Positive Friendships & Self-Esteem
© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Parents, teachers, caregivers, coaches and other caring adults are concerned with how to teach values and self-esteem to the children in their lives. They wonder how to foster positive friendships and discourage those that have a negative influence.

From the moment of birth, our children are soaking up and

receiving messages from the world around them. The children learn quickly to judge themselves through the words, actions, attitudes and treatment from others.

Self-esteem, confidence and personal strength is gained by listening and sharing ideas with those who are in their “circle of influence.” Words that tell them who and what they are help them to form a self-image that will reflect their attitude towards life. Both positive and negative.

1. Be Available At Odd Times. Make sure your children know that you value them and will take or make time to share with them. If you really can’t talk right then and there, arrange a time and place and put it in your appointment book. Keep that appointment.

The best conversations we ever had were at midnight over a pizza. I am a morning person and it sometimes meant I had to have a nap so I could get up to visit when they came home from a date. It is also amazing what secrets are shared in a car coming home from a soccer game or middle school dance.

2. Make Your House the “Go-To House.” When you invite your children’s friends to spend time in your home, you create a safe harbor for many children who are afraid to go home. Make them feel welcome and try to get to know them and help them see how healthy, happy families operate. Include them in some of your family activities. Don’t worry about how much you are spending on groceries. Consider it an investment in the future.

3. Affirm Positive Friendships. Talk to your kids about their friends. Find out what they like about this friend. Help them to develop into the friend they would like to have. Rather than over-praise individual kids, talk about what a nice group of kids they are.

Peer pressure, along with bullying and drugs that frightens many parents. When your child is in a group it is easy to “group think” and make decisions, they would not normally do on an individual basis.

The more you know the other parents of your child’s friends they more they will have an extended tribe of adults who are looking out for their backs. Encourage group activities that are well chaperoned and with a purpose, rather than just “hanging out.”

You will want to go to http://www.useencouragingwords.com to claim your free ebook on confidence building. You will also want to join the community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all at http://www.judyhwright.com You will be glad you did.

Teach Acceptance-Build Confidence

©JudyHWright http://www.judyhwright.com

 

We all have weaknesses that are hard to accept. Parents, teachers and caring adults see areas that need improvement in children and want to help them build confidence.  The trick is to build confidence and acceptance without criticism and breaking the spirit.

As I have mentioned in previous articles and books, “Soar with Your Strengths.”

Determine which strengths are improvable, get to work on those and manage the rest.  For instance if your child is not good in math, but excels in woodshop, then do everything possible to encourage him in working with wood.  Find a tutor (high school or college student) to assist him in learning math in a way that makes sense for him.

The best way to build confidence and self-esteem is to find things we are good at and enjoy and do more of them.

Here Are Even More Ideas to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem in Kids

Accept Imperfections — in Your Child and Yourself. Rules and high expectations can seem overwhelming to a child, who may not understand that you don’t expect her to be perfect.

One way to reassure her that it’s okay to make mistakes is to let her see you make them—and correct them or apologize.  To do so will model for your child that it is fine to be human and that mistakes are temporary teaching tools.  As we teach and model that mistakes are a part of live and that we can do better next time, it will be comforting  and not an excuse to blame others.

Use Punishment Sparingly. In my work as a parent educator, I have seen parents come down hard on a child for a minor misdeed or oversight.

Major punishment for minor misdeeds makes kids feel helpless; the result is more likely to be a power struggle between parent and child than in a lesson in how life should be lived.

Shame and guilt create confusion and self-doubt.  They are difficult and destructive emotions for all humans to overcome. If your method of discipline is shame, blame or guilt, please go to http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com for many methods that are more effective and don’t break the spirit of the child.

Take or Make Time to Listen. Sometimes it feels impossible to find time to uninterrupted moments to listen to your child.  It is essential for a child to get the opportunity to talk to each parent individually, especially in single-parent, blended or divorced families.  Communicate regularly every single day.

If it is only five minutes before bed, let your child know that time is special and you will not lecture, blame or threaten, but just listen.  Trust me on this one.  You will never be sorry that you did not dismiss a confidence sharing time in order to lecture about dirty clothes on the floor.

 

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you accept that you will have areas of weakness and strength in your talents? Claim your eBook at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com to help yourself and others be positive about life.
2. Will you build self-confidence in yourself and your children by concentrating on the strengths and managing the weak areas?
3. Will you take or make time to listen with your heart, ears and eyes when your child is sharing concerns?

About the Author

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer is an author of over 20 books. She speaks internationally on topics of resilience, family relationships and empowerment.  To contact her to speak for your conference or organization call 406-549-9813 or see http://www.judyhwright.com

Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem = Success in Life

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

 

Success in life, friendship, business, family dynamics and spiritual growth has self-confidence and self-esteem at the foundation.  People who have a confidence in their personal worth seem to be magnets for success and happiness everywhere they go.

As parents and caring adults you will want to share methods and techniques to build self-confidence with the young people in your circle of influence.  One of the most important part of teaching a life-skill is to improve the concept in our own lives.

Here are three more tips to help build self-esteem and self-confidence in your kids.

• Teach Them to Think for Themselves. If you continually tell them what to do and how to do it, they will be looking outward for direction and not learn to trust their intuition.  For every situation, there are at least 5 different and correct solutions.        If we always want things “Our way” they will stop trying to find creative solutions.  Critical thinking and problem-solving ability are going to be more and more important in the new economy.  Those who enter the world of work will need “soft skills” of interpersonal communication and building teamwork and cooperation.

 

• Give Them Roots. Much of our identity comes from the family stories and the foundation of ethics and standards that make us who we are.  We are a storytelling and story gathering species.  This is a crucial difference that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. We can remember, process and pass on information to the next  generation.                                                                                                                                                                                            All of us hunger to belong to a “tribe” who love and accept us.  By sharing the heritage, history and cultural background we give them roots and wings. If you need guidance on gathering, recording or telling stories, you will want to go to http://www.MontanaStoryKeepers.com

• Good Posture Shows Confidence. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self-confidence. Verbal communication is the language of information.  Non-verbal or body communication is the language of relationships.

People who slouch indicate they   aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t             consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

We have a strong identification with our bodies.  However, it is amazing to see the effects of our inner thoughts on our outer appearance.  To develop high levels of self-confidence and self-esteem it is important to integrate the body and spirit in order to have success in life.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you find yourself drawn towards those who have good posture and non-verbal communication which indicates self-esteem and self-confidence?
2. When you hear family stories that exhibit courage and confidence, does it encourage your self-esteem?
3. Do you like to work with those who are critical thinkers?  Do you find them to excel in leadership roles?

You will want to claim your powerful eBook filled with encouraging words at http://www.judyhwright.com

Be sure to check out a new book about resiliency at http://www.bouncebackperson.com

 

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com

I am entered in a  Ultimate Blog challenge and so rather than work on two (or ten) important projects, I decided it  would be fun to repurpose an eBook I am writing for Kindle and Amazon.

It is titled 77Ways to Build Self-Confident  Kids and hopefully will be available within the month.

Especially if I post every day.

Meanwhile, let’s give you bite-sized pieces and get some feedback. I have neglected this blog to write a book, be in a movie and have a new marvelous grand daughter Autumn.

77 Divided By 31 is What???? 

77 tips on building self-confident kids - Can you think of other ways to increase self-esteem?

 

Since there are 31 days in January and I have 77 tips, it does not divide easily or evenly.  So some days I will include 2 and some days will see 3, 4, or 5 tips.  That will keep you on your toes and your eye-balls peeled in this direction.

1. Help them to help themselves. Dorothy Canfield Fisher (1879-1958) says “A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary.” If you are still zipping their jacket in elementary school, will you go with them to college?

 

1. See them as capable human being. This is encouragement we all  want to hear from important and influential people in our lives. Telling a baby he is clever for rolling over, or a seven year old for zipping his jacket when it is cold outside are all messages that say “You are capable.”  Success breeds success and when you have instilled a foundation of confidence in the ability of the child to problem solve, they will be more willing to try harder tasks.

 

Self-Awareness Quiz

 

• Do you tell yourself and your children “Good Job” when a difficult task is accomplished?
• Did you know it is more respectful to allow others to help themselves instead of rushing in to “save them” and do the job they are capable of doing.
• How did your parents or other adults build your confidence as a kid?

About The Author

 

Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” is an international speaker and author on resiliency and respect.  You will want to claim your eBook on Using Encouraging Words at http://www.useencouragingwords.com

You will be so glad you did.

 

Everyone likes to be praised, right? Actually,  too much praise can have a boomerang effect if the recipient of the compliment  believes it is untrue or unrealistic. It can also cause distrust or discouragement of other members of the team or family.

While praise may be of value, if the child or employee maintains a low opinion of himself or becomes dependent on the outside world to give him an external reward, he is constantly looking for external approval. Our goal as employers, parents, teachers and coaches is to encourage positive progress without unrealistic praise and assist in building inward confidence.

Recently a grandmother asked me on Facebook how to encourage without giving unrealistic and too much praise.

“Have you suggestions between praise and “too much” praise – i.e. “You really worked hard on that project” vs. “You are WONDERFUL” – which is easy to spout but really pretty meaningless. Today’s young workforce expects to be praised for everything vs. deserved praise or encouragement.”

My answer was:

Hi Jo Ann- You have raised such an important point. “You really worked hard on that project” is encouragement and it is praising the process rather than the task.  It is transferable to other tasks and attempts.  You are saying “Keep going, you are on the right path.”

When kids get praised for every little thing they come to expect it and feel they deserve it.  The world of work is not going to give them constant approval. They are in for a big shock when no one is going to applaud their every effort.  If the child has come to look for praise and external evaluation which must constantly be earned, he may be unsure when he will get it again. This causes some to fail or to sabotage efforts of others on the team in order to receive the coveted “praiseworthy” award.

This next generation of children coming up must be able to trust their own judgment and intuition.  They must be able to follow their own inner compass rather than waiting for outside approval.

Difference Between Praise and Encouragement

Praise is like a reward for something well done, and implies a spirit of competition.  The unspoken message is clear; “winner takes all.”  When members of a workplace, family or class are singled out for unrealistic praise, the others become discouraged and also lose faith with the authority figure.

In contrast, encouragement may be given for any effort or for slight improvement.  Encouragement is not concerned with superior-inferior relationships but focuses on making the child or employee understand they are a valued part of the team.

Self esteem comes from an inward knowing that you are a capable problem solver. The effects of encouragement and cooperation that builds respect for self and others have long range and lasting results.

I encourage you to claim your free ebook at:
http://www.useencouragingwords.com

Love,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

http://AskAuntieArtichoke.com