Ask Auntie Artichoke

Expert on Parenting and Family Relationships

Ask Auntie Artichoke - Expert on Parenting and Family Relationships

Teaching & Modeling Empowerment (EXPERT)

How does a parent, grandparent, mentor or teacher model empowerment and confidence to the kids in their circle of influence?

The primary way anything is taught to children is through modeling. We show them the behavior we desire.  From the time they are infants, children are constantly watching and mimicking what we do and say.

They May Not Do What You Say, But What You Do

If there is a discrepancy between what we do and what we say, they learn a whole different lesson than what we set out to teach.  If you are giving your child a lecture on lying, then the phone rings and you tell him to say you aren’t home if it is your crazy Aunt Mabel, which behavior do you think he will adapt in his life?

The most important way to convey the lessons of encouragement, empowerment and confidence is to show them how to behave, or model the behavior.  The most effective way to teach your child he or she has the power to take positive action and make changes in behavior is to allow them to see you work through challenges.  We need to walk the walk, and guide them to persist in the process of a lifelong learning experience.

Teach Problem Solving

Teach and mentor others something that will improve their lives.  Sometimes just a word or gesture that shows you have confidence in their ability to problem solve gives them courage to move forward. Help them to achieve goals they can’t reach by themselves.  Empower them to succeed.

Every situation has at least five solutions.  Help them to help themselves in all areas of life. Encourage them to look at a problem from different angles and perspectives.

Acknowledge & Appreciate Success

Many of the people in your life who are top performers may be limiting their effectiveness because they don’t realize just how good they are. The greatest gift we can do for others is not to share our riches but to reveal theirs.

confidence, empowerment, problem solving, Judy Helm Wright, Auntie Artichoke, EXPERT,

Children will not always do what you say, but usually will do what you do. Model confidence

At a recent parenting class I was talking about discovering the accomplishments of their children. The goal was to have them recognize their own strengths, skills and talents. I started with a ball thrown to a participant with the instruction to yell out something they were good at and then throw the ball to another person.

Surprisingly, many of the participants had great difficulty recognizing and acknowledging their own special talents.  It took some gentle prodding and suggestions from others for them to see themselves in a new and powerful light.

Once we got going it was much easier to recognize that not everyone can make delicious chocolate chip cookies.  It is a skill to be able to be able to return an item to a store that not everyone has.  It takes someone special to be able to bring peace to a conflict at work.

Part of empowering others is to make sure we recognize and applaud our own accomplishments.  Many have been taught to not get “a big head” or that “that’s not so special.”  We need to help them reveal to themselves and others what great gifts they have been given.

 

Third Party Credibility

 

I remember hearing the phrase “Criticize in private, Praise in public” and it really seemed like a good idea to incorporate in my business and personal life.  Since the word criticize has some bad connotations for me, I prefer to use the word feedback or mentor.

You will find more about that philosophy in my parenting book How to Discipline Without Damage.

Whenever you get a chance to brag about someone do it.  That is called third party credibility and carries a lot of weight.  How do I know?  Because I leave reviews on YELP, recommendations on Angie’s list and write testimonials for people I do business with.

Don’t allow your children, friends and associates to dismiss or ignore a success.  Reveal their victories to them by documenting success on performance reviews or testimonials on Linked In or YELP. Send them a note of congratulations. Post a Hurrah on Facebook. Let them know that you noticed and were impressed with their success.

It takes so little time to empower and encourage others and yet many would prefer to be part of the destruction crew rather than the builders and enhancers of others.  I have never quite got why so many people will cheer for their team to win a football game but won’t give their own kid a high-five and an atta-boy.

Self-Awareness Quiz

  1. Do you acknowledge your own successes out loud and in your mind?  Practice saying “Yay Me.”
  2. Do you share the success of others in public by compliments, reviews and testimonials?
  3. Do you model confidence in finding solutions and assuming your own power?

Would You Benefit From A Private Coaching Session?

If so, then contact me at www.JudyHWright.com and let’s find a time to discover if we resonate and can travel the empowerment journey together.

You will be glad you did.  It costs nothing to ask and the benefits are priceless. See www.judyhwright.com  today.

 

 

Do You Have An Indigo Child? (EXPERT)

 

speaking, indigo kids, techno-savvy, technology, hard to manage kids, how to manage indigo kids

Judy Helm Wright, aka “Auntie Artichoke” is a parent educator and life coach who has worked with families like yours all over the world. Give her a call at 406-549-9813 to schedule a speaking engagement.

 

Indigo Children- Born to Lead, Hard to Manage, Do you have one at your house?

 Indigo children are children that are not content to color in the lines or glue macaroni on paper. They are very bright but also very active and curious, which can make them hard to keep up with. It often seems like Indigo children are born knowing who and what they are immediately.

What they really need are parents to guide them a little and keep them safe until they are grown up enough to accomplish what they have been sent to do. Many parents and teachers are scared of such independent spirits and want to medicate them because they are easier to handle that way.

These beautiful kind spirits are very hard to keep in the old rules of schools and families. They are self directed and don’t always get why adults want them to do things. They often believe that they are the boss.

Because they were exposed to technology in the womb, they are often very tech-savvy.  Show them an iPad or cell phone and within minutes, they know how to make it work to play games or look at cartoons.

A Few Characteristics of Indigo Children (Noted by Jan Tober and Lee Carol, Authors of “What is an Indigo Child.”)

 *  They have difficulty with absolute authority (authority without explanation or choice).

*  They simply will not do certain things; for example, waiting in line is difficult for them.

*  They get frustrated with systems that are ritually oriented and don’t require creative thought.

*  They often see better ways of doing things, both at home and in school, which makes them seem like “system busters” (nonconforming to any system).

* They seem antisocial unless they are with their own kind. If there are no others of like consciousness around them, they often turn inward; feeling like no other human understands them. School is often extremely difficult for them socially.

How do I tell if my child is an Indigo Child?

You will know. I can usually tell when a child is an indigo child because their eyes will look at you as if they can see into your soul. They are the ones who will help all of humanity to move in a better direction. A leader who will lead in their own way. Our job is to keep these Indigo Children safe and recognize what they have to teach us. They are born to lead, so let’s guide and accompany them on their journey, but let them lead the way. I am sure you probably have a child or two who come to mind when I talk about an Indigo Child.

So, now that you know what an Indigo Child is, if you didn’t already, how should you act when dealing with one?

Trust Your Intuition

There are many other books out there that will give you insight into the personality of an Indigo Child. However, your most important source of inspiration on dealing with your child is your heart and intuition. No one knows and loves your child as you do. Discuss and plan with the child systems to make life easier for both of you.

If your child has lost self esteem by trying to fit into a “regular world” please go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com for a free ebook which will help them recognize their inner strength. You will be so glad you did.

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members, coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.

4 Step Model For Setting Boundaries–Be Firm, But Kind (EXPERT)

We teach people how to treat us by allowing them to step on our boundaries and hurt our feelings. This is an excellent article about the 4 steps to setting boundaries in a firm, kind voice that sends a message of how we want to be treated. For more information, please go to http://artichokepress.com which has a full listing of books, videos, e-learning and articles to enhance family relationships and build strong, resilient family members.

5 Ways To Nurture With Nature—(EXPERT)

Nature Nurtures The Spirit & Builds The Body

Children who have the opportunity to play in nature have a heightened awareness of the world. Being in nature helps them to recognize the cycles of life and the interdependence of plants, animals and humans.

They also have more advanced coordination, balance and agility. When they are involved in physical play, they develop their lungs and muscles which means they are sick less often. Being in nature creates a resilient spirit and a bounce-back attitude.

4 Ways to Connect & Communicate With Your Toddler(EXPERT)

4 Ways to Connect & Communicate With Your Toddler

 

Do you talk to your kids or with them?  Do you listen to them and do you actually hear what they are trying to tell you? Does your body language (non-verbal) match what your words (verbal) are communicating?  Connecting and bonding with your children will be one of the most valuable gifts and legacies that you can share with them.

If you are like most parents and caring adults, your main objective is to raise competent, well-adjusted children who become self-reliant and emotionally healthy adults. I would like to invite you to read, ponder and think how you can apply these four parts of communicating with young children today

1.     Connect with them by saying their name

Before giving directions or asking them to do a task, make sure they are even on the same wave-length as you are. Squat down so you are looking at them and can engage their eyes on you instead of their toys.  You may need to announce; “Emmie, I need your ears to hear what I am going to say.”  “Jeffrey, I need your eyes to see what I want you to see.”  As parents we also found it helpful to touch their upper arm when we needed their full attention.  In return, they knew that when they touched our upper arm, they had something important to say.

2.     Say what you want in short sentences, not long lectures

Be very specific in what you want.  The more parents ramble and justify their position the more the kids become overwhelmed, confused and eager to say no. “I want the toys in the box now.” If it seems like they are going to argue, just repeat “Toys-box-now.”  If your child can’t repeat back what you want done, it was too long and confusing.

3.     When-then not If

This is the difference between a reward and a bribe. When is a measurable goal; “when you put your shoes on, then we will leave for the store and the park.”  You both know if the shoes are on or off and that it is his job, there is nothing to debate, argue or throw a tantrum over.  When and then implies that you expect obedience and compliance with the request.

Encouraging words and phrases will help your child to become an independent self-reliant person. This article has tips of building self-confidence and esteem.See http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com for more information.

However, you start a sentence with “If” then there is room for negotiation, whining and begging. Saying “if you put your shoes on we can go to the park after shopping” implies that he has a choice.

It is important that children know that they have some choices in life, but not everything is a choice or worthy of a decision.  Sometimes, they just do what we say because we are the parent and make decisions that are in their best interest and best for the family.

Which leads us to the last and most important part of being a parent, helping the children we love and care for to be independent self-reliant individuals?

4.     Help them to help themselves.

Of course it is easier and faster for us, as adults, to do things ourselves.  We can zip the zipper and be on our way much quicker than we can take the time to show her one more time how to fit the zipper tab over the two sides.  But this is a disservice and a discouragement to the child.

When we encourage them to learn new tasks and celebrate their capabilities that support transfers to every aspect of life.  The accomplishment of a small thing today will lead to more successes every day. As they see us model making mistakes and self-correcting or adjusting our goals in life, they see that it is okay to not be perfect.  The joy of knowing that you are loved unconditionally builds a foundation of confidence and self-esteem.

The more you do for your children the less time you have to do things with them.  Connect and communicate your love, support and joy by building pleasant memories and strong life skills.

Self-Awareness Quiz

  • Have you heard yourself saying to your toddler; “Here, just let me do it. It will be faster?”
  • If your toddler wants to help, will you allow him to assist you?
  • Are you aware of the natural stages of growth in small children?
  • Would you like to learn more about tips and techniques to bond with your child?
  • If so, then claim your free report at http://www.askauntieartichoke.com

 

Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” is an expert parent educator and speaker.  If your organization would be interested in hiring Judy as a keynote speaker, please call 406-549-9813 or see http://www.judyhwright.com

If you found this article interesting, you will want to check out the new series of Raising Smart & Kind Kids- Babies, Toddlers and Pre-school.   They are available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or at http://www.ArtichokePress.com