching how we live our lives.

The best security blanket for any child is the knowledge that the adults in the family respect him/her and each other.  The choice legacy a family can bestow is unconditional love and forgiveness.

Separate the deed from the doer.  For more guidance on parenting, please see my website for excellent articles, resources and aides.

Families teach us that we can survive the pain of divorce, mental illness, abuse, alcoholism, suicide, unemployment, violence and all the other stuff that happens in life. The functional and flourishing family is most productive when it has goals and values as a unit.

When your family is supportive and respectful of the rights and dreams of each other, it is a wonderful spring-board to life.

Not all families are this loving, respectful group of individuals.  Many are made up of selfish people who put their own needs and desires above the highest good for all.   However, in my work with families, I have found that some of the most emotionally resilient and happiest groups are those who have been made stronger by their trials and tragedies.

How Do Healthy Families Work

Healthy families are not perfect; they may have yelling, bickering, misunderstanding, tension, hurt, and anger - but not all the time.

Dysfunction can be any condition that doesn’t return to normal after a stressful circumstance.  In an emotionally unhealthy home, problems tend to be ongoing. Sometimes for generations the coping mechanism or lack thereof, has been taught and modeled.

In healthy families emotional expression is not just allowed and accepted but encouraged. Family members can freely ask for and give attention. There is unconditional love but boundaries for behavior. Rules remain consistent, but with some flexibility to adapt to needs and particular situations.

Healthy families allow for each member to pursue his or her own interests, and boundaries between individuals are honored. When healthy boundaries and expectations of behavior are established and common courtesy is in place, all members flourish.

Cooperation and communication are effective tools in producing harmony and personal growth for family members.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Who was a role model in your family?  Who showed you love and forgiveness?
2. If you are not a parent, can you still influence and encourage children? How?
3. Do you remember a family that seemed emotionally healthy and happy? What did they teach you?

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The mind does not know when you are speaking the truth as it is or you are talking about what you wish were happening. To the mind it is just chatter. It is just as easy to see yourself and the members of your family having positive character traits as to dwell on the failure and disappointment. What you focus on, you get more of.  Shift your mindless chatter to good thoughts and look for the positive traits.

When you reflect back to people who disappointed you in their choices and you worry, stew, and fret about unchangeable circumstances, you are setting up a continual loop of negative self-talk. It takes no more effort to see a positive picture and the end result is more uplifting. You will find more information on catastrophic thinking in the chapter on emotions in the book Out of Balance? Be a Bounce Back Person.

Focus on the best in others, because they really are competent, worthy of your love and respect, when you strip away their anger, fears and insecurities. This allows them the freedom and opportunity to rise to your expectations.

Feedback Not Criticism

By operating from love and gratitude you will begin to see their mistakes as temporary indiscretions or mistakes, not personal attacks on you and your values.

When you correct others (and yourself) focus on the behavior not on the character. Today your son may have taken money from the top of your dresser and it is a fact that the money is gone.  The money is missing and he took it, but that does not mean he is a thief.  It simply means it is time to teach lessons on respecting other people’s property and resisting temptation.

Basically, he is a good kid and knows that it was wrong.  Tell him that he is expected to return the money with interest or mow the lawn for a month to repay the money or some discipline to teach about making better choices.

Stick to your guns and insist that he correct the mistake.  Do not make him the mistake.  If you call him a thief, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He will work hard to make that label fit.

It is just as easy to imagine and reinforce positive character traits in yourself and those you care about.  If you see your daughter being bossy and criticize her for being so, she becomes resentful and you become a nag.  If you can say “You are an amazing leader; let me help you to help yourself in finding ways to channel your talent in helping in the community.”

Just as nurturing and nursing a baby will help the physical body to grow and develop, so will nurturing the spirit. Part of your destiny includes helping others to reach theirs.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you recognize how negative labels can become self-fulfilling prophecies?
2. What do you do to encourage others and yourself?
3. What is the difference between feedback and criticism?

Thank you for sharing your feedback and comments. You are invited to claim your eBook at http://www.bouncebackperson.com You will be very glad you did. You may copy this article for use in a blog or classroom. Please give credit to Judy H. Wright and Artichoke Press.com

Just as nurturing and nursing a baby will help the physical body to grow and develop, so will nurturing the spirit. Part of your destiny includes helping others to reach theirs. You are the farmer and the gardener who will assist the family to develop their full potential.

Affirming kind words and encouraging positive behavior can affect the outcome of a child’s life. Whether you are a parent, teacher, coach, uncle or just kind neighbor, your positive words and actions will support and sustain a small child into a responsible adult.

It is possible to raise positive kids in a negative world.

Healthy Potted Plant

Think of a family as a healthy potted fern. A plant is made up of small individual stems and branches that, as separate entities, appear fragile and unsteady.  From a distance, the whole appears as a mass of green foliage that forms a solid picture and is described as a plant.

If you pulled out one stem and stuck it in a drinking glass, it might very well survive.  But it would look isolated and weak. The leaves would droop with no support or foundation of solid grounding. However, if that stem were resilient and had the right nurturing and assistance, it could form the foundation for another plant.

By growing and developing together, the individual stems gain strength and protection from one another. The plant and the family are healthier and grow more when everyone cooperates and shares both resources and environment. Their roots are intertwined and form a secure foundation that withstands being knocked over and occasionally neglected. Much like your mistakes and disappointments in life, as long as the roots are strong, you can grow again and again.

Nature is a Great Teacher

That is the way of nature. Nature is a wonderful teacher, and I gain hope just watching how plants turn toward the sun. When plants are exposed to light, they always turn toward the light and away from the negative shade if possible. Leaves tilt toward the Sun in order to absorb the greatest amount of positive nurturing possible. They – and I – want the light.

Don’t forget that a plant has spent a lot of time in dirty, dark places before it begins to blossom and expand

Ernest Hemingway once said: “The world breaks everyone. and afterward ,many are strong in the broken places.”

When we are going through adversity, it is not always possible to believe that everyone suffers loss and heartache.  It feels and acts very personal when bad luck and rotten life experiences happen to good people.

Our first response is “Why Me?“  We may question whether we did something to deserve this punishment or trouble. We may feel resentment for others who are not suffering and question why trouble did not choose them.  We may even add up all the bad, selfish and dishonest things a certain friend or acquaintance has done and yet still has good health and a big bank account.

It’s Not Fair

Life isn’t fair.  As a mother of six children I tried to hard at Christmas time to make the gifts come out even for everyone.  No matter how many times I counted and then made lists and then recounted, on Christmas morning during the bedlam of presents, paper and toys, I would realize it hadn’t been fair.  Someone had gotten a watch worth twenty dollars and someone had gotten a bracelet worth three dollars.  Some one had gotten the exact doll she wanted and someone else got the one that was in style last year.

We finally decided to recognize and joke that no matter what we did, it was never going to come out even.  But the joy was that  you knew that the chances were good that one day it would be your turn to get exactly what you wanted.  We would often recite the battle cry of large families and pre-schools around the world; “You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.”

Luck or Life

Life is filled with luck and also filled with change and chance.  As Ernest Hemingway said earlier, we all get broken in some way and it is the broken places that make us strong.

Bad Luck is described as unforeseen occurrence, happenstance and yet good luck is described as prosperity, wealth, windfall, success, advantage, profit and triumph, happiness and blessings.  It is often from the luck that the opportunities for growth and development come to us.  When we take the chance to growth through loss, grief and adversity, we will become stronger and more resilient.  I know this is true, because I have experienced in my own life and the lives of countless friends and family.

Questions To Think About

1. Do you consider yourself lucky or unlucky?  Why?
2. Have you ever said “That’s not fair.” Why?
3. What do you think about when bad things happen to you?
4. Can you look back in your life and recognize how a certain situation helped you to grow personally and spiritually?

You are a good person and have been drawn to this information for a reason.  I have confidence in you and your ability to have a good life for you and your loved ones.  If you would like assistance in living a balanced life  please go to

Your friend,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS:  You will want to claim your books, articles and telecasts at

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Auntie Artichoke suggests you find ways to connect to step children that make them feel special.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

It is important that it takes time, effort and a great deal of patience to blend two families.  Just because the adults have gone through a marriage ceremony or feel committed to each other, it does not automatically blend personalities, experiences and expectations. Children in step families have a number of emotions that come into play when a non-parent suddenly enters the picture.

Life during the courtship period is frequently unrealistic as well as confusing. Daily life takes teamwork and cooperation to make a house a home. You may not be the natural Daddy or the Daddy they wanted, but you do deserve respect. Respect is earned and does not come automatically.

Step families Are Special

Parenting is hard enough in the first place and children love to test the limits of our patience and skills. Please remember that the children did not ask to be in this position and are understandably concerned and trying to work out the relationships in their own minds.

The child may have been in a position where the mother’s boyfriend gave him treats or special attention in order to win the affections of both mother and child.  Now, in a day-to-day experience it takes a lot of give and take to make the family work, and rewards are not forthcoming for just being there. Generally speaking, the premarital adult-child relationships may be confusing for mature adults as well as children.

Regular Family Meetings

The most successful families I have worked with have always had a regular family meeting or round-table weekly.  This enables all members of the blended family to discuss issues, set goals and clarify situations.  These meetings, which allow both parents and children to participate and become empowered.  Held on a weekly basis, many small problems can be solved before they become large ones.

Discussing problems and expectations on a regular basis allows everyone to feel part of the team.  Make sure that you and your spouse are united on goals for the family and that you show respect and kindness to each other and the children. A good parenting plan includes all responsible adults.

You Are Not My Daddy

One of the main issues of step parenting is to do your level best to respect and honor the relationship the child has with the biological parent, but still offering love and attention. Talk about the biological parent in positive or neutral terms.  If you speak negatively about the parent, the child will feel defensive, guilty and as if he too was being judged harshly.

If the biological or “real daddy” was negligent or a poor parent, your job is to empathize with the child. As you demonstrate that you are going to be a permanent, but loving part of the child’s life, there will be less and less power struggles.

Kids, Chores and More

As you work with the blended or step-family be sure to teach respect and responsibility as life skills. You will find information on Family meetings, appropriate expectations and fun activities to blend your family.

Good Luck.  You do an important job.

Judy H Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.kidschoresandmore.com