Auntie Artichoke suggests you find ways to connect to step children that make them feel special.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

It is important that it takes time, effort and a great deal of patience to blend two families.  Just because the adults have gone through a marriage ceremony or feel committed to each other, it does not automatically blend personalities, experiences and expectations. Children in step families have a number of emotions that come into play when a non-parent suddenly enters the picture.

Life during the courtship period is frequently unrealistic as well as confusing. Daily life takes teamwork and cooperation to make a house a home. You may not be the natural Daddy or the Daddy they wanted, but you do deserve respect. Respect is earned and does not come automatically.

Step families Are Special

Parenting is hard enough in the first place and children love to test the limits of our patience and skills. Please remember that the children did not ask to be in this position and are understandably concerned and trying to work out the relationships in their own minds.

The child may have been in a position where the mother’s boyfriend gave him treats or special attention in order to win the affections of both mother and child.  Now, in a day-to-day experience it takes a lot of give and take to make the family work, and rewards are not forthcoming for just being there. Generally speaking, the premarital adult-child relationships may be confusing for mature adults as well as children.

Regular Family Meetings

The most successful families I have worked with have always had a regular family meeting or round-table weekly.  This enables all members of the blended family to discuss issues, set goals and clarify situations.  These meetings, which allow both parents and children to participate and become empowered.  Held on a weekly basis, many small problems can be solved before they become large ones.

Discussing problems and expectations on a regular basis allows everyone to feel part of the team.  Make sure that you and your spouse are united on goals for the family and that you show respect and kindness to each other and the children. A good parenting plan includes all responsible adults.

You Are Not My Daddy

One of the main issues of step parenting is to do your level best to respect and honor the relationship the child has with the biological parent, but still offering love and attention. Talk about the biological parent in positive or neutral terms.  If you speak negatively about the parent, the child will feel defensive, guilty and as if he too was being judged harshly.

If the biological or “real daddy” was negligent or a poor parent, your job is to empathize with the child. As you demonstrate that you are going to be a permanent, but loving part of the child’s life, there will be less and less power struggles.

Kids, Chores and More

As you work with the blended or step-family be sure to teach respect and responsibility as life skills. You will find information on Family meetings, appropriate expectations and fun activities to blend your family.

Good Luck.  You do an important job.

Judy H Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.kidschoresandmore.com

Hello from beautiful Montana,

One of the most important tasks a parent does is help their child to feel good about who they are and to have confidence to succeed.

Do your children know your hereos and mentors? Why do you admire them?

There is very little correlation between good grades and  success in life. Are you surprised? I was certainly amazed to find that of the valedictorians and the “C” or even “D” student years later, it was not academics that prepared them for life. It was those who felt empowered by the adults in their life who knew they could contribute to the world.

As parents, grandparents and other caring adults, we can share respect and admiration with our children for those who go the extra mile. We can help them to find heroes and then examine the character traits that made them who they are.

Heroes Inspire Us To Become All We Can Be

Heroes are mortal just like us.  Everything which has ever been done in the history of the world has been done by somebody.  Some person pulled on those character traits in their heart and responded with courage, bravery, loyalty or honesty.  If they can do it so can we.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said “The hero is no braver than the ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer.”

Our children will be at the forefront of great inventions and thinking involving global warming, environment, the global economy and helping humanity. We help them to be problem-solvers and forward thinkers, by introducing them to the men and women who have given the world an example of character and valor.

Help Children Find Heroes and Build Character

Who do you admire in life?  What are the teachings that shaped your destiny? How do you define leadership?  Does your child recognize those who step up from the ordinary and act in a brave and courageous way?

Take the time to talk about the heroes and mentors in your life and the lives of others who have shared stories.  Include stories and examples not only of world leaders, but also heroes in your family, neighborhood and community.  Be sure that you include those who have died but whose character traits and example live on. It is important for children to learn that character traits and responsibility are a part of who they are.

They have the choice to build character by the choices made on a daily basis. Making a choice to follow a path forged by heroes is an honorable one which will bring joy and progress to others, not just satisfy a selfish whim.  As parents and other caring adults, we help foster these characteristics in our children the same way we teach other desirable traits; by practice and example.

I have confidence in your ability to assist your children to find heroes in life and to build character strengths on a daily basis.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Help your children learn self soothing techniques when they are upset.

Hello from beautiful Montana,

When you have a headache do you rub your temples or push hard with your index finger between your eyes? How about when you were upset, did you hold your belly or hug yourself tightly? Do you rub your neck when other people are literally giving you “a pain in the neck?”

If so, you are doing what comes naturally, but has been called the Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT for short. EFT is a soothing technique that releases feelings of stress, anger and buried resentment.  Why wouldn’t you want to teach your child to find ways to break negative thought patterns and become calm?

Self Soothing and Self Care

Dr. Terry Brazelton, author of TouchPoints says one of the most important coping skills we can teach ourselves and our children is how to take care of yourself when you are upset or stressed.  Many adults head for food, alcohol, or drugs when life gets sticky, mainly because we have not developed other coping skills.

We can help children learn techniques of self-soothing so they do not turn to detrimental things like  out of control anger, misuse  of drugs and alcohol and defiant behavior.  No one likes the feeling of being out of control.  We can empower our children to take care of their needs with simple strategies that do not depend on outside sources.  EFT is  a soothing and easy to use technique that releases feelings of stress by rubbing or tapping  acupressure points in order to balance your energy.

Why Massage Feels So Good

We are electrical beings with many electromagnetic fields in the body. Our physical body, which we can see and touch and our energy body which we cannot see.  Positive and negative thoughts and belief systems have electrical charges.  When you are stressed, these electrical charges can get stuck and out of balance.

You may find spots on your body that are tender when you get a massage. Perhaps you didn’t even realize they were sore until they were rubbed.  It feels good to release those knots of tension and move your muscles more freely.

Tapping on Emotional Bumps

Tapping while you think about what upsets you helps smooth out those too-much and too-little energy places.  When you tap you release the energy so it can flow more smoothly. Breathing and talking about your feelings helps to let them go. Deep breathing goes past the rib cage down into the belly and helps create relaxation.

Emotional Freedom Technique is very effective and can be taught easily to children and will benefit them for the rest of their lives.

I am preparing a special report on using EFT for children, so be sure to check back often to get up to date information that will assist you and your family to gain the necessary skills for a happy life.

In gratitude,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from Montana:

What constitutes respect for others?  Is being respectful the key to healthy relationships? Do you have to like someone to be considerate, kind and courteous? How do you work in a relationship where there is an uneven balance of power? Even if you disagree with someone can you respect their rights?

Several years ago there was a study done of 100 self made millionaires.  They ranged in age from young 19 to well over 70.  Their educational experiences extended from grade school to the Ph.D level. They differed in almost all characteristics, except they were all found to be respectful of other people.

Everyone Can Learn and Teach

They had determined early in their careers that everyone had something to teach and to share. They built respectful relationships by learning from others. Even  those who do not believe as you do, or look like you or speak like you, still have something to share and should be given the right to share in some way.

We tend to treat people like we see them. If we see them as arrogant, snooty or even shy, we tend to treat them in that manner.  I just did a radio show recently about a second chance at making a good first impression.  You will want to listen to that one, if you haven’t already.

Live Up to Expectations

Once you find the good or ability in other people you treat him or her better and thus they perform better.  We all tend to live up to the expectations of other people. I have seen children who were average students with one teacher and then become top producers with encouragement and acceptance.

If we see people worthy of respect, then we will treat them that way.  Even when they do not demonstrate their respect for us, we can still treat them with courtesy.

A quote that I love says “If you take a man as he is, you make him worse than he was, but if you see him as being the best person possible, then he, in fact, become the best person possible.”

Courage To Keep Trying

Encouragement is giving someone the courage to keep progressing on an upward road, to move ahead and to fulfill their destiny.  By giving respect and understanding to others in our relationship, we will all move forward. A life journey is seldom without some failure, or detours. When we can acknowledge the progress and respect the effort as well as the individual, we will have a better world.

Please come and join our community of kind, thoughtful people who want understanding and respect for all.You will find us at….

http://www.artichokepress.com

You will also want to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a workbook and bonus items that will assist you in building confidence in the future and courage today.

Thanks for sharing your time with me today,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Would you like to build confidence in your parenting skills? Do you sometimes wonder if your family relationships are on a roller coaster. One day the kids seem responsible, kind and thoughtful individuals and the next they disrespectful, defiant and rude. They push against the rules and boundaries and try your patience.

Don’t Be Discouraged, Be Consistent

We tend to think that teaching and discipline is like a diagonal line on a graph moving onward and upward.  However, raising responsible children is more like the ocean tide.  We move forward, we retreat, move forward once more, fall back.  But we are always there.

The falling back and regrouping our strength and power can be discouraging to parents. The way to think about it is to envision the incoming tide.  Then you can more easily see that after a falling back comes the moving forward. Each time we do that we are a little ahead of where we were previously.

There Are No Perfect Families

As humans, we tend to see ourselves at our worst and others at their best. Comparing our children, ourself or our situation with others will only lead to discouragement. Each family has unique problems and different battles to win. Look at your efforts and family with a loving attitude and a forgiving heart.

Understand that your children are not the symbol of your success in life. You can suggest, influence and give tools for improvement but you can never force another human being to change.  Accepting others where they are is a basic principle for personal growth and self improvement in family relationships.

The only real tool in our parenting backpack to encourage positive action in our family which we have direct access is our own behavior. Children will be more willing to change and adapt more responsible attitudes when they see the important adults in their life assuming personal responsibility.

Consistent Guidelines and Unconditional Love

Once parents understand and grasp the notion that by changing our own behavior we can influence the unacceptable behavior, life gets much easier.

Like the tide ever moving towards the shore it has consistent actions. We can count on it ebbing and flowing. We want to be consistent in our expectations so the family knows what the boundaries are.  Children need to know  you will always love them unconditionally but may not approve of their actions.

As we encourage and support their positive actions and help them to understand the consequences for crossing the boundaries, they are better equipped to self govern.

Our love for our family and for ourself should not be dependent on behavior, but rather unconditional and never ending.

I have confidence in you that you will make wise choices for your family. You will learn new and more effective  parenting skills and incorporate them in your life.

If you need additional assistance in order to build confidence in your parenting skills, you are invited to go to:

http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com

You will be glad you did.

In confidence,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

PS: You will also want to check out
http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

This is a time of family togetherness and a lot of different personalities to contend with. If you have been disappointed by strained relationships with members of your family or you anticipate difficult conversations, you may actually create your reality.

Every relationship is different, don’t allow tension or difficulty with one person undermine your intentions.  You have the ability to be a good friend, kind neighbor and loving family member.

Recognize That Your Perceptions Color the Issue

Most relationships come from two different perceptions and basis of knowledge.  We bring into every meeting, not only our current self, but our former experiences and judgments. Each conversation and interaction will be influenced by our behavioral style, self esteem, prejudices, likes, dislikes and information gathered by inference or by talking to others.

Black or White?

As you know, I am a parent educator and a tool I use is a sheet of paper that is black on one side and white on the other.  When I show the black side I ask the audience what color the paper is, they answer loudly “Black.”  Then I turn the paper over and ask what color the paper is and they answer, hesitantly “White.”

It really depends on where you are and what you see when you make a judgement.  The paper is actually both black and white.  It is only a perception and a point of view. If you are looking at one side it is black, the other side is white and can quickly be changed by looking at it from another viewpoint.

Recognize that each relationship is different and that each person is an individual with unique qualities and personality traits.  You don’t have to love or even like someone, but you do need to respect them, if you want to have a working relationship.

In gratitude,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

You want to be self-confident and you want to build that inner core of strength in your children and grandchildren or you wouldn’t have been drawn here. Something in those words resonated with your heart.

You have taken the first step on a wonderful journey that will help you to recognize and teach that you and yours are good human beings and worthy of respect and love.

Here is a small video you will enjoy; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaGbg3yKyuo

Even if you tend to see the negative or look at life with pessimistic eyes, it is possible to change your viewpoint. Becoming an encouraging person with an attitude of gratitude is a skill. It is not an overnight acquisition nor is it something that can be purchased. Skills take work and practice. They take a dogged determination to overcome obstacles in order to gain a reward.

It takes a process similar to improving any other skill you have conquered in your life. Think back on when you learned to ride a bike, play an instrument, or speak a foreign language. Who was it that taught you the basics and encouraged your efforts as you kept trying, even after falling off again and again?

Most of us want to play the piano, but not learn the scales and practice each day. Many wish they spoke a foreign language, but don’t want to take the time, money and effort to study.

It takes becoming and practice before it becomes a part of our being. Confidence in self and a positive attitude cannot be wished into being. It is a lifelong skill that requires commitment, time and consistent practice.

In order to learn any skill you must have a deep desire to:

1. Be aware and clear in your mind of the advantages in learning something new and incorporating it in your life.
2. Ask to be mentored or taught by someone you trust.
3. Learn the basics of the task or skill but don’t expect perfection right away.
4. Expect some setbacks and don’t become discouraged.
5. Set up a plan of action with measurable steps in order to reach an ultimate goal.
6. Focus on effort and use self-encouragement.
7. Move forward and do something every day to take advantage of momentum.
8. Enjoy the skill as it becomes automatic action and enhances your life.

Changing your outlook to one of encouragement and positive outcome will be a life skill that will not only affect you but everyone around you.

You are invited to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com to read more about this process of building your self confidence and self-esteem.  You will be so glad that you took the steps to overcome anxiety and fear and step into the light.

Your Friend and Supporter,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker