Hello from beautiful Montana:

Not only in Montana, but all over the world today children and teens are dreading the lunch bell.  Why?  Because they know that they will be teased, tormented and bullied when they are in a common area with other kids. Harsh and ugly words and phrases are hurled at the  child and usually in the presence of classmates, which is embarrassing. There are usually power struggles for “Queen Bees” and the “Wannabees” in girls and the “Alpha Male” in the boys. Teasing and  trading insults may be a way of getting acquainted or finding the group of friends who are friendly to the child.

Friendly and Unfriendly Teasing

If a child’s self esteem in grade school is dependent on relationships with peers, they need to learn to not take every remark as a personal insult.  Hopefully, you and your child can understand that teasing can be friendly or unfriendly.  Even saying a phrase like “Hello” or “Get out of here” can take on many different meaning with a change in tone of voice and body language.

Most communication is non verbal and so the child has to pay attention to not only what the other children say but how they say it.

Verbal Language is Exchange of Information

The words and greetings exchanged on the playground can often depend more on the mood and experiences of the speaker than on the one being addressed.  However, people in general and children in particular, tend to personalize anything that is said.  Helping them to interpret words and gestures to understand what the intent is behind the words.

Non Verbal Language is Communication of Relationships

Most emotional and relationship connecting people is nonverbal. So to understand other people the ability to read body language is huge.  Some children, because of their difficulty in reading other people’s cues (especially in groups) need to practice and role play interacting with others. Children also need to have confidence in their ability to like and be liked by other people.

Teasing on the playground will be easier to  interpret  by children who have gained some understanding that relationships bring pleasure and belonging along with the flip side of disappointment and frustration. Here are some non verbal cue and clues to help them:

Clues for Unfriendly and Friendly Teasing

Hostile facial expression                  Smiling facial expression

Sarcastic tone of voice                     Joking tone of voice

Fists, Arms crossed                           Hands open

“In your face”                                      Standing next to child being teased

Encourage Your Child To Problem Solve

When the child complains that they are being teased with hurtful words, the parents naturally feel the hurt as much or more than the child does. Be careful that you are not setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Teach them the skills they will need to help themselves. If  you would like assistance in encouraging your child, please go to:

http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

In support and joy,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS:  Help your kids to assume personal responsibility for their feelings and emotions.   You will always be grateful and so will they.

PSS:   Be sure to take a look at this    http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

When we talk about the ability to make friends, there is one quality

As adults model kindness, friendships follow for our children

that attracts others to you as a bee to a flower.  That quality is the the decision you make to practice kindness to everyone you see.

Just as with any other behavior or skill the deciding factor is the consistency of the practice. Many people want to play the piano, but not many dedicate themselves to practicing the scales daily. However, after a while the practice of anything, piano or building friendships, becomes automatic action and does not require conscious decision. It just is.

Make Others Comfortable

The word kindness has a soft and gently feel to it, and yet it is one of the most powerful forces for good in the world today.  Going out of your way to make other people comfortable and feel good about themselves has a ripple effect on the workplace, family, neighborhood, community and world.

When we practice kindness, we will easily make friends and build a support system.  The mere act of truly listening to others as they speak, of being aware of those who need assistance or encouragement, and of looking beyond our own needs, is empowering.

Friends Are a Resource And Strength

You will find that as your network of  true friends and acquaintances grow, so will your confidence and self esteem.  Knowing that you have built a network of people who care about you just as you care about them will give you courage to try new things and be open to new opportunities.

As you practice kindness each day do it with the goal of simply being a kind person.  The side effect of making friends will be an added bonus. People can tell if they are being manipulated or used, just as you can.  Make friends comfortable being around you, so they know they can trust your motivation is to help them, not use them.

If your child is having problems on the playground or has a hard time making friends click here:
http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

You will be glad you did.

In gratitude,

Judy Helm Wright, aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker