Ask Auntie Artichoke

If you have difficult teenagers in your home, you have our sympathy.

Angry teenagers can be moody and difficult to live with. Habits can change.

It is not fun to live in a combat zone and worry that everyday will bring more battles and fights.

Once you recognize the reason for the continued anger and disrespect may be poor communication patterns, you have to make the decision to continue fighting or to just hope it will stop. it will not stop on it’s own.

If you decide that your family deserves a more harmonious atmosphere, you will be choosing to change a habit. Fighting has probably become the default method of communication. Any pattern or habit that has been learned, can also be unlearned, but it takes commitment and practice.

Change Is Possible And Worth The Effort

The three most powerful words in English language is: I Can Change.

Communication will improve when you want it to, and especially if you have learned new ways of getting them to connect to the family.  As long as there is no alcohol or drugs involved, most teenagers will stop fighting when they see that they are not going to keep pushing your buttons and make you mad.

Listen More Than Talk

Truly being present for another person is the most powerful life skill there is.  By listening, I mean truly understanding where they coming from and what they really need. By restating what they have said and making sure it is what they meant to convey, you can avoid misunderstandings.

There are many programs that can assist you in parenting endeavors but I recommend one ahttp://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com

it helps families to transform angry, difficult teenagers into cooperative, thoughtful members of the family.

Good Luck, this is not going to be easy, but it is going to be worth it.  Your family deserves to  build strong connections and happy memories.

Your friend,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Divorce is hard on kids and adults and friends and neighbors. There is nothing easy about divorce. It requires a mind shift about expectations, dreams and plans for the future.

No matter how agonizing this is for the adults involved, you have to be supportive for your children. Children need to be told what is happening, and depending on their ages and vulnerabilities, they may need to hear a little bit about why.

Answer Questions Truthfully

There will be lots of questions right away and many, many more as you all go through this journey. They may ask specific questions about where  will I go to school, where will I live, where will dad or (mom) live?

The often unasked question, but one that most children harbor in their heart is; “Did I somehow cause this?  Is it my fault?”

Reassure Them Frequently

Even infants and toddlers can react negatively with sleep, toilet training and eating. Preschoolers may start to hit or have temper tantrums. School problems, bed-wetting or hyperactive can be a usual reactions for school age children.  Teens, tweens and even adult children may feel depressed, lonely, devalued, anxious or even ashamed.

Adults must put the needs of the child first and be a resource of reassurance in their life. The burden of being the “grown-ups” must fall on the caring adults.  This isn’t always easy to do when there is anger, disappointment and  betrayal.

No matter how angry you get, don’t tell your children that you hate your spouse or focus on the bad points.  Your kids are part of that person, and may very well feel that you are saying you hate them too.

Cooperate On The Children

Kids need to be reassured that they will be safe and cared for. Parents need to find a way to cooperate with each other over parenting issues. Put the needs and emotions of children first.  Do not expect them to be pawns in a struggle or to be involved in loyalty contests, that is not their job.

Divorce doesn’t have to be devastating, but can be a growing experience and an opening to closer communication with all the parties who are involved.

If you need additional assistance with parenting, please claim the  free 10 week e-course on transforming your family at http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana:

We recently showed a rental property to a family searching for adequate and affordable housing. The mother turned to the child and said “what do you think darling, should we rent this house.”  The child shook his head and yelled NO at the top of his lungs.

Of course that is what most two year old children do. I was grateful they took the advice of their child (gimmee a break, people) and decided to keep looking.  It was pretty evident who wore the pants or diapers in that family.

Responsibility of Parent is to Lead

Many parents try too hard to be friends with their children rather than parents to them.  It is good to have a family where all members can be heard and acknowledged, but the parents job is to lead, teach and guide children.

It is actually scary to a child to realize that the power has shifted and he is in charge of the situation.  He, rightfully so, expects the adults to protect him and keep him safe. Firm, kind and loving discipline may not always seem like the most popular parental obligation. However, it is much more important to the child’s development than having another buddy to play with.

Children Should Challenge Authority

It is perfectly normal child development to test the limits, push the buttons and challenge authority.  Our job as parents and caring adults is to establish boundaries and assist them in learning personal responsibility.  The best lessons are learned through natural or logical consequences.

Assume Parental Leadership

The most secure children and confident adults have parents who recognized that family life was not a popularity contest but they were loved and protected.

You can’t lead and guide a child’s development by seeking his approval constantly.  You don’t want to say “Sweetheart, are you ready for bed?  It’s time for beddy by, okay?    You are opening up for arguing, whining and negotiation.

Instead simply make an announcement “It’s time for bed.”

I am excited to offer you a ten part e-course on raising responsible children free! I have taken the series and was so impressed I wanted to share with you. All you need to do is click http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com

and a new lesson will come to your email box each day.

Have a great day with your children and remember you are the parent.

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS: Here is the site again for the free e-course on responsible children http://www.disciplineyespunishno.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

What constitutes respect?  Do you have to like someone to be considerate, kind and courteous?

How do you work in a relationship where there is an uneven balance of power?

Several years ago there was a study done of 100 self made millionaires.  They ranged in age from young 19 to well over 70.  Their educational experiences extended from grade school to the Ph.D level. They differed in almost all characteristics, except they were all found to be respectful of other people.

They had determined early in their careers that everyone had something to teach and to share. They built respectful relationships by learning from others.

We tend to treat people like we see them. If we see them as arrogant, snooty or even shy, we tend to treat them in that manner.  I just did a radio show recently about a second chance at making a good first impression.  You will want to listen to that one, if you haven’t already.

Once you find the good or ability in other people you treat him or her better and thus they perform better.  We all tend to live up to the expectations of other people.

If we see people worthy of respect, then we will treat them that way.  Even when they do not demonstrate their respect for us, we can still treat them with courtesy.

A quote that I love says “If you take a man as he is, you make him worse than he was, but if you see him as being the best person possible, then he, in fact, become the best person possible.”

Encouragement is giving someone the courage to keep trying, to move forward and to fulfill their destiny.  By giving respect and understanding to others in our relationship, we will all move forward.

Be sure to go to

http://www.artichokepress.com for a complete listing of books, reports, articles and videos by Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke

You will also want to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a workbook and bonus items that will assist you in building confidence in the future and courage today.

Thanks for sharing.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Relationships are the basis for all of life. We are all interdependent on each other. This means that we rely on others for mutual assistance, support, cooperation or interaction. When we meet someone for the first time we disclose much about who and what we are.

First impressions form the basis for the relationship. Verbally and non-verbally we tell others who we are through our dress, gestures, expressions and manner of speaking.  The other person makes a judgment in the first three seconds on whether to build a relationship with you or avoid you in the future.

First Impressions Give Clues to Personality

When two people come together in a personal or professional relationship, they are constantly trying to prove or disprove their first impression.  If their initial reaction is that you are sloppy, uncouth and a little rude, you will have your work cut out for you to prove that you just came from painting a widow’s home and you were tired and grouchy because you had not eaten.

Second Chance at First Impression

If you recognize you gave a false first impression and you want to build the relationships of those you have come in contact with, simply apologize and ask for a second chance.  It is amazing, but everyone wants to help the person who acknowledges a mistake and asks for another chance.

People with deep and lasting relationships may be introverts, extroverts, young, old, smart, dull but the one characteristic they have in common is the ability to be open and honest.

WUSIWYG

It is called transparency and has been in the news a lot lately, but what it really means is; What you see is what you get. In order to develop this transparency and to be a vital part of an on going interdependent relationship with another person, just be yourself.

And if you screw up the first time, try it again.

I have confidence in you.

If you would like to have more confidence in yourself and overcome social anxiety, you will want to go to http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com

You will be glad you did.

Fondly,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Sing Away Sadness, Anxiety and Worry.  Huh?  You have got to be kidding?  Come on stick with me here. This really will work, at least for 3 minutes at a time.  What do you have to lose?

Climb every Mountain.. The Hills are alive with the Sound of Music…

Can you see Julie Andrews on the Mountain side raising her arms and her voice as she encouraged the Von Trapp family to keep going in the face of adversity? She encouraged them and herself with music and movemehnt.

When we are going through hard times, depression, anxiety, worries or feel that our lives are out of control, we don’t want to sing, we want to go bed and crawl under the covers.

But studies and personal experience has shown that just the mere act of making a decision and moving forward in some small way causes serotonin in your brain to release. This means that you start to feel and act happier.

Dance Wildly and Sing Loudly

Turn out your radio to a good station. (That does not mean a talk show or the news- then you really will be depressed).  Each song lasts about three minutes.  Make a decision to be happy for the next three minutes and while the song is playing sing along as loud or louder than the singer.

It really doesn’t matter how well you can sing or even if you can’t carry a tune in a bucket!  The very act of expressing yourself with music, song and deep breaths will lift your spirit.

Think of Julie Andrews lifting the corners of her apron as she danced and sang.

Now you do it. Come on. Dance around like a fool and sing at the top of your lungs. Don’t you feel lighter letting some of those emotions float out of your body and into the universe?

Are You Smiling?

See it worked.

You can’t hold a sad thought and smile at the same time. It is physically impossible to smile and have negative thoughts in your mind.

Doesn’t it feel good to feel good for even a few minutes?  If you can feel happier for three minutes every hour or even every day, wouldn’t it be worth it to sing away that sadness, anxiety and worry?  I am going to keep doing it.  Won’t you sing with me?

I’m smiling with you, not at you.

I am also inviting you to share other tips and ideas on building self confidence and overcoming anxiety by going to http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com You will want to claim the free eBook and recording. You will feel like they were created just for you.  And they were.

We have all had emotional wounding in our lives.  Usually the negative beliefs about our capabilities, appearance or skills was given to us by someone in our early life experience.  The hurt or criticism was typically handed out by a caregiver, parent or teacher. They may even have had the best of intentions and really loved us, but did not know how to express that love in a positive manner.

Reframe Past Hurts

Reframing is a process of consciously choosing the thoughts you have about your memories and experiences.  You cannot make past events go away.  What happened to you is real and is a part of who you are.

However, you have the power to control your future and the ability to have another look at what happened. In the worst of experiences, there was some good.  You can choose to reflect on the life lesson learned in the experience and focus on that rather than the sad or traumatic emotional wounding that occurred.

It is as if you have been given a family portrait from your grandmother’s estate.  You value the picture, but the frame does not go with your style of decorating.  You simply re-frame the photo by putting a new frame around the old picture.  It now fits who and what you are today.

Virginia Dunstone M.S. in her book Why Do I Do What I do? suggests we ask ourselves these questions about past hurts;

• Can I change what happened?
• What is right about this picture?
• What does the situation teach me?
• Who would I be without this experience?
• Who are the teachers in this memory?
• What did they teach me?
• How can I serve others with what I have experienced?

Past Hurts Can Heal

When we understand that what may have occurred in a vulnerable time in our belief forming years may no longer be relevant, if it ever was, it is easier to let the emotional wounding go. They may shape the adult we became.

Empowerment can come from overcoming emotional wounding and recognizing that we no longer need to carry that burden  of hurt from the past. We can choose to see these wounds through the lens of a victim or change the perception by choosing to look at them through a new and better frame.

Look for Mentor or Teacher To Build Confidence

As you go through this journey of life you will need a mentor, guide or teacher who can assist you in putting new frames around old emotional wounding and past hurts.  Please allow me to be that support system for you.

Claim your free MP3 recording and eBook  http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com today.  You will be glad you did.

with love and support,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Body Language is the communication of relationships.  Verbal language is the communication of information and is really only processed and remembered about 20% of the time. Model confidence in your posture, gestures, facial expressions and approachability and you will gain friends and influence people.

Model Confidence of Others

One of the best ways to learn a new skill or behavior is to watch someone else demonstrate that behavior.  This is especially true if the person you are modeling is someone you admire.

So watch how they greet others, do they extend the hand of friendship or stand against the wall?  Do they take a seat near the front of the room and join in the conversation or sit in the back of the room and try not to be noticed?

Confident body language is about being comfortable in your own skin. It is about making others feel comfortable to be around you.

I like to say confidence is walking into a room and saying “Here I am, what can I do to help?”  It is not about ego or pride, but rather about self-esteem and self-efficacy, which is how you use your confidence for the good of others.

Rehearse Confidence

Knowing what to do in difficult situations can make a person feel more competent, comfortable and in control.  You would not learn to ski by jumping off the top of a mountain, and you will not learn the skill of confidence in one lesson.

You will learn more easily if you watch and model your mannerisms, body language and confidence one step at a time.

How does the leader of the group stand? Is he or she standing with feel a little apart, shoulders back and arms either at the side or making small gestures?  Then you can do that. Practice this skill and you will find yourself more and more comfortable.

Smile at Others

Watch how your mentor smiles and follow the example.  Try smiling with your whole face and watch how others will be drawn to you.

Your body language will soon begin to model confidence in yourself and your surroundings.

If you enjoyed this article you will want to go to http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com for a wonderful book filled with methods to increase your confidence, friends and opportunities for a more positive life experience.  You will feel it was written just for you. And it was.

Model the positive body language of others and become more confident