Ask Auntie Artichoke

Expert on Parenting and Family Relationships

Ask Auntie Artichoke - Expert on Parenting and Family Relationships

What To Do If Your Child Has Violent Tendencies

What to Do If Your Child Has Violent Tendencies

© Debbie Nguyen & Judy Helm Wright

 Most parents have the highest hopes and anticipation for our children. When your visions of success and happiness are thwarted because of your child’s violent tendencies, parents may be tempted to deny that your child needs help or that your child’s tendencies will resolve themselves over time. However, ignoring or prolonging your offspring’s violent outbursts is the worst course of action you can take if you hope to restore any desires that your child will be happy and successful in the future.

Rather than give into the worry, fear, embarrassment, and stress that come with having a violent child, parents can instead take these prompt and necessary steps to lead your child to a healthy and meaningful future.

Understanding The Difficulty

  • Is it distractibility?
  • Is it high-intensity level?
  • Is it negative persistence?
  • Is it low sensory threshold?
  • Is it negative mood?
  • Is it low self-esteem?

 What Makes a Kid Violent?

It’s been proven that excessive exposure to violence through popular media like movies, TV shows and video games contribute to a child’s violent behavior. It desensitizes children to the violence and can make them adopt aggressive behavior. By the time a typical American child reaches the age of 18, he has already been exposed to almost 200,000 acts of violence seen on TV. Popular video games like Grand Theft Auto also rewards violent and destructive behavior.

If a child has suffered some trauma to his brain, this injury can also add to his violent behavior. Use of drugs and alcohol, violence or economic strain in the family can be factors too. Children at risk are those who have problems with being impulsive, irritable, and easily frustrated.

You will find valuable information to assist your child in making and keeping friends at

Accept the Problem for What It Is

Some parents may be ready to gloss over your child’s emotional and mental outbursts as a normal developmental stage or a bout of immaturity that will surely go away over time. Minimizing your child’s violent tendencies, however, only serves to deflect the responsibility of getting your child much needed help and addressing the issue for what it really is. Many parents avoid recognizing your child’s outbursts because you may feel embarrassed or that you are to blame for your child’s behavior. Instead of focusing on how you feel, however, you should think ahead about what is best for your child and act promptly to get your son or daughter the professional help they need.

As parents, you must also think of the safety of other children, like siblings or schoolmates, who might be at the receiving end of mean acts. Is your violent child being a typical “brat” or is he taking bullying to a dangerous level? Does he need constant monitoring because he is not to be trusted with playing nice or being left alone with other kids?
Seek Help through the Professional Community

You may try to keep your child out of the medical establishment by taking your offspring to counseling sessions with religious leaders or natural healers. While it may be perfectly acceptable to adhere to religious or lifestyle beliefs during your child’s recovery, parents are still encouraged to seek out qualified medical help for your child’s violent tendencies. A team of doctors, licensed psychiatrists, and mentors are the ideal choices for heading up a child’s emotional and mental treatment.

In the case of a troubled child, the causes might come from social issues which need to be addressed. A specialist in juvenile justice who also happens to work as a life coach in Seattle for at-risk kids, suggests that the child’s failure to thrive could be because of an addiction, and that he could use help with releasing stress, reframing and keeping boundary maintenance, and improved communication.”

A child may have to be hospitalized, put on medications, or go through other intense medical therapies that can help him recover from the emotional or mental distress that causes his violent behavior. The coach also works with the whole family, to help repair the dynamics between the child and his parents and siblings.

You will want to download a free eBook on encouraging words and phrases to say to yourself as well as your child.  Claim your copy today at

Parents As Partners

Each child is different so the course of action to be taken to diffuse his harmful behavior, and how it affects the dynamics of your family, would be agreed upon by the parental or professional coach with your family’s participation.

Working together with professionals is important, but even more important is remembering that no one loves your child like you do.  Become empowered to make decisions that will benefit your family and especially the child who is having violent outbursts.  You acting as an advocate for your child is the best gift you can give him or her.

Thank you for joining this community of kind, thoughtful people who have respect for all.  Be sure to claim your free eBook at  

No matter what life experiences may happen, kids need to be taught to bounce back from adversity.

No matter what life experiences may happen, kids need to be taught to bounce back from adversity.




You will be glad you did and so will your child.


5 Ways To Nurture With Nature—(EXPERT)

Nature Nurtures The Spirit & Builds The Body

Children who have the opportunity to play in nature have a heightened awareness of the world. Being in nature helps them to recognize the cycles of life and the interdependence of plants, animals and humans.

They also have more advanced coordination, balance and agility. When they are involved in physical play, they develop their lungs and muscles which means they are sick less often. Being in nature creates a resilient spirit and a bounce-back attitude.

Discipline But Never Punish (EXPERT)

Are you curious about the difference between discipline and punishment? Would you like to learn the truth about how to discipline without damage to the spirit of the child or employee? This interesting blog post will provide you with a unique perspective on why discipline is a positive way to help others gain competency and become competent adults.

2 Myths About Quality Family Time (EXPERT)

There are at least two myths about “quality time” and learning these myths will help parents relax a bit and enjoy time with the family.
Our family used to have Sunday Night Panic and we all hated it. Now we have quality time working together and totally being present. I was a maniac every Sunday night trying to get ready for the new week. Took my kids to teach me how to include quality time with chores, errands and mundane life stuff.

Bullying-An Imbalance Of Power (Expert)

How do you determine if you or your child is being bullied? Perhaps it was just a joke taken too far?

Bullying can best be defined as an imbalance of power. Whenever there is an imbalance of power or strength that is either real or perceived there is a potential for the greater power to intentionally threaten or harm the weaker one. This power struggles usually takes place over a sustained period of time and has the potential to escalate into violence.

Tough Boys and Mean Girls

It is very easy to cyber-bully today. Think hard before you push send on a text message. You or your child could be held liable for bullying. See for a free resource guide.

There have always been tough boys and mean girls all over the world who have enjoyed teasing, taunting and making life miserable for other kids. But now, with more electronic media readily available through the use of cell phones and the Internet, bullying has become more dangerous, more devious and often more difficult to detect.

We used to think bullying could begin at any age but, typically it begins to escalate around the third grade, peaking by about eighth grade and tapering off in high school. We are now finding bullying often starts earlier and lasts much longer. The combination of cyberspace and bullies can be a dangerous combination. The escalation of cyber-bullying can range from mild teasing to death threats.

National Statistics

There are no precise national statistics proving how often or how severe bullying instances are. However, experts agree that 15 to 20 percent of children become the victim of bullies at some point during their school years. These same experts strongly agree that incidents are on the rise.

It is difficult to pinpoint the exact number of both physical, sexual and electronic bullying cases that happen every day. For any number of reasons including embarrassment and fear of reprisal children often do not report when they are being bullied. Also, it is quite normal for incidents to occur over a long period of time, with escalating severity.

Case Study of Bullying

For example: on Wednesday Tom pushes Craig in the lunchroom and calls him a racist name. Craig, who is feeling emotionally strong with his friends sitting at the table, handles it by replying “When you say something so stupid, it just reinforces everyone’s image of you as a bigot.”

Craig’s friends laugh as Tom slams his water bottle on the table and walks off. Problem solved, not quite.

Friday as the boys are in the locker room preparing for soccer practice, Tom notices Craig is now alone. Without Craig’s friends around Tom feel more powerful leading Tom to accidentally push Craig into a locker. Tom then takes Craig’s soccer shorts and puts them in the toilet.

Tom adds some fuel to the fire by testing the other players on the team telling them Craig has wet his pants and requests they pass the message on to everyone they know.

When Craig arrives for practise everyone is laughing at him, and making comments. Craig now feels more vulnerable because he is the smallest boy on the team. So, this teasing, taunting and belittling has a profound effect on him today.

When Craig finally gets up enough courage to tell someone what is happening to him the coach he speaks to brushes off Craig’s concerns with a comment about boys being boys.

Craig has been bullied twice in this scenario. Were these incidents all part of the jockeying for position in a social group?

Taunting, Teasing, Jeering, Threatening, Shoving-All bullying tactics

Bullying is a catch-all phase which encompasses taunting, teasing, jeering, threatening, kicking, shoving, and physically assaulting others.

Indirect bullying, or more commonly ‘bystander bullying” is when one child or a group of children intentionally ignore a bullying incident, exclude, or shun another child or group of children without ever having a physical altercation.

This type of bullying often has the same devastating effect as a physical assault.

As you can see, bullying is a problem affecting families and individuals all over the world.

You will want to claim your free report on Internet Safety at

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members,coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.

Judy H. Wright You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.