Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem = Success in Life

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Success in life, friendship, business, family dynamics and spiritual growth has self-confidence and self-esteem at the foundation.  People who have a confidence in their personal worth seem to be magnets for success and happiness everywhere they go.

As parents and caring adults you will want to share methods and techniques to build self-confidence with the young people in your circle of influence.  One of the most important part of teaching a life-skill is to improve the concept in our own lives.

Here are three more tips to help build self-esteem and self-confidence in your kids.

• Teach Them to Think for Themselves. If you continually tell them what to do and how to do it, they will be looking outward for direction and not learn to trust their intuition.  For every situation, there are at least 5 different and correct solutions.        If we always want things “Our way” they will stop trying to find creative solutions.  Critical thinking and problem-solving ability are going to be more and more important in the new economy.  Those who enter the world of work will need “soft skills” of interpersonal communication and building teamwork and cooperation.

• Give Them Roots. Much of our identity comes from the family stories and the foundation of ethics and standards that make us who we are.  We are a storytelling and story gathering species.  This is a crucial difference that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. We can remember, process and pass on information to the next  generation.                                                                                                                                                                                            All of us hunger to belong to a “tribe” who love and accept us.  By sharing the heritage, history and cultural background we give them roots and wings. If you need guidance on gathering, recording or telling stories, you will want to go to http://www.MontanaStoryKeepers.com

• Good Posture Shows Confidence. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self-confidence. Verbal communication is the language of information.  Non-verbal or body communication is the language of relationships.

People who slouch indicate they   aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t             consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

We have a strong identification with our bodies.  However, it is amazing to see the effects of our inner thoughts on our outer appearance.  To develop high levels of self-confidence and self-esteem it is important to integrate the body and spirit in order to have success in life.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you find yourself drawn towards those who have good posture and non-verbal communication which indicates self-esteem and self-confidence?
2. When you hear family stories that exhibit courage and confidence, does it encourage your self-esteem?
3. Do you like to work with those who are critical thinkers?  Do you find them to excel in leadership roles?

You will want to claim your powerful eBook filled with encouraging words at http://www.judyhwright.com

Be sure to check out a new book about resiliency at http://www.bouncebackperson.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Not only in Montana, but all over the world today children and teens are dreading the lunch bell.  Why?  Because they know that they will be teased, tormented and bullied when they are in a common area with other kids. Harsh and ugly words and phrases are hurled at the  child and usually in the presence of classmates, which is embarrassing. There are usually power struggles for “Queen Bees” and the “Wannabees” in girls and the “Alpha Male” in the boys. Teasing and  trading insults may be a way of getting acquainted or finding the group of friends who are friendly to the child.

Friendly and Unfriendly Teasing

If a child’s self esteem in grade school is dependent on relationships with peers, they need to learn to not take every remark as a personal insult.  Hopefully, you and your child can understand that teasing can be friendly or unfriendly.  Even saying a phrase like “Hello” or “Get out of here” can take on many different meaning with a change in tone of voice and body language.

Most communication is non verbal and so the child has to pay attention to not only what the other children say but how they say it.

Verbal Language is Exchange of Information

The words and greetings exchanged on the playground can often depend more on the mood and experiences of the speaker than on the one being addressed.  However, people in general and children in particular, tend to personalize anything that is said.  Helping them to interpret words and gestures to understand what the intent is behind the words.

Non Verbal Language is Communication of Relationships

Most emotional and relationship connecting people is nonverbal. So to understand other people the ability to read body language is huge.  Some children, because of their difficulty in reading other people’s cues (especially in groups) need to practice and role play interacting with others. Children also need to have confidence in their ability to like and be liked by other people.

Teasing on the playground will be easier to  interpret  by children who have gained some understanding that relationships bring pleasure and belonging along with the flip side of disappointment and frustration. Here are some non verbal cue and clues to help them:

Clues for Unfriendly and Friendly Teasing

Hostile facial expression                  Smiling facial expression

Sarcastic tone of voice                     Joking tone of voice

Fists, Arms crossed                           Hands open

“In your face”                                      Standing next to child being teased

Encourage Your Child To Problem Solve

When the child complains that they are being teased with hurtful words, the parents naturally feel the hurt as much or more than the child does. Be careful that you are not setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Teach them the skills they will need to help themselves. If  you would like assistance in encouraging your child, please go to:

http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

In support and joy,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS:  Help your kids to assume personal responsibility for their feelings and emotions.   You will always be grateful and so will they.

PSS:   Be sure to take a look at this    http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Conflict is inevitable. As long as we have at least two human beings interacting, we will have at least two opinions on how things should be done. You cannot avoid conflict, but you can control it with confidence and a desire to find peaceful solutions.

Have you ever been drawn into a match of wills at work or home only to find that once you jumped in, you could not find a graceful way out? Maybe you were hoping that the other person would just give up or someone would come along to rescue you.

I have listed some ideas for you to use to rescue yourself. Read and reread and then practice these behaviors and you will see less conflict and more cooperation.

Four Confidence Clues

1. Speak in short sentences. Say what you need to say, but don’t belittle the situation or the other person with long explanations. For instance, instead of saying; “Look you jerk, I worked my tail off preparing that report and all you could do is find one little error and want me to do it over again and I don’t have the time or energy to rework something that is good enough for most people.”  How about saying; “I see the error you are concerned about.”
2. Slow down your emotional response. Your first response is usually knee jerk reaction of revealing all the resentment, anger and justification of your actions.  Your rate of speech will be very rapid and fast.  When we speak rapidly, we often make mistakes or say things that are better left unsaid.  Our mind also races ahead of our ability to think and form our answers. You will want to slow down so that you appear to be rational and mature.
3. Watch your body language. Verbal communication is the language of information. Body or non verbal communication is the language of relationships.  If your arms are crossed and foot is tapping, it sends a defensive signal right away to the other person. If possible, take a few deep breaths, put your shoulders back and put one hand in your pocket and the other hanging loosely at your side.
4. Deepen your voice. Stress and anger can tighten your vocal cords, making your voice come out high and screech like.  This higher pitch sends a message that you are vulnerable and emotionally overwrought.  When you breathe as listed above, you will naturally relax and you will feel and hear a deeper, more confident voice coming out of your mouth.                                                                                                                                                                                                     Your goal is not to avoid conflict, because that is impossible, but to control it with confidence and courage.

You can do it. I have confidence in you.  If you would like to build more confidence in yourself  http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com

You will be glad you made the decision to build your self confidence so you can control conflict in your life.  How have you handled conflict in the past? Has that method worked for you? Leave a comment and let’s start a dialog about controlling conflict with confidence.

Your Friend,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Words have power. Power to hurt. Power to heal. And especially the power to build relationships with  family members. If you want  to encourage  communication with the family be careful of the word power you have.

Communication is More Than Just Speaking

Parents and teachers who hope to communicate successfully with children and adolescents need to have a clear understanding that talking is more than just giving orders or criticizing.

True communication is exchanging of thoughts, messages, wishes and ideas.  It is based on mutual respect and listening skills.  When we pay attention to the verbal words as well as the non verbal body language, the chances are much greater that will have a dialog rather than an argument.

Body Language is Communication of Relationships

A verbal exchange of words is the basis for sharing information.  However, it is the body signals, facial expression and tone of voice that will encourage communication with family.

The child or teenager may give you non verbal clues when they are upset or need your full attention.  Watch for the word power as well as the body language to understand the needs of your family.

Listening To Words or Hearing Words

There is a big difference between listening and actually hearing what is being said and understood.  Many family members listen to one another but don’t really listen to the unsaid message.

Successful communication involves the senses, faculties  and attention of both parties.  If you think your child is not hearing you, you may want to double check without criticizing.  Perhaps you can ask the child what he understood you to say.

When using word power make sure you are saying things clearly, directly and firmly so there will be mistakes in what was said and what was heard.  To encourage communication with your family, be sure to listen as much or more than you speak. Watch for subtle clues about what else they want to share.

You can do it. I have confidence in you. I also invite you to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com to claim your free eBook    on           Self Confidence.

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker